Ex's girlfriend interfering?

[NSA4answers]

What is the name of your state? Co

I ask a lot of question, and I just want everyone who has answered them in the past to know that I appreciate it so much. Even if it's not always the answer I want to hear. I would rather know, than be ignorant on things. So thank you.

That being said, I've got another one.

My ex's current gf is a lil bit... how shall we say... off her rocker?... yeah that's good. She harasses me. She started this all last December. She started harassing my in myspace, I blocked her. She then started to email me from her email address, I blocked her there too, then from my ex's email address... text's me from his phone, calls me from his phone, posts blogs to/about me on her myspace... Really the woman is nuts.

I have asked her SO many times to leave me alone and she needed to mind her own business and let my ex and I do the parenting of our child. Being that my ex is a spinless wimpazoid he just lets all this happen.... she has influenced his thinking on many issues regarding out parenting and NOT positively.

I asked the county that I live in for a restraining order against her. The judge told me that she couldn't grant it because our custody order is in a different county and I would need to file it there, through my custody case. I asked what I was suppose to do to get this woman to stop harassing me, and she said call the police.

So the next time she called and called and called and emailed and emailed and emailed from ex's email address I called the police. The police said they couldn't file a harassment charge because she hadn't actually DIRECTLY threatened me and he didn't think the charges would stick. He did tell me he would call and tell her to leave me alone. Well, in one of her many nutso wacko blogs that she wrote to me, (I should mention that I stopped responding all together a while ago, I don't even tell her to leave me alone anymore) she tells me the police never contacted her like I have said they were supposed to. I have no idea the officers name that came out to my house and I don't think he gave me a card because I can't find it.

Anyways.... In one of her ridiculous emails from ex's email to me that she wrote she told me to not bother emailing him anymore because they would not be read.

Per our custody agreement we are to communicate through email because when we seperated our relationship was very volatile. This was so that there would be a record of of conversations. I think she is deleting the emails I have been sending to my ex. He asked me to write something to him so he would have it in writing. So I emailed him what he requested and then he still raged at me about not sending it to him. So I went back through my sent email and sent it again, he hasn't said anything about it again.

I have emailed him regarding money he owes for medical bills and child care in interim of our modification. He has stopped responding. I emailed asking to make arrangements for the summer swim team for volunteering, signing up, etc etc... and he hasn't responded. He's not responding to any emails anymore and when I ask for a response I get a one line basically "put off."

I am afraid that 1 his gf is deleting his emails, and 2 emailing me AS him because I know she has text messaged me as him in the past. If I mention this to my ex he will likely deny it and defend the gf...AND she will flip her crazy little lid because OMG I mentioned her name to my ex ... she apparently REALLY hates that.

Any ideas on how I should handle this legally? I'm really getting tired of her interfering just enough to fly under the radar. She HAS threatened me, calls me names, calls me names to my daughter, and really is by my understanding of the statute on harassment, harassing me. What can I do?

 

[pa1981]

If your order says to keep communicating via e-mail then keep doing so..you'll still have a record of it. Maybe mention it to him that you ARE sending things if he yells at you about it again and just calmly insist that you did so without IMPLYING anything about his gf...I mean he's only screwing himself by letting her into his e-mail account. You might even suggest setting up a new e-mail if things are not getting to him (again resist the urge to imply things). It's not up to you to regulate his life, just to fulfil your part of the coparenting deal. If you're worried about your "sent e-mail" folder not holding up in court as proof that you sent things, then print your messages and send them to him via registered mail as well.

Just stop talking to or about the girlfriend. Completely. No matter what she says or what you suspect. I know you say you've done this but stop being so CONCERNED with it that you visit her myspace. Even if you think some e-mail is really coming from her, respond as if it's from him (if it's suppossedly from him...don't respond AT ALL to things she actually admits are from her) and keep records of everything. You really don't know either way what's happening and it's his dumba** fault for letting her get in the middle of his co-parenting relationship if that's what's occurring.

I can tell you from experiance that even though this might frustrate you to no end you need to just chill, do your part, let your ex deal with his situation even if it screws him, and collect proof when it appears. YOU will look like the crazy one if you try to assert things you can't prove (like her writing e-mails from ex) and keep talking about what she's posting on myspace about you (you don't have to read blogs by people you don't like...you KNOW she's hoping you read it and get in a big snit...and it worked so she got what she wanted).

