Father needs help...

[spyhard466]

What is the name of your state? Maine

I am a new first time father who is about to embark in a custody battle with my ex-girlfriend. My son was born November 6th, 2003 and since then she has only allowed me to play a minimal role in his life. I have gotten court papers and had her sign because I was ready to go to court myself so that I could be a part of his life. However, since that day, she has allowed me to take him. I was detered by my research, the lack of funds for an attorney, and all the comments about how prejudice the court systems are against dads. So, I decided to take the time she was giving me and forget about it.

My son is now 7 months old and again she refuses to let me see him. It is now a money issue. She wants a significant amount of money a week and I told her I can't afford that much right now. She says until I can, that I can't see my son. I have always helped to support him the best I could. I have kept a log recording the times I've had him, a book of receipts for everything I have purchased and a daily journal whenever conflict came up and she got in the way of my paternal rights. It's not that I am saying that I won't pay child support... I will do anything I can to support my child. It is just what she is seeking is too much to handle at this point. In order to meet her demands, I would have to pick up an extra job and this all translates into less time to build a relationship with my son!!!

Since our last conversation, I have repeatedly been over to pick up my son and drop off items such as food, clothes and diapers. However, she refuses to answer her door or her phone. I have had my sister (whom she remains friends with) talk to her and try to drop off my son's needs, and still the ex refuses to take anything I have bought.

I'm at a loss as to what to do. You see, she collects state aid, which means any court time and she'll be provided a lawyer. Me, on the other hand, I will have the choice of representing myself (which would be crazy going against a lawyer) or being indebted to an attorney (when the funds could go directly to my son instead).

But I truly believe, that my son would have a better life in my custody. Besides her interfering with my life, she has no family or support up here... her cleanliness isn't up to par... and her other child whom is 4 yrs old is never around her peers because she won't enroll her in any kind of daycare (she owes money)... plus the father of her other child lives in North Carolina and has made several attempts to see his child yet she has refused him.

I need some good hard advice, guys!!!

A Trying Father,
Jason

 

[stealth2]

Without a court order, you're not required to pay any support and she's not required to provide you with any visitation. Also, be aware that, if she is receiving state aid for the kid - you will likely be hit up to repay the state. Since she's had physical custody since his birth, you're going to have a difficult time of getting custody yourself - I didn't see anything in your post that indicates an unfit parent. The question you're likely to be asked is, since you apparently KNEW that she was withholding her other child from the father, why did you think it was a good idea to create one with her?

 

[ktarra617]

As far as the child support is concerned she can dictate all she wants but when she gets into court the court will determine the amount of child support she will get based on a formula that the state has. They will either consider only your income or both your and hers. It depends on which model the state of Maine uses.

If Maine is like any of the other states they don't provide an attorney for her because she gets state aid the attorneys represent the state in the child support action. If you two start fighting over custody in a civil court the state will probably not provide her an attorney.

But you need to get in their and get a child support order done NOW. because the longer she collects state aid the more money you will have to pay. Eventually you will be paying both her child support and paying the state back for any aid she collected for the child.

While technically until you have a visitation order she doesn't have to let you see the child, it will not look good on her to the judge that she has been doing all she can to refuse your relationship with your child.

Find anyway you can to get an attorney and get this taken care of...

I cant guarantee you would get custody though because most states still work under the tender years theory that children from the ages 0-9 are better off with their mothers and your child is not even a year old yet but hey stranger things have happened.

Since she is not letting you see the child right now, I would get a second job to build up a savings account for your son so that the court will see that you have money set aside for him and to get yourself a lawyer. Then after you get all this taken care of you can quit the second job.

But you really should get yourself a consultation with a lawyer in your area and soon...

 

[newlife33]

You should not waste any time at all. Do whatever you can to get the money for a lawyer, get the test done to make sure you are the father and go to court. The longer you wait the worse it will be for you. Right now you have no rights to the child until you establish yourself as the father. The big NO! NO!: do not forget about it when she lets you see the child, you will regret you did that. If you decide to get into a new relationship things will change really quick and you won't have a leg to stand on. You can check your local area for free legal help depending on income and most lawyers don't charge for the first consultation. If you do give her money before a court order is established make sure it is in a form of a check or money order so it at least can be verified. Yes, the system seems to be against fathers, but you do have rights and you need to fight for those rights. If you love your son, you do whatever it takes to get this done (legally of course). Educate yourself on your rights, online in search type in SPARC or type in Fathers rights. Knowledge is power. I pray everything goes well for you.