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Domestic Violence & Custody

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What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Pennsylvania

Hello.

I have done a lot of digging around since my last post. I've been reading info on custody, co-parenting, etc. I have also spent some time looking at criminal backgrounds of my ex & my son's paternal grandma.

I think I have made the right decision to not allow grandma to have alone time with my son. She has an extensive criminal background, from unlawful restraint, possession of controlled substances with intent to deliver/manufacture, many DUI's, prostitution, etc. She's a peach. The most recent infraction was in 2006. She's 60 years old. She has a substantial alcohol problem. There have been several incidents that I was present for that included her calling my ex "to say goodbye", and we would go to her apartment to find her laying on the floor, in her underwear, or naked, unconscious & extremely drunk, with her house torn apart & pills scattered around. It's crazy.

Is it possible to limit or exclude her from having alone time with my 2 year old based on that kind of stuff?

I have also spoken to my ex's ex-wife. He did the same things to her (filed false PFA's, filed for custody of their children using Forma Pauperis). She agreed to testify on my behalf during the custody hearing. He has called children services on her 7 times in the past 7 years, saying things like she hits the kids with bats, but knows not to leave marks, she is on drugs, etc. He had a CYS case opened in 2007 that I wasn't aware of until quite some time later. He choked his son, & beat his other 2 children with a belt. They were ages 13, 10, & 9 at the time. She told me how he beat her on a weekly basis after being out drinking. Most of this is documented in the single PFA she filed against him. He choked her so badly she couldn't speak, and punched her in the face until her eyes were swollen shut.

He did physically abuse me, but not to that extent. He pushed me down the stairs, breaking 2 of my ribs. I have the hospital report, however, I didn't tell the Dr. I was pushed, I told him I fell. His middle son, 12 at the time, witnessed it, however. That same day he hit me in the face, cutting my lip open & causing swelling. I have pictures.
There were also some other minor incidents. While picking my son up from his father's house, my phone rang, & I didn't answer it. I could tell he was going to do something, & I started to move farther away from him. He tackled me & smacked my head against a radiator until I gave him the phone. My son, 1.5 years at the time, saw the whole thing.
I know all of this sounds pretty crazy, but I never called the police. So does it even mean anything that he did this stuff? I mean, I could make any old thing up. Will it help that his ex-wife is going to testify to his physical and emotional abuse, and she has actual evidence to back it up? He threw her out on the front porch naked, and the neighbors called the police. She never went back after that. She also has the PFA, which was adjudicated (sp).

I will never let him touch me again. His ex-wife went through so much more than I did. She told me horrible, horrible stories. And he told me a slightly different version of events that didn't involve him beating her, so I believe her. She told me that she would do anything she can to help me, that he's just plain crazy.

What do you think will happen? Is he going to get any sort of custody? Is it possible that he might NOT get visitation?

The judge assigned to my case is the same judge that had their custody case. He gave my ex 50/50 physical & legal custodyin their case. They switched every week. And the violence was apparent at that time, she had filed a PFA about a year before the custody petition was filed. Is it possible that the violence wasn't brought up in their custody case?

I know I have a lot of questions. You guys have been extremely helpful to me, and it really helps me sleep at night. Thanks in advance.
 


Proserpina

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Pennsylvania

Hello.

I have done a lot of digging around since my last post. I've been reading info on custody, co-parenting, etc. I have also spent some time looking at criminal backgrounds of my ex & my son's paternal grandma.

I think I have made the right decision to not allow grandma to have alone time with my son. She has an extensive criminal background, from unlawful restraint, possession of controlled substances with intent to deliver/manufacture, many DUI's, prostitution, etc. She's a peach. The most recent infraction was in 2006. She's 60 years old.


Frankly what happened before your son was born isn't likely to matter much, if at all.


She has a substantial alcohol problem. There have been several incidents that I was present for that included her calling my ex "to say goodbye", and we would go to her apartment to find her laying on the floor, in her underwear, or naked, unconscious & extremely drunk, with her house torn apart & pills scattered around. It's crazy.

