Ex decided he wants visitation

[Serenity2009]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NY

My ex and I have been in and out of court since November of 08 for our son.
He we split when I became pregnant with our daughter and refused to have an abortion.

After her birth when we established paternity (he tried to say the test was wrong at 99.9%) After that was completed I gave him the option to sign off... I believe that since he did not want her to be born he should not have to be responsible for her. He said he did not want any thing to do with her but refused to sign off. His choice.

We were in court for visitations with our son, he never filed for visits with her, has never shown any interest in her.

His parents have and have pushed him to get visitations with her. Up until now he's ignored them. Well he had visitations with my son and my fiancé and I were shopping and he saw us together, my fiancé holding my daughter. The next day he filed for visitations.

I still have contact with one of his siblings who told me that his girlfriend/fiancée (changes depending on the situation) has been trying to conceive and had not been able to, that combined with his parents insisting is the reason he now wants visitations with my daughter. She is 10 months old, exclusively breast fed, (I know not a reason for keeping her from him but it is a factor in what is best for her) I have tried to get her onto bottles, sippies etc but have been unsuccessful. She has never been away from me, I leave the room she screams. He is petitioning the court to allow him visitations that are the same as my son's, 6 weekdays visits a month and two weekends. I think it's to much way to fast....

When I got the court papers I was shocked, I did not know he wanted any thing to do with our daughter. I contacted him immediately, I suggested we meet so he can get to know her and he refused, he expects to get her and go.... I've tried to explain that I think it would be more traumatic then anything for our daughter but he refuses to hear reason, it's his way or no way.....
My concerns are pretty much her well being, I'd hope he wants to see her because she's his daughter and wants a bond with her however it seems unlikely. I don't want him to come and go from her life as he has done with his eldest daughter, he associates her when his newest flame or his parents insist. He has not been stable with visitations with our son either, he seeks what is best for him over our son... IE he insisted I cancel our son's speech therapy so he could have a visit. The therapy had been set up for months, the visit requested the night before.

 

[Isis1]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NY

My ex and I have been in and out of court since November of 08 for our son.
He we split when I became pregnant with our daughter and refused to have an abortion.

After her birth when we established paternity (he tried to say the test was wrong at 99.9%) After that was completed I gave him the option to sign off... I believe that since he did not want her to be born he should not have to be responsible for her. He said he did not want any thing to do with her but refused to sign off. His choice.

We were in court for visitations with our son, he never filed for visits with her, has never shown any interest in her.

His parents have and have pushed him to get visitations with her. Up until now he's ignored them. Well he had visitations with my son and my fiancé and I were shopping and he saw us together, my fiancé holding my daughter. The next day he filed for visitations.

I still have contact with one of his siblings who told me that his girlfriend/fiancée (changes depending on the situation) has been trying to conceive and had not been able to, that combined with his parents insisting is the reason he now wants visitations with my daughter. She is 10 months old, exclusively breast fed, (I know not a reason for keeping her from him but it is a factor in what is best for her) I have tried to get her onto bottles, sippies etc but have been unsuccessful. She has never been away from me, I leave the room she screams. He is petitioning the court to allow him visitations that are the same as my son's, 6 weekdays visits a month and two weekends. I think it's to much way to fast....

When I got the court papers I was shocked, I did not know he wanted any thing to do with our daughter. I contacted him immediately, I suggested we meet so he can get to know her and he refused, he expects to get her and go.... I've tried to explain that I think it would be more traumatic then anything for our daughter but he refuses to hear reason, it's his way or no way.....
My concerns are pretty much her well being, I'd hope he wants to see her because she's his daughter and wants a bond with her however it seems unlikely. I don't want him to come and go from her life as he has done with his eldest daughter, he associates her when his newest flame or his parents insist. He has not been stable with visitations with our son either, he seeks what is best for him over our son... IE he insisted I cancel our son's speech therapy so he could have a visit. The therapy had been set up for months, the visit requested the night before.

if dad has never had any court ordered visitation with the new baby, then it's likely going to be ordered a graduated schedule. make sure you ask for one in the response.

