I am from PA. My daughter has been invited to go on vacation (out of state) this summer with her friend. I am the custodial parent. Should I get written permission from her Dad? I can't see that he'll object, but I just want to cover all bases. And also, her friend's parents have requested some kind of letter stating that if anything should happen that they are to be allowed to seek medical treatment for her, etc. while she is with them. Does anyone have any thoughts on a way to word this, or is what I've written sufficient? Would her Dad also have to provide the same kind of statement? Does it need to be notorized or anything? Thanks, Lisa
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Do I need written permission from ex?
- Thread starter lisars
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VeronicaGia
Senior Member
lisars said:
Is this interfering with dads parenting time? If not, the child can go. If so, that is a huge problem.
The letter allowing them to seek medical treatment should be notarized.
K
krispenstpeter
Guest
And it also depends ENTIRELY on what your custody agreement states regarding out-of-state removal of the child. Even if she is not in your custody, she AND you are still governed by the custody agreement/order.
The day she'd be leaving is during his weekend. But we talked to him last night, and he's okay with her going. (Besides, she'd never forgive him if she missed out on a week at a house on the beach.) We've agreed to switch the weekends around so that she goes two in row, to make up for the missed one.
And our divorce agreement says nothing about removal from the state.The closest it comes is stating that I am free to reside with the children any place or places as I may select, at all times free from any interference,harassment, or control from the other.(And can you believe, in our divorce, he was the only one with an attorney, and he's the one that made up our agreement?) Which brings to light another question. Should we have something more detailed drawn up regarding medical coverage, uncovered medical and orthodontic expenses, future college expenses, etc.? At the time of the divorce I wanted out terribly and, I'll admit, wasn't thinking into the future far enough to realize we hadn't thought of any of these.
And our divorce agreement says nothing about removal from the state.The closest it comes is stating that I am free to reside with the children any place or places as I may select, at all times free from any interference,harassment, or control from the other.(And can you believe, in our divorce, he was the only one with an attorney, and he's the one that made up our agreement?) Which brings to light another question. Should we have something more detailed drawn up regarding medical coverage, uncovered medical and orthodontic expenses, future college expenses, etc.? At the time of the divorce I wanted out terribly and, I'll admit, wasn't thinking into the future far enough to realize we hadn't thought of any of these.
VeronicaGia
Senior Member
Since college was not discussed in the divorce agreement, and since PA law states that children emancipate at age 18, it's too late for that now.
As for medical, dental, etc., are you saying the order doesn't address these things? If not, that can be changed. Who covers the child on medical and dental now? Who pays the out of pocket expenses?
As for medical, dental, etc., are you saying the order doesn't address these things? If not, that can be changed. Who covers the child on medical and dental now? Who pays the out of pocket expenses?
So, if he's going to contribute anything towrds their college education, it will have to be voluntarily? Personally, I don't think it would kill either of them to pay for most on their own. Whether it be getting a part time job, or through student loans, like I did. We have accounts set up for them now, but with the way college tuition keeps going up, it won't be nearly enough. Especially when the oldest who, at 12, already says she wants to go to Stanford. Yikes!
Our divorce agreements covers only the absolute basics: who they live with, how much CS, very vague descriptions of visitation, and how assets were divided. Nothing else. My husband covers them on his insurance, and pays ALL out of pocket expenses. Ex pays nothing, except CS.
Our divorce agreements covers only the absolute basics: who they live with, how much CS, very vague descriptions of visitation, and how assets were divided. Nothing else. My husband covers them on his insurance, and pays ALL out of pocket expenses. Ex pays nothing, except CS.
K
krispenstpeter
Guest
Well then, guess what lisa?
Either hubby will be visiting Palo Alto and writing a big fat check OR, little 12 year-old is going to start looking for a job, getting her butt in a chair and studying or looking a little further south for a campus.
And Stanford isn't THAT expensive. Try three years at Georgetown or a year doing graduate studies at the American University in Vienna
Either hubby will be visiting Palo Alto and writing a big fat check OR, little 12 year-old is going to start looking for a job, getting her butt in a chair and studying or looking a little further south for a campus.
And Stanford isn't THAT expensive. Try three years at Georgetown or a year doing graduate studies at the American University in Vienna
stealth2
Under the Radar Member
Stanford tuition is currently $28,563.
Georgetown is $29,808.
Princeton is $27,230.
Yale is $26,100.
Columbia is $28,206.
Harvard is (cheap) $25,128.
MIT is $29,400.
These are all comparable. Pissing over a $1300 difference is silly. Frankly, the wise parent would be looking at alternatives for the first two years when all schools require the same core courses. Encourage your kids to go to either a state school or a community college for their core curriculum and work their butt off. Then transfer to a top-drawer university for the last two years when they focus on their major. Hell, my ex is court-ordered to pay all college-related expenses (starting with SAT prep classes in HS), and I'm certainly looking at those options. Makes a hell of a lot more sense. A much greater value for your dollar.
