Father moved

[sgrbgr]

What is the name of your state? New York

I have been trying to weed through all of the posts, and have yet to find this particular concern...bear with me, I'm a virgin to this site. My ex (never married) has recently moved to Baltimore to finish his education. As it stands now, we have joint custody with physical given to me. There are many issues with this. Bear with as I try to get through it. My ex's girlfriend has lived with him (hear in NY) for over a year now. She disappeared on weekends when my daughter would visit, refused to participate in activities with my daughter and her father, and showed little interest in her at all. She once told my daugh. that if she didn't behave she would never see her mother again. This is one concern. My ex is aware of the neglecting aspect of his girlfriend, even admits it. But refuses to believe my 4yr. old when she tells of the things that the girlfriend says to her when he's out walking his dog. Do I have to let my daughter visit her father in Baltimore where he lives with his girlfriend? Even though the custody order is for NY? One more thing....he has no job, isn't looking and has stopped paying support. What can I get out of him if he doesn't have a job and is a student again? He's going for his Master's and only has classes in the evenings. Also, do I have to travel for the visits? Shouldn't he have to drive up here? Anything you have to offer is good. Thanks.

 

[usmcfamily]

Your ex's g/f is under no obligation whatsoever to do anything for your daughter during the father's parenting time .... your ex, is, however, obligated to see that the child is in a safe and loving environment -- which may mean that he needs to not leave the child unattended with the g/f since it is, after all, *his* parenting time (not the g/f's). Of course, actually enforcing something like that could be quite another story w/out him realizing that HE is the one to be caring for the child during the time she is with them........
Since he has willingly quit working his income may well be imputed at the level at which he is capable of earning (ie can be based on his employment history, education level, etc).....just because he is not working does not mean he doesn't still have to pay the support as ordered. You can pursue a case for non-payment against him. Also, since his un-employment is willful it is very unlikely he would be successful if he were to try to get the order modified to reduce the amount he is ordered to pay.
Unless the order specifically says you have to travel to accomodate his visitation you are not obligated to do anything -- simply follow the order as it is written......the responsibility to modify it is his. If he has a problem with you refusing to travel to accomodate the exchanges he will have to pursue a modification of the order to address the matter of who travels where (at which time the judge is likely to ask how he can afford a court case if he can't afford to pay his support..... )

 

[sgrbgr]

More to ask

So, can I deny visitation to him until he catches up on support? I don't want to do this. I probably never would. I just want to know. Also, can I deny him visitation until the order is adjusted? Right now it says 2xs a week, everyother weekend. She starts kindergarten in a few days. If he ever does decide to come and visit her again (it's been a month since he's seen her) can I deny weeknights when he has no home here anymore and plans to take her to his girlfriend's parents home, where she has no room for herself, and no relationship with the family? I am open to weekends. If he can find a place to stay where she would feel comfortable. This is all depending on whether he attempts to try to see her again. He hasn't mentioned it yet in the two times he's called. And if he doesn't.....can I get full custody with set visitation based on the fact he's pretty much abandoned her?

 

[theother]

Support and visitation are considered two seperate matters. You cannot deny visitation because he is behind on support. You cannot deny him the visitation as it is written in your order. When you have your new orders, then you can change the visitation to comply with the new orders. You cannot deny visitation because of your daughter's "comfort level".

 

[usmcfamily]

DO NOT deny visitation!!!! That would be asking for trouble - yes, he is in contempt of the support order but by denying his access all you would be doing is putting yourself in contempt of the visitation order. Until there is a legal court order stating otherwise you must follow the existing order.......