 

[LifesPeachy]

Regardless of his wishes when she was born or conceived, he wants to see her now. He has every right to do so. You can't assume that just because he saw your fiance holding your daughter that he wants visitation - or perhaps it did just that, he saw his daughter and wanted a relationship with her. The courts arent going to care that once he wanted you to have an abortion and once he didnt want anything to do with her. Im not a lawyer but have been around in family court way too much, so those are just my opinions. If he sees your son, I would think that you'd be happy he's changed his mind because now he can build a relationship with both children who are siblings from the both of you! Wouldnt it be confusing for your daughter if her brother went to see their dad but she couldnt?? I would not do any visitation (without you present) until you have a court order to protect yourself.
Also, why is a 10 month old exclusivly breast fed? Does she not get any type of baby food yet? I am sure the courts will take this into consideration for the immediate future.
Good luck

 

[Isis1]

Regardless of his wishes when she was born or conceived, he wants to see her now. He has every right to do so. You can't assume that just because he saw your fiance holding your daughter that he wants visitation - or perhaps it did just that, he saw his daughter and wanted a relationship with her. The courts arent going to care that once he wanted you to have an abortion and once he didnt want anything to do with her. Im not a lawyer but have been around in family court way too much, so those are just my opinions. If he sees your son, I would think that you'd be happy he's changed his mind because now he can build a relationship with both children who are siblings from the both of you! Wouldnt it be confusing for your daughter if her brother went to see their dad but she couldnt?? I would not do any visitation (without you present) until you have a court order to protect yourself.
Also, why is a 10 month old exclusivly breast fed? Does she not get any type of baby food yet? I am sure the courts will take this into consideration for the immediate future.
Good luck

that's a darn good question!!!!

 

[nextwife]

She has never been away from me, I leave the room she screams. He is petitioning the court to allow him visitations that are the same as my son's, 6 weekdays visits a month and two weekends. .

Too fast? The child is ten months old and NEVER been away from you? Never?

Guess what Mommy? The embilical cord was cut at birth, it's time for baby to start spending some time away from you. Being in the same room 24/7 since birth is ridiculous. A baby can be away from mom at that age and suffer no ill effects. Mom's actually do leave their infants with qualified caregivers, fathers, grandparents, older siblings etc. and LEAVE the house or leave the ROOM.

 

[Isis1]

Too fast? The child is ten months old and NEVER been away from you? Never?

Guess what Mommy? The embilical cord was cut at birth, it's time for baby to start spending some time away from you. Being in the same room 24/7 since birth is ridiculous. A baby can be away from mom at that age and suffer no ill effects. Mom's actually do leave their infants with qualified caregivers, fathers, grandparents, older siblings etc. and LEAVE the house or leave the ROOM.

my ex "mother-in-law" said at least one wise thing.

'the baby will not die from crying, now sit down and eat!"

 

[bandita74]

I'm in no position to give anyone legal advice but as the Mom of an 8 month old, separation anxiety is very common and probably is not going to have any lasting effect on your daughter. Regardless of your relationship or lack of with their father, it is his right to have visitation and to be a parent as well. To me it seems your reason for not wanting him to have it is more about you and him and not about the children. My son's father has visitation 2 overnights a week and in the beginning he had no clue about babies but he had to learn very fast. Was I nervous about it? Yup! Was it in the best interest of my son to have two loving parents in his life? Also, yup!

 

[Serenity2009]

that's a darn good question!!!!

Should have been clearer,
She eats soft table food, IE small pasta, small soft cooked veggies etc. As I stated she will not take a bottle or sippy, she'd rather scream, when we go out to the park, store etc, we've tried the bottle and sippy, did not work. Have tried my fiancé giving them to her etc, she'd rather go with out. I am a work from home mom, I don't see a need to leave her with a sitter to go to the store etc. When she naps of course I'm not in the room her bed is in my room though. My fiancé and I do not live together so I usually don't leave her in a room with her older siblings as her oldest sibling (by me her father has older children) is 8 so I really don't think leaving them unsupervised is smart.

I know she has separation anxiety, I've talked to her doctor, he sees no issue with it as I am a work from home mom. She'll get over her separation anxiety as my older children did with age. My oldest was the same way and she has had no issues with school or going to friends houses. When she turned three she just got over it.



