Extra Visitation

[kmom23]

What is the name of your state?CT
My daughter's father has done absolutely nothing to help pay for her expenses. She is not required by the state to pay child support because he is on Social Security Disability. He has visitation every Mon Wed and every other Sat and Sun from 9-5. He has asked me for more time with her because he is unable to be there because he has to work. I don't really want to give it to him because I cannot afford the gas to pick her up an extra day. I only get $133 a month from social security, and that barely pays for gas for me to get her the days he is supposed to have her. Nevermind any of the other expenses. My question is do I have to let him have her. He usually calls the day he wants her and I normally have things planned for the day. She goes over the days the court order states she has to. In the order it does not say that she has to be allowed to go over any other time if he should request it. Will it look bad to a court if I say no? Do I have to let him take her on days that are not his?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state?CT
My daughter's father has done absolutely nothing to help pay for her expenses. She is not required by the state to pay child support because he is on Social Security Disability. He has visitation every Mon Wed and every other Sat and Sun from 9-5. He has asked me for more time with her because he is unable to be there because he has to work. I don't really want to give it to him because I cannot afford the gas to pick her up an extra day. I only get $133 a month from social security, and that barely pays for gas for me to get her the days he is supposed to have her. Nevermind any of the other expenses. My question is do I have to let him have her. He usually calls the day he wants her and I normally have things planned for the day. She goes over the days the court order states she has to. In the order it does not say that she has to be allowed to go over any other time if he should request it. Will it look bad to a court if I say no? Do I have to let him take her on days that are not his?

You are required to do nothing more than follow the existing court orders. How is it that he is working AND collecting SSDI?

 

[haiku]

no, you only have to follow the court order, and he can take you back to court if he wants more "official" time.

What you need to remember is the court order outlines the minimum legal time, you MUST provide, but as the CP you should be offering time over and above that if you possibly can.

remember the more time the child spends with both parents the better off they are.

 

[LdiJ]

no, you only have to follow the court order, and he can take you back to court if he wants more "official" time.

What you need to remember is the court order outlines the minimum legal time, you MUST provide, but as the CP you should be offering time over and above that if you possibly can.

remember the more time the child spends with both parents the better off they are.

That isn't "legal" advice...that is personal opinion....I am not saying that I agree or disagree..but that particular issue is raised here frequently.

 

[haiku]

That isn't "legal" advice...that is personal opinion....I am not saying that I agree or disagree..but that particular issue is raised here frequently.

my legal advice was "no, you only have to follow the court order."

She asked "would it look bad in court if I said no?"

And as a former resident and single mother in the state of CT. I gave her some advice, I learned in my parenting class there, and in mediation. SO its a little more than just personal opinion, IMO!.....

Maybe I should clarify a bit more, in that I might have looked like I was telling her she was wrong and should just bend over backwards to give him the kid when ever he wants, that was not the case, I just was pointing out the more co-operative you seem, and can prove to be in court, the better you look when deciding visitation custody matters.

 

[kmom23]

You are required to do nothing more than follow the existing court orders. How is it that he is working AND collecting SSDI?

He is working under the table. So SSD doesn't know anything about it, and that means he can do both. And feels that he shouldn't have to give anything to Kyra to help me raise her. I want to get proof that he is working, but am not entirely all that sure how. The only thing that I can think of is get a PI. That will be quite costly, which I think my parents may do for me to get him to start paying me anything.

 

[kmom23]

my legal advice was "no, you only have to follow the court order."

She asked "would it look bad in court if I said no?"

And as a former resident and single mother in the state of CT. I gave her some advice, I learned in my parenting class there, and in mediation. SO its a little more than just personal opinion, IMO!.....

Maybe I should clarify a bit more, in that I might have looked like I was telling her she was wrong and should just bend over backwards to give him the kid when ever he wants, that was not the case, I just was pointing out the more co-operative you seem, and can prove to be in court, the better you look when deciding visitation custody matters.

I went through the mediation with him already before the "final" papers were signed. I put in quotation marks because I know they will change the older she gets. I did all the bending. He did absolutely none. So I am not all that sure how much more I want to do. He is unagreeable, and he doesn't help at all. Not even a package of diapers here or there. Or here's $20 go buy her an outfit. Something. It's really sad because my boyfriend does more for her than her own father does. (Before I get critisized...I did not introduce my daughter to my bf until things got seriouse. I will not bring her around anything that I do not feel is seriouse. I feel that it is not good for her. We have been together for a while, and she just met him. He still would buy her diapers or clothing...even though he never met her.)

