domestic situation involving newborn

[scarabear21]

What is the name of your state?North Carolina.
I am buying my own home and my boyfriend moved in with me last February to "help me with my bills", we have a child that was born 2/19/05, he is now 17 days old. I made the choice to breastfeed my son and he was having difficulty latching on but from the advice of a lactation expert and his doctor I was not feeding him by bottle in order not to cause nipple confusion. My son became fussy at feedings and his father could not handle this therefore he began yelling at me to give my son a bottle and it upset my son very much. To remedy the situation my son and I went to stay with my father so that while he was adjusting to breastfeeding his father would not upset the situation further. Upon leaving my son at the time 7 days old had flea bites from my boyfriends dog. I asked my boyfriend to have the dog outside by February 1st so my son would not get bitten by fleas and choke on the dogs hair. His father did not and so when he called me to ask me to come home I told him that when he put his dog outside we would come home. He refused and I asked him to leave. He says I have to give him 30 days to leave and I will go to jail if I have the humane society come get his dog out of my house. He has never paid one single bill in my house. Of course I can not prove this except for the fact that before my short term disability started I was 2 months behind on my house payment and my car payment something I had never been before. He also says he can take my son from me. He was told that if he wanted to see his son he could come everyday and see him, my father only lives 10 minutes from my house, but he has not come once, I have taken my son 3 times to see his father who says he can not come because his car is uninsured, the inspection is out of date, the tag expired and the brake lights don't work but he has driven this car daily to work 20+ minutes away and goes to the store for beer daily. The last time I went by my house to get more clothes for my son I found rolling papers and a smoke pipe in my home also when he knows I will not tolerate these things in my home. Last May his then 11 year old nephew accused him of giving him marijuana and I then told him I have no tolerance for drugs and will not have them in my home. He also has a history of CDV against his ex-wife. What can I do?

 

[mikeleslie87]

he is full of horse crap

has paternity been established? if not,he has no legal rights to the baby,and you call the shots regarding visitation.after paternity has been established,then file for custody and child support.as for the dog,no,you will not go to jail for taking the dog to the humane society,hes full of manure.your sons health and welfare come first.DO NOT let him take the baby out of the house untill theres a visitation order,or he may take off with the baby,and hide him from you.right now,you make the decisions about your child,dont let him bully you.please let us know how you are doing,good luck,and cingrats on your precious bundle of joy!

 

[scarabear21]

has paternity been established? if not,he has no legal rights to the baby,and you call the shots regarding visitation.after paternity has been established,then file for custody and child support.as for the dog,no,you will not go to jail for taking the dog to the humane society,hes full of manure.your sons health and welfare come first.DO NOT let him take the baby out of the house untill theres a visitation order,or he may take off with the baby,and hide him from you.right now,you make the decisions about your child,dont let him bully you.please let us know how you are doing,good luck,and cingrats on your precious bundle of joy!

Unfortunately he was there to sign the birth certificate and my son carries his last name. After he was there for me during my pregnancy I never assumed I would end up in this boat. Thank you, I never imagined how much you could love someone you've just met, I truly believe in love at first sight now. I have no desire to keep my son from his father but I owe it to my son not to raise him in hostility and frankly in filth and if his father doesn't care enough about his son, a human being, to put the dog outside then his priorities are all messed up

 

[Phnx02]

