'Fake' Military Marriage troubles & Upcoming Wedding

[mushu1]

Whats the IAAL list? Is that bad?
I get your implication that I have been lying but this is not the case. I have been truthful about everything. If you must have clarification:

I had tried to look for him through old friends, etc for a few weeks. That went nowhere, so then I posted to this site for some guidance.

You guys told me it was serious, so I called 2 lawyers (who's names I got from this web site). They told me what county office and phone number to call to check for the filing (saying that, if it wasnt filed, there was no proof and so I shouldnt have any problems). I got through to automation, but an attendant would never pick up the phone- until 2 days ago when they confirmed that they did have it.
I tried to order a copy of the cert online, but I couldnt because it wanted me to enter the exact date and I dont remember that. (Yes, I tried to call the county offices back 10's of times, to ask if they could give me the date or if an approximate date would suffice, but they wouldnt answer again.)

So, I talked to a journalist friend who has experience in tracking people down. She said she couldnt help me because I didnt have enough info (just like you all said). I asked her if she could search for ME and see if I was listed as married or divorced etc. She asked if we had ever lived together. At the time of the marriage we didnt, however we did move in together some months later for only about a month. I gave her the address and she says she was able to obtain the info-yes, online!- from the rental application for that apartment.
(Yes, it freaked me out that someone could get someone else's SS# so easily too. It also ticked me off a bit that I had been searching for so long and she found it in a matter of minutes.) Then she searched and found his death and showed me the websites it was on. All of this later part occured just this morning (UK time. That would be around midnight in CA).

Im sorry that is seems so hard to believe that I would be THAT naive (stupid) but I must be, because I have been honest with you all.
Aside from this, I have never so much as drank under the age of 21 or not paid a parking ticket. So, I simply had no idea how to even begin looking for these sorts of things. And, again, I do appreciate your help. You guys are the ones who led me in the right direction.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

You are not very clear in your style of communicating, you gave the impression that you learned he was dead about 2 weeks ago and came here without any information. The important thing is that he is dead, you are a widow and can get married. You should still get copies of the documents. Here is where you can go to get the date of your marriage if in California you will need to know your maiden name http://www.vitalsearch-ca.com/gen/ca/_vitals/camarrin.htm then you can order a copy of the marriage certificate.
Here is a link to the SS death index where you can put in his first and last name and dyear of death, you sould be able to confirm his death and order a copy of the death certificate, you may need the marriage certificate first. http://ssdi.rootsweb.com/
After you do all that, you may want to check on probate in the county where he died and also VA, SSA and unclaimed money sites, you may be entitled to some benefits unknown to you

 

[mushu1]

Thank you for the site links. I had gotten the rootsweb site for the death certificate this morning from the journalist friend (because I wanted to confirm for myself that she was looking at the correct person) but the marriage site will be very helpful.
Sorry about the miscommunication. I wrote just minutes after I got the news and, I know this is terrible, but was so relieved and elated that I suppose I simply got a bit jumbled.
I will take your advice and order copies of the documents just in case. Whatever the law says, I never considered it real so I am uninterested in any resultant benefits. As you said, the important thing is that my marriage in June will be legal.

I cannot thank you all enough. I would never have gotten this resolved without your assistance!

 

[rmet4nzkx]

You were married whether you like it or not, and it is costing you something to resolve this issue, so you my as well claim what ever benefits are yours, you can always donate it to a good cause after your expense, also you may have some tax consequences.