Is it possible to limit or exclude her from having alone time with my 2 year old based on that kind of stuff?

Only if she is actually a danger to your child.

I have also spoken to my ex's ex-wife. He did the same things to her (filed false PFA's, filed for custody of their children using Forma Pauperis).


I don't think that means what you think it means? :confused:


She agreed to testify on my behalf during the custody hearing. He has called children services on her 7 times in the past 7 years, saying things like she hits the kids with bats, but knows not to leave marks, she is on drugs, etc. He had a CYS case opened in 2007 that I wasn't aware of until quite some time later. He choked his son, & beat his other 2 children with a belt. They were ages 13, 10, & 9 at the time. She told me how he beat her on a weekly basis after being out drinking. Most of this is documented in the single PFA she filed against him. He choked her so badly she couldn't speak, and punched her in the face until her eyes were swollen shut.


What PROOF is there that he actually harmed the children?

What did CYS decide?

It matters. A single allegation resulting in a PFA doesn't prove much, when it comes down to it.

He did physically abuse me, but not to that extent. He pushed me down the stairs, breaking 2 of my ribs. I have the hospital report, however, I didn't tell the Dr. I was pushed, I told him I fell. His middle son, 12 at the time, witnessed it, however. That same day he hit me in the face, cutting my lip open & causing swelling. I have pictures.

No proof of abuse. You have proof of injury, but not of what or who caused the injury.


There were also some other minor incidents. While picking my son up from his father's house, my phone rang, & I didn't answer it. I could tell he was going to do something, & I started to move farther away from him. He tackled me & smacked my head against a radiator until I gave him the phone. My son, 1.5 years at the time, saw the whole thing.
I know all of this sounds pretty crazy, but I never called the police. So does it even mean anything that he did this stuff?


Honestly?

It didn't happen, legally.

I mean, I could make any old thing up.


Exactly.


Will it help that his ex-wife is going to testify to his physical and emotional abuse, and she has actual evidence to back it up? He threw her out on the front porch naked, and the neighbors called the police. She never went back after that. She also has the PFA, which was adjudicated (sp).


But what was he CONVICTED of? I'll give you an example...

My #1 daughter currently has an RO against #2 (her sister). Nothing physical happened between them. But, the RO was granted.

No conviction occurred.


I will never let him touch me again. His ex-wife went through so much more than I did. She told me horrible, horrible stories. And he told me a slightly different version of events that didn't involve him beating her, so I believe her. She told me that she would do anything she can to help me, that he's just plain crazy.

What do you think will happen? Is he going to get any sort of custody? Is it possible that he might NOT get visitation?


He'll get some sort of visitation. It might be supervised, but it's HIGHLY unlikely that he won't get ANY.

The judge assigned to my case is the same judge that had their custody case. He gave my ex 50/50 physical & legal custodyin their case. They switched every week. And the violence was apparent at that time, she had filed a PFA about a year before the custody petition was filed. Is it possible that the violence wasn't brought up in their custody case?

I know I have a lot of questions. You guys have been extremely helpful to me, and it really helps me sleep at night. Thanks in advance.


I have a feeling I need to read your prior posts :)
 
I don't know the answers to some of the questions you brought up. The reason I brought up the petition to proceed in forma pauperis is because he has a history of abusing the system. He was receiving food stamps for my son, even though my son has always lived with me. His ex-wife told me was doing the same thing with LiHeap, which is some sort of low income utility program. He was claiming all the children lived with him & receiving benefits based on that. He has been using student loans to buy all sorts of toys for himself, including a 55" LED 3D LG TV. He just got $5000 in student loans at the beginning of October, but he isn't willing to spend that money to cover the $200 custody filing fee. Clearly he isn't too worried about his son's well being. The only great thing about him being approved for the forma pauperis thing is that he has to represent himself, and I have a lawyer.

