father relinquishing parental rights vs. financial obligation

[janet7k]

rmet,

Yes thank you, I agree almost entirely. Having known many brought up in abusive homes, I know that many would rather sacrifice material comforts in exchange for feeling loved and protected by one parent. I am not simply trying to avoid discomfort for myself. My conflict comes from trying to protect the future welfare and well-being of my child by not placing him/her in harm's way. I suppose I don't know or trust the system well enough to feel 100% sure I can keep my child safe if the father is involved--- that will perhaps come with more research.

I have been documenting everyhting I can remember so that if he should file for visitation, I will fight for supervision as you suggested. Like LdiJ said, at least until then, there is no reason why I can't ignore his attempts to contact me and enjoy the rest of my pregnancy. It is not really my style to sit back. I am currently on Medicaid during pregnancy, so like you said, the state will go after him. In the meantime, I will continue my research and to get my duckies in a row.

You're really great for helping me with all of this. Consider yourself a positive contributor to baby's future

Warm thanks,

Janet

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Janet,
There is a fine line between protecting from a potentially abuse situation and eclipsing another's rights and the best interest of the child. His current financial situation and the brief nature of your relationship, might greatly affect his reactions and once your child is born and he has had to deal with all his responsibilities, he may be another person. More than likely he is very stressed at this point and if you look at most of the threads on this forum with non custodal parents tryting to give up parental rights it is usually because of child support and visitation problems, not because they don't want to be a parent. Right now, all his other obligations are real to him, your child isn't born yet, it isn't real to him, not the same as if he was carrying the child or living with you where he was activley a part of the pregnancy.

I wish you had told us originally that you were on Medicaid that changes everything. You obvioulsy have a lot to learn. It is not a matter of whether or not you apply for child support in the future, both you and your child need that support now and with you being self employed and not having health coverage even more reason to insure the father's financial obligations. You don't want to manage to get by or live in poverty because the father shirks his obligations or is too childish to manage his finances. Most likely, your application for medicaid caused the state to contact him as the presumed father and in turn his attorney's attempt to get you to sign a waiver. Don't sign it. Does the social services departent know he is leaving the state yet? Report that and see if they can get the court to order his DNA test now, before he leaves.

Depending on your income in the future you will need welfare since you need medicaid now and he will be responsible for the child's medical in the future, all of this will be decided in the courts, since he will be responsible for child support, CSE will take the money out of his earnings, with his history neither you, nor the state will trust him to pay without payroll deduction. When the day comes that you and or he are making more money eventually the child support will not go through the state if you are not on welfare/medicaid and except for an arrears/interest then you will receive child support in a more traditional manner, still with court orders but still go through CSE. All of this is separate form custody and visitation. He is in your life legally for at least the next 18 years in some manner, you will have to deal with it and your duty is to the best welfare of your child, which may not always be what you personally wish to do. He has been hurtful to you, but at some point you cared enough to conceive a child with him and you both have responsibility for your actions.

Take care of yourself and your baby, now and let the state assist you with the child support issues in the future but see if you can get the DNA now before he disappears after his move to NY. Ask your social services department for referals to legal assistance and support groups for single mothers and don't forget to contact WIC for nutritional counseling and support.

 

[janet7k]

rmet,

Interesting that social services did not want any information on the father when I applied for Medicaid (other than name) I guess that's why I didn't mention this. I have insurance, however, in CO there are no maternity benefits with individual coverage. The Social Services offices are closed today, but I will report his move to them on Monday.

I would be very grateful if you could suggest the best resources/reading material for better educating myself before the baby is born. I did find a good amount of helpful information on the Colorado Child Support Enforcement Agency website.

You are right, I did care very much for the father, still do. It has just been incomprehensible, sad and distressing that he says he doesn't want this child, and "why didn't you just get rid of it." I never want the child to feel unwanted or like an obligation rather than a treasure. Maybe you're right and he will come around after he sees the baby. I truly hope so.

Thanks for being a bit of a hard ass

Janet

 

[rmet4nzkx]

LOL!!! I am a bonifide hard a$$, my father broke a hair brush over my butt it was so hard, but I prefere the term, FIRM

Of course you are riding on your emotions and what might have been if the situation was different, as a bystander I can look at things more objectively.

