EX can't pick up kids... what to do?

[candi4687]

Tennessee...
Visitation is this weekend and I now live in KY and my ex lives in AL but we are court ordered to meet at a Sheriff's Dept. in TN (close to AL.) due to my ex's anger problems. He has just recently moved to AL and started a new job there. the weekend prior I had drove to our meeting place and waitied on his arrival for around 45 mins. He never showed up there. I have called his sister and ask that she contact him ,since he threatened to get me for phone harrasment if I were to call him, and ask that she make sure that he will show up to pick up the kids this weekend. She called me back and stated that he has ask her to pick up our kids and drop them off at his mothers home. I understand that this is in fact their grandmother but me and her have had our problems!
Just some examples: She was babysitting our children while I was at work while they were 3 and 1, I came in from my job and she had the temperature on her thermostat set to 50 degrees. My daughter(3 at the time) was crying saying that she was cold. my son was laid on the couch with a t-shirt and a diaper but yet his mother had 3 blankets over herself while yelling at my daughter saying that "Its NOT cold in here!" One more just to be mentioned is that my ex-mother-n-law eats cigarrette ashes (she CLAIMS a dr said it was a good source of iron). I had noticed black around our kids mouth before and caught our kids eating out of ash trays. The kids say that "Ninny" their grandmother lets them eat them. I told her to NEVER allow my kids to eat that **** because if they needed more Iron I would buy them vitamins. NOT A WOMAN I WANT THE KIDS WITH!
Anyways my problem is that my ex wants me to allow his sister to pick up our kids and take them to his mothers home until he comes to pick them up. I want to do what is right but to be honest I don't see how it is fair that I must follow court orders for me personally to be the one dropping them off with their father at a certain time but he can take his time and just have someone else do his responsablities.
Any advice?

*note: I have suggested that I stay with our children at my mothers home(who lives in the same town) until he can make it to pick up the kids but he said "HELL NO YOU HAVE TO BE THERE AT 6PM!"

 

[stealth2]

What EXACTLY does your order say about visitation/transportation/pick-ups? Not your interpretation, but the exact words on the paper.

 

[candi4687]

Word For Word....

"A. Day to Day Schedule.
The _X_ mother ___ father will have responsibility for the care of the children except the following times and days when the other parent shall have resposability for the care of the children:
From: ___Friday at 6:00pm___to ____Sunday at 6m___
[ ]every week [X] every other weekend [ ] other"

"F.TRANSPORTATION ARRANGEMENTS.
Transportation arrangements for the children, between parents shall be as follows:
___The parties shall exchange the children for the exercise of residential time in the parking lot of the *L* Co. Sheriff's Department____"

Thats straight from our divorce decree

Note* LOL... sorry I dont think that face was on our decree but for some reason it is there.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

I see your rant rages on and on.
When you moved to KY without notice, supposed ly so you would have a better chance at work but really to be there with your boyfriend and to deny or interfere with visitation, you made this problem. Their father's time is his, if you had not moved he would be picking them up at your house and you wouldn't be having this problem.

Here you are complaining about your ex having visitation or the conditions at your ex MIL and here is your post to someone else 2-20-5

Do you have a bed? do you have a couch? do you have a love seat? plenty of blankets? You should take ALL the kids at one time. To be honest it's a lot better to do so anyways. trust me me and my fiance have our 5 children here every other weekend and plaus they always have their friends that live in our neighborhood stay the night. CRAZY weekend but they have fun and as long as they can squeeze on a bed or couch they are good. Yes I will admit a kid or two has had to sleep in a sleeping bag or on a pallet in the floor but the more kids you have the better most times. I suggest getting Bunk beds after all you knew that you would be getting the children for visitation so now you have to do all you can to make sure that the children have a place to sleep. Is this really an issue or is it that your wife would be able to get a break every other weekend??? Don't she deserve that? Would you deserve that if YOU had to take care of four children for 16 days?? What kind of "QUALITY" time did you have with the older children while living in the same home as them?? Sorry this just rubs me the wrong way and it seems as if you want it this way so you don't have as much on you with all four kids there but she should not ask for a "break" from having them ALL at the same time.

