father relinquishing parental rights vs. financial obligation

[janet7k]

What is the name of your state? Colorado

The father plans to sign a waiver to relinquish his parental rights. If we sign this waiver, is he also relinquished from his future financial obligation to pay child support? (baby will be born in April)

Father doesn't want anything to do with the child. If child support is involved, however, he has says he would become involved whether because he's entitled to get what he's paying for.

Pushing for child support seems detrimental to my own and the baby's well-being.

Thank you for any advice.

Janet

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Don't put the cart before the horse.

First, since the baby isn't born you need to answer a question.

Is the mother married to the father of the baby?

 

[janet7k]

I am the mother and not married to the father. The father plans to move from CO to NY in about 10 days. He wants me to sign the waiver, I just want to be sure I'm not waiving his financial obligation should I decide I need it sometime in the future.

Thanks.

Janet

 

[BelizeBreeze]

I am the mother and not married to the father. The father plans to move from CO to NY in about 10 days. He wants me to sign the waiver, I just want to be sure I'm not waiving his financial obligation should I decide I need it sometime in the future.

Thanks.

Janet

Well guess what? At the present time this child has NO father, therefore, no financial obligation attaches. Also, therefore, the so-called father is under no legal obligation at the present time to offer ANY support.

In the future, should you file for child support, the court would first require a finding of paternity and THEN and only then would the biological father be financially liable.

But, along with paternity comes visitation and custody rights of the father.

So, now what?

If he IS found to be the father he cannot sign over his rights without the court's approval and IF the court approves, that ends ALL obligations to the child, including financial.

It's not a freeway with on and off ramps. Once done it's forever.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Janet,
First you say:

Father doesn't want anything to do with the child. If child support is involved, however, he has says he would become involved whether because he's entitled to get what he's paying for.

Pushing for child support seems detrimental to my own and the baby's well-being.

and then later:

The father plans to move from CO to NY in about 10 days. He wants me to sign the waiver, I just want to be sure I'm not waiving his financial obligation should I decide I need it sometime in the future.

You are barely in the second trimester with another 5 months to go until your child is born. The father sounds very controlling and as if he plans to be a dead beat dad even before the child is born. Is there something you are not telling us or is there abuse? How can it be detrimental to pursue child support?

If he moves to NY he will still be responsible for child support if paternity is proven and at least child support will be ordered, custody and visitation, transportation at his cost, would be after petition and upon court order, nor do they do TPR to avoid child support. Apparently he is trying to force you to do something that a judge is not likely to order, he doesn't hold all the cards or make the rules. If he is moving it may be difficult to locate him should you file a paternity action against him, so the sooner you file a paternity case (DNA testing will be done after the baby is born) the better even though the child is not due for months, also if you apply for welfare or medicaid, the state will pursue child support. Since he wants you to sign the waiver, it won't have any significance until paternity is established. By filing a paternity case now, he can be served while you and the court know where he is. If there is abuse, that can be taken into consideration by the court if and or when there are custody or visitation cases. Children take a lot of money to raise, unless you are employed with a good income and benefits or wealthy, your child will need some support, you are also in a state that allows for child support during college. BTW if you were to move to NY baby born and/or child support case established there, support continues until age 21. He is trying to pull the wool over your eyes.

 

[janet7k]

Currently, the father says he hates me and he is antagonistic due to the fact that I am pregnant and want to keep the child. He has defended his dog both when it bit me in the face, and 2 times when it attacked my cat. In matters such as these, he is unyielding and controlling. He refuses to train the dog or tell it no. In general, I have found him to be without guilt or conscience and lacking in moral character. My conflict comes from wanting to avoid an abusive situation.

Anyway, the answer is clear from your responses and I appreciate your time. No waiver. Chill until baby's born, get the DNA and pursue child support.

He will live in NY with his parents, reason being, he has 25K of debt he wants to pay off. Thankfully, I have the address.

Thanks again.

Janet

 

[stealth2]

In general, I have found him to be without guilt or conscience and lacking in moral character.

And this is something you've only discovered in the past four months?

 

[BelizeBreeze]

It's Thanksgiving. I'll reserve comment until tomrrow

 

[janet7k]

Hi Stealth,

I understand your point, and yes, I feel foolish for not being a better judge of character. The pregnancy came early in our relationship, and since then I have become more clear on his character and behaviors.

Janet

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Janet,
He siced his dog on you and bit your face, the same for your cat, did you report this to the police, go to the hospital? If not, do so now, before he leaves, you need this documented. You don't have to wait for DNA for that. While it may be comforting that he is going home to live with his parents and you have his address, please get real. Telling you that he is going home to live with his parents doesn't mean that he will be there when he is served with any papers or that his Mommy and Daddy won't cover for him. You have both yourself and your child to think about, don't let this controlling abusive idiot bulldoze you.

 

[janet7k]

rmet,

I appreciate your advocacy for my child. I feel the same way, and want to do everything I can to protect hisher well-being, that is my main reason for "putting the cart before the horse," as Don said. As well as the pressure I feel to do the right thing with the time crunch of him leaving the state very close at hand.

I'm afraid my claim would not be valid in the way you describe. His dog is a small Pomeranian. It bit my chin, but did not draw blood. He let his dog attack my 18 yr old cat, but my cat swiped the dog's ear and it bled. He claims that his dog is the victim. When the dog bit my face, he laughed and said, "she doesn't like it when anyone gets their face that close." And when I talked to him about the cat, he refused to ever tell his dog no or train it to not go after my cat. Of course, this sends alarm bells for the protection of my child.

