Do I need written permission from ex?

[MBMom]

I just wanted to say that, although I have no advice to offer, it looks like you're doing a great job with your girls, while at the same time dealing with your complicated ex. My ex and I never had problems working things out until recently, but my situation is completely different. After reading over your whole situation and how well you've managed to deal with things, it encourages me to want to work a little more with ex, because he's not NEAR as difficult as it sounds like your ex is. Just like you, I'd prefer to keep any animosity between my ex and I to a minimum (if none at all) for my son's sake.

Good luck with your modification!

 

[lisars]

Thanks for the kind words. I'll admit in my dealings with him, I always walk away thinking I'm the lousy, demanding witch he thinks I am. But, this is really a piece of cake when you compare it to what it was like being married to the man. And I didn't get into too much of past crap. These are the issues we still argue about. As a matter of fact as recent as 25 minutes ago when he came to pick them up.

The 7 year old is sick and getting over having an absessed tooth pulled a couple days ago,I asked him to try and not keep her out to late this weekend. And to try to remember to give her some Tylenol before bed. You'd have thought I'd have asked for his family jewels on a silver platter."She'll be fine.If she needs it she'll ask." Sure,kids LOVE taking medicine. I don't care that she'll have him up half the night because her mouth hurts. But why should she haveto be up, if all that has to be done to prevent it is 2 tsps. of tylenol?


I think I have it alot easier than most who post on these boards though. I have three happy, healthy kids, a great husband. And while I'd love to get away from them some days and have a "real" job, I get to stay home with them without worrying about bills being paid. My ex pays his child support on time, and in his own strange way, loves them. Maybe I should stop complaining and enjoy knowing who my kids will turn to when they need something later in life. Too bad I'm not exactly the patient type.

 

[haiku]

QUOTE=lisarsNeed to elaborate on what the bigger issues are. I've been wondering about all of the uncovered medical, dental, and ortho expenses. My ex carries no coverage on the girls. Everyone tells me that he should be paying his part. Whether that is half of the uncovered amounts, or the extra amount in premiums, I don't know. Because there wouldn't be any increase in premium as he has family coverage for myself and our son.

***As someone else stated, if its not in the order he has no obligation but you can ask for it to be put in the order during a modification. it depends on your ste some states ask the NCP to foot the entire bill for the children, others only half. the insurance bill would be itemized by the number of people on it, and then the NCP would be charged only the amount for HIS children.***

There also needs to be addressed the issue as to what time he's to come pick them up for weekends and bring them home. He has always picked them up after work on Fridays. By the time he could get here, it's usually 7PM. Lately he'll call at 4:30 or so and say he's about 20 minutes away. It's a 1 1/2 hour drive.I don't have an issue with him being earlier, I would like to be notified a little sooner. I've had to cancel appointments, pick them up early from their friends houses, rush getting them fed, etc. All because he shows up early on a whim. I can hear it now, let him feed them. If I thought he'd show up with money to feed them, no problem. He has had to borrow .50 from one of them before to pay the toll because he forgot to bring cash. I've offered to give him money to stop and buy them all dinner , his included, but he's refused saying they can just eat when they get to his house. He's pretty good at bringing them come close to the time we agreed on, but on occasion has been known to bring them home a couple of hours late because he had to wait for his girlfriend to get to his house because she was coming with them. Or because "the game wasn't over yet". That's fine, but call and let me know if they'll be that late. I shouldn't have to call wondering why they aren't home yet.

The issue of him taking our girls to bars with him until 1 AM to watch his band play is a problem but I can't figure how to address in a way he'll get. He says his time is his time, but when the girls tell me they hid in a restroom all night, that makes me furious and want to keep this from happening again. I would like to be able to make him leave them with my parents, who live less than 5 minutes from him, instead of having them in a bar until God knows how late.


