Dissolution of adoption?

[eerelations]

I have a question, and I think it's a pretty good one:

What if this boy was your biological son, and you adopted other kids subsequently, and then he started bullying them? What would you be wanting to do then?

 

[CSO286]

Here is what you do:
Call in a referral on yourself to CSB/CPS and state that you and your wife want to relinguish custody of your child and that your child is dependent/in need of services. Offer to drop the child off and your wife and you will voluntarily relinquish rights to this child due to your inability to parent this child and meet all of his needs.

CPS will file a court case and allow you to terminate your rights. Don't ever plan on EVER adopting another child.

OhioGal--
While they are working to relinquish their rights, wouldn't it also be possible/likely for OP and his wife to be on the hook for child support while the state is footing the bill for foster care, or other treatment programs????

 

[jl_a]

Ok...I guess this isn’t really an advice site as much as it is a bunch of judgmental folks that think they are better than everyone. Oh well.


I didn't think I was going to have to go back this far, but I will. When my wife and I adopted him, we were told that he had no violence issues and only had mild ADHD. Now, since we have had him we have found out that he doesn't have ADHD at all. He has Aspergers, ODD, and PTSD (from a fire he was in that they never even told us about). He also had a history of violence that was known to the state...but not in the disclosure we were given. We had stated in our home study that we could not do handle those issues...but it didn't stop the state from contacting us and giving us telling us that he didn't have any issues.

 

[Silverplum]

Ok...I guess this isn’t really an advice site as much as it is a bunch of judgmental folks that think they are better than everyone. Oh well.

Sorry we aren't nonhuman robots.

Oh, well.

I didn't think I was going to have to go back this far, but I will. When my wife and I adopted him, we were told that he had no violence issues and only had mild ADHD. Now, since we have had him we have found out that he doesn't have ADHD at all. He has Aspergers, ODD, and PTSD (from a fire he was in that they never even told us about). He also had a history of violence that was known to the state...but not in the disclosure we were given. We had stated in our home study that we could not do handle those issues...but it didn't stop the state from contacting us and giving us telling us that he didn't have any issues.

 

[Ohiogal]

Ok...I guess this isn’t really an advice site as much as it is a bunch of judgmental folks that think they are better than everyone. Oh well.


I didn't think I was going to have to go back this far, but I will. When my wife and I adopted him, we were told that he had no violence issues and only had mild ADHD. Now, since we have had him we have found out that he doesn't have ADHD at all. He has Aspergers, ODD, and PTSD (from a fire he was in that they never even told us about). He also had a history of violence that was known to the state...but not in the disclosure we were given. We had stated in our home study that we could not do handle those issues...but it didn't stop the state from contacting us and giving us telling us that he didn't have any issues.

I gave you LEGAL advice. You wanted to know how to get rid of this child. I told you -- call CPS and you and your wife can voluntarily relinquish and have your rights terminated. You don't like that answer. But that is LEGALLY what you can do.

And maybe they didn't KNOW he had those issues. Maybe he hadn't been diagnosed with those issues until after he was adopted. Good grief -- what would happen if a child you and your wife BIRTHED had those issues? You wouldn't know that until after the child was born. You have a very narrow view of parenting. Now, try to listen to what I legally told you you could do. Get on the phone to CPS and call in a dependency/child in need of services referral and tell them you cannot care for this child and need to have you and your wife's rights terminated before you abandon him.

Yes you may be on the hook for child support and care for this child while you are working towards ridding yourself of him but you can do that. LEGALLY.
Or you can man up and be a parent and get appropriate treatment -- long term residential.

 

[Zigner]

Ya know what...throw him away. I'm sure that's best for all involved. <spit>

 

[Ohiogal]

OhioGal--
While they are working to relinquish their rights, wouldn't it also be possible/likely for OP and his wife to be on the hook for child support while the state is footing the bill for foster care, or other treatment programs????

Why yes, yes they could. Getting rid of a child is NOT as easy as getting a child.

 

[Zigner]

Why yes, yes they could. Getting rid of a child is NOT as easy as getting a child.

Would this also bring rise to a full evaluation of the living conditions, etc., of the other children in the house?

 

[Silverplum]

Good grief -- what would happen if a child you and your wife BIRTHED had those issues? You wouldn't know that until after the child was born. You have a very narrow view of parenting.