The reason I posed this question re: the waiver is because his lawyer has agreed to file this and have him take a paternity test. I had heard that the waiver needs to become a court order before it is official and that a parent cannot waive their financial obligation through such a waiver in CO.

With these steps it is proven that he is the father with his DNA on file, and will document that he doesn't want the child. I would sign the waiver if it meant he may have a harder time gaining custody, the paternity test is taken care of and none of my rights were waived.

I'm doing the best I can to become educated about these issues on limited resources. Please know that I really appreciate your guidance.

Janet

 

[LdiJ]

rmet,

I appreciate your advocacy for my child. I feel the same way, and want to do everything I can to protect hisher well-being, that is my main reason for "putting the cart before the horse," as Don said. As well as the pressure I feel to do the right thing with the time crunch of him leaving the state very close at hand.

I'm afraid my claim would not be valid in the way you describe. His dog is a small Pomeranian. It bit my chin, but did not draw blood. He let his dog attack my 18 yr old cat, but my cat swiped the dog's ear and it bled. He claims that his dog is the victim. When the dog bit my face, he laughed and said, "she doesn't like it when anyone gets their face that close." And when I talked to him about the cat, he refused to ever tell his dog no or train it to not go after my cat. Of course, this sends alarm bells for the protection of my child.

The reason I posed this question re: the waiver is because his lawyer has agreed to file this and have him take a paternity test. I had heard that the waiver needs to become a court order before it is official and that a parent cannot waive their financial obligation through such a waiver in CO.

With these steps it is proven that he is the father with his DNA on file, and will document that he doesn't want the child. I would sign the waiver if it meant he may have a harder time gaining custody, the paternity test is taken care of and none of my rights were waived.

I'm doing the best I can to become educated about these issues on limited resources. Please know that I really appreciate your guidance.

Janet

Ok...lets take these points one at a time.

First, I don't even know why his attorney is even taking the time to prepare this kind of paperwork because it would be completely invalid and unforceable. You certainly shouldn't sign anything without getting the advice of an attorney first.

Second, "dad" is moving to NY from CO in 10 days. Basically that means that "dad" has NO CHANCE AT ALL of obtaining custody of the child. Unless dad could prove you legally unfit his chances would be very slim if he remained in CO...with him moving to NY he can basically forget it unless you are a documented drug addict/dealer, axe murderer etc.

Just let him go and stop worrying about things. Focus on your health and the health of the baby. Let him move and then just ignore him.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Janet,
The size of the dog doesn't matter, in fact more people are bitten by smaller dogs than the larger breeds. More are bitten by their own dogs, but any bite to the face is potentially dangerous because of infection and infants would be more in danger than an adult. Yes it does say something about his responsibility but viscious dogs are put down every day. BTW, the ball of fluff dogs are "chick bait".

If you can get him to provide his DNA, both of you go to the lab so the chain of custody is not violated and you know it is his DNA, before he leaves by all means do so, however, don't sign anything. He can sign if he want's to, but you wait until the baby is born unless you have some reason to have amnio before birth, then the baby's DNA can be tested at that time. Then file for child support, let him worry about filing for custody and visitation. When you file for support, have it go through The state's Child Support Enforcement agency so your child support will be garnished from his wages rather than him paying or you won't see any, don't forget to ask for medical and child care while you work. If you have to file for welfare and/or medicaid while you are pregnant or after, the state will collect Child support from him. Document everything, from the dog bites, abandonment, any threats, his "waiver" his lack of responsibility, financial problems $25K is a pretty big debt. Most likely once he is responsible for child support he will file for custody and visitation, so expect a fight. Since you are just in the learning stages, don't be surprised if his parents don't try to get some visitation. When it comes to visitation there are many options, figure he is going to want to control the situation, so you will need to be prepared beforehand. There can be supervised visitation, he might be required to take parenting or anger management classes, you can ask that his dog not be present, that the child not be removed from the state or x number of miles since he is a flight risk. A lot to think about.

In the mean time, be healthy, try to relax, take care of you and your baby, it is also possible that he will be a changed man once his child becomes a reality, I hope so for the sake of your child.

 

[janet7k]

OK, thanks. Both of your responses help so much. Mostly, that I need to relax and stay healthy. I am enjoying my pregnancy so much other than this, which really does make me want to let the whole thing go. Money seems not worth the risks or unhappiness that will result in him being involved. I do breathe easiest when I think of him just disappearing forever. I am not wealthy by any means, but am self-employed so can work less and have the flexibility that a lot of single mothers don't have. Thank you for the advice, I will not sign the waiver or anything else.

Janet

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Janet,
While sitting back and enjoying your pregnancy now may be a good thing and I'm glad to hear that it is going well so far, but not resolving the issue once the child is born and letting this irresponsible person off the hook is playing into his game. You are still letting him call the shots, you have responsibility for your child, it's your job to call the shots for their best welfare, not just what is easier for you or you and your child can adjust to. You are self-employed and may be able to manage a child without child support now, however that does not mean that your child will have all they are entitled to financially or even the relationship with their father or all their grandparents or extended family. This can all change in a moment. What about medical insurance for your child? Child care? School costs, College? This child's father is having to come to terms with his own irresponsibility financially, he will have to come to terms with being a father but responsibility is a two way street. Bearing a child is not the end of responsibility, a part of responsibility entails developing a relationship between the child and their father, co parenting and insuring financial stability for your child, parenting is never easy or without stress. As you said, you are not wealthy, you are currently self-employed and flexible, that can all change, that is why you need a plan and why you need to be ready to act for your child's best welfare.

Take this time to learn about your and your child's rights so you will be able to act with confidence when the time comes.