Dear Soul,
Please, please, please tell your friend to quit drinking and driving. Take this advice from a mother of a drunk driver, my son, who was involved in an auto accident and spent 10 months in prison for vehicular assault. Not county jail mind you, but state prison, here in Washington State. He is darn lucky no one died and he knows it. Not only did my son commit this crime, but back in 1981 my little sister who was 16 years old, was killed by a drunk driver. My son was three at the time and he remembers her. He has treasured all the pictures of him with her over the years. Imagine my son if you can, laying in the emergency room at the hospital, having to look this mother right in the eye, knowing I had already lost a sister, himself an aunt, to a drunk driver, and now he himself is that drunk driver. I will never forget that moment. That look on his face in the hospital said it all to this mother. I never remained angry over my sisters death nor was I angry with my son. I was so darn thankful my son was alive, and his other victims. I sit on both sides of this issue and in my opinion, the only way to stop the drinking and driving is to get to the auto manufacturers and have them develop in every new car, a device that will disable that car from starting if it detects any drugs or alcohol. That is where MADD's agenda should be instead of where it really is today - for them - it is all about the money they can collect from every State in fines collected for DUI's. Pretty sad organization to say the least. The longer they can keep victims angry, the better they like it.
And you know what their agenda is? Give me a break! How can you put down mothers, who have dead children, who have organized themselves in the collective thought of keeping drunks off the roads, to not kill more kids?
People like your friend, the repeat offenders, are the scariest. They don't learn from the 1st DUI, the second DUI and so on. Having went through the ordeal with my son, I spent alot of time talking with repeat offenders, and the fact is, most just don't care. They don't pay their fines, obtain drivers licenses, obtain SR 22 insurance, but they still drive and drive drunk. I am not saying your friend doesn't care, but what in the world was he doing for the second time he got caught, driving drunk, with his pregnant wife in the car? Did you look him right in the eye and ask him? I would of.
I also wanted to let you know, that here in Washington State, I found it so much easier to deal with the DOC (Department of corrections) after my son went to prison, than any attorney, prosecutor, police department etc. before he went. The attorney we hired was a complete joke, and a waste of our money. After my son's sentencing, I started with the Governor of our state and proceeded down the food chain in our government, and then the DOC, until we got the results for our son we wanted. Yep! You defended your drunk son.
Once under the jurisdiction of the Correction system, those plea agreements mean nothing. Those sentences handed down by the grim reaper called justice, mean nothing. The DOC does exactly what it wants to. They are their own entity. Phone calles, e-mails, letters, you name it, I did it for my son. Our friends who know my son helped in that effort. His friends, boss etc pitched right in also. Not all drunk drivers are bad people. They can be hard working, honest people who made a bad choice. Since the driving of a drunk is impaired, it only makes sense that their decision making processes are also impaired. Everyone makes mistakes and no is above reproach. Me included. I am 49 years old and believe me, in my younger days, I was out there with the best of you, partying it up, and driving drunk. All the while thinking I was okay to drive. Yeah right. I was lucky nothing happened to myself nor did I hurt anyone else or maybe even kill someone. Everyone I know of in my 49 years, has drove drunk at one time or another. Most just won't admit it now because of the stigma now associated with drunk driving.
It didn't make one bit of difference to the court system by the way, what circumstances were surrounding my son. It won't in your friends case either. It doesn't matter if a baby is on the way or not, it doesn't matter that a person is going to lose their job, their house, their car, their friends, their family, etc. None of that is going to be taken into consideration in the court room nor by the judge at sentencing. Nor should it be!
Your friend is on a dangerous ride if he doesn't begin to admit his use of alcohol is out of control. It took awhile for my son to admit it too, but when he did, he immediately put himself into treatment before he was even charged for his crime. He voluntarily went through a second treatment program while he was in work release. Not because he had re-offended, but because he thought he would have something to teach other people and he was right. It taught him alot about himself and so did doing time in prison. I thought we would never make it through it. It was a nightmare in the beginning but we stuck together as a family and came through it okay. Alot of good things came out of my son's accident, his prison time etc. Gee, I wonder what came out of the accident for the innocent. You, You, You lady, it is all about YOU.
Sure, I wish it never would have happened, but then again, my son took responsibility from the beginning, did his time and used every available resource at his disposal while in prison to better himself. He never once whined or whimpered about being there. He did the crime, and he did his time. We are extemely proud of him and no one can ever take that away from us. You are proud that he did time in Prison? Ok then lady, you keep that proud train trucken on.
More importantly, he is proud of himself. He came out, not an angry young man, Why would he be angry anyway?
but a young man filled with hope, dreams and a renewed sense of himself and his self worth. He is stronger, more confident and at ease. He learned more about himself than he ever would have, had the accident not have happened. He has put his life all back together and is now expecting his first child. This grandma can't wait!!!! My first grandchild!!!!!!! Our lives have gone on.
I share my story with you so you understand that even if your friend gets prison time, he can and will make it through it if he wants to. It will be up to him. Yes, it will be hard, but there is life after prison. Even with my son's felony record now, his life has gone on. It has not hindered him in any way because he doesn't let it. He doesn't run or hide from the fact of his felony record, he embraces it as a learning tool for himself and for others. Your friend needs to confront himself on his drinking issues. if he does not, he will become one of those repeat offenders. Take care and good luck to you and your friend.
La La La