Did you read what I wrote? I have not denied him the right to see her, the first I heard of his interest in her was when I got the court papers. My first action was to call him and offer to meet him so he could get to know her and he found that unacceptable. Yes I question his motives, our daughter is not a toy, she should not be used to make his parents or any one else happy.

And I have been concerned about my son having visits with his father and not my daughter but prior to the court papers his had said "She should not have been born, she ruined my life and I want nothing to do with her." What was I suppose to do?

Don't need comments on what a winner he is, he had a good mask, a good front, I found out to late who he really is.

 

[Proserpina]

Regardless, he's going to get visitation with his daughter.

Eventually, assuming all goes well, it will be for longer periods including overnights.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Regardless of his wishes when she was born or conceived, he wants to see her now. He has every right to do so. You can't assume that just because he saw your fiance holding your daughter that he wants visitation - or perhaps it did just that, he saw his daughter and wanted a relationship with her. The courts arent going to care that once he wanted you to have an abortion and once he didnt want anything to do with her. Im not a lawyer but have been around in family court way too much, so those are just my opinions. If he sees your son, I would think that you'd be happy he's changed his mind because now he can build a relationship with both children who are siblings from the both of you! Wouldnt it be confusing for your daughter if her brother went to see their dad but she couldnt?? I would not do any visitation (without you present) until you have a court order to protect yourself.
Also, why is a 10 month old exclusivly breast fed? Does she not get any type of baby food yet? I am sure the courts will take this into consideration for the immediate future.
Good luck

I have also had children whose only fluid was breast milk. If you are home with the child and DON'T leave the child with sitters, it is very possible and easy to do. Did the same.

In this mom's case, I would highly suggest that the child get introduced to a sippy cup for water. This will help with a transition to some time with dad.

I also had a child who would NOT be out of my sight until about a year. It happens when that child is mainly with one caregiver. I learned from that and allowed my child to spend some time with others so that I could have a couple hour break here and there.

 

[Serenity2009]

I have also had children whose only fluid was breast milk. If you are home with the child and DON'T leave the child with sitters, it is very possible and easy to do. Did the same.

In this mom's case, I would highly suggest that the child get introduced to a sippy cup for water. This will help with a transition to some time with dad.

I also had a child who would NOT be out of my sight until about a year. It happens when that child is mainly with one caregiver. I learned from that and allowed my child to spend some time with others so that I could have a couple hour break here and there.

Thank you for the advice, her doctor said no water, and only 4 oz of juice a day, thus part of the problem, it's an on going process, I have yet to give up. I don't have any reasons to leave my children with others....

 

[LdiJ]

Thank you for the advice, her doctor said no water, and only 4 oz of juice a day, thus part of the problem, it's an on going process, I have yet to give up. I don't have any reasons to leave my children with others....

Her doctor said no water? That is a bit unusual. Is she particularly thin or small for her age? Does the doctor feel that she particularly needs calories from fluids?

 

[Isis1]

Her doctor said no water? That is a bit unusual. Is she particularly thin or small for her age? Does the doctor feel that she particularly needs calories from fluids?

i remember my doctor saying babies doesn't NEED water specifically, but it didn't hurt to give the baby water if they took it. to recommend NOT to give the baby water is a bit unusual.

 

[Serenity2009]

i remember my doctor saying babies doesn't NEED water specifically, but it didn't hurt to give the baby water if they took it. to recommend NOT to give the baby water is a bit unusual.

My children's doctor said a few sips is ok (he does not suggest it though). He has said that she does not need it as it has nothing in it, does nothing for her and she needs the nutrition and calories in the milk. He said the same with my older two(when they were her age), I thought it was fairly normal. He does not suggest me giving juice(suggests at most 4 oz, but frowns on the use of juice), as he says it's very bad for them. He went to medical school... I tend to take his word... (well and I researched it, solid fruit is superior)

 

[stealth2]

Well, I suspect a judge is going to take a dim view of this entire situation. Whether it is your intent or not, the effect of your actions is to make it more difficult for your ex to spend time with HIS child outside of your presence. As well as making it more traumatic for your daughter to spend time with her father. That is not going to result in a favorable recommendation for you, to be honest.

Personally, I always felt it important for my kids to at least feel comfortable with someone else - what if (God forbid!) something were to happen to me where I could not be there to care for them (catastrophic medical event, for example)?