Georgetown is $29,808.
Princeton is $27,230.
Yale is $26,100.
Columbia is $28,206.
Harvard is (cheap) $25,128.
MIT is $29,400.
These are all comparable. Pissing over a $1300 difference is silly. Frankly, the wise parent would be looking at alternatives for the first two years when all schools require the same core courses. Encourage your kids to go to either a state school or a community college for their core curriculum and work their butt off. Then transfer to a top-drawer university for the last two years when they focus on their major. Hell, my ex is court-ordered to pay all college-related expenses (starting with SAT prep classes in HS), and I'm certainly looking at those options. Makes a hell of a lot more sense. A much greater value for your dollar.
K
krispenstpeter
Guest
That IS cheap! Hell, take my child support for a year and you have American University in Vienna
Neither hubby or nor I will be hopping a flight to Palo Alto. Been there, done that. The only thing about Stanford that impressed me was seeing Faye Dunaway at graduation, and realizing she looked about 10 years younger in person. She's already been notified she's going to have to bust her butt and make the grades. Not just to get into Stanford, but for anywhere. And no matter where she goes, I am fully aware of the fact it will be my husband, not her father, footing the bill. I'm just hoping to keep her somewhere closer to the eastern time zone than CA. She's mentioned Pitt, too. If I'm lucky, she'll end up there. Only 30 minutes away, no flying necessary.Where she says she wants to go to college at this point in the game is irrelevant. She'll change her mind 100 times between now and then, I just wondered if that tuition was something that could and should be addressed if we decide to rework our divorce agreement. Thanks VG.
If that's what your support amounts for a year, then your ex is much luckier than I. Mine totals a whopping 3,600. per year for two kids. The metal in their mouths cost almost 6,000. Ins. only covers 1,000.What I receive wouldn't cover the flights between Pittsburgh and San Francisco. I try to tell myself it could be worse, I could still be married to him.
If that's what your support amounts for a year, then your ex is much luckier than I. Mine totals a whopping 3,600. per year for two kids. The metal in their mouths cost almost 6,000. Ins. only covers 1,000.What I receive wouldn't cover the flights between Pittsburgh and San Francisco. I try to tell myself it could be worse, I could still be married to him.
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VeronicaGia
Senior Member
Well, you could ask that the court order your ex to pay 50% of uninsured medical costs.
You say your husband covers the child on his insurance and pays 100% of the uninsured medical. Are you saying you don't work? If so, maybe it's time you got a job, as you are responsible for the financial support of that child too. And if you aren't working, if I were your ex, I'd be asking for the yearly tax deduction.
If you are working, excuse the misunderstanding.
You say your husband covers the child on his insurance and pays 100% of the uninsured medical. Are you saying you don't work? If so, maybe it's time you got a job, as you are responsible for the financial support of that child too. And if you aren't working, if I were your ex, I'd be asking for the yearly tax deduction.
If you are working, excuse the misunderstanding.
Money is not the big issue. As far as getting a job. It's called being a stay at home mom of three. Too bad they don't pay you for that. My husband earns more than enough to support us all, and we would rather that I stay home with them now while they are little(the other two are 7 and 2). My ex has been told that unless he's contributing at least half of their living expenses, he's not able to claim them. So, instead he has chosen to pay what he does to avoid having to pay more in support.
Need to elaborate on what the bigger issues are. I've been wondering about all of the uncovered medical, dental, and ortho expenses. My ex carries no coverage on the girls. Everyone tells me that he should be paying his part. Whether that is half of the uncovered amounts, or the extra amount in premiums, I don't know. Because there wouldn't be any increase in premium as he has family coverage for myself and our son.
There also needs to be addressed the issue as to what time he's to come pick them up for weekends and bring them home. He has always picked them up after work on Fridays. By the time he could get here, it's usually 7PM. Lately he'll call at 4:30 or so and say he's about 20 minutes away. It's a 1 1/2 hour drive.I don't have an issue with him being earlier, I would like to be notified a little sooner. I've had to cancel appointments, pick them up early from their friends houses, rush getting them fed, etc. All because he shows up early on a whim. I can hear it now, let him feed them. If I thought he'd show up with money to feed them, no problem. He has had to borrow .50 from one of them before to pay the toll because he forgot to bring cash. I've offered to give him money to stop and buy them all dinner , his included, but he's refused saying they can just eat when they get to his house. He's pretty good at bringing them come close to the time we agreed on, but on occasion has been known to bring them home a couple of hours late because he had to wait for his girlfriend to get to his house because she was coming with them. Or because "the game wasn't over yet". That's fine, but call and let me know if they'll be that late. I shouldn't have to call wondering why they aren't home yet.
