Does teen's desire for social life matter?

[CJane]

One trend we saw was generally high school students (sometimes included a few mature younger teens) were given much more discretion when it came to visitation and on matters such as this. It was usually when both parents were in the same community and for school extracurriculars, social events and part time jobs, etc. If it had to do with dating, forget it.

IMO, that's how it SHOULD be. If, ya know, it's about the KIDS.

I have a 15 year old. She's not allowed to drive (learner's permit) with her Dad. Won't be allowed to get a job. Isn't allowed to participate in any sports that inconvenience the stepmother (this is new, this year).

If it was REALLY about the best interests of the child to her FATHER, he would do more to promote her FUTURE.

 

[LdiJ]

IMO, that's how it SHOULD be. If, ya know, it's about the KIDS.

I have a 15 year old. She's not allowed to drive (learner's permit) with her Dad. Won't be allowed to get a job. Isn't allowed to participate in any sports that inconvenience the stepmother (this is new, this year).

If it was REALLY about the best interests of the child to her FATHER, he would do more to promote her FUTURE.

Sigh...his lovely wife is still calling the shots...so sad. 10 years from now he is going to be hurt and confused because he has no real relationship with his adult children...and he will probably never grasp that he could have made it different.

 

[CJane]

I will never understand parents of teens who cannot grasp that whole concept.

Yup. My girls love spending time here, and even though they live at their Dad's more often, refer to THIS as HOME and THERE as "Dad's House". So I'm not worried that they don't want to spend time with me.

And yet... I rarely see my 15 year old during the school year. Between band and sports and academic bowl and hanging out with friends, she's gone more than she's home. We're night owls, so even when she's not home til 9 or 10 at night, we can hang out and chat and catch up and have girl time. But she's got a LIFE when she's here, that she's not allowed to have there.

 

[neopandora]

I agree completely with both of you LDiJ and CJane! Personally, I always thought parenting was about raising caring, compassionate, responsible adults with a good work ethic. I have an almost 15 year old son and I want him to have measured freedom and activities and life experiences so he enters adulthood in the best possible way. You need those activities, experiences and lessons to prepare you for life and skills such a time management, planning, etc.

 

[mistoffolees]

I agree completely with both of you LDiJ and CJane! Personally, I always thought parenting was about raising caring, compassionate, responsible adults with a good work ethic. I have an almost 15 year old son and I want him to have measured freedom and activities and life experiences so he enters adulthood in the best possible way. You need those activities, experiences and lessons to prepare you for life and skills such a time management, planning, etc.

Yes, but legally, Mom can do whatever she wants on her time - and auntie has no right to interfere.

 

[CJane]

Yes, but legally, Mom can do whatever she wants on her time - and auntie has no right to interfere.

Auntie is not interfering by asking a question.

And neopandora provided information relating to the state in question which is relevant. Now 'interfering auntie' can go to her brother and say "Hey, it's my understanding that judges are being more understanding in these situations. It might be worth talking to an attorney."

Where's the harm in that?

 

[gam]

I completely agree. Interestingly, I am in OP's state and one of the end of the year functions I do for my attorney is print out the verdicts and outcomes of cases that closed that year to look for trends in rulings, etc. Two trends emerged strongly this year and this was one of them.

One trend we saw was generally high school students (sometimes included a few mature younger teens) were given much more discretion when it came to visitation and on matters such as this. It was usually when both parents were in the same community and for school extracurriculars, social events and part time jobs, etc. If it had to do with dating, forget it.

Also, generally the parenting plan was either changed for the high school child to have 1 overnight every other weekend and a few hours to include dinner in the off week on a weeknight, or that the teenager would still exercise every other weekend visitation but was allowed to drive to the sanctioned activities or job during the visitation and be with the NCP the other portions of the weekend.

This has been a trend with EVERY Judge in my areas, including the Judge that has previously made it known that any attorney that put anyone under the age of 18 on the stand in family court just earned a very big black mark on their side of the case.

Also, if anything is filed in Court, the parties will have to go through mediation prior to trial so here will be an additional opportunity for the parents to negotiate a visitation plan best for them and the teens.

I personally agree with this trend. In my state it is common for activities to be included in orders, usually says reasonable, if it goes before a Judge, reasonable gets defined. One activity per season and/or per semester, they do the semester part to include for older kids school activities. It's applied to even young kids.

I'm also all for mediation first when something is filed. I wish my state would do that, but they won't order mediation if one party does not agree to it.

 

[mistoffolees]

Auntie is not interfering by asking a question.

And neopandora provided information relating to the state in question which is relevant. Now 'interfering auntie' can go to her brother and say "Hey, it's my understanding that judges are being more understanding in these situations. It might be worth talking to an attorney."

Where's the harm in that?

OK. So the next time a girlfriend or stepfather or cousin or grandmother asks a question, we won't see any more "make the parent sign up" comments. Right?

 

[CJane]

OK. So the next time a girlfriend or stepfather or cousin or grandmother asks a question, we won't see any more "make the parent sign up" comments. Right?

That, Dear Misto, would deoend on the question, the phrasing, whether information can be provided based on the limited knowledge that the specific third party has.

I've never been nearly as rabid as some others about third party questions, or hypotheticals. Providing information is not a hardship.

 

[cheesecake46580]

mistoffolees I agree I feel some are way to harsh on others!