Emergency hearing to modify visitation/contact (California)

[Ohiogal]

Okay, but why would they have not brought this up to me weeks ago when I booked her flight? Her mother has known it would be her alone the entire time, why would they bring it up 12hrs before her flight?

Don't know. Maybe because it took her lawyer that long to get back to her or file something? I bet that has something to do with this. I can see mom's lawyer making an argument that no responsible parent would allow a kindergartener to fly alone without a family member with the child. Maybe the child just expressed to mom she is afraid. There could be lots of reasons. You also could have said something recently on Skype that upset the child -- maybe about who was going to be on visits or who was picking her up at the airport or a dozen other reasons.

 

[WAMike]

I think I edited my post as you were replying, but my daughter had expressed some concern, but the mother told me she was talking to her about how it would be okay. Also our only skype conversations were about how she was excited to see me and how she was packing and the new barbie doll she got. I didn't think anything of the flight seeing as how the airlines allow it and have stewardesses looking over the children during the flight, and the parents stay with the child until they board the plane and don't leave until take-off.

Also in regards to the edit, that would be grounds to take away all visitation and skype contact? Without even discussing with me any issues about the solo flight?

And I do want to thank everyone for the advice and guidance. This has just devastated my entire family as ever since the summer we have been looking forward to having her home for christmas and this was so sudden. I was in the middle of making a breakfast that we could take on the road to pick her up when I got the voicemails.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

They generally time these things to destroy the ability of the parent to receive their visitation on purpose IMO.

 

[CJane]

Your child is almost 6 and doesn't know the difference between you and her Mom's boyfriend - to the point that she calls you by his name repeatedly? Your daughter also cannot adequately express her concerns about flying, or whatever to you, and instead focuses on her "new Barbie Doll"?

Doesn't that seem a little ... developmentally inappropriate? I HAVE a 7 year old boy, and am the soon to be step-mom of a 7 year old girl and just-turned 6 year old girl. All of those children (and my much older children, when they were 5/6/7) would have been VERY capable of articulating concerns, and having "real" conversations with their other parent via phone or Skype.

If this is indicative of the child's emotional / developmental maturity, I think it's VERY LIKELY that Mom will be granted her motion for the child not to fly alone, and POSSIBLY for there to also be a restriction on the virtual visitation.

 

[WAMike]

Your child is almost 6 and doesn't know the difference between you and her Mom's boyfriend - to the point that she calls you by his name repeatedly? Your daughter also cannot adequately express her concerns about flying, or whatever to you, and instead focuses on her "new Barbie Doll"?

Doesn't that seem a little ... developmentally inappropriate? I HAVE a 7 year old boy, and am the soon to be step-mom of a 7 year old girl and just-turned 6 year old girl. All of those children (and my much older children, when they were 5/6/7) would have been VERY capable of articulating concerns, and having "real" conversations with their other parent via phone or Skype.

If this is indicative of the child's emotional / developmental maturity, I think it's VERY LIKELY that Mom will be granted her motion for the child not to fly alone, and POSSIBLY for there to also be a restriction on the virtual visitation.

I think you took what I said out of context a little bit. My points were that she has never expressed to me any concerns of herself over flying and that we don't discuss her mother or the divorce at all but talk about many other things. Developmentally she is actually ahead of her class according to what I see on the report card I have.

 

[CJane]

I think you took what I said out of context a little bit. My points were that she has never expressed to me any concerns of herself over flying and that we don't discuss her mother or the divorce at all but talk about many other things. Developmentally she is actually ahead of her class according to what I see on the report card I have.

Then why doesn't she know the difference between Daddy XXXX and Daddy YYYY?

My point is, harping on that to your ex is silly - and while the Ex shouldn't have encouraged quite that naming system, it's not going to reflect well on you to be all "My daughter doesn't even know who I AM!" Yanno?

 

[WAMike]

Then why doesn't she know the difference between Daddy XXXX and Daddy YYYY?

My point is, harping on that to your ex is silly - and while the Ex shouldn't have encouraged quite that naming system, it's not going to reflect well on you to be all "My daughter doesn't even know who I AM!" Yanno?

That is the exact point that I have been trying to discuss with my ex? It happens at least once a week when she gets in a hurry and then after she realizes what she said, she gets horribly upset at herself. I just asked her why once and she said "she gets confused in her head" and then we went on talking like normal. I didn't harp on it to her and just said it's okay, people make mistakes.

But this exact point is why I have been wanting to talk to my ex about why my daughter would get confused about that.

 

[CJane]

That is the exact point that I have been trying to discuss with my ex? It happens at least once a week when she gets in a hurry and then after she realizes what she said, she gets horribly upset at herself. I just asked her why once and she said "she gets confused in her head" and then we went on talking like normal. I didn't harp on it to her and just said it's okay, people make mistakes.

But this exact point is why I have been wanting to talk to my ex about why my daughter would get confused about that.

