Ex wants custody after 13years

[Cathie Parsh]

The state I reside in is Ohio. I have been divorced since 1992 and have two boys 14 and 16 with my ex husband, I have 100% custody since 1992. I remarried in 1995 and have two boys 8 and 5 with my husband. My 14 year old has decided he wants to live with my ex because of the rules. The 14 year old was suspended from school due to fighting, (a boy kicked a poptart at his feet and he defended himself and used a racial slur). My son was sent to a different school and has had punishment at home for the incident. My ex has told my son it is okay to defend yourself. My ex also has an anger problem, punches a steering wheel when people pull in front of him, don't get through a green light fast enough, get anger at the boys if they talk during a movie or beat him at video games. My son also has some of the same traits as my ex, I don't think this would be a good environment for him. My ex is also on his third marriage, does not have a job, has not paid child support in over 3 months, and job hops frequently. My husband and I are trying to raise respectable young men. But the 14 year old knows the rules will be different over there and he will get away with what he wants. Do the courts look and the whole picture of do they side with the child. Help I don't want to loose my son.!!!!

 

[LdiJ]

The state I reside in is Ohio. I have been divorced since 1992 and have two boys 14 and 16 with my ex husband, I have 100% custody since 1992. I remarried in 1995 and have two boys 8 and 5 with my husband. My 14 year old has decided he wants to live with my ex because of the rules. The 14 year old was suspended from school due to fighting, (a boy kicked a poptart at his feet and he defended himself and used a racial slur). My son was sent to a different school and has had punishment at home for the incident. My ex has told my son it is okay to defend yourself. My ex also has an anger problem, punches a steering wheel when people pull in front of him, don't get through a green light fast enough, get anger at the boys if they talk during a movie or beat him at video games. My son also has some of the same traits as my ex, I don't think this would be a good environment for him. My ex is also on his third marriage, does not have a job, has not paid child support in over 3 months, and job hops frequently. My husband and I are trying to raise respectable young men. But the 14 year old knows the rules will be different over there and he will get away with what he wants. Do the courts look and the whole picture of do they side with the child. Help I don't want to loose my son.!!!!

While the child's wishes as a teenager are normally given some weight, the judges do indeed look at the total picture. A judge in particular is not impressed when the child's wishes are due to a "grass is greener" mentality.

 

[AmyKearsing]

I understand that is the case too. The judge will talk to the child about what they want but that doesn't say 100% it will happen. Mabye you should offer to get your sons some anger management classes, or into a controlled sport like Karate, or something similar? Just an idea. Good luck.

 

[Cathie Parsh]

teenage son

I Have done many of the things that you talk about, including counseling, sports, positive feedback and many other things too many to list. The thing that bothers me is the son wanted nothing to do with my ex 1 1/2 years ago, but I sought mediation so they could have a relationship. My son has his ups and downs just like any teenager. And my job is to be a parent not his best friend which is what my ex husband is his best friend.

 

[LdiJ]

I Have done many of the things that you talk about, including counseling, sports, positive feedback and many other things too many to list. The thing that bothers me is the son wanted nothing to do with my ex 1 1/2 years ago, but I sought mediation so they could have a relationship. My son has his ups and downs just like any teenager. And my job is to be a parent not his best friend which is what my ex husband is his best friend.

You really are dealing with a fairly "classic" situation. Teenagers often see the grass as being greener with the parent who doesn't have primary custody. In addition, the parent without primary custody often has a bad habit of being a "disneyland" parent...particularly when the real relationship is fairly new.

The sad thing is that if dad wins, what could very easily happen is that your son will discover after a few months that life isn't better or easier at dad's and he will want to come home.....but it won't be that simple.

If you truly believe that your son needs to remain in your primary custody then fight the case out in court and let the judge make the decision.

 

[absent father]

I have to say I feel for you!! I am going thruogh the same thing right now. My ex disappeared before my son was a year old and I did not hear from him for 12 yrs. until he was served with child support papers. He had not laid eyes on his son until last April and now we are going through a custody battle. My son thinks dad's will be a walk in the park, he does not like our rules. And the ex just thinks if he has custody he will not have to pay child support. We have already done the mediation and custody confrence now we are moving into the assessment. It's all very hard because I have no attorney like he does and it is in another county so I have to travel an hour for all the meetings and things, but I have held my own so far. Just hang tough an hopfully the judge will see what is best. Remember that you are fighting for what is best for your son.