Give it a rest, better yet, get a different logon, and use diffeent states, so we won't recognize you when you complain about the same thing over and over again. In the future if your follow the courts orders, you will fare better.

 

[Smarty Panties]

I fail to see the comparison. And not sure what this has to do with her question

 

[candi4687]

response to rmet4nzkx~>

Just to inform you or anyone else who feels the same....

1. I stated I failed to LEGALLY notify my ex of my move. I notified him and his family that I was moving with our children the only thing I failed to do was send the proper paper work because I was unaware of the move-away law.

2. The better chance at getting a job is only ONE of MANY reasons why I moved away.

3. Since I have moved my ex has saw the children MORE than when we lived about 10 minutes apart from each other.

4.He was not picking our children up at my house 7-8 months PRIOR to my move so that really don't have a thing in the world to do with this now. I pay all expences and I don't have a problem with that EVEN THOUGH HE HAS ALSO MOVED TO ANOTHER STATE HIMSELF.

5. I am a bad person because when we have all of our children we allow their friends to sleep over? Hell I never said thow a tent up or some sleeping bags on the ground outside. These are kids they want and DESERVE to have fun and sepnd time with thier friends. Maybe I am a bad mother because I get drove almost crazy just to see our kids have fun and be able to enjoy their time here. .... BTW, since you posted my words why not post what the man's issue was on the thread. The way it seemed to me is that he did not want his ex to have a break and in doing so he wanted to take 2 of his 4 children each weekend in rotating order. Yes I agree when you have a chance to see your children sacrifices are made and you do ALL you can to ensure they are taken care of.

6. As far my name goes, this is me and I feel that I have no reason to hide my identity or keep switching names. I am not one to hide behind words and to be honest I think it's better to use the same name so people that have read my threads before have some back ground to what my situation is. Even if it pisses a few people off because they have made their decision up about me before even reading my thread.

7. I am just trying to figure if there was even one time that I had not followed court orders..... NOPE.... Hey I tell you what though.... You get my EX to abide by these and you will NEVER hear from me again. Its not like when I type words on here it is costing you any damn money or you HAVE to take time to read **** about me. Best I can suggest is since you obviously have something against me ... IGNORE ME AND DON'T READ MY POST!!

Thanks again

 

[stealth2]

I'm really not sure that is specific enough to not allow him to send a relative to pick the kids up. How long are they likely to actually be with Grandma? And you realize that, even if Dad were to pick them up, he'd be totally within his rights to drop them off with his mother for the whole w/e, right?

I'm not sure that this would be a battle I'd feel compelled to stand firm on.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Ignorance is no defense, MOVE AWAY laws are to prevent interference with visitation and parental abduction. You are playing games. You moved away to interfere with visitation and to move to be with your boy friend, not because your chances of employment were better a few miles over the border. Have you landed some fantastic job since moving? If so, why can't you provide appropriate sleeping accommodations for your children? It sounds like something your ex can use agaist you in his case for custody you are currently fighting. You can make your case here but it won't help you in court. If he wants to visit with his children at his mother's house, he can, if he wants his sister to pick up his children for him, that is OK, it's his time and not yours to decide, what he does with it or if he has it. There is a cost for your defiance of the courts. The cost could be the custody of your children. Sympathy won't help you, YOU need to obey the law and the courts orders. I feel sorry for your children because you are not looking out for their best interest, you are using them as pawns.

----
On 2-17-5 you posted https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=212756
This is not just about you moving away but in interfereing with visitation and a long term battle for child support and numerous DV charges by you, and who is the judge listening to now? The judge is listening to your EX because it is clear your intent......

On 10 Jan I typed up a letter of intent to move to send to my Ex (NCP).

This letter consist of:
(1) Statement of intent to move.
(2) Location of proposed new residence and phone number.
(3) Reasons for proposed relocation;and
(4) Statement that the other party may file a petition in opposition to the move within (30) days of the receipt of the notice.

This letter was received by him on 13 Jan 05 by his wife. I did send this certified and I have proof of the date they signed for the letter. The date is 17 Feb and I have recieved a copy of this letter from the DHS because I assume that my EX copied it and sent it there for some UNGODLY reason. I have contacted the courts and they claim that nothing is on file as to him petitioning this. Am I good now or is there ANYthing else that must be done???? I have tried to contact my ex over this matter and when he will talk to me all I get is that he is getting custody for me moving out of the state.

