Ex modifying child custody order

[Bucky Goldstein]

What is the name of your state? California

My ex-girlfriend and I had been living together for 5 years and have a 3 year old son together.
We have been spilt up for about a year and have a joint 50/50 custody order from 2002.
She started having affairs with her married boss and another co-worker(which I can't prove). She was staying out late I read the text messages from them and it was obvious at least to me.
She had me sign for a new car because she didn't have credit and then broke up with me a couple months later.

I recently found out through my son that she is taking me to court to modify my original order. I called and asked her but she denied it. I went to the courthouse and sure enought she had ben there the day that my son said and filed the modification request.

She had left without notice once before. She just called me at work, said she was leaving, when I got home my house was empty and my kid was gone. She immediatey wacked me for child support.

When she wated to get back with me I took her to court to get joint custody so she could not steal my kid again. When we first went to court the judge said he did not like 50/50 custody agreements, something about no custodial parent or something. He said he would give us one but would want us to return to court if we ever disagreed.
So she is under the impression that she can waltz in whenever she wants and will automatically be granted full custody.
That judge is no longer there and the judge handling our case is well known (maybe not to her) for favoring 50/50 custody.

The problem is that she has been doing some bad stuff to me financially, and Like an idiot I have called her some names and sent her some nasty text messages on her phone.

I don't know if this would enough to make me lose my custody. She wants me to have just every other weekend visitation.

I am a good father and take care of my son, I have him every other week from monday evening to the following monday morning. I never go out or leave him with anybody when he is in my care. he gets fed regulaly and I buy him clothes and everything he needs.

She has been watching him in the evenings because I am finishing a degree during evening classes. I told her I could find a babysitter, but she insisted on watching him. I still have a semester to go and I think she might hold this against me in court.

A married detective here in out town has been having a "relationship" with my ex's mom for several years. He came to the college where I teach, to talk with me the other day. He didn't threaten me but he said he believed kids should be with their mothers, and he would do whatever it takes to protect them in this matter.
He told me he knows about me sleeping with some of our college students, which I don't deny, but they are of age and I never did it when I was woth my ex, actually she was one of our students.
I told him some ugly things that I would turn my ex and her mom in for welfare fraud and expose him as an adulterer and he's a little pissed. Stupid huh...
Anyway, I'm afraid he will show up in court against me, he might be friends with the judge or something, it's a fairly small town and these guys work together on a regular basis.

Her mom is not married and has three kids with three different guys and they never see their fathers. My ex has a ten year old daughter that has never seen her father, she still calls me dad. Now my ex wants to take another kid from his father... mine!

With them it's all about money. When we got back together after the first split up, she refused to stop the child support against me even though we were living together. The child support department had to call her and beg her to stop. She couldn't, or wouldn't see that it was wrong.

What can I expect in court?
What should I bring with me?
Do I need character witnessesses?
Can she take my child away from me just because we don't get a long?
Do I need documention of anything, when she returns him to me with dirty diapers, blah blah?
Should I sling mud or discrdeit the detective if he stands up and says stuff about me?
Should I have the detective's wife show up? lol
Should I quit school so my schedule is not conflicting with my son's time with me?
Do I need to keep a journal of my daily activities with my kid?
Will they send us to mediation first?

What's next??

Thanks!

 

[tigger22472]

What is the name of your state? California

I recently found out through my son that she is taking me to court to modify my original order.

Have to be honest with you... I didn't read all of that it's going to be hard to find someone that does. I stopped after this sentence because I can't believe that your THREE year old son just UP and told you that your ex is taking you to court! Keep your son out of this, he has NO BUSINESS KNOWING ANYTHING!

 

[Bucky Goldstein]

Have to be honest with you... I didn't read all of that it's going to be hard to find someone that does. I stopped after this sentence because I can't believe that your THREE year old son just UP and told you that your ex is taking you to court! Keep your son out of this, he has NO BUSINESS KNOWING ANYTHING!

I picked up my son and asked him what he had done today, he said he went to "do papers", I got worried, because just the day before the mom's cop friend came by my work . I drove my kid by the courthouse and asked him if this is where he did "papers", he said yep.

That's how I found out

 

[Bucky Goldstein]

Have to be honest with you... I didn't read all of that it's going to be hard to find someone that does.

Maybe the judge won't want to hear all that either.
Should I just keep it simple and say I have been a good father, and that's it?

 

[tigger22472]

I picked up my son and asked him what he had done today, he said he went to "do papers", I got worried, because just the day before the mom's cop friend came by my work . I drove my kid by the courthouse and asked him if this is where he did "papers", he said yep.

That's how I found out

I hope for your sake someone else comes along and helps you because this is just so wrong for so many reasons... and I'm done.

 

[tcpmp]

First of all I'm gonna ream you for getting into a relationship with this woman and then getting back with her, stupid. Second, why in the F@#$ did you sign for her car. Are you on the registration and is she making the payments? Third, her having sexual relationships with other individuals is irrelevant, unless they pose a physical danger to your child. Is this woman still living with you?

