emotional abuse from my EX's girlfriend!

[Janinegabee]

What is the name of your state?Ohio
My daughter is 10 years old and hates going to her dad's house because of his girlfriend. This "woman" makes comments to my daughter about me, doesn't give my daughter messages when I call her, and is just plain rude to my daughter. On the weekends when she has to go to her dad's, she cries and gets stomach aches because she's so upset to go there. I hate having her go through that...is there anything I can do? This is making my daughter an emotional wreck and I don't want my 10 year old having a nervous breakdown! HELP!

 

[J&A]

Wow and I have the complete opposite problem, my ex complains that my fiancé is "too nice" to my kids????!!!! She shouldn't read to my children because that is the real moms job! Can you believe that?

Anyway, I would think that you can document this, is she being verbally abusive to her? Such as insults and cussing? Have you tried approaching the Father and does he know what is going on and still allowing it to happen?

 

[stealth2]

Your best bet is to talk to Dad. But if there's an order for visitation - she goes.

 

[Janinegabee]

The girlfriend tells my daughter things like,"Did you brush your hair today, because it doesn't look like it", and then she has said," where did you get that shirt"? and my daughter says, "my mom bought it for me" and then the girlfriend rolls her eyes and laughs. I'm afraid that she is going to give my daughter a complex or make her self consious about her looks and her clothes and whatnot. I have talked to my EX and he says that what happens in their house is handled. But then he tells my daughter that the girlfriend will TRY to be nicer to her.....she's a 10 year old and why should she have to TRY to be nice? It makes me uncomfortable having my daughter over there....she always sounds so sad on the phone...which by the way, I had to get my daughter her own cell phone because the girlfriend doesn't allow my daughter to call me.

 

[casa]

The girlfriend tells my daughter things like,"Did you brush your hair today, because it doesn't look like it", and then she has said," where did you get that shirt"? and my daughter says, "my mom bought it for me" and then the girlfriend rolls her eyes and laughs. I'm afraid that she is going to give my daughter a complex or make her self consious about her looks and her clothes and whatnot. I have talked to my EX and he says that what happens in their house is handled. But then he tells my daughter that the girlfriend will TRY to be nicer to her.....she's a 10 year old and why should she have to TRY to be nice? It makes me uncomfortable having my daughter over there....she always sounds so sad on the phone...which by the way, I had to get my daughter her own cell phone because the girlfriend doesn't allow my daughter to call me.

Get your daughter in counseling- That age is a difficult stage as it is re; self-esteem for young girls. A counselor will help her work on any esteem issues- and also it will be documented what effect it's having on your child. If/when you need to take the issue to court in the future, you'll have a professionals opinion on whether or not visiting father with the g/f around is causing emotional distress for your daughter.

 

[stealth2]

Well hell - I tell my own 10yo that it doesn't look like she brushed her hair when it doesn't! In fact, I tell her that it looks like she's been crawling through some shrubs and she simply has got to do it again. Yes, long hair can be tough and if it's not done from the bottom - it looks like it hasn't been done. I'll tell them both (the other is 13) that they need to brush their teeth *again* if it doesn't look like it's been done properly. That's not abuse.

G/f's taste in clothes may not be the same as your taste in clothes - she doesn't have to like what you choose. Or vice-versa. Granted, she should keep comments to a minimum, but again - this is not abuse.

And it's entirely possible that your 10yo is embellishing. They do have a way of doing that at times.

 

[pissedoffmom]

Sorry but I WISH that was all some of us had to worry about. Seems like your daughter does not like this woman and is nit picking at EVERYTHING she does. I understand i ONLY know what has been wrote on the short thread but come on now.. She rolled her eyes at your daughter?? lol. I Guess I abuse my kids DAILY!

 

[LdiJ]

Get your daughter in counseling- That age is a difficult stage as it is re; self-esteem for young girls. A counselor will help her work on any esteem issues- and also it will be documented what effect it's having on your child. If/when you need to take the issue to court in the future, you'll have a professionals opinion on whether or not visiting father with the g/f around is causing emotional distress for your daughter.

I wholeheartedly agree with this answer. If nothing else it will help give your daughter "coping mechanisms" to deal with whatever stepmom may be dishing out. If stepmom isn't really being difficult but your daughter is either hypersensitive or embellishing, the counselor can help get to the bottom of that too and help your daughter "deal".

 

[dionysus37]

Get your daughter to a counselor, even her school counselor would be a start. Tell them your concerns and have them document thier findings for about 3 weeks and if the abuse is bad enough the counselor will be ordered to provide any and all documentation of abuse to the judge on the case. That, plus the documentation of all the things that happen to your daughter when she's there and what she tells you when she reurns from a visit. I cannot stress enough...tape record everything.

 

[nagol818]

Step mothers and stepfathers really need to tread carefully when it comes to step children in their lives. They should try to be more of the child's friend and let the parent be the parent(the discipliner) because the child will feel more confortable. There are tactful ways for that stepmother to get her point across without being snide.

Maybe the stepmom feels threated by the daughter and that's why the comments are coming the way they are.

 

[Silverplum]

Get your daughter to a counselor, even her school counselor would be a start. Tell them your concerns and have them document thier findings for about 3 weeks and if the abuse is bad enough the counselor will be ordered to provide any and all documentation of abuse to the judge on the case. That, plus the documentation of all the things that happen to your daughter when she's there and what she tells you when she reurns from a visit. I cannot stress enough...tape record everything.

I SO want to see the legal basis for this advice!

 

[stealth2]

Agreed, plum. Also, I'd like to see the look on the judge's face when she tries to introduce into evidence tapes that she's made of the kid.