It may be a blessing that in CO insurance puts you on medicaid, otherwise you might have signed his waiver never knowing what your options were.

Relax this weekend and call on Monday, the CO CSE site should have a lot of good information, you might call legal aid, they may have some information or referrals, also unplanned pregnancy sites or churches might offer services, counseling, clothing and baby equipment, here are some examples:
http://www.iseekhealth.com/reproductive-health/colorado-6315.htm
* Alternatives Pregnancy Center - Located in Denver. Pregnancy tests, ultrasound, short-term housing, peer counseling, pre-natal and post-natal support, referrals, and post-abortion recovery.
* Bridgeway Home For Pregnant Teenagers - Provides residential care, education and support for pregnant and parenting teenagers. Lakewood, Colorado.
* Caring Pregnancy Center - Located in Boulder, Nederland, and Lafayette. Information about unplanned pregnancy, adoption, sex, abortion, and the activities of the Center.
* Colorado Christian Services - Littleton. State-licensed non-profit child placement agency dedicated to providing professional Christian counseling services to women in crisis pregnancies, foster care to children awaiting adoptive placement, and assisting couples in building their fami
* Colorado Springs Pregnancy Center - Located in Colorado Springs. Offers pregnancy tests; post-abortion support; infant loss support after miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death; education seminars; and practical help.
* Hope Haven - A shelter for women in crisis pregnancies located in Grand Junction, Colorado. Includes facts to consider, programs and a newsletter.
* Life Choices Pregnancy Center - Longmont and Loveland. Crisis pregnancy center, counseling services, free pregnancy tests, abortion information, post-abortion, healthy sex, adoption, mens counseling, free baby and maternity clothing.
* Mary's Choice - A home for pregnant young women located in Bailey. Counseling, birth classes, and parenting classes.
* Mountain Area Pregnancy Center - Located in Evergreen. Offers pregnancy tests, peer counseling, maternity and baby supplies, referrals, and post abortion support.
* New Beginnings, A Home for Mothers - Located in metro Denver. Maternity home helping pregnant women with education, parenting and people skills, family relations, and money management.
* Pregnancy Resource Center - Located in Delta. Offers pregnancy testing and peer counseling.
* Shannon's Hope Maternity Home - Located in Wheat Ridge. Program overview, with information for supporters and volunteers.
* The Pregnancy Center - Located in Grand Junction. Offers pregnancy testing, peer counseling, referrals, maternity and baby items, and post-abortion support.

 

[rupertthepoodle]

Janet

Why would you even want anything to do with someone who told they dont want a child? Stop being so selfish and find someone who shares your own wants. Is the man not allowed to want and work for his life as he wants and not endandgered by a selfish imature woman such as yourself? Grow up and do the right thing for him and the child. Go to school and pay for your wants yourself...

 

[WittyUserName]

Four year old thread - stop necroposting.

 

[MrsK]

Currently, the father says he hates me and he is antagonistic due to the fact that I am pregnant and want to keep the child. He has defended his dog both when it bit me in the face, and 2 times when it attacked my cat. In matters such as these, he is unyielding and controlling. He refuses to train the dog or tell it no. In general, I have found him to be without guilt or conscience and lacking in moral character. My conflict comes from wanting to avoid an abusive situation.

Anyway, the answer is clear from your responses and I appreciate your time. No waiver. Chill until baby's born, get the DNA and pursue child support.

He will live in NY with his parents, reason being, he has 25K of debt he wants to pay off. Thankfully, I have the address.

Thanks again.

Janet

Welp, sounds like you are making a real smart choice having a baby with this dude.

If you file for support, of course he is going to file to see the kid. They usually do.

 

[racer72]

MrsK, did you happen to notice this thread is 4 years old? The OP is long gone as are some of the other folks that posted in this thread. Please don't necropost.

 

[VeronicaLodge]

why in the world would you sign up and make your first post be to a 4 year old thread, im sure these issues have been resolved and janet probably doesn't know how to find this thread any longer.