Do Step-parents have any rights?

[XGermanGirl]

What is the name of your state? WV
I am so frustrated! I am the step-mom of a 12 year old boy and a 15 year old girl. My husband has custody so the children live with us. They are doing so good in school now that they are living with us instead of their mother. We are having some issues with visitation though. Their mother was supposed to bring them home by 5opm one day and didn't show up. When I finally decided to call to find out if anything had happened she told me it wasn't any of my business and it didn't matter whether or not I had plans, so if my husband had anything to say to her then he needed to call her. Not even a week later I asked my step-daughter to remind her mother to pick them up at 7:00pm on Friday and again she said that it wasn't any of my business. This was between her and their dad! Does living together in the same house as a family not mean anything?! Do not have any say whatsoever? She is not setting a good example for the children because in their eyes no matter what I say it doesn't matter!
I am just so fed up with that woman, it's driving me crazy!!!
She has a major influence on these kids and it's not a good one!
She tells them lies all the time! But no matter what, they always believe her over us!
She lives in a dump with drug addicts and her other 3 children(who have different fathers). She doesn't work but collects welfare and child support.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to vent but you all are so great! You seem to have a lot of experience and give such wonderful advice!
Thanks!

 

[CMSC]

NO NO NO NO NO! Please next time, use the search link on here and see that this question has been asked a million times. You are not given any rights to these children just by marrying dad. Their mother is correct in that if Dad is concerned about why they are home late etc. then HE needs to call, she doesn't have to even give you the time of day if you ask.

Look, I am a step parent...an active one, however, I don't call bio mom about needs for the child EVER, we talk about stupid girly things etc. but nothing is said about any legal matters, that is my hubby's job! He divorced he can deal with her!

 

[Bre's_mom]

I am a step mom and a mom, and as much as us step moms think we should have rights, we don't. There are some bio moms that we hate, but are able to talk to, and others in your case that we hate, and they tell us its none of our business. I am really shocked that more people have not responed to this question, there have been alot of arguments over this question, so beware, you might get some answers you don't like. Good luck, and remember, there are alot of step parents in the same situation...

 

[WCC]

you have zilcho rights.....i too am a step mommy so i know exactly how frustrating things get. when you have the kids call to remind mom of times have them say "dad wants to know"... i know it's stupid but it saves grief if you learn the key words. since the kids live in your house, you have whatever rights your husband gives you concerning the kids, but that's only at home, not legally. the best advice i can give you is to let your husband handle the ex as much as possible and keep your "heart" out of it. set a good example for your step children by what you say and do, not by pitting yourself against their mom. i have learned that no matter what the circumstances, the kids are always protective of mom and it makes you look bad to them if you try to prove her wrong. as they get older they will see the situation for what it is. just love them and be the best step mommy you can and let her try to compete with that!

 

[haiku]

Legally speaking, and this is a legal site, you do not get "rights" to call the shots just because you married someone with kids. you only have whatever rights the parents want to give you, like anyone else in thier lives.

Certainly it would be nice if people would get past all the power trip baloney. After all a divorce did happen, and whether you like it or not other people are involved with your kids.

that being said, they really are your husbands and ex's responsibility, and when the favors you are doing are no longer appreciated, don't do them any more!

someday she may need a favor, and well they are not your business,right? believe me, after I said NO a few times I got the respect I deserved! ( I don't understand why the step has to earn it and the BIO does nothing-2 way street if you ask me...but that is for a debating board.)

Don't fall into the trap of being a 'martyr" the "I love these kids like my own, and I do it for them" trap.

Tell your husband how you feel, tell him, he needs to take control of this situation, and deal with his ex directly, not you.

I am a mom and a step mom, among other things! and I know, considering my husbands work schedule, I could make it easier if I did alot of the so called parenting things for my husband with the ex, but besides the fact she is a loon, and we can't even talk civil about the WEATHER, it is really not my responsibility to make sure he takes on HIS responsibility.

Stop making the plans, stop worring about the ex interfering in them, and detach, detach, detach. Trust me, you can do this and STILL be the best step mom in the world, and say 'I love these kids like my own, I do it for them" at the same time.

 

[XGermanGirl]

Thanks everyone!