If you get proof of direct threats than go to the police. But honestly responding to this drama in a completely calm way will infuriate her more than threatening to charge her with "harassment" or anything else ever could. You just really need to understand how little it all matters...she does not matter...her blogs don't matter...and you don't want to escalate the situation by getting upset about it unless you have iron-clad proof of things. Again, I KNOW how frustrating it can be but you really do need to just let it all roll off your back because this is so common...it may get turned right around onto you, right or wrong and that perception is hard to change once court people see you as the "bitter drama queen ex".

 

[onebreath]

Another option is to go to the other county and file for a restraining order. Have it included in the restraining order that she refrain from emailing you, either from ex's email or from hers...that the parenting email should be kept separate from her.

Everyone is different....that is a stress I would not want to deal with, and something you have control over....submit her emails and your testimony with your motion for a restraining order.

And then ignore the heck out of her.

 

[FITFatherof2]

Do not argue with her. Print every email and then send it certified mail with return receipt. If they want to burn it, that’s fine, you now have proof that they did receive it.

 

[NSA4answers]

I know you say you've done this but stop being so CONCERNED with it that you visit her myspace.

I guess I should have mentioned that the only reason I go to her blog is to print it out for records. I don't respond to anything and she never knows I have read them. She ends up taking them down a day or 2 later so I want to have record of them.

Even if you think some e-mail is really coming from her, respond as if it's from him (if it's suppossedly from him...don't respond AT ALL to things she actually admits are from her) and keep records of everything.

I've been doing that. I save everything I receive and send.

If you get proof of direct threats than go to the police. But honestly responding to this drama in a completely calm way will infuriate her more than threatening to charge her with "harassment" or anything else ever could.

I have never told her ahead of time that was what I was going to do. The officer told me that I could call him (since she only calls from his phone I don't even know her phone number) to let them know he was trying to reach them.

You just really need to understand how little it all matters...she does not matter...her blogs don't matter...and you don't want to escalate the situation by getting upset about it unless you have iron-clad proof of things.

Agreed, she doesn't matter.

Again, I KNOW how frustrating it can be but you really do need to just let it all roll off your back because this is so common...it may get turned right around onto you, right or wrong and that perception is hard to change once court people see you as the "bitter drama queen ex".

Sometimes I feel like that's whats happening. The judge I asked for the restraining order from acted like I was just some bitter jealous ex with a vengance and that's totally not the case. She's not the first girlfriend he's had since we split, just the craziest. And I am honestly worried that it will be perceived as *I* am the problem not her. That's one of the main reason I want her to leave me alone. I guess at this point the best I can do is just ignore her. I do appreciate your advice, sending the emails via USmail might prove beneficial.

 

[summerdawn]

I guess I should have mentioned that the only reason I go to her blog is to print it out for records. I don't respond to anything and she never knows I have read them. She ends up taking them down a day or 2 later so I want to have record of them.

I've been doing that. I save everything I receive and send.


I have never told her ahead of time that was what I was going to do. The officer told me that I could call him (since she only calls from his phone I don't even know her phone number) to let them know he was trying to reach them.

Agreed, she doesn't matter. Sometimes I feel like that's whats happening. The judge I asked for the restraining order from acted like I was just some bitter jealous ex with a vengance and that's totally not the case. She's not the first girlfriend he's had since we split, just the craziest. And I am honestly worried that it will be perceived as *I* am the problem not her. That's one of the main reason I want her to leave me alone. I guess at this point the best I can do is just ignore her. I do appreciate your advice, sending the emails via USmail might prove beneficial.

There are tracking programs that can tell you who is reading your blog. Ip addies, locations, etc. http://www.statcounter.com/ <--that is just one of them

If she is that whacko about you i'm pretty sure she's tracking your hits to her blog. Honestly, even if you ARE recording her blog for your own purposes, that's her blog-it's something you have to actually go OUT of your way to see-so it doesn't seem like harassment if she's writing about you in her "personal journal" so to speak. It is not mature, and it seems kind of lame, but just don't go out of your way to read it. I'm not so sure a judge would consider it if you actually have to GO TO it as you are not being subject to it involuntarily...every time she sees your location/IP on her blog it just fuels the fire. Seriously-next thing you know she will be posting about you "stalking" her.

