does she have a say?

[1_wikked_angel]

We did that for awhile. It didn't help.I don't mean to make it sound like he doesn't see his son, he does......for a few hours every 3 weeks. It's not much.....but it's all she'll allow! What I'm concerned about is what will happen when he goes to court for visitation.....his wife wants supervised visitation......from noon til 5 on saturdays. That's hardly being fair to him or his son.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

IF he doesn't file for liberal visitation then she'll probably get it.

Listen, this is not your problem anyway. You can wonder all you want but if papa doesn't have an attorney or is allowing this to happen because his work or you are more important, then that's his problem.

And NO, I'm not a woman. I'm a man who fought for his children. Something your soon-to-be hubby doesn't seem to want to do.

 

[1_wikked_angel]

He has a very good attorney....who has reassured him that he'll handle this. I still can't help but to worry. I KNOW i'm the reason why the wife is doing this.....even though i wasn't in the picture when they were together. I just feel bad for him & his son....that's all

 

[stealth2]

Just remember, while you and he may feel differently, there is no "we" in this. It's between Dad and Mom. You're pretty much extraneous.

 

[caligirl73]

What is the name of your state?undefinedWhat is the name of your state? Ohio
My boyfriends soon to be ex wife of 9 years is trying to stop him from bringing his son around me. Does she have a say in this? Him & I are planning on getting married once everything is over with. She has no reason for keeping me away from the son other then hate & hurt! Please help me!!!

Seems to me like she needs to get over it and move on. They are getting a divorce and what can she do about her son being around you?? Do you do drugs, drink or party too much?? I would think that if you are just trying to be a part of the child's life just like his mother is then she should just deal with it.
My ex has been married 2 times since he and I divorced 3 years ago and I didnt know a single thing about his 2nd wife nor do I know anything about his current wife. But, what can I do?? As long as she doesnt try to hurt my daughter or abuse drugs and alcohol, then I have to live with it. There is no jealousy on my part of his new wives, I am the one who filed for divorce to begin with. I am in a relationship now and I love my boyfriend very much. All I ask is that my ex's girlfriends, wives, etc. just be nice to my daughter and treat her appropriatley.

 

[1_wikked_angel]

Well thank you! I'm glad someone see's my side of things. No, i don't do drugs! I have 2 kids of my own & i'm very responsible! My kids are my world & I'd never do anything to hurt them..... which is why i'm having a hard time understanding the way she is handling things. My ex hubby see's them as well.....& his new girlfriend. I don't have a problem with her as long as she's good to my kids. That is really ALL that matters as far as i'm concerned!

 

[MBMom]

Well thank you! I'm glad someone see's my side of things. No, i don't do drugs! I have 2 kids of my own & i'm very responsible! My kids are my world & I'd never do anything to hurt them..... which is why i'm having a hard time understanding the way she is handling things. My ex hubby see's them as well.....& his new girlfriend. I don't have a problem with her as long as she's good to my kids. That is really ALL that matters as far as i'm concerned!

It's not that people aren't seeing your side, they're just not telling you what you want to hear. They're only saying that you have nothing to do with what can or can't be done. I understand your frustration. Sounds like she's be petty.

Besides that, if there's nothing that she can hold against you or her ex to prove to the Judge why it would be good to have supervised visitation AND the dad FIGHTS to get better visitation, she probably won't get it.

We did that for awhile. It didn't help.

You mean to say that you're telling us her reason for not letting him see his son is because she doesn't want him around you, yet you were SUPPOSEDLY not in the picture and she STILL didn't let him see his son? Either there's another reason you're not saying or you didn't really try it. Why, if you weren't in the picture, would she be dumb enough to use the excuse about you being around? You obviously WEREN'T around, correct?

 

[kidoday]

Ok I am going to devils advocate here.

We have all seen this before. One parent moves on and the other parent became jealous so they use the child/children as a pawn. Unless you are the homewrecker, a crack head, sitting on the street corner using a needle, the mother is going to have to show that you are a danger to the child.

