What is the name of your state? NC..I will try to keep it Brief ...My brother in law is married and in the military ..while in Japan he found out his wife left him and moved to IL with a man she met on the internet .He just got back to NC to find the home cleaned out and her gone with their son ..She told him while he was in Japan that she would meet him back in NC to let him see their son but that never happened..He is in the military for 3 more months ...What does he need to do ?will he have to go to the state where she has taken off to settle the divorce and custody issues or can she be made to come back to NC if he files there.....Need help for Him.....Thanks
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Divorce ...Desertion
- Thread starter lmp518
- Start date
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Grace_Adler
Senior Member
I don't know if the military might have an attorney he can use or not but he could use one. He can also try calling the NC Bar Association Referral. Tell him to ask for a family law attorney. He can get a consult this way for $30. The no. is 1-800-662-7660. Tell him to make sure he has plenty of time when he calls because the line stays busy but don't give up on trying to reach someone.
What county does he live in? If he lives near me, I might know of an attorney he can try to speak to.
He needs to file a Temporary Emergency Custody Order.
I'm not sure what else he can do at this point.
How long has she been in IL because if she has been there more then 6 months, she has established residency there for the child and he may end up having to file there, I'm not sure. He really needs to talk to an attorney about it but he can file that order if too much time hasn't passed in order to force her to bring the child back because her withholding the child from him is grounds for him to get sole custody.
What county does he live in? If he lives near me, I might know of an attorney he can try to speak to.
He needs to file a Temporary Emergency Custody Order.
I'm not sure what else he can do at this point.
How long has she been in IL because if she has been there more then 6 months, she has established residency there for the child and he may end up having to file there, I'm not sure. He really needs to talk to an attorney about it but he can file that order if too much time hasn't passed in order to force her to bring the child back because her withholding the child from him is grounds for him to get sole custody.
Thanks so Much for the reply...I know she has not been gone for more than 6 mo he was only in Japan for 3 and she was there when he left(although this affair has been going for sometime since his first deployment last yr)anyways ...I dont know the county but will find out ..So he can file for a temp custody there and she will have to bring the baby back???????And yes the military does have attorneys but he was told that they prefer the kids to go with the mothers and he don't want to take a chance on getting screwed.....They are both very young she is only 21...he is 24...and she told him she left because he made more money ..I know how sad......He just dont wanna lose his son.....Again thanks for the response....
Grace_Adler
Senior Member
You're welcome.
Well, as far as I know, if he files for that Emergency Custody Order (I'm not sure if that is the exact name here but it should be something similar serving the same purpose) that most likely she will have to bring the child back. This is still the child's state of residency. He needs to hurry before she has been there for 6 months. Six months is usually the amount of time it takes to establish residency to file for things like this. So he needs to do this ASAP.
It is a sad situation.
Just have him call that number and try to get hold of a family law attorney. They should be able to answer his questions and tell him what he needs to do.
www.deltabravo.net also has a lot of good info on it about custody and other family law issues. It is a board similar like this one and you can find some other things on there too pertaining to family law.
Also if you need to look up any statutes you can go to http://www.ncga.state.nc.us/gascripts/Statutes/StatutesTOC.pl
www.nccourts.org has forms you can download and www.findlaw.com is another good website.
Keep us posted and if you need anything else let me know, I will do my best to try and help. If I think of anything else I will post back.
Good Luck.
Well, as far as I know, if he files for that Emergency Custody Order (I'm not sure if that is the exact name here but it should be something similar serving the same purpose) that most likely she will have to bring the child back. This is still the child's state of residency. He needs to hurry before she has been there for 6 months. Six months is usually the amount of time it takes to establish residency to file for things like this. So he needs to do this ASAP.
It is a sad situation.
Just have him call that number and try to get hold of a family law attorney. They should be able to answer his questions and tell him what he needs to do.
www.deltabravo.net also has a lot of good info on it about custody and other family law issues. It is a board similar like this one and you can find some other things on there too pertaining to family law.
Also if you need to look up any statutes you can go to http://www.ncga.state.nc.us/gascripts/Statutes/StatutesTOC.pl
www.nccourts.org has forms you can download and www.findlaw.com is another good website.
