Do Step-parents have any rights?

[njmom]

^5 to momma............

I agree with momma tiger!!.....Not all Bio Moms are bi*ches!!
I also agree with the fine line completely, I live it every day with a step-mom who loves to push my buttons!!

 

[XGermanGirl]

I know their mother will be in their lives, there aren't many bios who wouldn't want to be involved in their childrens' lives but in this case they would be better off without her!
They have never had any place to call "home" because she moves on an average, twice a month! She has neglected my step-son ever since he started school. He has already been held back once. He is in sixth grade now and reads at the level of a second grader! The poor thing wouldn't have a chance if he lived with her. All she does is lie and make a big mess of things.
It's just not fair to the kids!
But you can't tell them that they have a bad mother, they have to find out for themselves as they get older.

 

[stealth2]

Just curious

How long has Dad had custody?

 

[XGermanGirl]

The kids have been with us since August 2001. So we've been working on all the school problems. He is doing much better but still hasn't caught up yet.

 

[haiku]

I too am a bio mom and a step mom. I think that there are too many steps out there who think that once they marry the other person they can continue their lives with out bio mom...but it just doesn't work that way does it? Not in most cases anyway.

yep, I have the opposite problem, my "bio" mom thinks she can go on without ME, lol! (she hasn't figured out she doesn't "own" my husband any more !)

Ah well the best advice I can give on either side is, if they are rude, ignore'em! Get on with YOUR life and be happy-makes them crazy-I know, I not only act happy in front of my husbands ex, but when mine was around, I also did it to him-drove him and drives her nuts! If you let them 'think" they are in control, it usually makes them happy......but you know the truth....

 

[pst58]

I agree completely with Haiku! I am a bio mom, stepmom, bio grandma and stepgrandma, as well as The "X", and I know from where many, many of you are coming from! Hate to dampen your spirits here, but have to tell ya that while child support and visitation problems, etc., go away when the kids reach a certain age - - - - the "x's" are there "until death do you part". Continues right into the "grandkids" phase! So, do as Haiku says and, hard as it may be (and it is VERY hard sometimes), just be happy and LOVE the kids! Make it your top priority to see the world through THEIR eyes (yes, that includes how they see YOU!!)and your heart will lead you in the right direction!

 

[XGermanGirl]

You are right on the money!
She is so jealous and tries to do anything and everything to get under my skin! But you know what, I don't let her know how much she urks me! I will not give her the satisfaction!
I think she just can't stand that my husband and I are happy! He has completely changed his life around since they separated and she can't!

 

[IRBA]

I'm stepmother and let me tell you: you are all right. As a stepmother you have to take care when kids are in your home, but you don't have rights to call to her or tell anything to her. BUT, learn from my experinece. It was enough only one phone call from my hasband to police that mother didn't come in to pick up the kids on time and he doesn't know what happened and he doesn't want to drive to her house avoid the confrontation. It was one protocol which changed everything. Now, they meet each other on half way to pick up and to get kids, all the time in time and no problems. Yes, it is stressfull moment, but after that everything in place.

 

[XGermanGirl]

We just had a little problem at the end of the summer that required a phone call to the police.
She was supposed to bring the kids home by 5:00pm on Saturday.She changed her mind last minute and decided to bring them home on Sunday instead and my husband told her "no". He didn't want to argue with her and decided to call the police.She thought "her" court order stated that she had the right to keep the kids until midnight Sunday before school started!!!
What an idiot!
The state trooper asked her to read the court order to him but of course it was in a "storage unit". So he told her unless she could provide the proof, she had to bring the kids back right away!
Now of course she wants revenge and since she "has" to get along with my husband, I guess I'm the only one she can lash out at. Whatever! Yes it bothers me but talking to all of you really helps! I won't let her know that it upsets me!

 

[stealth2]

Why do you even communicate with her? That's your husband's job - not yours.

 

[CMSC]

Why do you even communicate with her? That's your husband's job - not yours.

Bingo, momma_tiger!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[vstax]

I have no choice.....

but to communicate with my daughter's step mom, my ex has her handle everything. My ex won't comunicate with me unless I force him to, and then he checks with her before he says anything. If he dares to say something with out getting her permission first, he acts like he didn't say it later.

 

[XGermanGirl]

Sometimes I don't have a choice!

I try not to talk to her but my husband is a correctional officer and he has been working different shifts. So communicating with the ex is sometimes inevidable. If she calls the house and he's not there and she had a question or wanted to know about pick-up then she would ask to talk to me.
But things are changing now! Today!
From now on if she says anything to me, I will tell her:"Sorry, it's none of my business. You will have to talk to their dad when he gets home!" She will just have to learn to wait!
I just didn't want to mess things up for my husband if she would ever take him back to court. I don't want my behaviour to count in her favor!
I am just trying to cover all the bases.

 

[Grace_Adler]

You guys should get caller id or answering machine that way you can screen your calls and when she does, just don't pick up.

 

[stealth2]

Quite frankly

There is never a need for a bio and step parent to communicate if they don't want to, or if they don't have a relationship that makes it feasible. UNLESS it is an emergency - in which case it shouldn't matter who's talking to whom.

For the Mom whose ex won't make a decision w/o stepMom's approval - that is not your problem! If he's pussy-whipped, he can deal with it.

For XGermanGal - that's the best way to handle it. Simply tell her that you will let your husband know she called, and is there a convenient time for him to return the call?

LADIES - You are allowing both the other person (be it bio or step) and the ex dictate your lives. Don't. It's that simple. Make the parents of these children responsible. You do *not* have to make the arrangements.