Ex's girlfriend interfering?

[NSA4answers]

However, be aware that you will likely not be able to stop HIM from taking your daughter to any Church he wants to. He may not be allowed to have her baptized, confirmed, whatever your particular flavor does, but a court is NOT going to tell him he can't take her to another Church with him.

Yes I realize that, we'll let him figure that out on his own though. I figure I don't have to share my legal knowledge with him. He's responsible for being a big boy and knowing that himself. I didn't tell him he wasn't allowed to I just asked that he didn't. I'm very aware that had he chosen to ignore me and let the gf take her any way I would have no leg to stand on.

 

[NSA4answers]

I agree on the religion issue. But that is purely personal opinion. You are raising your child in a strong way....sometimes I wonder if when children get exposed to people we would not have thought we would expose them too....show their true colors, and kids are smart...they form their own decisions about whats real and not real. I think its good for kids to experience diversity...but sorry, this is not a cross cultural survey....BUT...I can see how dad thought that controlling...just remember when at dads' house, whether gf there or not, its dads time stricktly with the child and thats the main thing to get used to. From a legal standpoint, its not fair to dictate to the dad if child goes to a Easter service on his time with child.

for the bold/italic part, he actually did not. (of all the things he thinks I do that are controlling that was not one of them. lol) He's not against our daughter being raised in the religion that she's being raised in at all. It was his gf that was SOOO irate about it. He wouldn't step into a church, trust me. That weekend was his but Easter morning he was supposed to bring her back home. I told him I didn't mind if he kept her a couple hours longer since we don't celebrate Easter. He actually ended up bringing her home the night before. I never found out why he brought her home early. Maybe the gf was so pissed off that she couldn't do what she wanted having her there didn't matter anyway. A lot of dad's desire to have visitation is based on whatever gf at the time that he has wants.

I saw excellent suggestions for how to try to approach dad on your own about the emailing. Before I had read those, another idea is to sit down with dad...arrange a time in a coffee shop if ya'll can handle that, or write him a certified letter, and just explain how the loss of the contact is not good for _____, that you want to begin communicating via email as soon as possible to be able to stay in touch about son, and ask what he wants around that. (put him on the spot). And do not say a thing about the gf at all. Make an agreement and move on.

I went into my saved emails, and sent it again with a little note that said I just wanted to make sure you got this because I hadn't heard back from you. So email me back to let me know you got it and what your thoughts are. We'll see what happens. If he doesn't respond now, I'll send it in the US mail. I would LOVE to be able to have better communication with him. I have tried the we could meet at starbucks thing. No success. I have tried the lets meet for dinner and I'll buy thing... no success, his gf has told him when he drops our daughter off he doesn't even need to come to the door or get out of the car. So he doesn't. And technically he probably doesn't have to, but it's not exactly helping our communication any. When he picks her up from my moms (I am still at work) he knocks on the door, she answers and he goes back to and gets in his car and waits for her there. He refuses to answer my phone calls and then immediately after the phone stops ringing he text messages me asking what I wanted. This is all new stuff since this new gf came into play. Our communication has always been strained but it is a thousand times worse now.

I bought this book Co-Parenting Survival Guide: Letting Go of Conflict after a Difficult Divorce. It's basically for parents in high conflict with the other parent. I told him I was reading it and he should look into getting it also because I thought it might be able to help us communicate better. Yeah he was all for it, until the next time he started calling me names chewing me out because our daughter was sick when she came home from his house, but again, he dropped her off on the side of the street and didn't even bother to tell me. I was going to give her some motron for a temp, and she said Daddy already gave me some. I asked him how much, what and when and said that I thought that was important information to share with each other and one of the reasons we needed to communicate better. When he went off on me I asked if he had started reading that book yet, his response, "Why should I? You're impossible to deal with." Ok well whatever. That's a brilliant way to look at it.

Just a glimpse of what I am looking at as far as communicating with him. I try by it's not easy when the other person is so shut off to the idea of it. He used to respond to emails, but his gf has told me, so I'm sure she's told him as well, that he doesn't have to talk to me at all. I wonder how that's working for her and her ex...

And I agree, stop looking at her blog, you are giving her way too much power.

Will do.

 

[NSA4answers]

A Response!