Any advice or comments are appreciated.
Thank You

Thats just it though. This is not stated at all in my divorce. It just says N/A. I found out about this law after I had moved and I went to court and a judge threatened to take my kids away for not following this "law". I in return sent the letter of intent to move by certified mail and now my EX CLAIMS he talked to a lawyer and they told him SUPPOSEDLY that since it was not notarized that it was not legal. I have even contacted the court house in the town I used to live in about this law and they are dumbfounded by the issue itself. I guess they thought people fell off the earth once they left that town. I DUNNO

In my decree it states:
"The following provisions apply to the schedules or residential considerations of the children.
___N/A____ "

This is what the law states:
"MOVEAWAY LAW
Tenn. Code Ann.§ 36-6-108 Parental relocation. - (a) If a parent who is spending intervals of time with a child desires to relocate outside the state or more than one hundred (100) miles from the other parent within the state, the relocating parent shall send a notice to the other parent at the other parent's last known address by registered or certified mail. Unless excused by the court for exigent circumstances, the notice shall be mailed not later than sixty (60) days prior to the move. The notice shall contain the following:
(1) statement of intent to move;
(2) location of proposed new residence;
(3) reasons for proposed relocation; and
(4) statement that the other parent may file a petition in opposition to the move within thirty (30) days of receipt of the notice."

 

[candi4687]

Thanks for the response stealth. I am not going into a battle in court I am just unsure how to handle this situation. The way I understand it is that he can pick them up and have them stay with whom ever as far as family goes and I have no say in that matter. I just have a problem when it winds up that I have to rush the kids there on FRIDAY to be there at 6pm but he don't make an effort to be there himself. He was aware of the visitations before moving and taking the job. He has reliable transportation and gets off work at 4:30 even though he lives closer than me he can't make it on time to pick up his own children as COURT ordered. I do intend on asking the courts to modify the pick up time if he keeps on failing to be able to show up on time. This will be easier on BOTH of us.

Since when is someone considered IGNORANT because they don't know EVERY law? This MOVE AWAY law is not something that is everywhere for people to know about it. How do you figure that I moved away to Interfere with visitations but yet he is seeing them more now since I have moved.
You know what either way I am trash in your eyes so I am not even going to try. Maybe you would rather me have stayed in our old town living under government housing waiting for our power to be cut off or maybe even wait to see when I would get another death threat from his or his family.
As of the moment no I have not been able to get a job but that is because my son is not in school yet and I don't have an extra vehicle to transport back and forth in. I guess I am still a bad mother because I bought a car that broke down on me. Or maybe its because I have back problems because my ex ,the man that you act as if it were yourself, boot stomped my back and head asking me if I were dead yet (in front of my daughter) causing problems for me physically.
Yeah I guess you are right I am sure I am the only once who dont have beds for about 7-8 children every once in a while, they should take custody of my children and give it to a respectable man that only has about 28 counts of domestic violence against him and has tried to commit suicide several times. Or maybe even a man that held me down and raped me to have our son just because he wanted to have a boy. wait oh yeah .. Maybe they should give our children to him because while my son was sick and I went to pick a humidifier up at our old house he broke the humidifier and choked me in front of our 4yr old daughter(at the time) just because I would not take him back. Then again maybe if someone could have heard him telling me over the phone to either take him back or he would drive off a clift with our son in the car. Yeah that would probably be best that he would get custody since I can't afford a 6 bed room home.
GET REAL !~
I am already guessing your next comment .. lets see... well this is the man YOU decided to marry and have children with..... Yep that was me and people sometimes change. Guess what he changed for the WORSE!
I can't change this I just live with it and try to do what is best for our kids.

** to read all my threads all you have to do is click on my name. Save him(^) some time.

 

[stealth2]

Since when is someone considered IGNORANT because they don't know EVERY law? This MOVE AWAY law is not something that is everywhere for people to know about it.

But the court doesn't care about that - all they care about is that you didn't do what the law required. It is YOUR responsibility to find out what you need to do to make sure that you're not out of bounds.