I have a crazy "sister in law"(not legally-my kids' paternal aunt in law lol) who I was very close with for a while. We ended up having a falling out. After family functions (holidays) I would sometimes check her blog to see if she posted any pics of my kids interacting with my their cousins or anything-not for bad purposes, so I could download them for myself. The other sis in law, who doesn't speak with her either, started checking for pics of HER kids after family functions as well. Next thing ya know, after one family function we checked out her blog to find a screen shot of our IP addies from the last holiday and some huge rant about stalkers. Every time we had been visiting her blog (which wasn't even often-just after major holidays) it was just fueling her crazy fire. She even NOTED in her blog that her "crazy stalker sis in laws visit my blog after EVERY major holiday function-I wonder what secrets they think they'll find here??" She DID post several crazy rants about me after our argument, but nothing positive such as interactions with our kids. After seeing the screen shot and the rant about stalkers I just stopped checking-she seemed to feel very threatened by our presence in her blog.

 

[maryjo]

My lack of response when my ex and his girlfriend say something inflammatory just to tick me off...is eventually what led to them leaving me the heck alone for the most part.

They will say things to our son that they know he will come back and tell me and then just wait. They are still waiting for a reaction to things they said last summer. LOL! I tell my son "I dont care what they say about me. I am ignoring it and you should ignore it too." Both me and my son have had a lot less stressfull life the last 8 months or so.

Trust me, it only makes YOUR life better when you ignore it. Just consider her a non-entity in your life. It doesnt matter what she says to you or about you. But the second you respond the tables turn. And NOT in your favor. It stinks and it isnt fair but thats how it is. Eventually she is going to get bored with crucifying you all the time, so long as you dont give her ammo to attack you with.

 

[NSA4answers]

There are tracking programs that can tell you who is reading your blog. Ip addies, locations, etc. http://www.statcounter.com/ <--that is just one of them

If she is that whacko about you i'm pretty sure she's tracking your hits to her blog. Honestly, even if you ARE recording her blog for your own purposes, that's her blog-it's something you have to actually go OUT of your way to see-so it doesn't seem like harassment if she's writing about you in her "personal journal" so to speak. It is not mature, and it seems kind of lame, but just don't go out of your way to read it. I'm not so sure a judge would consider it if you actually have to GO TO it as you are not being subject to it involuntarily...every time she sees your location/IP on her blog it just fuels the fire. Seriously-next thing you know she will be posting about you "stalking" her.

I have a crazy "sister in law"(not legally-my kids' paternal aunt in law lol) who I was very close with for a while. We ended up having a falling out. After family functions (holidays) I would sometimes check her blog to see if she posted any pics of my kids interacting with my their cousins or anything-not for bad purposes, so I could download them for myself. The other sis in law, who doesn't speak with her either, started checking for pics of HER kids after family functions as well. Next thing ya know, after one family function we checked out her blog to find a screen shot of our IP addies from the last holiday and some huge rant about stalkers. Every time we had been visiting her blog (which wasn't even often-just after major holidays) it was just fueling her crazy fire. She even NOTED in her blog that her "crazy stalker sis in laws visit my blog after EVERY major holiday function-I wonder what secrets they think they'll find here??" She DID post several crazy rants about me after our argument, but nothing positive such as interactions with our kids. After seeing the screen shot and the rant about stalkers I just stopped checking-she seemed to feel very threatened by our presence in her blog.

wow. Ok warning heeded LOL. However personally I honestly don't think she's smart enough to do/know the blog tracking thing. But good point. Thanks

 

[summerdawn]

wow. Ok warning heeded LOL. However personally I honestly don't think she's smart enough to do/know the blog tracking thing. But good point. Thanks

Mine didn't come off as too intelligent either. But when it came to perpetuating her nutty paranoia she had all KINDS of tricks! LOL!

 

[NSA4answers]

My lack of response when my ex and his girlfriend say something inflammatory just to tick me off...is eventually what led to them leaving me the heck alone for the most part.