I dunno. My kids sometimes called me by their step-Mom's name. They sometimes call me DAD, when I am clearly not. I sometimes call Wild Unruly and Unruly Wild. I called my Ex by the Dog's name once or twice.

The difference between those times and what you're describing is that we all acted with grace (some, more than others - the ex REALLY didn't like being called Weasel, no matter how appropriate it might seem now) and you're freaking out about it.

It's not WORTH having a conversation with your ex about.

 

[WAMike]

I dunno. My kids sometimes called me by their step-Mom's name. They sometimes call me DAD, when I am clearly not. I sometimes call Wild Unruly and Unruly Wild. I called my Ex by the Dog's name once or twice.

The difference between those times and what you're describing is that we all acted with grace (some, more than others - the ex REALLY didn't like being called Weasel, no matter how appropriate it might seem now) and you're freaking out about it.

It's not WORTH having a conversation with your ex about.

While I appreciate your opinion on what is and isn't worth having a conversation with my ex about, I am failing to see how any of that would relate to a surprise hearing to take away all skype communication and visitation which is why I started this in the first place.

 

[TheGeekess]

I dunno. My kids sometimes called me by their step-Mom's name. They sometimes call me DAD, when I am clearly not. I sometimes call Wild Unruly and Unruly Wild. I called my Ex by the Dog's name once or twice.

The difference between those times and what you're describing is that we all acted with grace (some, more than others - the ex REALLY didn't like being called Weasel, no matter how appropriate it might seem now) and you're freaking out about it.

It's not WORTH having a conversation with your ex about.

I can't count the times my father has gone through my brothers' names until he hit the right one for the brother he was talking with.

He's also prone to call me by my mother's name, his sisters' names, my daughter's name....

 

[CJane]

While I appreciate your opinion on what is and isn't worth having a conversation with my ex about, I am failing to see how any of that would relate to a surprise hearing to take away all skype communication and visitation which is why I started this in the first place.

I can pretty much guarantee you that there will be allegations that you "freak out" over things your daughter says on Skype, and insist on Mom "fixing" these things that are really NO BIG DEAL, and this is causing undue stress in the primary household for the child. That the child is scared to fly alone, that you're unreasonable regarding this and insist on discussing the flight every time you Skype with her, that she doesn't enjoy Skyping because she has to be really careful about what she says so she doesn't hurt Daddy's feelings, etc.

And you won't be there to defend the accusations, so they'll be assumed to be true.

But, carry on. You obviously didn't come here for advice, if that advice is uncomfortable for you to hear.

 

[stealth2]

CJane makes good points. You may not see the potential arguments, but those of who have btdt can and do. Honestly? As soon as that lawyer would have called me? I'd have been on the phone with my parents - yes at 50! - figuring out how to cover my getting down there, paying for a lawyer to represent me. Something. And yes - I have been subject to an emergency hearing against me. Except *I* didn't find out until AFTER the hearing that temporarily stripped me of custody (on a Friday). Luckily, I had a lawyer who was able to get the judge to agree to an in-chambers hearing the next Monday (Yes, I lost my weekend). And that judge had plenty to be pissed off about.

You NEED to be there OR have an attorney to represent you. That should have been your focus instead of wringing your hands here... Sorry.

 

[single317dad]

It's really not going to matter what the allegations are, if you can't accomplish one of the following:

- Appear for the hearing (if that's even an option; CA has an interesting definition of ex parte, but it literally means "by one party". This assumes it's even an ex parte hearing, which isn't completely clear yet.)
- Get the hearing postponed, which does you no good re: the holiday visit, but would allow you to prepare.
- Hire representation, who could then accomplish one of the above in your stead.

All the back and forth in the world won't help you at all otherwise.

If you can't appear, and can't get an attorney, then you cross your fingers and hope the judge laughs the petition out of the courtroom. At which time Mom will still be in violation of the court order. At which time you should pursue your visitation rights. Which will require an attorney if you can't handle it yourself. See where this is going?

 

[CJane]

At which time Mom will still be in violation of the court order. At which time you should pursue your visitation rights. Which will require an attorney if you can't handle it yourself. See where this is going?

Actually, with what OP quoted - Mom is only in violation once the child has missed Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, AND a full 10 days "over the Christmas holiday". That won't happen until December 26. Plenty of time for changed flights.

 

[single317dad]

Actually, with what OP quoted - Mom is only in violation once the child has missed Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, AND a full 10 days "over the Christmas holiday". That won't happen until December 26. Plenty of time for changed flights.

Fair enough, but depending when she returns to school, time is a-ticking, and flights won't be getting any easier to find or cheaper. It's pretty clear Mom has no intention of sending the child, and has probably been hatching this plan in some form since day one.

The basic gist of my point was that whatever conflict Mom decides to generate form here on out is going to land in CA court, and OP will need to devise a plan for dealing with CA court.