What is the name of your state?North Carolina.
I am buying my own home and my boyfriend moved in with me last February to "help me with my bills", we have a child that was born 2/19/05, he is now 17 days old. I made the choice to breastfeed my son and he was having difficulty latching on but from the advice of a lactation expert and his doctor I was not feeding him by bottle in order not to cause nipple confusion. My son became fussy at feedings and his father could not handle this therefore he began yelling at me to give my son a bottle and it upset my son very much. To remedy the situation my son and I went to stay with my father so that while he was adjusting to breastfeeding his father would not upset the situation further. Upon leaving my son at the time 7 days old had flea bites from my boyfriends dog. I asked my boyfriend to have the dog outside by February 1st so my son would not get bitten by fleas and choke on the dogs hair. His father did not and so when he called me to ask me to come home I told him that when he put his dog outside we would come home. He refused and I asked him to leave. He says I have to give him 30 days to leave and I will go to jail if I have the humane society come get his dog out of my house. He has never paid one single bill in my house. Of course I can not prove this except for the fact that before my short term disability started I was 2 months behind on my house payment and my car payment something I had never been before. He also says he can take my son from me. He was told that if he wanted to see his son he could come everyday and see him, my father only lives 10 minutes from my house, but he has not come once, I have taken my son 3 times to see his father who says he can not come because his car is uninsured, the inspection is out of date, the tag expired and the brake lights don't work but he has driven this car daily to work 20+ minutes away and goes to the store for beer daily. The last time I went by my house to get more clothes for my son I found rolling papers and a smoke pipe in my home also when he knows I will not tolerate these things in my home. Last May his then 11 year old nephew accused him of giving him marijuana and I then told him I have no tolerance for drugs and will not have them in my home. He also has a history of CDV against his ex-wife. What can I do?

If your name is the only one on the lease or note, it is your house and your B/F has no legal right to remain living there if you don't want him to. You have no legal obligation to provide him with a 30-day notice to vacate. Simply tell him to leave. If he doesn't, call the police and they will make him leave. If his name is on the lease/note, he has the right to stay. If it's a rental unit, only the owner or managment company can make him leave by evicting him. And yes, this is a process. They can order him to vacate the premises within 30 days, but if he doesn't, he can then only be literally forced out once the owner/managment gets a court order to do so. Sometimes this takes another 30-60 days. If you two own the unit jointly, then only a court order can make him vacate. But then, you run into such issues as you being told to vacate instead, or selling the place and dividing equally. The latter can be more problematic.

Of course you can't be thrown in jail for calling the humane society on the dog. But if someone should call CPS on the baby's flea bites, then you have more serious problems.

 

[nextwife]

Umm. How about someone treating the dog, and "bombing" the apartment to get RID of the fleas? If you don't deal with the infestation (and getting rid of the dog, alone, is NOT likely to do it) the problem will continue. I've been a dog owner over twenty years and NEVER had a dog walking around with fleas. Treat the dog, treat the environment. Viola! No flea problem.

Both babies and dogs need the adults in the environment to assume responsibility for their welfare. Now that there are fleas, yopu need to treat the source, both on the dog AND, now, in the apartment.

 

[stealth2]

Ditto what nw said. I have two dogs in the house and we don't have fleas. I use one of those topical liquids for fleas/ticks (I think Frontline, but I'd have to look if it's that or Advantage).

 

[rmet4nzkx]

I don't know where to start, Nextwife is correct, it's not the dog it's the flea eggs taking the dog outside is not the problem. If you have sand fleas it may not be the dog at all! Not everyone gets bitten by fleas either.

Let's see, you take this man into your house to help you out with your bills and instead, he doesn't do that and you get pregnant instead? Love/lust at first sight, you were just trying to use and abuse him, now he's a father.

Please don't blame the father for your problems with breastfeeding, find out the reason your child is not latching on, were they premature? Have they been screened for CP?

Why didn't you ask your father for help last year?

You know he has a history of DV with his ex and expect him to be different?

Yes you have to give him legal notice to move.

No you can't call the humane society to come and pick up the dog.

No he can't have you put in jail for calling the humane society, however if you take his dog in and surrender his dog without his permission, he can take legal action against you.

Something else is going on.