Well I got my response to the email I sent him asking if he could respond so I knew he had gotten it and so we could comminucate. It was a total of a 1 (one) sentence response to a 6 paragraph email touching on multiple topics.... And it didn't even correspond to what my email.

I sure wish there was a way to mandate communication!

 

[maryjo]

I am just curious...what exactly do you need to talk to you ex so much about?

I RARELY speak to my ex. When we do its usually to say "Oh he (son) had a little cold this week" or "he got that bruise because he...." or "just so you know, we are taking him out of town next weekend". I have sent him pictures of our son, I buy gifts for him to give his dad for holidays and birthdays. But there is not constant need for communication on a daily, or even weekly basis. We have gone many weeks without speaking. Now, occassionally he calls me and ends up chatting for 45 minutes. Its during those times that I stay friendly and peaceful but I keep thinking "Dont you have a girlfriend for this now?" LOL!

I send copies of report cards, etc. But there just isnt a reason to keep him up to date on EVERY little thing going on in our son's life. He is 9 now and can tell him himself what he is up to. I can understand if there is a medical condition or something. But otherwise, why do you NEED to communicate with the ex so often?

Just curious.

 

[NSA4answers]

I am just curious...what exactly do you need to talk to you ex so much about?

I RARELY speak to my ex. When we do its usually to say "Oh he (son) had a little cold this week" or "he got that bruise because he...." or "just so you know, we are taking him out of town next weekend". I have sent him pictures of our son, I buy gifts for him to give his dad for holidays and birthdays. But there is not constant need for communication on a daily, or even weekly basis. We have gone many weeks without speaking. Now, occassionally he calls me and ends up chatting for 45 minutes. Its during those times that I stay friendly and peaceful but I keep thinking "Dont you have a girlfriend for this now?" LOL!

The most recent emails are sent because I filed a modification for child support, our hearing date is the 17th. There are some increases such as child care/kindie tuition, that weren't included in the order before. Our agreement right now states that those are to be reimbursed to me in the form of child support. He WAS paying the kindie tuition (which is just full day kindergarten more so after school childcare but in the form of kindergarten instead of babysitting so much), and he hasn't paid me anything for work related child care for the entire school year. I've let the work related child care go because I'm just not gonna fight with him. He keeps telling me he doesn't have any money and he can tell the judge that. There are also unreimbursed medical expenses that I have given him copies of receipts for and he was supposed to have paid me by 3/22 and I can't get him to pay me. The email that he FINALLY emailed me back about yesterday was regarding swim team registration, we wont be able to go the day it's held and asked if he could go register them, buy their swim suits etc. In the past we've split the volunteer commitment (each do 2 meets) I asked if he was still ok with doing that this summer, what the cost would be, that I would give him my portion of the money to register them, what his share would be, uhmm... the weblink for the swim teams website, just needed information that I get since I am a member of the pool, but he is not. Just trying to keep him informed and involved. NOTHING I email him about is personal.

I send copies of report cards, etc. But there just isnt a reason to keep him up to date on EVERY little thing going on in our son's life. He is 9 now and can tell him himself what he is up to. I can understand if there is a medical condition or something. But otherwise, why do you NEED to communicate with the ex so often?

I don't need to, but all those things you mentioned, I can't get him to communicate with me AT ALL. Like being sick. She was sick last time she came home from his house, he didn't tell me he'd given her any morton, didn't tell me she had a fever or was feeling ill, nothing. Then badgered me about why she's always sick when she's at his house. *I kinda thought to myself uhm maybe you should have that wonderful gf of your clean her house* Asking if I had taken her to the doctor, he would know if he'd even bothered to look at the medical bills I'd given him, just petty little arguments that he'd apparently rather have then actual communication about our kid. I've given him report cards, invited him to parent teacher conferences although he doesn't go, but if I don't say anything then I'm not "keeping him informed about our daughters life." It's not that I WANT to talk to him constantly... I guess I just want to 1) keep the lines of communication open for my daughters sake, and 2) Don't wanna get caught NOT doing something I should be and give him reason to attack me. Like the swim team thing. I WANT him to be involved, not cause I'm interested in seeing him every Saturday this summer because my daughter wants to do the swim team, loved doing it last year and wants him there to see her do it. She's proud of herself. He always left early or was late for the meets last year and always missed her swimming. It really hurt her. If he doesn't want to be involved I wont make him obviously, but for her, I want him to be.