The issue of him taking our girls to bars with him until 1 AM to watch his band play is a problem but I can't figure how to address in a way he'll get. He says his time is his time, but when the girls tell me they hid in a restroom all night, that makes me furious and want to keep this from happening again. I would like to be able to make him leave them with my parents, who live less than 5 minutes from him, instead of having them in a bar until God knows how late.
During the summer he informs me two or three days before he wants them for his weeks with them. And then throws a fit if we've already got something scheduled. I would like to have more notice there, too. And if his doesn't provide it in acretain time frame before, then he's SOL.
Mostly, just the issues that seem to be covered in most agreements. But, were never thought of at the time or divorce.
There also needs to be addressed the issue as to what time he's to come pick them up for weekends and bring them home. He has always picked them up after work on Fridays. By the time he could get here, it's usually 7PM. Lately he'll call at 4:30 or so and say he's about 20 minutes away. It's a 1 1/2 hour drive.I don't have an issue with him being earlier, I would like to be notified a little sooner. I've had to cancel appointments, pick them up early from their friends houses, rush getting them fed, etc. All because he shows up early on a whim. I can hear it now, let him feed them. If I thought he'd show up with money to feed them, no problem. He has had to borrow .50 from one of them before to pay the toll because he forgot to bring cash. I've offered to give him money to stop and buy them all dinner , his included, but he's refused saying they can just eat when they get to his house. He's pretty good at bringing them come close to the time we agreed on, but on occasion has been known to bring them home a couple of hours late because he had to wait for his girlfriend to get to his house because she was coming with them. Or because "the game wasn't over yet". That's fine, but call and let me know if they'll be that late. I shouldn't have to call wondering why they aren't home yet.
The issue of him taking our girls to bars with him until 1 AM to watch his band play is a problem but I can't figure how to address in a way he'll get. He says his time is his time, but when the girls tell me they hid in a restroom all night, that makes me furious and want to keep this from happening again. I would like to be able to make him leave them with my parents, who live less than 5 minutes from him, instead of having them in a bar until God knows how late.
During the summer he informs me two or three days before he wants them for his weeks with them. And then throws a fit if we've already got something scheduled. I would like to have more notice there, too. And if his doesn't provide it in acretain time frame before, then he's SOL.
Mostly, just the issues that seem to be covered in most agreements. But, were never thought of at the time or divorce.
stealth2
Under the Radar Member
Need to elaborate on what the bigger issues are. I've been wondering about all of the uncovered medical, dental, and ortho expenses. My ex carries no coverage on the girls. Everyone tells me that he should be paying his part. Whether that is half of the uncovered amounts, or the extra amount in premiums, I don't know. Because there wouldn't be any increase in premium as he has family coverage for myself and our son.
A: If it's not in the order, he doesn't need to do it.
There also needs to be addressed the issue as to what time he's to come pick them up for weekends and bring them home. He has always picked them up after work on Fridays. By the time he could get here, it's usually 7PM. Lately he'll call at 4:30 or so and say he's about 20 minutes away. It's a 1 1/2 hour drive.I don't have an issue with him being earlier, I would like to be notified a little sooner. I've had to cancel appointments, pick them up early from their friends houses, rush getting them fed, etc. All because he shows up early on a whim. I can hear it now, let him feed them. If I thought he'd show up with money to feed them, no problem. He has had to borrow .50 from one of them before to pay the toll because he forgot to bring cash. I've offered to give him money to stop and buy them all dinner , his included, but he's refused saying they can just eat when they get to his house. He's pretty good at bringing them come close to the time we agreed on, but on occasion has been known to bring them home a couple of hours late because he had to wait for his girlfriend to get to his house because she was coming with them. Or because "the game wasn't over yet". That's fine, but call and let me know if they'll be that late. I shouldn't have to call wondering why they aren't home yet.
A: If you're willing to step in and take care of the things that he "forgets", then that's on you. Your kids aren't going to die if they eat an hour later than they're used to. They might whine enough that he remembers his wallet next time.
The issue of him taking our girls to bars with him until 1 AM to watch his band play is a problem but I can't figure how to address in a way he'll get. He says his time is his time, but when the girls tell me they hid in a restroom all night, that makes me furious and want to keep this from happening again. I would like to be able to make him leave them with my parents, who live less than 5 minutes from him, instead of having them in a bar until God knows how late.
A: It's his time. As long as they are not endangered, you have no say in how he spends it. LOL Most CPs would bitch that he's leaving them with your parents on his time so he can go play in some bar. No win situation.