Keep us posted and if you need anything else let me know, I will do my best to try and help. If I think of anything else I will post back.
Good Luck.
Just a update and another question.....She came back from IL and left the baby with my brother in law..and said she would be back in a month to get him....He is going to see a lawyer this week..I told him he should go and file for full custody while he has the baby....He is afraid to do that because he thinks if he don't get it she will then come and take him and then it will be a big mess(as if it is not already)Would it be considered abandonment what she has done by just leaving the baby?what do you think are his chances of getting custody ...He only has 2 months left in the military and the baby is in the military daycare right now while he works...She also took out many loans in his name while he was in Japan and now has to repay all of them ..is there anywhere he would go to get help to pay for a lawyer????Thanks in advance.......
Grace_Adler
Senior Member
I think he has a good shot at custody. The main reason is because in NC, adultery is a factor in considering who gets custody, that is in the statutes on the NC General Assembly website. Two, she took off with the child for several months. Three, she comes back and leaves the baby with him. So yeah, I'd say he'd probably get custody unless he can be proven to be unfit and if he doesn't have a recent criminal record or do drugs or anything that can be proven, then I don't see why he wouldn't get it. He can use the three things I listed as a defense to get custody.
You are right, he needs to file now! He doesn't have to let the child go with her either. He has just as much right to keep the child as she does. I mean, I would let her visit but I wouldn't let her take the child anywhere by herself, she obviously can't be trusted. Who knows if she takes off again if she will ever come back?
Two, you are right. Things are already a mess and if he doesn't file for custody now, his chances will become slimmer and what if she does end up taking the child? It will be harder to get custody later and it will be even more of a mess for so many reasons. If he doesn't get this done right now, it will be a bigger mess later!
He can file for custody by himself but will be responsible for filing fees etc. He can go to the courthouse to get the forms or go to www.nccourts.org to get the forms.
I gave you the number to the NC Bar Referral. That's the best he can do right now, the consult will only be $30 which is better then what they usually charge for a consult which is anywhere from $75 to $150. (I don't understand why people on here say you can get a consult for less then that. Maybe where they live you can but you can't here.) If he can't retain an attorney then he can at least get some help on how to go about doing this and research other sites and get some books on family law.
He can try legal aid but I seriously doubt they will help. I only have the numbers for my area, I don' t know if he lives in the same area as me so he will either have to try the numbers I give you and ask them if they have the number for his area or he'll have to look in the phone book.
919-828-4627 or 1-800-682-7902
You are right, he needs to file now! He doesn't have to let the child go with her either. He has just as much right to keep the child as she does. I mean, I would let her visit but I wouldn't let her take the child anywhere by herself, she obviously can't be trusted. Who knows if she takes off again if she will ever come back?
Two, you are right. Things are already a mess and if he doesn't file for custody now, his chances will become slimmer and what if she does end up taking the child? It will be harder to get custody later and it will be even more of a mess for so many reasons. If he doesn't get this done right now, it will be a bigger mess later!
He can file for custody by himself but will be responsible for filing fees etc. He can go to the courthouse to get the forms or go to www.nccourts.org to get the forms.
I gave you the number to the NC Bar Referral. That's the best he can do right now, the consult will only be $30 which is better then what they usually charge for a consult which is anywhere from $75 to $150. (I don't understand why people on here say you can get a consult for less then that. Maybe where they live you can but you can't here.) If he can't retain an attorney then he can at least get some help on how to go about doing this and research other sites and get some books on family law.
He can try legal aid but I seriously doubt they will help. I only have the numbers for my area, I don' t know if he lives in the same area as me so he will either have to try the numbers I give you and ask them if they have the number for his area or he'll have to look in the phone book.
919-828-4627 or 1-800-682-7902
First I have to say you all have been so helpful..I just got off the phone with him ,gave him all the info Monday he going to file for custody..The only thing he was concerned with is when he is done in the military(in 2 mo)he wants to come back to Vermont and finish school there if he does get custody is he able to move out of NC he is only there because that is where he is stationed....As for the loans, from what he said it was legal for her to do so because each time he gets deployed he gives her power of attorney(not sure if thats exactly what he called it)Yea that was my first question...Didn't sound legal to me either.....Thanks
Grace_Adler
Senior Member
I'm not sure what to tell you about that part but that's something he could write down to ask the attorney.