That is pretty much what I figuered but I just wanted to know for sure!
I guess I'll just have to learn to stay out of it and be careful how I word things. I am glad that my step-daughter(15) is becoming more aware of things, now that she has gotten older. She is starting to notice her mom's lies but will cover for her no matter what! But in her heart she knows the truth.
Thanks again!

 

[CMSC]

JEEZ MY POST SOUNDED RUDE!

i just read it, sorry! I agree with Haiku, just tell mom no a few times and see what happens. Kids are sick and you can't pick them up, can't babysit, can't take them to sleepovers or to sports...see how long that lasts!

 

[XGermanGirl]

I agree with you!
We have given the kids so much freedom and let them spend as much time with their mom as they wanted. But whenever things don't go "her way"(their mom), she likes to bring up the court order and threaten to regain custody.
So my husband decided, fine if she wants it the way it's in the court order then she won't be able to pick them up until 7:00pm from now on and she'll only be able to see them every other weekend instead of every weekend.
She is pretty mad about that and because she wanted to switch weekends and we told her "no". So I'm sure she is just doing all this to get back at us!
She seems to think she'll be able to get custody since my step-daughter is 15 and will be able to voice her opinion in court.
I just hope it doesn't come to that!

 

[LegalBeagle]

What is the name of your state? WV
I am so frustrated! I am the step-mom of a 12 year old boy and a 15 year old girl. My husband has custody so the children live with us. They are doing so good in school now that they are living with us instead of their mother. We are having some issues with visitation though. Their mother was supposed to bring them home by 5opm one day and didn't show up. When I finally decided to call to find out if anything had happened she told me it wasn't any of my business and it didn't matter whether or not I had plans, so if my husband had anything to say to her then he needed to call her. Not even a week later I asked my step-daughter to remind her mother to pick them up at 7:00pm on Friday and again she said that it wasn't any of my business. This was between her and their dad! Does living together in the same house as a family not mean anything?! Do not have any say whatsoever? She is not setting a good example for the children because in their eyes no matter what I say it doesn't matter!
I am just so fed up with that woman, it's driving me crazy!!!
She has a major influence on these kids and it's not a good one!
She tells them lies all the time! But no matter what, they always believe her over us!
She lives in a dump with drug addicts and her other 3 children(who have different fathers). She doesn't work but collects welfare and child support.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to vent but you all are so great! You seem to have a lot of experience and give such wonderful advice!
Thanks!

As other have pointed out, you have no legal rights.. however, you have rights in your own home.. but only as much as the bio parent gives you.

 

[stealth2]

Just remember folks.... not *ALL* bioMoms are b*tches, and not all of them ask for favors of the ex *or* the stepMom. And there *are* stepMoms who overstep. It's a very fine line.

 

[Califdreamin?]

I think step children should come with disclaimers ."Step parents have no rights" so before stepping into the world of steps think long and hard .Maybe judges should require all persons fileing for marraige licenses to read and sign a document pertaining to the non existent rights of step parents .I bet there would be a lot less second marraiges with children involved .When you marry someone with children you have no idea what your in for .Unless its a very unusual circumstance its NOT a piece of cake .My wifes a step mom to my children and I can tell you first hand its like walking a tight rope at times .She loves them as her own but the only reward she gets is from within herself and the loving little arms around her neck .

 

[haiku]

Just remember folks.... not *ALL* bioMoms are b*tches, and not all of them ask for favors of the ex *or* the stepMom. And there *are* stepMoms who overstep. It's a very fine line.

the problem is, people usually come to this website because someone has crossed the thin line! Those with perfect after divorce lives don't need to be here! now that i have learned how to have the "perfect" after divorce life, I try to share my "wisdom"

 

[stealth2]

the problem is, people usually come to this website because someone has crossed the thin line! Those with perfect after divorce lives don't need to be here! now that i have learned how to have the "perfect" after divorce life, I try to share my "wisdom"

Oh, I know... Just like to remind folks that not all of us bioMoms are horrors.

 

[haiku]

well I do have a child of my own so I am a 'bio-mom too! LOL

 

[CMSC]

I too am a bio mom and a step mom. I think that there are too many steps out there who think that once they marry the other person they can continue their lives with out bio mom...but it just doesn't work that way does it? Not in most cases anyway.