 

[maryjo]

The most recent emails are sent because I filed a modification for child support, our hearing date is the 17th. There are some increases such as child care/kindie tuition, that weren't included in the order before. Our agreement right now states that those are to be reimbursed to me in the form of child support. He WAS paying the kindie tuition (which is just full day kindergarten more so after school childcare but in the form of kindergarten instead of babysitting so much), and he hasn't paid me anything for work related child care for the entire school year. I've let the work related child care go because I'm just not gonna fight with him. He keeps telling me he doesn't have any money and he can tell the judge that. There are also unreimbursed medical expenses that I have given him copies of receipts for and he was supposed to have paid me by 3/22 and I can't get him to pay me. The email that he FINALLY emailed me back about yesterday was regarding swim team registration, we wont be able to go the day it's held and asked if he could go register them, buy their swim suits etc. In the past we've split the volunteer commitment (each do 2 meets) I asked if he was still ok with doing that this summer, what the cost would be, that I would give him my portion of the money to register them, what his share would be, uhmm... the weblink for the swim teams website, just needed information that I get since I am a member of the pool, but he is not. Just trying to keep him informed and involved. NOTHING I email him about is personal.

You cant force them to be involved unfortunately. I would email him about the court orders once and tell him if he doesnt do what the court order says that your next step will be to see him in court. Then then rest of it I would just send him the email with the information about things about your children and then leave it alone. You told him, thats all you have to do. And then dont expect or depend on him to do the other stuff like the swim meets and such.



I don't need to, but all those things you mentioned, I can't get him to communicate with me AT ALL. Like being sick. She was sick last time she came home from his house, he didn't tell me he'd given her any morton, didn't tell me she had a fever or was feeling ill, nothing. Then badgered me about why she's always sick when she's at his house. *I kinda thought to myself uhm maybe you should have that wonderful gf of your clean her house* Asking if I had taken her to the doctor, he would know if he'd even bothered to look at the medical bills I'd given him, just petty little arguments that he'd apparently rather have then actual communication about our kid. I've given him report cards, invited him to parent teacher conferences although he doesn't go, but if I don't say anything then I'm not "keeping him informed about our daughters life." It's not that I WANT to talk to him constantly... I guess I just want to 1) keep the lines of communication open for my daughters sake, and 2) Don't wanna get caught NOT doing something I should be and give him reason to attack me. Like the swim team thing. I WANT him to be involved, not cause I'm interested in seeing him every Saturday this summer because my daughter wants to do the swim team, loved doing it last year and wants him there to see her do it. She's proud of herself. He always left early or was late for the meets last year and always missed her swimming. It really hurt her. If he doesn't want to be involved I wont make him obviously, but for her, I want him to be.

We went through this for the first 6 months to a year. Its just a power play. Our son was perfectly fine one Friday when he left me but by the time that night came and he was at his dad's he was sick. His dad called me screaming at me!! He wanted to know why I didnt tell him he was sick and why i didnt send him medicine with him. Why?! Because he wasnt sick when he left me!! I told him it was a cold, give him meds, no biggie. The next day I texted him to check on son and he wanted to know why I wanted to know. I hadnt cared the day before, why did I then care? They ended up take him to the doctor and told me he had broncitus (sp?). When he came back i took him to the doctor myself just to get a second opinion. The doctor said it was NOT Broncitus and he had maybe an upper respiratory infection if anything.

But I could give you SO many stories of him bringing our son home sick (after letting him sit in the smoke of a meat smoker for hours) or injured (burn/cut mark on his chin after a bullet casing flew back and hit him in the face when his father let him...at 7...shot a real gun) and he NEVER tells me what happens. Thankfully, son is old enough to tell me himself. But he almost always comes home sunburned, covered in bug bites, having allergies, any number of injuries, etc. And his dad doesnt say a word.