 

[candi4687]

Well apparently (from what I was told) the moving part has been cleared up with no petition against it once he received the letter of intent. I just found it to be funny after the fact that he raised all matter of hell over my move but yet he turns around and does the same with NO letter of intent to move. I just know that my ex told me before that we (himself and I) had to be the ones to exchange the kids because HE is the one responsible for our children when they are on his visitation and I am the only one he will allow pick up our children. For now I guess I should allow who ever shows up to pick the children up for him and just wait for our next court date to see what the judge over our case advises.

 

[LdiJ]

Well, no one else is going to agree with me on this one but I am going to say it anyway. I suspect that dad isn't showing up at all for visitation (because of the warrant)...or at least maybe not until Saturday. The bit about the cigarette ashes is very disturbing to me (and I am a smoker) and I would not want my kids alone with Grandma under those circumstances, or at least not alone with her any more than I could avoid.

If I were you, I would tell dad that you will be there at 6, that you will wait 30 minutes for HIM to arrive, and that if he doesn't you will be at your mother's house until he contacts you and tells you that he is ready to meet. Plan to spend the entire weekend at your mom's if necessary. My guess is he won't show at all.

He needs to get picked up on that warrant one way or another. If they can't catch him at the exchange site they can certainly get him when he shows up for court, IF he pursues contempt.

 

[candi4687]

Just to let you know...

Ex does not have to worry about being picked up now.... that issue was dealt with. He went to jail and I tracked down the money he had sent and winds up he had put his wrong name on the money order and he did not even put to whom the money went to. Therefore was released the same day but would have never went if he would have put the correct information on it. I have to be there at 6pm no matter what because of the court orders and I know I have to give him around 30-45 minutes to show so I will just drive down there and hope HE shows up. I just wish he would compramise on some of these things. I understand that I moved knowing the circumstances but since then they have changed for him as well but I am the only one to abide by the orders.
BTW he is also talking to a lawyer to see if he can get me and the state for false arrest.lol

 

[LdiJ]

Ex does not have to worry about being picked up now.... that issue was dealt with. He went to jail and I tracked down the money he had sent and winds up he had put his wrong name on the money order and he did not even put to whom the money went to. Therefore was released the same day but would have never went if he would have put the correct information on it. I have to be there at 6pm no matter what because of the court orders and I know I have to give him around 30-45 minutes to show so I will BTW he is also talking to a lawyer to see if he can get me and the state for false arrest.lol

Well...since dufuss couldn't bother to put a correct name or even to whom the money was going he is going to look pretty foolish if he tries to pursue that....lol.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

No matter what you believe, ignorence is no defense.
Much of what you continue to spew on this site is not relevant.
Your defense, such as it is, only serves to prove his case against you and you are making it easy for him to gather information to use against you in court, all he has to do is sit back and document what you do now.

If there was a true history of domestic violence, he would be in jail and not have visitation of his children with the judge threatening YOU with giving him custody. 25 or 100 accusations of domestic violence does not domestic violence make.
You claim you moved to get a job, but have no job.
You were in public housing, but can't pay your utilitiy bills?
You claim to move to make things better for your children, but they sleep on the floor. Do you pay your bills in KY?
You moved to be with your boyfriend.
He moved to work and to escape your harassment.
He has support of family, do you?
You couldn't pay your bills, have no job, you move and are willing to and are ordered to pay transportation, but you have no car? Before your accusations of DV got out of hand, he was picking up and delivering the children at your house, that is why the pick up and drop off were changed to the sheriff's parking lot and why you are not supposed to call and harass him. So you try to get the police to harass him for you......
He has remarried, are you with the same boyfriend you had while you were married?
What may happen if you continue to defy the court?
You know the reasons for him not visiting were due to your continued accusations of DV and now that he is living out of state to avoid your harassment, he can now have some sort of visitation. He is not required to exercise his right to visitation, but you cannot interfere with it, so your argument has no relevance.
The court can give him custody, you supervised visitation and require you to pay child support. The judge can forgive his obligation to child support and arrears due to your interference with visitation.
The judge can order psychological evaluation for you, order you into counseling and anger management.......