During the summer he informs me two or three days before he wants them for his weeks with them. And then throws a fit if we've already got something scheduled. I would like to have more notice there, too. And if his doesn't provide it in acretain time frame before, then he's SOL.
Mostly, just the issues that seem to be covered in most agreements. But, were never thought of at the time or divorce.
A: Then file for a modification.
A: If it's not in the order, he doesn't need to do it.
There also needs to be addressed the issue as to what time he's to come pick them up for weekends and bring them home. He has always picked them up after work on Fridays. By the time he could get here, it's usually 7PM. Lately he'll call at 4:30 or so and say he's about 20 minutes away. It's a 1 1/2 hour drive.I don't have an issue with him being earlier, I would like to be notified a little sooner. I've had to cancel appointments, pick them up early from their friends houses, rush getting them fed, etc. All because he shows up early on a whim. I can hear it now, let him feed them. If I thought he'd show up with money to feed them, no problem. He has had to borrow .50 from one of them before to pay the toll because he forgot to bring cash. I've offered to give him money to stop and buy them all dinner , his included, but he's refused saying they can just eat when they get to his house. He's pretty good at bringing them come close to the time we agreed on, but on occasion has been known to bring them home a couple of hours late because he had to wait for his girlfriend to get to his house because she was coming with them. Or because "the game wasn't over yet". That's fine, but call and let me know if they'll be that late. I shouldn't have to call wondering why they aren't home yet.
A: If you're willing to step in and take care of the things that he "forgets", then that's on you. Your kids aren't going to die if they eat an hour later than they're used to. They might whine enough that he remembers his wallet next time.
The issue of him taking our girls to bars with him until 1 AM to watch his band play is a problem but I can't figure how to address in a way he'll get. He says his time is his time, but when the girls tell me they hid in a restroom all night, that makes me furious and want to keep this from happening again. I would like to be able to make him leave them with my parents, who live less than 5 minutes from him, instead of having them in a bar until God knows how late.
A: It's his time. As long as they are not endangered, you have no say in how he spends it. LOL Most CPs would bitch that he's leaving them with your parents on his time so he can go play in some bar. No win situation.
During the summer he informs me two or three days before he wants them for his weeks with them. And then throws a fit if we've already got something scheduled. I would like to have more notice there, too. And if his doesn't provide it in acretain time frame before, then he's SOL.
Mostly, just the issues that seem to be covered in most agreements. But, were never thought of at the time or divorce.
A: Then file for a modification.
I know that the insurance issue isn't in the order. That's why I mentioned having something else drawn up in the first place. Perhaps I should have phrased it -everyone tells me he should be MADE to pay his part.
I guess me stepping up and taking care of things he forgets is just a habit. I've done it for years and years. But I assure you that, when a 4 year old hears she didn't get a present for her birthday from her father because he forgot about her birthday, (Yes, that's what HE told her the first birhtday after our separation.)you do what you can to protect them from feeling so unimportant again. But, that has nothing to do with his deciding on his own as to when it's ok to pick them up or bring them home. That's what needs to be addressed.
No, I guess some people wouldn't see anything wrong with keeping two children in a bar till all hours, but I do. They may not be in danger, how about some common sense? Are you telling me that you'd be just fine if your ex took your children to a bar with no adult supervision while he was on stage the entire time? Shouldn't the kids be able to have an alternative place to go? He's always leaving them with my Mom and Dad when he has plans with his friends or girlfriends during the day so why would this be any different? And as for me bitching about him leaving them with Mom & Dad ,why would I ? I would much rather them be with my parents than him. So would the girls, but they know they have to go to his house.
Gee, thanks for the file for a modification advice. I never thought of that. Oh wait yes I did, that's why I was asking questions.
I guess me stepping up and taking care of things he forgets is just a habit. I've done it for years and years. But I assure you that, when a 4 year old hears she didn't get a present for her birthday from her father because he forgot about her birthday, (Yes, that's what HE told her the first birhtday after our separation.)you do what you can to protect them from feeling so unimportant again. But, that has nothing to do with his deciding on his own as to when it's ok to pick them up or bring them home. That's what needs to be addressed.
No, I guess some people wouldn't see anything wrong with keeping two children in a bar till all hours, but I do. They may not be in danger, how about some common sense? Are you telling me that you'd be just fine if your ex took your children to a bar with no adult supervision while he was on stage the entire time? Shouldn't the kids be able to have an alternative place to go? He's always leaving them with my Mom and Dad when he has plans with his friends or girlfriends during the day so why would this be any different? And as for me bitching about him leaving them with Mom & Dad ,why would I ? I would much rather them be with my parents than him. So would the girls, but they know they have to go to his house.
Gee, thanks for the file for a modification advice. I never thought of that. Oh wait yes I did, that's why I was asking questions.