What can I expect in court? You have obviously been to court and should already know the answer to that. I have been to court 5 times and sat through many custody hearings, some very complicated and have never seen witnesses called. That doesn't mean that it won't or can't happen.
What should I bring with me? Bring any receipts, phone records and any thing else that can sway the judge in your favor. On a side note, most court documents are public records and are available for you to view and copy. Contact the public records office in the courthouse for info.
Do I need character witnessesses? I'll leave this one for someone who knows.
Can she take my child away from me just because we don't get a long? Highly unlikely unless she can prove that you are neglegent or a threat to the child.
Do I need documention of anything, when she returns him to me with dirty diapers, blah blah? Document EVERYTHING!!!
Should I sling mud or discrdeit the detective if he stands up and says stuff about me? NO, only factual information. Mudsling only looks bad on you.
Should I have the detective's wife show up? lol. No but you might send an anonymous letter. Just kidding, that might cause him to give you more grief. Besides do you have any real proof?
Should I quit school so my schedule is not conflicting with my son's time with me? You might give that to the judge as a option. I wouldn't quit school just yet. Even if you quit it might still not go your way and then you've lost your classes.
Do I need to keep a journal of my daily activities with my kid?
Document EVERYTHING!!!
Will they send us to mediation first? Everytime I have gone to court I saw a mediator. The mediator doesn't exactly make the decision but their recomendation goes a long way. Keep your cool, control you emotions and have your paperwork in order.

 

[kidoday]

Will they send us to mediation first? Everytime I have gone to court I saw a mediator

Not all states have mediators.

 

[tcpmp]

California does.

 

[Bucky Goldstein]

Thanks for the advice tcpmp.

I deserve a reaming, I know I was stupid to get back with her, and no, we have not been living to together for a year. Truth is I loved her and still do, even with all she has done to me. stupid I know

Yes, I'm on the registration of the car.
She makes the payments.
It is me AND her on the title.
I threatened to take it once when the bank called me and wated to know why I was two months late, that is another time when I called her and reamed her. People do harsh things when confronted with harsh information. And I'm no different.

And tigger22472, yeah it may be "wrong for so many reasons' but that doesn't mean I don't need help.
I'm scared here.
When I have a cop come by and intimidate me about my ex and my kid and the next day my kid tells me he was "doing papers", I wanted to know what was up.
If it was you would have wanted to know also.

It's an imperfect world, if it wasn't, there wouldn't be courts or a need for this forum.

 

[stealth2]

I hope for your sake someone else comes along and helps you because this is just so wrong for so many reasons... and I'm done.

Ditto. Involving the kid was just plain wrong.

 

[Bucky Goldstein]

Ditto. Involving the kid was just plain wrong.

I may be a dumb@ss, but how did I involve the kid?
I asked what he had done today (which I do everyday I pick him up) and he tells me he was somewhere doing papers.

I had just been visited by a cop telling me kids belong with their moms.

If I knew all the proper protocols for dealing with this situation I wouldn't be here in the first place.

 

[julbug66]

document everything

the #1 rule to child support/cusotdy.visitation modifications is DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. every cent you spend, every minute you have with him. www.deltabravo.net has a good Excel-based timetracker program. it has monthly calendars with mileage/expense charts. it's helped my husband in court vs. his ex.

using your ex as a babysitter when you go to night school is actually probably better than using another person. that way, you are allowing your son to be with his mother whenever possible.

if anything, it's screwed up that she wants to change the visitation schedule from "one week on, one week off" to "every other weekend". substantial disturbances to a child's schedule usually are disfavored by judges. consistency is best, unless she can prove that you are neglectful or abusive. (it's on her since she's the one doing this...) btw, just because you work and go to school does NOT mean you are neglectful. don't quit school.

don't worry too much about the schmuck detective. if he's never actually SEEN you do anything to your son, anything he says in court (i.e. my 'friend's daughter said that he's a bad guy') would be hearsay. so, worry about that bridge if you come to it.

good luck

 

[Bucky Goldstein]

thanks julbug, I downloaded the spreadsheet and will start making entries.

I feel a lil more relaxed now, I haven't done anything wrong and take excellent care of my son.

 

[Lil Miss Smarty Panties]

The bottom line is, she is going to need a very good reason to change 50/50 custody that has been in effect for 2 years. If you have told the truth in these posts then I doubt she's going to get what she wants.

 

[Bucky Goldstein]

Is having girls stay over when he's in my custody, grounds for taking him away?

The only thing I may have done wrong (besides sleeping around quite a bit), is not paying my half of the daycare a couple times.
It's not court ordered, but I realize it's my responsibility. I couldn't pay a couple times when I was financially strapped and she covered both of our shares.
I plan on paying both mine and her share of next month's on the first.

You guys are the greatest

Thanks!
Buck