That's what I can't get over.

 

[Ohiogal]

Would this also bring rise to a full evaluation of the living conditions, etc., of the other children in the house?

Why yes, yes it could. But you know what -- this OP would get his wish.

There would be consequences. He and his wife would never be able to adopt again. He and his wife would have their entire household under the microscope of the court for a few months if not longer. He and his wife would end up with a CSB/CPS history. But hey, the child they adopted but don't want anymore because he is not perfect would not be there concern any longer.

 

[MichaCA]

So you did get legal advice about the steps to take.

What were possible solutions offered by all the therapists/treatment centers he has been to? Surely they have made suggestions.

Has he been seen by a psychiatrist, tested for mental illness - does he need prescribed medication?

Is there a better, or more long term residential facility he can go? Have you researched all of these avenues?

I am responding from the point of view of reading similar posts...also from legal parents, however the biological parents...but you are his legal parent, like them. There are others going through this and it sounds like h*** and I have even seen it recommended to find a treatment place to take the one potentially violent child out of the home if there is fear he will harm the family. As a parent, that is a mature choice. However, I think you have to do what these other parents did...muddle through this...find residential places for son, make sure he is thoroughly tested...I can't help but wonder if a correct mental illness is assessed and medications tried.

 

[CSO286]

Ok...I guess this isn&#8217;t really an advice site as much as it is a bunch of judgmental folks that think they are better than everyone. Oh well.


I didn't think I was going to have to go back this far, but I will. When my wife and I adopted him, we were told that he had no violence issues and only had mild ADHD. Now, since we have had him we have found out that he doesn't have ADHD at all. He has Aspergers, ODD, and PTSD (from a fire he was in that they never even told us about). He also had a history of violence that was known to the state...but not in the disclosure we were given. We had stated in our home study that we could not do handle those issues...but it didn't stop the state from contacting us and giving us telling us that he didn't have any issues.

OP, this is a child you're talking about, not some shirt you bought and decided it really didn't go well with your suit.


You signed on for the commitment of being this child's parents. His after the fact diagnoses--well, getting through them together is part of what makes you a family.

It's going to cost you a fair amount of time and money to disentangle yourself from the child. And, now tha tOG has answered my question, I'm going to add a few comments.

It's possible the state may not permit you to relinquish your rights here. It is possible they will allow for a voluntary placement into a foster or group home. If that should occur, expect to either be responsible for the full cost of the placement or a child support obligation (or a combination thereof).

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

Ok...I guess this isn’t really an advice site as much as it is a bunch of judgmental folks that think they are better than everyone. Oh well.


I didn't think I was going to have to go back this far, but I will. When my wife and I adopted him, we were told that he had no violence issues and only had mild ADHD. Now, since we have had him we have found out that he doesn't have ADHD at all. He has Aspergers, ODD, and PTSD (from a fire he was in that they never even told us about). He also had a history of violence that was known to the state...but not in the disclosure we were given. We had stated in our home study that we could not do handle those issues...but it didn't stop the state from contacting us and giving us telling us that he didn't have any issues.

Soooooooooooo, Are you planning a lawsuit claiming "violation of warranty for a particular purpose"?

 

[CSO286]

Soooooooooooo, Are you planning a lawsuit claiming "violation of warranty for a particular purpose"?

No, it would be an ebay/paypal dispute....

"Item not as described."

 

[nextwife]

How much research did you bother doing on "post institutionalized" or orphanage/foster care children before creating a placement that placed younger kids in the home of a child that may still have years of issues to work out? A disruption of the adoption is very unlikely, and bringing a baby into this situation was unwise. Adoptions of teens or preteens who may very likely have emotional baggage or significant mental health issues (and everyone knows the foster care system does not share the whole story about these kids) is something that either experienced special needs adoptors should do, or empty nesters with older or no kids at home, or parents who will not be bringing younger siblings into the home.

Sounds like you walked into this with blinders on, refusing to acknowledge all that is known about risks associated with older child adoptions (not counting kinship/step-adoptions).

Bio kids can go through violent/difficult times as well, BTW. I know several bioparents that have gone down the residential treatment route with their non adopted minor kids. Never heard any of them discuss dumping them from the family.