 

[haiku]

I went through the mediation with him already before the "final" papers were signed. I put in quotation marks because I know they will change the older she gets. I did all the bending. He did absolutely none. So I am not all that sure how much more I want to do. He is unagreeable, and he doesn't help at all. Not even a package of diapers here or there. Or here's $20 go buy her an outfit. Something. It's really sad because my boyfriend does more for her than her own father does. (Before I get critisized...I did not introduce my daughter to my bf until things got seriouse. I will not bring her around anything that I do not feel is seriouse. I feel that it is not good for her. We have been together for a while, and she just met him. He still would buy her diapers or clothing...even though he never met her.)

well, heres the thing, he is paying child support. And An NCP is not obligated to give anything extra over and above that support.

now my opinion is, if you think you can get a PI, you are probably better off spending it on a lawyer. A consultation depending on where you live can cost you anywhere from 100 to 250.

have you called SS to ask about fraud and how to report it?

Also be aware that, no matter how hard you try a true deadbeat will always find a way to get out of paying ANYTHING. court orders mean nothing to them.

good Luck to you.

 

[kmom23]

well, heres the thing, he is paying child support. And An NCP is not obligated to give anything extra over and above that support.

now my opinion is, if you think you can get a PI, you are probably better off spending it on a lawyer. A consultation depending on where you live can cost you anywhere from 100 to 250.

have you called SS to ask about fraud and how to report it?

Also be aware that, no matter how hard you try a true deadbeat will always find a way to get out of paying ANYTHING. court orders mean nothing to them.

good Luck to you.

I actually have a lawyer already! My aunt is a PI so it may be a little better for me. I am sure she will have to charge something seeing that is her only income. How is he paying support? It is not coming out of what he gets. He is recieving the same amount as before. I have not called SS yet. I have been trying to figure out my next step with my parents! Thank you for your help! And you are correct, a dead beat dad does try to get out of everything, which is quite sad!

 

[LdiJ]

I actually have a lawyer already! My aunt is a PI so it may be a little better for me. I am sure she will have to charge something seeing that is her only income. How is he paying support? It is not coming out of what he gets. He is recieving the same amount as before. I have not called SS yet. I have been trying to figure out my next step with my parents! Thank you for your help! And you are correct, a dead beat dad does try to get out of everything, which is quite sad!

The 133.00 that you get because he is on SSDI is intended to replace child support. So yes, technically that is child support coming from him, even though it doesn't come out of his pocket.

 

[kmom23]

The 133.00 that you get because he is on SSDI is intended to replace child support. So yes, technically that is child support coming from him, even though it doesn't come out of his pocket.

WOW...that is the most messed up thing I have ever heard. If he comes up with some BS reason he can't work...he never has to actually pay one dime of his money. So I guess I am raising her on my own because he is a loser. Are there any other options that I can do to actually get him to pay me anything at all, or am I basically going to be struggling for the rest of my life??

 

[LdiJ]

WOW...that is the most messed up thing I have ever heard. If he comes up with some BS reason he can't work...he never has to actually pay one dime of his money. So I guess I am raising her on my own because he is a loser. Are there any other options that I can do to actually get him to pay me anything at all, or am I basically going to be struggling for the rest of my life??

If he can manage to stay on SSDI (and that isn't guaranteed by any means) and as long as SSDI is providing a check to your daughter, then technically she is recieving child support.

However, I will tell you now...if your daughter is only recieving 133.00 a month then he is not receiving a whole lot either...certainly not enough to support himself. PLUS, you can take comfort in the fact that he is going to be a VERY poor old man. His retirement SS is going to be peanuts, because he isn't paying anything more into Social Security.....yeah, he could save on his own...but if he did he would probably get caught..and odds are he won't.

Here is a funny story...a true one. I am an accountant and a tax preparer. I had a client who has his own business who made a low income for 2004. This client also has an uncle who just started collecting SS retirement benefits and only gets 200.00 a month. This uncle also owned his own business and manipulated his own income his whole life and that is the result.