As long as your b/f has a good attorney let him handle it. Just remember like the other posters said. Try to remain out of the situation as best as you can. There really isn't a "we" when you get to court. However, I do think it is proper to come to sites like this, get the best advice you can and relay it to your significant other or spouse. It can help in the end.

Also know that your b/f can file that whoever comes into her life he can ask that that person is not allowed to be around the child. Basically he can ask for the same thing she is requesting.

 

[1_wikked_angel]

Like I said, I wasn't in the picture when they seperated. Her problem is that he was her 1st......& she's having a hard time moving on. She has nothing on me AT ALL. I don't use drugs, & I don't party.
I know my b/f could do the same to her when she gets a new b/f.......but, he wouldn't do that to his son. His son wants so bad to come stay with us for the weekend! It's just sad if you ask me. I just wish she'd see what she's doing.

 

[cdhmayhem]

a quick note from an ex wife...although a year may seem a long time for you, it is not always enough time for someone else to heal. odds are, she is more concerned with the idea of YOU in the role of happy homemaker with her children. it is an ugly fear and in time she will get over it. you can only help by backing down at this point. You are after her cub in her mind. If it is truly not your intent to supplant her in the role of mother, and you probably don't have that intent, try letting her know this as the dust settles. Why is it so important to you to be around right now? Give it time, be the bigger person. I was that kind of ex at one time. Finally, I took the time to talk to the new gal and was honest with her about my concerns. Only when she let me know that she had no intention of trying to supplant me did I relax. On the down side, a few years down the road here, my gut feeling about her proved right. Just don't be like my ex's gal, be decent. In time you could very well end up working together to raise this child. It is'nt you with her ex that bothers her, it is you with her kid.

 

[annefan]

IMHO the poster's apparent Wicca belief might be scaring the mother too. This may not be a case of ex fearing the green-eyed monster. Maybe ex fears the possible religious conflicts that you might present to her child.

 

[caligirl73]

a quick note from an ex wife...although a year may seem a long time for you, it is not always enough time for someone else to heal. odds are, she is more concerned with the idea of YOU in the role of happy homemaker with her children. it is an ugly fear and in time she will get over it. you can only help by backing down at this point. You are after her cub in her mind. If it is truly not your intent to supplant her in the role of mother, and you probably don't have that intent, try letting her know this as the dust settles. Why is it so important to you to be around right now? Give it time, be the bigger person. I was that kind of ex at one time. Finally, I took the time to talk to the new gal and was honest with her about my concerns. Only when she let me know that she had no intention of trying to supplant me did I relax. On the down side, a few years down the road here, my gut feeling about her proved right. Just don't be like my ex's gal, be decent. In time you could very well end up working together to raise this child. It is'nt you with her ex that bothers her, it is you with her kid.

I think you have a valid point cdhmayhem, but I dont see why the "new girlfriend or fiance" should back out of the relationship with him. I am an ex wife and I personally feel bad for anyone married to my ex!! I too have the concern regarding the new wife or girlfriend that takes care of my daughter when she is at my ex's on his weekend. But, what can I do?? All I want to know is that my daughter is safe with my ex's new wife, girlfriend, whatever. Although my ex's now 3rd wife wont talk to me whatsoever, no matter how nice I am to her! Like I said though, I just feel sorry for her being married to my ex. They do seem like a perfect match though, maybe the 3rd time for my ex is a charm!
Good luck to you dear, just keep being the support he needs. Thats about all you can do at this point.

 

[stealth2]

IMHO the poster's apparent Wicca belief might be scaring the mother too. This may not be a case of ex fearing the green-eyed monster. Maybe ex fears the possible religious conflicts that you might present to her child.

Just curious, annefan - where did you get the Wiccan stuff from? I must have missed it and am too lazy to look.

 

[annefan]

User's Name: 1_wikked_angel

and User's comment:

You really shouldn't judge people you don't know. Karma has it's way

 

[stealth2]

Well...... I wouldn't necessarily take that as proof of anything. But I've been wrong before!