I always write down all my questions and take them with me before I go see one. Seems like I even when I do that I always think of more when I leave. LOL
I always write down all my questions and take them with me before I go see one. Seems like I even when I do that I always think of more when I leave. LOL
Hello Again...Just curious if you have ever heard of this ...My brother in law went to the court house to get the papers to file for custody,,,First the lady told him that they don't have them there and then very SNOTTY (from what he says)asked if he was MILITARY..He said yes and she then told him he has to go to "Base Legal"That they cant help him there at the court house....Does that make any sense????He didnt want to get the military involved because if she finds out he is going for custody he thinks she will come back(I personally think any mother who has done what she has really dont care...But I wont tell him that)and if she comes back he says the military will make him leave the home and move on base till it is settled and there does his whole point in filing for custody she will then have the baby and beable to leave again.....He will be calling tonight to let me know what has happened.....Thanks
Grace_Adler
Senior Member
The woman he spoke to a stupid b---h who doesn't know her job or just doesn't want to help. It doesn't surprise me a bit, they treat me the same way and other people I know. He has every right to file in that court and that's where he would file anyway. That's NC for you! (I'm not from here either.)
Tell him to go in there and tell him to tell them to give him whatever paper work is required to file for custody and tell them he ain't leavin' til he gets it. Usually works for me and sometimes I have to tell them a few other things as well. LOL
Here are some forms you can check into, you can either ask for them by name or you can copy and paste the url into your browser and download and print them or he can.
Also, he can always go to another courthouse to ask for the forms. I say this because the forms all look the same in every county, you just fill in the blank as to what county you live in and he can return them to the courthouse in the county he lives in after he fills them out.
Civil Summons
AOC -CV-100 (Rev 10/01)
Notice of Ex Parte Hearing Before District Court Judge
(Not sure if you need this one but can't hurt to get it.)
AOC-CV-311 (Rev 5/94)
Domestic Civil Action Cover Sheet
AOC-CV-750 (Rev 10/01)
Petition and Order for Relief from Obligation to Pay Mediator's Fee
AOC-CV-814 (Rev 3/99)
Order to Calender Custody or Visitation Dispute
AOC-CV-914M (Rev 11/92)
I don't know if you can use any of these.. you need to go through them and check with someone who knows for sure but they may help or give you ideas.
Also go this link and you can start sorting through them because there may be others up there that you can use.
http://www.nccourts.org/Forms/FormSearchResults.asp
The forms I listed above start on this page but you need to click through all the pages. Just go to the bottom of the page and click next to sort through them.
Tell him to go in there and tell him to tell them to give him whatever paper work is required to file for custody and tell them he ain't leavin' til he gets it. Usually works for me and sometimes I have to tell them a few other things as well. LOL
Here are some forms you can check into, you can either ask for them by name or you can copy and paste the url into your browser and download and print them or he can.
Also, he can always go to another courthouse to ask for the forms. I say this because the forms all look the same in every county, you just fill in the blank as to what county you live in and he can return them to the courthouse in the county he lives in after he fills them out.
Civil Summons
AOC -CV-100 (Rev 10/01)
Notice of Ex Parte Hearing Before District Court Judge
(Not sure if you need this one but can't hurt to get it.)
AOC-CV-311 (Rev 5/94)
Domestic Civil Action Cover Sheet
AOC-CV-750 (Rev 10/01)
Petition and Order for Relief from Obligation to Pay Mediator's Fee
AOC-CV-814 (Rev 3/99)
Order to Calender Custody or Visitation Dispute
AOC-CV-914M (Rev 11/92)
I don't know if you can use any of these.. you need to go through them and check with someone who knows for sure but they may help or give you ideas.
Also go this link and you can start sorting through them because there may be others up there that you can use.
http://www.nccourts.org/Forms/FormSearchResults.asp
The forms I listed above start on this page but you need to click through all the pages. Just go to the bottom of the page and click next to sort through them.