Enrolling a chld in school

[Whyte Noise]

victmich

I'm not going to offer you advice, but rather tell you what I did, myself.

I'm an NC mom as well. Back last school year, I found out that I wasn't listed ANYWHERE on my children's current school records. Pissed? That's putting it mildly. I even had the school counselor ask me on the phone... "Are you their REAL mother?" I started to be a smartass and tell her no... I was their FAKE one. The page of my divorce decree giving us joint legal was in their file, she wouldn't even talk to me until she read that and saw that I was telling the truth.

The kids' teachers knew who I was because I'd kept in contact with them. This counselor didn't know me though, and she informed me that I was listed nowhere on the forms. Sorry, but that dog don't hunt with me. I made sure that she put me down on those forms in the mother place.

Now, my ex's wife listed herself as the stepmother, true. Which was how she should have done it. And yes... it was HER that enrolled the kids in school to start with, not my ex. This was in Georgia though, so it might be different in Texas.

Yup, it's a lotta BS to go thru, but I made sure they knew exactly who I am. To this day, I still keep in touch with my YDD's teacher. We E-mail, and talk on the phone. My kids were here with me until last week when the youngest 2 went back to their father's, and in the agreement I drafted, I made sure that it had in it that I was to be listed on any and all forms (medical, educational, or other) as the mother and my contact information given.

To some, it may seem like a petty issue.... but when you can't get any information from doctors or teachers about your child, it's not so petty anymore. I had doctors tell me that they couldn't give me any information because I wasn't the CP, or that they had to have his permission to give me that information. No.. I don't need permission from anyone, much less my ex, to gain access to any of my children's records, and I certainly don't need his wife to speak for me or as me. I speak loud enough on my own.

You do what you have to do, no matter how much time it takes or how unnecessary it seems. Yeah... if our ex's would do what they were supposed to do, then it would be a lot easier on us that's for sure. But, if they did what they were supposed to do in the first place, they wouldn't be our ex's.

 

[stealth2]

I think it's incredibly petty of any parent to withhold stuff like school info from the other parent. My kids' Dad and I had an ongoing issue about him taking them out of school early, and there came a point when I had to speak with one of the principals. He told me "well, you should know that Mister has requested a copy of all school papers." I was speechless until I came up with "and this is a problem because...?"

 

[victmich]

You wouldn't believe the kind of grief I got at the beginning of the school year when they put my daughter in a new school. I had been emailing the teacher and the counselor back and forth for several weeks when out of the blue I receive a phone call from SM blasting me for going behind their backs to talk to my daughters teacher!!! I swear this girl has got some nerve!! Always trying to act like she knows more about my daughter than I do. Acts like she had her for her whole life. AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!

 

[victmich]

And know they are taking her to yet another new school....I can hear it already!!!

 

[stealth2]

I'm on the other end of it as a CP, but it never fails to amaze me. When I sent stuff to Dad, he got pissed that I did. So I stopped. When I didn't, he got pissed that I didn't. Go figure.

They've pulled the kids out of school (here) when the stepsibs were on vacation. And then b*tched at me when one of the kids pulled one B that term. I just shake my head and say "whatever." I can only imagine the situation if the kids were with their Dad fulltime.

 

[victmich]

MissouriGal : Thanks for the advice from someone who's been there done that

IAAL: As usual your words of wisdom at least made me think of what kind of screwed up thought process this B**** must have

Stealth2: Thanks for your 2 cents as well....it's nice to know that not all CP's are a**holes

 

[Ramoth]

I truly WISH my kids' bio-mom gave a rats a** about them. She hasn't called in more than 6 years, never sent a card or letter, let alone Christmas or birthday presents, and probably couldn't tell you anything about the kids (heck, I'd be surprised if she could tell you how old they are).

Oh well, her loss.

 

[victmich]

It truly amazes me that a parent would want nothing to do with their own child especially a mother in that respect. But on the flip side it amazes me just as much that some steps want everything to do with someone elses child when the NCP does his or her best to be involved

 

[djohnson]

I'm with Ramoth, I think some of you are too harsh on SM's. Some don't care and don't want to be involved or even can't be found. I think it should mean a lot that a SM is willing to do all of this. If there is also joint kids its hard to explain why 'mom' can do this for everybody but one. It cause alienation issues with the child. I agree that all information should be filled out completely and accurately with mother (no matter the situation) listed. However I think saying that SM that take an active interest and don't is trailer trash, all the info may not even be known in all circumstances. In my SS circumstance not only is parents, step listed, but maternal GM as she is there easier and more often than not and sice Mother doesn't care or take an interest and GM wanted to. We are happy, and she is happy that we can all handle it like adults and do what is best for the child.

 

[stealth2]

But those aren't the situations we're discussing here (in this thread). We're talking about situations where the bioparent IS around and involved, and the stepparent is overstepping.

 

[djohnson]

I know but it was coming down to a generalization of step parents and I wanted to defend the good ones out there.

They are out there too. I think the best thing to do is everyone work together for the best interest of the child and bypass all of the petty arguments, they just seem to be a control issue that causes more stress for the kid.

 

[itsallgood]

My personal opinon is the SM I am most familiar with (used to)overstep to IMPRESS her husband on 'what a good job SHE could do"

OR: how she could do it better than I could

It is not so much on doing right by the child; but about making herself LOOK GOOD!

BARF.

But it has simmered down;once they were married and started a family.

Now; I hardly hear from her.

 

[Whyte Noise]

djohnson

A lot of us on here are bio-moms AND stepmoms. We're not just seeing the grass on one side of the fence. A few of us are non-custodial bio-moms, and have a whole other set of crap to deal with.

As a biomom, you're right, I think my ex's wife oversteps her boundaries when she doesn't even list me on my kids' school records. As a step, I'd never even consider doing that. As a biomom, when I had the kids here this school term, I made damn sure that their dad was on their contact cards, even though he lives 1000 miles from me. As a step, I wouldn't even put myself in the place of their mother and enroll them in school, PERIOD. That's the bio's job, not mine. As a biomom, I help my kids with homework, as a step, I only help when asked to by their mother.

Etc., etc., etc.

We weren't generalizing all stepmothers, because we're also one ourselves. It's just that the majority of us regulars on here really and truly deal with some biomothers that shouldn't even be raising their own children, much less try to take OUR place with our children when our ex's marry them. I could tell you stories that make your toes curl about my hubby's ex, and also my ex's wife. But just because THEY are total nimwits, doesn't mean that all steps are.

I know "I'm" not.

 

[CaliCat]

__"He told me "well, you should know that Mister has requested a copy of all school papers." I was speechless until I came up with "and this is a problem because...?""

You're kidding! The principal had a problem with a parent being involved? What a moron!!

You need to find out if the spot for Mother says only that or Moth/Guardian or something to that effect. If it's also a guardian spot, then she can list, but should clarify and write in you as the mother.

 

[stealth2]

[BYou're kidding! The principal had a problem with a parent being involved? What a moron!![/B]

It's an extremely acrimonious situation, and I have no way of knowing what the ex may have said to the principal that would have evoked his comment to me, although I have some ideas.