They will say things to our son that they know he will come back and tell me and then just wait. They are still waiting for a reaction to things they said last summer. LOL! I tell my son "I dont care what they say about me. I am ignoring it and you should ignore it too." Both me and my son have had a lot less stressfull life the last 8 months or so.

Trust me, it only makes YOUR life better when you ignore it. Just consider her a non-entity in your life. It doesnt matter what she says to you or about you. But the second you respond the tables turn. And NOT in your favor. It stinks and it isnt fair but thats how it is. Eventually she is going to get bored with crucifying you all the time, so long as you dont give her ammo to attack you with.

I agree with that whole heartedly.. and it honestly has gotten much better since I stopped responding. However now the emails that I write him he's stopped responding to those all together. Important ones about parenting. Not just the little stuff. It's weird and unlike him and especially after she told me not to email him anymore because it wouldn't be read just deleted. This was in response to my asking him (before Easter) to remember that I have sole decision making over her religious up bringing, and the gf is not the same religion as we are and I asked that she not go to church for Easter because he's asked me before if she could go to church with the gf. Apparently that made me the devil, and I'm controling and act like his mother (per her). Since then he does not respond to emails regarding parenting things.

 

[escape2paradise]

I agree with that whole heartedly.. and it honestly has gotten much better since I stopped responding. However now the emails that I write him he's stopped responding to those all together. Important ones about parenting. Not just the little stuff. It's weird and unlike him and especially after she told me not to email him anymore because it wouldn't be read just deleted. This was in response to my asking him (before Easter) to remember that I have sole decision making over her religious up bringing, and the gf is not the same religion as we are and I asked that she not go to church for Easter because he's asked me before if she could go to church with the gf. Apparently that made me the devil, and I'm controling and act like his mother (per her). Since then he does not respond to emails regarding parenting things.

I would install msg tag as well. It automatically sends you a receipt when the recipient opens your email. It is free and can be found at

http://www.msgtag.com/home/

You can then keep the receipts if X later tries to claim he never got the messages.

You might want to print out emails etc... and ask the X to have a meeting with you. Show him the emails you've sent and the responses. Don't accuse the gf, just tell him its weird I'm sending you these messages, yet you either don't respond or send messages and later state you never received the email. Then ask him how he feels it should be handled. Offer that perhaps both of you should get new hotmail accounts to use specifically for communications with each other.

 

[maryjo]

I agree with that whole heartedly.. and it honestly has gotten much better since I stopped responding. However now the emails that I write him he's stopped responding to those all together. Important ones about parenting. Not just the little stuff. It's weird and unlike him and especially after she told me not to email him anymore because it wouldn't be read just deleted. This was in response to my asking him (before Easter) to remember that I have sole decision making over her religious up bringing, and the gf is not the same religion as we are and I asked that she not go to church for Easter because he's asked me before if she could go to church with the gf. Apparently that made me the devil, and I'm controling and act like his mother (per her). Since then he does not respond to emails regarding parenting things.

Its hard I know. But you should make sure you document everything as much as possible. Maybe send the emails to him and BCC it to yourself so you have a record of the time and date you sent it. Then print them out.

You said its a court order than yall are supposed to communicate through email only. When do you go to court again? Maybe its time to revise that if possible?

If he isnt reading or responding to emails sent to him can he be held in contempt and if so, what might they do about that?

As for the religion thing...I know some people are VERY serious and strict about their religion. But in my opinion, exposure to most religions can only be a good thing. I dont think its something to fight over. Did your ex have Easter "visitation" this year? I dont know about the state you live in, but here we dont really get any say in what goes on during the other time with the child.

 

[NSA4answers]

Its hard I know. But you should make sure you document everything as much as possible. Maybe send the emails to him and BCC it to yourself so you have a record of the time and date you sent it. Then print them out.

Yeah I do that. I've considered just CC'ing them so he's aware that I am saving them so he can't pretend like he didn't get them if he's just ignoring me, and possibly it will discourage the gf from deleting them if that's the case as well.

You said its a court order than yall are supposed to communicate through email only. When do you go to court again? Maybe its time to revise that if possible?

