Ex says "You will pay!"

[Shorelinedad]

Ohhh, don't want to leave that impression. I already bought one of my 3 a "winter" coat. My expense. She wants me to share the expense of 3 "Ski" jackets. I would like to think I'd be able to bring my kids skiing this winter, but don't know if I could swing it......I guess she can.

 

[haiku]

winter coats come under child support. and quite frankly, the winter coat they wear to school is sufficient for the New England slopes. (where I assume they would be skiing) Skiing is expensive, and even if the kids were joining the school ski club that can be an expense out of reach for most families. Its a little different than saying "no" to little league baseball.

From the wording you posted the extra fees are for extra curricular things, not winter coats, and school pictures, which come under child support.

She wants you to pay for school pictures? thats fine, do what we do in my house, the years we paid for school and sports photos, WE got the package, and she got a couple of copies and the team picture for the kids. (actually I like it that way because the years she does not ask us to pay we don't get ANY-go figure.....)

things like drivers ed and other activities would seem to come under your orders wording also.

The one thing you have is that she must discuss it all with you first before signing them up, or she gets to pay for it all. your only hurdle there is proving it.

 

[VeronicaGia]

I agree, but I still worry about the wording of this order. Mom could sign the kids up for all kinds of activities on dad's time and just pay for them. Dad could complain to the court, but dad already agreed that it was in the best interests of the child to have these activities.

This could become a vicious circle; hopefully not though.

As for the rest: once again, tell her to pound sand.

 

[haiku]

I agree, but I still worry about the wording of this order. Mom could sign the kids up for all kinds of activities on dad's time and just pay for them. Dad could complain to the court, but dad already agreed that it was in the best interests of the child to have these activities.

This could become a vicious circle; hopefully not though.

As for the rest: once again, tell her to pound sand.

From the order as posted: "and further agree to discuss those activities and costs prior to committing to any such expenditures. In the event either party makes a commitment to any such expenditure prior to discussing the activity cost with the other, the party making the commitment will be solely responsible for the fee or cost incurred."

So yes in the order it says both parties want the kids to participate, BUT they have to discuss it with each other first, to decide if they both want to commit to it.

the problem would be mom taking dad to court, for say "the ski club" costs, and dad saying he did not agree to it. Would he have to get all disagreements in writing?

 

[VeronicaGia]

He should get all agreements in writing, whether he enrolls the kids or she enrolls the kids, with signatures from both parties or something.

CYA will be dad's middle name.

 

[Shorelinedad]

Getting signatures for activities might be just what'sw needed in our case. Thanks all.

 

[Inquiry123]

Tell HER to head for the Shoreline...that's where the sand's at!

SLD:

Both you and your ex have a financial responsiblity to meet the NEEDS of your children. These basic needs include housing, clothing, food, transportation, utilities, etc. Toothpaste, TP, and hair gel are also assumed to be part of the "lifestyle" that your children may have been used to and is also part of what would be covered by your share of the base child support.

The amount of support you pay may be influenced by the amount of time the children spend with you. If you have the children for approximately half of the month, your support obligation to the ex may be less, as the amount of your direct payment (for food, transportation, etc.) is assumed to be greater. However, it is cutomary for the primary residential parent to be responsible for basic purchases (clothing for example.)

I think the wording of your agreement is pretty straightforward. These are EXTRA-curricular activities, right?! Sure, it would be nice if kids could have everything extra. If you BOTH can afford it. I can afford it -- but my kids know that Daddy-o is tight. So, we play board games instead of going to the Suns game -- and that's life.

So, if you can't afford it -- don't. And don't feel guilty if you can't -- that's life, too. Like you said, you have to make ends meet. So, maybe while things are financially difficult, you and your ex could manage to agree on a single extra-curricular activity. I recommend, given her "you will pay" attitude, that you consider communicating about this in writing. CYA. Let the ex know if you have a DESIRE to have the children participate in XYZ activities but also communicate what you can/cannot AFFORD at the current time.

Although most would like themselves/children to have the same "lifestyle" they MIGHT have had if divorce had not occured, the overwhelming majority of divorced families cannot. Give yourself a little time to get back on your feet and you may be in a better position to help your kids to be involved in more activities. Until then, let the ex TRY to MAKE you pay. Then tell your story to the judge...you'll be OK. Good luck.

 

[chickawa]

maybe and maybe not

well lets see, from my 10 years experience with child support and the courts, she can ask for anything she wants, but getting it might be another.if you set there and let her she will. you can fight back it's ok, and the courts will not look down on you for it. you do have some rights .

 

[almost]

Good for you. I wish my ex would help. You should look up your county's child support guidelines. I looked at the ones here online, and under "deviations from standard support". It told the reasons that might justify raising child support. There weren't many.

 

[Phnx02]

My God! What did your ex do......sit and write a week long list of every little thing she could think of? When a NCP pays CS, most of these little things are considered to be paid for out of the monthly CS money....ie; winter coats, school lunches, school pictures etc. I don't know of anyone who's gotten extra money for these things. However, it is not uncommon for extra money for things like daycare, summer camp fees, private school tuition, braces etc. Don't worry too much....she's just digging.

 

[Shorelinedad]

Thanks All very much. It's definitely not a friendly situation and all that really bothers me is her complaining and yelling in front of our kids. I've given her $ for a few items but not all. She's threatening court and I just say to go ahead, the judge will love to hear about all your temper tantrums in front of the kids and at kids events.

Thanks again.