My client actually REFUSED to allow me to use alot of his expenses on his tax return. He had made estimated tax payments and did NOT want a refund. He insisted that he pay taxes on income he didn't actually have to pay taxes on...so that he would be paying MORE into Social Security!...because he does not want to end up like his uncle. I couldn't convince him to invest the refund in an IRA..

The point is....that even though my client went to an absurd extreme...he has caught on early to what most of these people working under the table simply don't realize...that how much SS you get (on retirement, for disability etc.) depends on how much you actually paid into the system.

 

[kat1963]

Listen there comes a time when you have to face the fact that he’s a loser & that you didn’t pick well. You can either sit there crying about it, letting it eat at you daily, shortening your life span & giving you early wrinkles or you can pick yourself up by your bootstraps, get an education or some kind of job training so that his minimal support really doesn’t matter anymore. We make choices every single day, stop dwelling on the bad choice you made & do something about it. You get 45.00 more per month then I EVER did and I never asked for lick of the government cheese. My sister didn’t either & she raised twins, one of which was profoundly retarded (never progressed past the age of 6 months old). Oh she was awarded support from her ex husband but didn’t see a dime of it until the kids were in their late teens (then settled for half because really at that time what the heck was the point?). Don’t you want to be a strong independent woman? Don’t you want to own a home, maybe a business or two? How about a nice beach cottage? Designer clothing, some great big diamonds? What is your dream? If you have one go grab it, if not then find one. No one can change you but you. No one can make choices & no one is ever going to hand you anything (unless you’re really really lucky). Right now I can see a great deal of bitterness in your tone & Hon let me tell you something it will eat you alive. Get over the fact that you made a mistake, don’t let it control you & don’t do it again!!! If you keep yourself down you are destine to pop out some more puppies with some additional losers. Then you certainly won’t get anywhere cept maybe a little blue trailer getting old, ugly & fat. YES, it might be hard for a while but really when has anything in life that is worthwhile ever been easy?
Good Luck!
(spelling errors intentional due to broken figure)
KAT
PS. Since he can't work then have him watch the child during the day while you make a wonderful career & full life for yourself. Why not right?

 

[kmom23]

Listen there comes a time when you have to face the fact that he’s a loser & that you didn’t pick well. You can either sit there crying about it, letting it eat at you daily, shortening your life span & giving you early wrinkles or you can pick yourself up by your bootstraps, get an education or some kind of job training so that his minimal support really doesn’t matter anymore. We make choices every single day, stop dwelling on the bad choice you made & do something about it. You get 45.00 more per month then I EVER did and I never asked for lick of the government cheese. My sister didn’t either & she raised twins, one of which was profoundly retarded (never progressed past the age of 6 months old). Oh she was awarded support from her ex husband but didn’t see a dime of it until the kids were in their late teens (then settled for half because really at that time what the heck was the point?). Don’t you want to be a strong independent woman? Don’t you want to own a home, maybe a business or two? How about a nice beach cottage? Designer clothing, some great big diamonds? What is your dream? If you have one go grab it, if not then find one. No one can change you but you. No one can make choices & no one is ever going to hand you anything (unless you’re really really lucky). Right now I can see a great deal of bitterness in your tone & Hon let me tell you something it will eat you alive. Get over the fact that you made a mistake, don’t let it control you & don’t do it again!!! If you keep yourself down you are destine to pop out some more puppies with some additional losers. Then you certainly won’t get anywhere cept maybe a little blue trailer getting old, ugly & fat. YES, it might be hard for a while but really when has anything in life that is worthwhile ever been easy?
Good Luck!
(spelling errors intentional due to broken figure)
KAT
PS. Since he can't work then have him watch the child during the day while you make a wonderful career & full life for yourself. Why not right?

Thank you for what you wrote! I have to agree with you fully. I am just frustrated b/c I am working so hard to provide a life for my daughter. I am actually going to school to be a paralegal, and then I want to go on to get a four year degree then to law school. I have a lot more to go with my education plans, especially because I just started my education in Feb. But I am definitely trying to do my best with everything. I didn't mean to put on a pitty party for myself. That was actually the last thing I wanted to do. I was more or less looking for help. He is a loser, you are right! Sorry to hear about your broken finger! Those SUCK! I hope everything in your life is good!