As far as him being convicted with something, I'm unsure. I know that the CYS investigation resulted in him losing visitation with his children, and he was required to have supervised visitation at a government supervised facility for about 1 year after that. During that time he had to take a 6 month anger management course, which he failed, and had to retake. After that, he was able to see the children again, however he now only has them every other weekend.

I contacted the agency where he took the anger management classes at, and they referred me to CYS. I left a message with them, and they didn't call me back. I'm not holding my breath.

I am almost hoping that he calls CYS on me, which my lawyer told me to anticipate. I have a nice suburban home in a great neighborhood, I take meticulous care of my kids. Sometimes I worry that I'm a helicoptor parent. My house isn't always spotless, but I can't see CYS having a problem with anything I do. My son is in EI, his therapists are great, I have a great repoire with them, my son is making great progress. My ex HATES the EI people, he won't have them come to his house, and actually told me he wants to punch the teacher therapist in the face. He's in denial about my son's delays. The teacher therapist told me that if CYS becomes involved, the therapy is mandatory (I had to call them to cancel our appts with them when he filed the PFA because I didn't have my son & I didn't know where he was going to be). I have never spoken a negative word to the therapists about my ex, but they're not stupid, I am certain they can see which parent is invested & which isn't, they have each been to 2 visits to his house before he started refusing to have them. If CYS becomes involved, I feel like it would be BETTER.

What is the purpose of psych evals during custody? Can the court require that a parent go to counseling or therapy? I mean, that's what they do in DUI cases, why not parenting?
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
I don't know the answers to some of the questions you brought up. The reason I brought up the petition to proceed in forma pauperis is because he has a history of abusing the system.

In forma pauperis simply means "the petitioner is broke" (very simply). It is no indication of whether the petition has merit.


He was receiving food stamps for my son, even though my son has always lived with me. His ex-wife told me was doing the same thing with LiHeap, which is some sort of low income utility program. He was claiming all the children lived with him & receiving benefits based on that. He has been using student loans to buy all sorts of toys for himself, including a 55" LED 3D LG TV. He just got $5000 in student loans at the beginning of October, but he isn't willing to spend that money to cover the $200 custody filing fee. Clearly he isn't too worried about his son's well being. The only great thing about him being approved for the forma pauperis thing is that he has to represent himself, and I have a lawyer.

As far as him being convicted with something, I'm unsure. I know that the CYS investigation resulted in him losing visitation with his children, and he was required to have supervised visitation at a government supervised facility for about 1 year after that. During that time he had to take a 6 month anger management course, which he failed, and had to retake. After that, he was able to see the children again, however he now only has them every other weekend.

I contacted the agency where he took the anger management classes at, and they referred me to CYS. I left a message with them, and they didn't call me back. I'm not holding my breath.

I am almost hoping that he calls CYS on me, which my lawyer told me to anticipate. I have a nice suburban home in a great neighborhood, I take meticulous care of my kids. Sometimes I worry that I'm a helicoptor parent. My house isn't always spotless, but I can't see CYS having a problem with anything I do. My son is in EI, his therapists are great, I have a great repoire with them, my son is making great progress. My ex HATES the EI people, he won't have them come to his house, and actually told me he wants to punch the teacher therapist in the face. He's in denial about my son's delays. The teacher therapist told me that if CYS becomes involved, the therapy is mandatory (I had to call them to cancel our appts with them when he filed the PFA because I didn't have my son & I didn't know where he was going to be). I have never spoken a negative word to the therapists about my ex, but they're not stupid, I am certain they can see which parent is invested & which isn't, they have each been to 2 visits to his house before he started refusing to have them. If CYS becomes involved, I feel like it would be BETTER.

What is the purpose of psych evals during custody? Can the court require that a parent go to counseling or therapy? I mean, that's what they do in DUI cases, why not parenting?


You have a lawyer.

You need to be talking to your lawyer.
 
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