Do I have a case?

[tigger22472]

As we've all said first things first, paternity needs to be established. Try going to your local DFC and see about job training. I wasn't working when my husband had a diving accident and didn't have the skills to make enough to support him and our three children. I called DFC and told them that a local nursing home was hiring nursing assistants and asked how I went about getting me the class paid for. Their first response was the funds weren't available. I let them know that due to my husbands condition I was not required to work but I wanted to and need to and although I didn't want to stay on their system they were leaving me no choice. I was given a phone number right then to a training service that in the end paid for my class, my gas to drive to class, my uniforms and would of paid any child care I needed and it all came from the state to help me help myself and my family.

 

[VeronicaGia]

Don't you think I've tried to get a job. I'm not staying on welfare for the rest of my life.
I'm new at this so I don't know what to do..or what needs to do first. So excuse me I thought I could come here to get help and advise not judge on my situtation.

Fine, then I'll answer your original question which was "Since I'm unemployed and on welfare what's the odds that a judge will give me custody?"

No one here can tell you what a judge will or will not do. Since you have applied for welfare, the court will find the father, establish paternity and support. Once that happens, he can petition the court for custody or visitation. Once again, no one can tell you what a judge will decide if that happens.

 

[nextwife]

The father "not knowing" her is not a reason to not have visitation...

If current drug/use or dealing cannot be established and he DOES turn out to want visitation, the fact that she does not YET know him is not, alone, reason enough to not establish a visitation schedule. How can she get to know him if they DON'T have visitation? Our daughter did not know either of us at age two when she came to us, and she was not at all traumatized by doing so. AND there was neither a transition period or a supervised visitation period. She came into our home all at once. Kids at that age can learn to accept another adult caregiver as part of their life. The "she only knows me" argument to avoid visitation is not a valid rationale to lock him out, if he wants involvement.

Truly, if you did NOT want him involved, you needed to find a way to keep CS out of the picture. THey have no choice. If they provide services, they have a right and responsibilty to pursue reimbursement.

 

[stealth2]

We're trying to give you advice, girlfriend. As you've been told - you can ask for custody w/o visitation coming into it - he'd be the one to ask for visitation. When he does, you can ask for it to be supervised, but you will have to have compelling proof that unsupervised visitation would pose a threat to the child.

Being on welfare will send the state looking for the father to get reimbursed. Once he's paying - you may or may not be eligible to stay on it.

 

[demona]

If he comes to court they will established paternity. He is the farther.

As far as showing proof of drug use..would a ex-roomate be proof (even though they smoked-up together)?

 

[stealth2]

possibly. It assumes that he'll come to court to testify, and that the court takes his testimony as credible. Possession arrests or rehab stays would be better.

 

[withonel]

If he comes to court they will established paternity. He is the farther.

As far as showing proof of drug use..would a ex-roomate be proof (even though they smoked-up together)?

He couldn't possibly be the farther...he's the child's father.

 

[libby b]

I don't think people are trying to judge you, what they want you to realize is that even though you don't want anything from him, the only way that the LAW allows that to happen is if you are not getting any welfare. If you stay on welfare (not saying that you want to, I understand you are trying to do what is best for your child, and I don't judge you for it, my daughter is on WIC and gets SSI) they will go after him for cs because he needs to pay for his child, whether or not you want it from him. The taxpayers are paying for your child right now, and he is not having to be responsible. The law is that they have to go after the father for cs if the mother isn't receiving it and is on welfare. In order to get cs, they will have to prove paternity. Once paternity is proved, he has the right to file for custody or visitation, and you have no say so in the matter. The judge will then determine whether or not you or the father will have custody/visitation. They are trying to tell you to jump on the wagon now, and file for custody, when he will be least likely to fight it. If you have no proof of him dealing drugs, and he has a job, they may determine that your daughter is better off with him because he would be able to provide monetary things that you can not, because you do not work. They are trying to help you, even though you may take offense to the way things are worded, your interests are what they are looking out for, they are trying to give you the advice you asked for. If you got even a parttime job, that might look better for you, although I don't know the whole situation, or if that is possible.

 

[VeronicaGia]

I don't think people are trying to judge you, what they want you to realize is that even though you don't want anything from him, the only way that the LAW allows that to happen is if you are not getting any welfare. If you stay on welfare (not saying that you want to, I understand you are trying to do what is best for your child, and I don't judge you for it, my daughter is on WIC and gets SSI) they will go after him for cs because he needs to pay for his child, whether or not you want it from him.

**Yes, but why doesn't she have to pay for her child? Why is welfare an option for her, but not for him? Why is welfare an option? And why should he be responsible to pay 100% of that welfare back and not 50/50? I know, way off track, just ranting here.