It's not ONLY how we are to comminicate. When we seperated there was a restraining order and he was very abusive, verbally physically etc. The custody agreement took a loooooong time so by the time the RO was up I still was not comfortable talking to him privately by phone etc. So we agreed to communicate by email so there would be a record of our conversations, and he would have to behave himself. Until we agreed otherwise. So we talk other ways now than just email, but anything important or that he's not gonna like much I put in email, so that he can't launch off and start calling me any name you can think of. (he still does anyway though)

If he isnt reading or responding to emails sent to him can he be held in contempt and if so, what might they do about that?

I don't know... I'm not so sure how much I want to stir the pot with him. I just want his gf to leave me the H E double hockey sticks alone.

As for the religion thing...I know some people are VERY serious and strict about their religion. But in my opinion, exposure to most religions can only be a good thing. I dont think its something to fight over. Did your ex have Easter "visitation" this year? I dont know about the state you live in, but here we dont really get any say in what goes on during the other time with the child.

He did not have Easter visitation this year and before meeting this woman he had aboslutely ZERO religion what so ever. She is a fanatic and I find her specific religion to be a little fanatic as well. I wont bring it up because I really dont want to offend anyone who may share her religion, I do not by any means think less of people for their religious beliefs, I just strongly believe in mine and wish for my children to be raised as such. And while I agree with you that exposure to a broad genre of religions is not a bad thing, our daughter is 6 and just really begining to learn our religion. When she is an adult she is welcome to make her own decission on what religion she practices. It is what he and I chose to raise her as and because he had no religion we agreed that I would have permanent decision making over her religious upbringing. I told him I didn't care if she participated in the egg dying and easter egg hunts or if they gave her an easter basket etc... all that stuff, but I would prefer if she didn't take our daughter to her church or have her participate in the religious aspect of Easter. Before I ever heard from my ex about my email, she was over the top flipping out. You seriously would have thought I was the devil in my human suit .... lol

Anyway, the religion thing is completely different than this issue, that was just when she told me that I shouldn't bother emailing my ex anymore because they wouldn't be read and they'd be deleted.

 

[onebreath]

I agree on the religion issue. But that is purely personal opinion. You are raising your child in a strong way....sometimes I wonder if when children get exposed to people we would not have thought we would expose them too....show their true colors, and kids are smart...they form their own decisions about whats real and not real. I think its good for kids to experience diversity...but sorry, this is not a cross cultural survey....BUT...I can see how dad thought that controlling....just remember when at dads' house, whether gf there or not, its dads time stricktly with the child and thats the main thing to get used to. From a legal standpoint, its not fair to dictate to the dad if child goes to a Easter service on his time with child.

I saw excellent suggestions for how to try to approach dad on your own about the emailing. Before I had read those, another idea is to sit down with dad...arrange a time in a coffee shop if ya'll can handle that, or write him a certified letter, and just explain how the loss of the contact is not good for _____, that you want to begin communicating via email as soon as possible to be able to stay in touch about son, and ask what he wants around that. (put him on the spot). And do not say a thing about the gf at all. Make an agreement and move on.

And I agree, stop looking at her blog, you are giving her way too much power.

 

[stealth2]

He did not have Easter visitation this year and before meeting this woman he had aboslutely ZERO religion what so ever. She is a fanatic and I find her specific religion to be a little fanatic as well. I wont bring it up because I really dont want to offend anyone who may share her religion, I do not by any means think less of people for their religious beliefs, I just strongly believe in mine and wish for my children to be raised as such. And while I agree with you that exposure to a broad genre of religions is not a bad thing, our daughter is 6 and just really begining to learn our religion. When she is an adult she is welcome to make her own decission on what religion she practices. It is what he and I chose to raise her as and because he had no religion we agreed that I would have permanent decision making over her religious upbringing. I told him I didn't care if she participated in the egg dying and easter egg hunts or if they gave her an easter basket etc... all that stuff, but I would prefer if she didn't take our daughter to her church or have her participate in the religious aspect of Easter. Before I ever heard from my ex about my email, she was over the top flipping out. You seriously would have thought I was the devil in my human suit .... lol

However, be aware that you will likely not be able to stop HIM from taking your daughter to any Church he wants to. He may not be allowed to have her baptized, confirmed, whatever your particular flavor does, but a court is NOT going to tell him he can't take her to another Church with him.