I live in the state of Virginia and get $730.00 per month for my 11 year old son in child support from his father. My 11 year old has been attending a private school since he was in Kindergarten and I have picked up the tab on a monthly basis. Currently the cost to attend this school is $528.00 per month. This has been a struggle for me. I have been remarried for some time now and I am a stay at home mother to my 11 year old son and my 2 year old daughter from my current marriage. This expense has been a struggle and I believe I agreeded being naive. No where in our custody aggreement does it state that I have to pay this. I believe my 11 year old's father is taking advantage of the situation and he will not bend or speak to me. He just states that I am the one taking advantage and since he pays for everything his son needs/wants then I should pick up the tab on the school. I even offered to pay for half and he pick up the other half. I don't know what to do as I don't want my son to suffer and not continue his education at this school which is a great one. Plus our legal agreement is very old. I don't have the funds to go back to court. THANKS FOR ANY HELP!
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Do I have to pay for private school?
- Thread starter SDAVIS
- Start date
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LdiJ
Senior Member
SDAVIS said:
If dad didn't specifically agree to the child attending private school and specifically agree to cover half the cost, the odds of a judge ordering him to cover half of the cost are slim. Plus, if he is providing for your son above and beyond the child support order then it might be fair for you to pay for the private school.
As nextwife mentioned, you are voluntarily unemployed. That is a choice that you have made.
If your CS agreement is very old, and there has never been an increase or modification, and dad makes more money than he did when the agreement was made, then it would be legitimate for you to file for a modification. You wouldn't need to go to court to do that, your local CSE could handle it for you.
However, that might cause dad to drag you into court with an attempt to change custody.
A part time job, evenings and weekends would probably earn you enough to cover the private school.
Confused
I know what you are saying. This father is one that goes above the call of duty for his son. Whatever this child needs he gets. I became smarter as I was being taking advantage with all of his medical bills, select/travel soccer team fees ($700 per year). I guess I am ok with the tuition and he must now pay soccer fees and medical expenses. I figure the education is the most imporatant and extra activities like soccer and medical expenses he should start paying and so he does at this point. It just gets hard sometimes and I do work part-time.
I know what you are saying. This father is one that goes above the call of duty for his son. Whatever this child needs he gets. I became smarter as I was being taking advantage with all of his medical bills, select/travel soccer team fees ($700 per year). I guess I am ok with the tuition and he must now pay soccer fees and medical expenses. I figure the education is the most imporatant and extra activities like soccer and medical expenses he should start paying and so he does at this point. It just gets hard sometimes and I do work part-time.
It sounds like you need to get a full time job and return to court to modfy your child support agreement so that your order covers all appropriate items. How much are his medical bills if he is a normal healthy child? Don't you have medical insurance for your children through your husband's employer? Did dad agree to son attending this school as opposed to requiring, saying he decided is not the same thing.SDAVIS said:
Not the solution
It sounds like you need to get a full time job and return to court to modfy your child support agreement so that your order covers all appropriate items. How much are his medical bills if he is a normal healthy child? Don't you have medical insurance for your children through your husband's employer? Did dad agree to son attending this school as opposed to requiring, saying he decided is not the same thing.
Getting a full time job does not benefit my family. I have a 2 year old that needs me at home and my son is very active in soccer year around being selected to be on a select team. My child needs me to be availabe for pick up and drop offs at school being 8:30am drop off and 3:30 pm pick up time then we are off to 2 hour soccer practices .. not to mention having my hands full with the demands of a toddler. It doesn't benefit my family to pay for daycare and it isn't something we want to do. Not to mention there would be an additional cost for before and after school care for my 11 year old which is another expense.
I am a very busy and active mother which neither my ex-husband or current husband could handle ...being that both work in the state of Maryland (having 2 hours commutes to and from work) we live in Virginia (all of us). Both ex and current husband travel out of state quite a bit and being home is where I am needed.
My son has food allergies and asthma. He needs to eat a strict diet. His medication alone is $100.00. His father provides medical insurance for him, but somehow the bills kept coming to me. I was not consulted about the private school at any time. It was like this "I found a great school he can go to and he will be attending." Great I say and then I got stuck with the bill.
It sounds like you need to get a full time job and return to court to modfy your child support agreement so that your order covers all appropriate items. How much are his medical bills if he is a normal healthy child? Don't you have medical insurance for your children through your husband's employer? Did dad agree to son attending this school as opposed to requiring, saying he decided is not the same thing.
Getting a full time job does not benefit my family. I have a 2 year old that needs me at home and my son is very active in soccer year around being selected to be on a select team. My child needs me to be availabe for pick up and drop offs at school being 8:30am drop off and 3:30 pm pick up time then we are off to 2 hour soccer practices .. not to mention having my hands full with the demands of a toddler. It doesn't benefit my family to pay for daycare and it isn't something we want to do. Not to mention there would be an additional cost for before and after school care for my 11 year old which is another expense.