 

[nextwife]

I want to add that knowing the dog has a potentially life threatening condition (yes, fleas can ultimately cause a dog to perish) and failing to act, or at least failing to act until you had a baby to care for, is selfish and uncaring. You, too, were in the home with this dog and neither of you, even now, with the full knowledge this dog may be suffering, has yet acted to relieve it's suffering and get it appropriate care. Neither of you, even though the dog was living with you both, have lifted a finger to HELP this dog. Fleas are very treatable. We don't go hauling our canine family members away the minute they need a little simple medical care! What did YOU do to help eleviate the dog's flea problem? Did you make an appointment at the vets? Buy treatment? Sorry, I have no pateince with people who have dogs around but won't lift a finger to treat them when they need it. They CAN"T get help themselves- that is what YOU AND HE are supposed to do. Baby or no baby.

 

[stealth2]

Wait - and how would a 17day old child "choke" on dog hair? Even a crawler or toddler? If there's that much fur around, it points to some housekeeping issues - which would not be the dog's problem. Whassup with that?

 

[nextwife]

I aree. MIssed that statement! Whats up with that?

My friend had a border colllie mix when they had their baby - plenty of dog hair, and I never saw "seizable" wads of fur in the environment. I agree- a dog fur choking risk is not due to the dog, it's due to those who are failing to vaccuum often enough!

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Something else going on here, maybe OP should move this quesiton to the
Consumer Contracts, Guarantees and Warranties or Lemon Law forums since she didn't get what she bargined for

 

[scarabear21]

It is my boyfriend who has taken no action to rid the dog of his fleas. I took the dog and had him dipped 3 months ago and bombed my house twice. The fleas have however come back and I do not want my child in danger so I removed my child from MY home. His father owns nothing there, he has paid for nothing, but he refuses to leave. The dog is a 9 year old English Bulldog and his hair sheds profusely even cleaning after him daily would not remedy the problem, which is impossible caring for a newborn and I am not blaming the father for my sons latching problem I said his yelling about my sons fussiness upset my son who was at the time a week old. My son only spent 4 days in my house, as soon as I discovered fleas we left, I would never put my child in danger. I own a dog and a cat as well and they stay outside and neither of them has ever had a flea. But I spent much of my pregnancy trying to rid this dog of fleas with the use of chemicals I should not have been breathing in because the father of my child and the owner of the dog did not care enough for me, his then unborn son or the dog to do anything about it

 

[stealth2]

I own a dog and a cat as well and they stay outside

This pretty well tells me everything I needed to know. Evict the boyfriend (ending the issue with his dog), bomb the house, and give away your cat & dog to homes which will treat them as parts of the family. Problem solved.

 

[casa]

It is my boyfriend who has taken no action to rid the dog of his fleas. I took the dog and had him dipped 3 months ago and bombed my house twice. The fleas have however come back and I do not want my child in danger so I removed my child from MY home. His father owns nothing there, he has paid for nothing, but he refuses to leave. The dog is a 9 year old English Bulldog and his hair sheds profusely even cleaning after him daily would not remedy the problem, which is impossible caring for a newborn and I am not blaming the father for my sons latching problem I said his yelling about my sons fussiness upset my son who was at the time a week old. My son only spent 4 days in my house, as soon as I discovered fleas we left, I would never put my child in danger. I own a dog and a cat as well and they stay outside and neither of them has ever had a flea. But I spent much of my pregnancy trying to rid this dog of fleas with the use of chemicals I should not have been breathing in because the father of my child and the owner of the dog did not care enough for me, his then unborn son or the dog to do anything about it

The oil treatments are better than dipping- no chemical to breathe in. The dog must be treated every month though, or of course the fleas come back.

If you own the house- go home and call the police to have him removed. Show the title is in your name. Then bomb the house again, vacuum and wash everything.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

You have to treat the dog after the flea dip with something like Advantage or Frontier, in addition to bombing the house and using products that prevent the eggs to live, you have to treat outside all around the house and any place where the dogs bed down. You should have used one of the flea products like Advantage before before you had a problem.

An English bulldog should not shed enough to cause enough balls of fur to choke a child, it sounds like you had a housekeeping problem. It sounds like he was cheaper and more fun than a sperm doner.