During the summer he informs me two or three days before he wants them for his weeks with them. And then throws a fit if we've already got something scheduled. I would like to have more notice there, too. And if his doesn't provide it in acretain time frame before, then he's SOL.


Mostly, just the issues that seem to be covered in most agreements. But, were never thought of at the time or divorce.***** mod for specific visitation time, the rest of it is really small potatoes...****[/QUOTE]

 

[stealth2]

The 7 year old is sick and getting over having an absessed tooth pulled a couple days ago,I asked him to try and not keep her out to late this weekend. And to try to remember to give her some Tylenol before bed. You'd have thought I'd have asked for his family jewels on a silver platter."She'll be fine.If she needs it she'll ask." Sure,kids LOVE taking medicine. I don't care that she'll have him up half the night because her mouth hurts. But why should she haveto be up, if all that has to be done to prevent it is 2 tsps. of tylenol?

This is really nothing more than a parenting difference. And I have to admit - that's the tack I take with my two, and have for a long time. Unless there's a fever to be brought down, I'm not going to fight over whether or not they're going to take tylenol. They're old enough to know it helps with pain. They're also old enough to know how much pain they can/are willing to tolerate. And honestly? If she's up half the night 'cause her mouth hurts - maybe next time she'll think twice about not asking for the Tylenol.

Yeah, I'm a mean mom.

 

[haiku]

[QUOTE=lisarsMoney is not the big issue. As far as getting a job. It's called being a stay at home mom of three. Too bad they don't pay you for that. My husband earns more than enough to support us all, and we would rather that I stay home with them now while they are little(the other two are 7 and 2). My ex has been told that unless he's contributing at least half of their living expenses, he's not able to claim them. So, instead he has chosen to pay what he does to avoid having to pay more in support.[/QUOTE

So is he paying UNDER guideline for his income level? if he is paying his court ordered support on time and in full, every year he SHOULD be entitled to claim HIS children. A court order will trump any IRS rules on divorced or seperated parents.

its great you are a SAHM, but in divorce situations, the NCP is NOT obligated to insure that happens. it is still your obligation to support your kids financially. just because you are able to stay home on someone elses dime, does not mean the NCP should NOT be getting the deduction. your husband should really only be entitled to a deduction for your son together, not your girls.

in most states at the time of the divorce, the NCP can ask for and get the deduction. or the deduction is split between the parties if the CP makes more than 15,000. Also in states like mine the deduction will automatically be awarded to the NCP in one of these ways as a "reward" for paying support. (It always is stipulated the that the NCP MUST be current to do it)

of course unless your ex and/or his lawyer never think to ask for this deduction, you are all set-what he does not know won't hurt him-so to speak! but it could happen......

 

[lisars]

I've considered filing for modification for quite a long time, but it always seemed that it would end up being more trouble than it was worth. We actually used to get along better and argue less when the divorce was fresh. Things have progressed rapidly downhill, so I figured I'd gather as much info on how to do this the smart way this time. All I worried about then was my kids. And that's about all I got too. Them, my car, and $300 in cs.

Haiku, yes he is paying far less than what he should. Four years ago, I went to the PA support guideline site. With his yearly income amount from the last year we were together, his monthly mortgage, and a few other bills, the figure I got was roughly $850 per month. He pays $300. And chooses to pay that after taxes have been taken out, because his employer told him to have it deducted automaticaaly from his check before taxes, they would charge him a $10 PER YEAR fee for paperwork. He found that ridiculous, and so chooses to pay more in taxes instead of spending $10. I tried to explain it to him, but he said he's afraid someone(Who I have no clue) would find out he wasn't paying anymore than that and up his support amount. You see what I'm up against?

Now I know a little more about what I need to be asking for in filing for this modification. Thanks to all of you. Even a mean Mom like you stealth2. Odd isn't it, how it's the mean Mom's who always end up being the better ones? I can tell you, mine sure is. Not that I'm ready to admit to her that she WAS usually right, not her pig-headed kid.