The taxpayers are paying for your child right now, and he is not having to be responsible.

**Neither is she. She's collecting welare. By law, both parents are equally responsible for the financial support of their children.

The law is that they have to go after the father for cs if the mother isn't receiving it and is on welfare. In order to get cs, they will have to prove paternity. Once paternity is proved, he has the right to file for custody or visitation, and you have no say so in the matter. The judge will then determine whether or not you or the father will have custody/visitation. They are trying to tell you to jump on the wagon now, and file for custody, when he will be least likely to fight it. If you have no proof of him dealing drugs, and he has a job, they may determine that your daughter is better off with him because he would be able to provide monetary things that you can not, because you do not work. They are trying to help you, even though you may take offense to the way things are worded, your interests are what they are looking out for, they are trying to give you the advice you asked for. If you got even a parttime job, that might look better for you, although I don't know the whole situation, or if that is possible.

 

[libby b]

I understand what you are saying. I am a stay at home mom, my husband works fulltime (almost 80 hours a week to be honest with you) and my daughter is on welfare. She is on medicaid, WIC and SSI. I worked up until I was put on bedrest in my 8th month of pregnancy. I worked three jobs to put myself through college. Why don't I go back to work now and get off welfare? Because my daughter has 6% of functioning brain, she has spastic quad cerebral palsy and epilepsy. My days consist of going to doctor's and therapies, every day of every week. (honestly, that was a lie, like 3-4 days a week) But I cannot find daycare for my daughter, no one wants to take her with the amount of care that she needs, and the medications and the equipment. I would also have to still go to the doctor's and therapies with her, so how could I get a steady job? In the fall I am going back to school part-time so that my in laws (who work) can watch my daughter while I take night classes in order to get my advanced degree in respiratory therapy so when she goes to school I can work part-time to add to the family income. Am I embarrassed that I am on welfare? YES, but is it in the best interest of my daughter? I should say so.

 

[demona]

libby b-Thank you for your input. I understand that I'm taking away from the taxpayer money & I feel bad for it. But going on Welfare was the hardest thing to do. Ever since I lost my job durring my 4mo of being pergant (due to me going in & Out of the hospital) I have tried so hard to find a job. I've even looking in other states...but, with my background no one will hire me because I'm over qualified for most of the jobs that are out there right now. Thank god for my grand-parents that have send me money and bought things for my daughter (it's they're first great-grand baby) so there spoilering her rotten.
Thanks libby b for your input your the only one that has made it very very very clear.

 

[stealth2]

Your situation, libby, is completely different. As it should be.

 

[Grace_Adler]

Well everyone has pretty much told you the basics. Since you filed for support, once paternity is established, he can also file for custody and visitation.

If he should file for visitation, whatever you can dig up on him will probably help you to gain supervised visitation for the time being. He may get supervised anyway since he hasn't been seeing the child. You can also request drug testing.

You should try to file for custody as soon as you can. No, no one can tell you what the judge will do but we can tell you what they may lean towards in some or most cases. I have a link that you can go to and read about some things judges look at to determine custody. There is a chance that joint will be ordered but I don't know the likliehood. (sp?)

Now, if you didn't need the support, if you wait another month you could probably file to have his rights terminated for abandonment. I don't know if you can do that and still have him pay support, in case you wondered about that.

http://www.divorcesource.com/IL/ARTICLES/feinstein2.html

http://www.divorcelawinfo.com/Pages/determine cust visitation faqs.html

 

[demona]

As far as abandonment if he doesn't show up for court I can still file for abandonment and then he can't get custdoy ever?
And this doesn't effect DCF? Right now I need those food-stamps to get by. Until I get a permenit postion, just now I got a free-lance job but, it's just one job

 

[Grace_Adler]

If he shows up for the hearing, that really doesn't have anything to do with him contacting your child and he isn't paying support right now so I don't think it matters if he shows up or not. I believe you can still do it. Here is a website that gives you statutes at a glance for terminating parental rights.

www.calib.com/nccanch/pubs/sag/groundtermin.cfm

Correct, if you terminate his rights, he can't get custody or visitation ever. He has no legal standing with the child.

I don't think this can stop you from getting services from DSS. I've never heard of it doing so anyway. If you're getting cash assistance though, I don't know who is responsible for paying that back. I guess you would be unless he is under obligation to pay support even if (hypothetically) his rights were terminated. Like I said, I don't know if the court will still make him pay support if you have them terminated. That's something you'll probably have to ask an attorney or paralegal, unless someone on here knows for sure and answers.

This is off the subject but I wanted to say hi to someone real quick.

HI TIGGER!!! Good to see you. Hope things are going ok with you.