I have definately learned to pick my battles since getting divorced. My ex moved away but even when he was here he didnt have anything to do with our son if it wasnt his weekend. He didnt comes to school functions or anything. Eventually I quit inviting him. I figured if he wanted to be involved, he would be. I do think he has the right to know about his grades and since they dont mail report cards..they post them on an internet..I always make copies and send to him. I also send some pictures I think he might like and things like that. But thats about it.

If it makes you feel any better, my ex was ordered to pay me half the balance on a credit card. 50 dollars a month. He hasnt paid a DIME on it. I am not stressing over it. I paid the card off myself and if we ever have to go back to court over anything, I will bring it up then. He is behind in childsupport and isnt paying that so I doubt I will see the money for the credit card. I am not going to fight over it because I cherish MY peace and sanity.

 

[ErinGoBragh]

no, the reason you go to her site is because you are a forum troll and LOVE to instigate fights or contribute to drama in any way possible. Somehow, I doubt your ex's girlfriend is the one off of her rocker. And to be quite honest, you do sound like a jealous ex. Leave her alone, stop going to her site, and PLEASE stop harrassing people on here and providing blatantly WRONG "legal" advice.

Am I missing something in her posting history where she loves to troll? And personally, yeah, she shouldn't be looking at the blog, but it is human to be curious. I think she raises some very legit concerns about the girlfriend interfering with communication between her and the ex, some good remedies have been suggested, but I very much can't blame her for wanting to keep communication to e-mail.

edit: Concernedmom13, I just read the first thread in which you referred to NSA as a troll, and she's not trolling, she's dealing in reality. If you wanna call that trolling, you're calling pretty much every senior member here a troll. Cut it out.

 

[NSA4answers]

no, the reason you go to her site is because you are a forum troll and LOVE to instigate fights or contribute to drama in any way possible. Somehow, I doubt your ex's girlfriend is the one off of her rocker. And to be quite honest, you do sound like a jealous ex. Leave her alone, stop going to her site, and PLEASE stop harrassing people on here and providing blatantly WRONG "legal" advice.

Who's harassing who now? Are you planning on responding this way to all my thread simply because you didn't like what I told you about your boyfriend and his child support? Seriously little girl. You don't know jack. So stop while you're ahead. Your thread already got deleted because you're way out of line.

 

[NSA4answers]

Am I missing something in her posting history where she loves to troll? And personally, yeah, she shouldn't be looking at the blog, but it is human to be curious. I think she raises some very legit concerns about the girlfriend interfering with communication between her and the ex, some good remedies have been suggested, but I very much can't blame her for wanting to keep communication to e-mail.

edit: Concernedmom13, I just read the first thread in which you referred to NSA as a troll, and she's not trolling, she's dealing in reality. If you wanna call that trolling, you're calling pretty much every senior member here a troll. Cut it out.

Thank you Eryn

For the record, I've deleted the gf's myspace from my favorites. So can't find her, don't care to. Sometimes it takes the advice of others who aren't involved to see when something is wrong. Like I've said time and time again, I certainly appreciate the advice and help I've gotten on this forum from other posters.

 

[fairisfair]

Am I missing something in her posting history where she loves to troll? And personally, yeah, she shouldn't be looking at the blog, but it is human to be curious. I think she raises some very legit concerns about the girlfriend interfering with communication between her and the ex, some good remedies have been suggested, but I very much can't blame her for wanting to keep communication to e-mail.

edit: Concernedmom13, I just read the first thread in which you referred to NSA as a troll, and she's not trolling, she's dealing in reality. If you wanna call that trolling, you're calling pretty much every senior member here a troll. Cut it out.

Actually, there is a difference, most of the senior members here are well versed in the law.

They are not just parrotting what they heard one thread before and attempting to join in a fight where they are, quite honestly, ill equipped.

The Junior members and "members", NSA4 Included and in fact highlighted, would do well to back off on their attacks of posters.

 

[NSA4answers]

Actually, there is a difference, most of the senior members here are well versed in the law.

They are not just parrotting what they heard one thread before and attempting to join in a fight where they are, quite honestly, ill equipped.

The Junior members and "members", NSA4 Included and in fact highlighted, would do well to back off on their attacks of posters.

I was not attacking her.

 

[fairisfair]

I was not attacking her.

Really??? What exactly would YOU call it???? Perhaps you might read your posts lately on the other threads in order to obtain a slightly more objective view.