I am a very busy and active mother which neither my ex-husband or current husband could handle ...being that both work in the state of Maryland (having 2 hours commutes to and from work) we live in Virginia (all of us). Both ex and current husband travel out of state quite a bit and being home is where I am needed.
My son has food allergies and asthma. He needs to eat a strict diet. His medication alone is $100.00. His father provides medical insurance for him, but somehow the bills kept coming to me. I was not consulted about the private school at any time. It was like this "I found a great school he can go to and he will be attending." Great I say and then I got stuck with the bill.
Did Not Say That
I did not say that. I stated that if I were to go back to work on a full time basis my 11 year old son would need before and after school care. Since I would not be available to pick him up he would need to be entered into the before and after school care program at his school which is an additional expense. Thanks!
I did not say that. I stated that if I were to go back to work on a full time basis my 11 year old son would need before and after school care. Since I would not be available to pick him up he would need to be entered into the before and after school care program at his school which is an additional expense. Thanks!
stealth2
Under the Radar Member
SDAVIS said:
Well, your posts are rather confusing.
At the end of the day, your 11yo (6th grade?) has been attending this private school for apparently his entire school life. Regardless who made the decision 5/6/7 years ago - it was with your agreement to enroll him and pay for it. The BEST you can hope for is that Dad's income has increased enough to have the support increased or possibly that the court orders Dad to pay half. BUT..... your contribution will hinge on when you decided to be a SAHM - if it was a decision you made after splitting with Dad, you can expect the court to impute you a f/t income.
What will you do should your current husband decide that you really are a more involved mother than he wants to deal with? (I think that's what you said/implied.)
Lol
It is nice of you to make such a rude comment when you do not know my life or the value of my role as a mother to be home. No where did I state that I wouldn't pay this tuition I simply stated it is a struggle. As you can tell by my comments I am more interested in what benefits my children rather then what benefits ME. Something most parents fail to do when families split up and divorce. I am all about being fair. The education of my child is more important and if it was not then I would not have done it so for many years. My being home is not an excuse for anything. Why don't you tell all the parents who choose to stay home with their children that they do so because they are refusing to give up control of them. I hardly think a 2 year old and 11 year old need to be running the streets or stuck in daycare for 11 or 12 hours a day. I do not live a cushy life style. Honey there are no diamonds on my fingers and no spa days to pamper myself. I live a lifestyle that is frugal to most and I go without so that I can be 100 percent available to my children. Every parent should be where they are needed. I am needed at home. Honey you need to direct your anger at another person or seek to find out why you had to lasy out at someone you DO NOT know. I love my children and the importance of being home is both a value to them and my husband and my ex husband who knows I am fully involved in my 11 year old's education and I pick up the slack where he can't be available. You better think twice before you make such a judgment on someone. Maybe you should ask a few questions about my life and you might not be so quick to judge me or anyone else on this earth.
It is nice of you to make such a rude comment when you do not know my life or the value of my role as a mother to be home. No where did I state that I wouldn't pay this tuition I simply stated it is a struggle. As you can tell by my comments I am more interested in what benefits my children rather then what benefits ME. Something most parents fail to do when families split up and divorce. I am all about being fair. The education of my child is more important and if it was not then I would not have done it so for many years. My being home is not an excuse for anything. Why don't you tell all the parents who choose to stay home with their children that they do so because they are refusing to give up control of them. I hardly think a 2 year old and 11 year old need to be running the streets or stuck in daycare for 11 or 12 hours a day. I do not live a cushy life style. Honey there are no diamonds on my fingers and no spa days to pamper myself. I live a lifestyle that is frugal to most and I go without so that I can be 100 percent available to my children. Every parent should be where they are needed. I am needed at home. Honey you need to direct your anger at another person or seek to find out why you had to lasy out at someone you DO NOT know. I love my children and the importance of being home is both a value to them and my husband and my ex husband who knows I am fully involved in my 11 year old's education and I pick up the slack where he can't be available. You better think twice before you make such a judgment on someone. Maybe you should ask a few questions about my life and you might not be so quick to judge me or anyone else on this earth.
Say again?
What will you do should your current husband decide that you really are a more involved mother than he wants to deal with? (I think that's what you said/implied.)
I am sorry what is meant by this comment? Please explain?
Why wouldn't my husband want to deal with a mother that is 100 percent involved in her role as a mother? Would I want to deal with a husband that wasn't 100 percent involved in his job or career?
What will you do should your current husband decide that you really are a more involved mother than he wants to deal with? (I think that's what you said/implied.)
I am sorry what is meant by this comment? Please explain?
Why wouldn't my husband want to deal with a mother that is 100 percent involved in her role as a mother? Would I want to deal with a husband that wasn't 100 percent involved in his job or career?
stealth2
Under the Radar Member
SDAVIS said:
Bite me, darlin'. I go only by what information you provide - in a rather confused manner. Not my fault if you have difficulty putting together a coherent thought, now is it?
The way you phrased your statement that neither your ex nor your current husband could handle your being an involved mother made it sound as though your current husband has some issues/concerns.
Maybe you could spend a little more time in making yourself understood.