Father seeking protection of rights

[cerberus75]

No overnights at all? Wherever does the child SLEEP? Or do you just mean no overnights with the one who has a penis?

Precisely Sometimes being able to pee standing up isn't all it's cracked up to be

 

[CJane]

Precisely Sometimes being able to pee standing up isn't all it's cracked up to be

YOu must admit it comes in handy when camping though.

 

[cerberus75]

On another note... I was wondering what types of information can be used to back up my case... On several occasions the mother has said to me that I was nothing but a sperm donor and mentioned that I should just go and have a family of my own. She even stated that she wishes I would just stay out of our daughter's life and just pay child support. I'm not kidding! I even have it on tape. Not that I want to necessarily go there, but is this something that can be used in a court system to show that the other party is not working in a spirit of cooperation.

For what it's worth, VA wiretapping laws indicate that it's a one-party state. In other words, as long as one party (myself) is privy to the fact that the conversation is being recorded, it's legal.

 

[CJane]

On another note... I was wondering what types of information can be used to back up my case... On several occasions the mother has said to me that I was nothing but a sperm donor and mentioned that I should just go and have a family of my own. She even stated that she wishes I would just stay out of our daughter's life and just pay child support. I'm not kidding! I even have it on tape. Not that I want to necessarily go there, but is this something that can be used in a court system to show that the other party is not working in a spirit of cooperation.

For what it's worth, VA wiretapping laws indicate that it's a one-party state. In other words, as long as one party (myself) is privy to the fact that the conversation is being recorded, it's legal.

My advice?

Don't try to 'get' something to 'use against' the other party. It's not... healthy ... to go there. Puts you in a bad frame of mind.

Be the best parent you can be. If you get extra time with the kid, track it, cherish it and eventually try to make it permanent.

But don't engage in behaviors that make you wonder if you're being honorable. Don't try to control the other parent. Let stuff roll. Y'all don't get along. That's clear because you're no longer together. Don't make it even more contentious by accumulating an accounting of misdeeds. Just don't.

No. Not legal advice. Just basic sanity.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

... On several occasions the mother has said to me that I was nothing but a sperm donor and mentioned that I should just go and have a family of my own. She even stated that she wishes I would just stay out of our daughter's life and just pay child support. I'm not kidding!...

Dude, if she's saying this now, what, exactly, do you think she is going to say when she get's a boyfriend or other significan other?

You'd be a fool to wait very long at all. You should be/should have been documenting when you have your child, and file with a status quo visitation plan.

 

[cerberus75]

Don't try to 'get' something to 'use against' the other party. It's not... healthy ... to go there. Puts you in a bad frame of mind.

Thanks CJane... that's kinda what I thought. I really don't want to go there but didn't know if I should keep this stuff in the back pocket for a rainy day...

I guess my real worry is that I have tried in the spirit of cooperation to try and work things out with the mother. I really do want what is in the best interest of our daughter. However, since the mother has been unwilling to work with me I will be forced to take legal action. I am afraid she will try to request that I pay her legal costs since I will be the one filing suit. I would hope that a judge would see through this since I have given her ample opportunity to work with me, mediate, etc. but I am not sure if the judge will see it this way.

I really wish to God it didn't have to come to all of this. I'd really rather use all this money to start a 529 plan for my daughter's future college expenses, but I guess that will have to wait for now until all of this gets resolved.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

The thing to think about with regards to fees is this. What you are filing for is reasonable. There is no REQUIREMENT for her to fight you on something that you could have come to an agreement on. Fees may well not be awarded.

Also, from what I can find on the subject, income and ability to pay is also a factor in awarding fees in VA. One example is below.

http://links.jstor.org/sici?sici=0042-6601(195312)39:8<1099:DAFHHL>2.0.CO;2-2

 

[LdiJ]

On another note... I was wondering what types of information can be used to back up my case... On several occasions the mother has said to me that I was nothing but a sperm donor and mentioned that I should just go and have a family of my own. She even stated that she wishes I would just stay out of our daughter's life and just pay child support. I'm not kidding! I even have it on tape. Not that I want to necessarily go there, but is this something that can be used in a court system to show that the other party is not working in a spirit of cooperation.

For what it's worth, VA wiretapping laws indicate that it's a one-party state. In other words, as long as one party (myself) is privy to the fact that the conversation is being recorded, it's legal.

I agree that her words do not seem cooperative, but the hard evidence is that you have the child every Wed, Thurs, Fri evenings and all day Saturday. Her words could be extremely useful (assuming that you have a judge who is willing to allow tapes to be admitted, many are not) if she was denying you visitation, but that's actually a pretty generous schedule. If you work daytime hours, that's actually more than half of your normal "off" time.

What would you like the schedule to be? I think I see where the attorneys were coming from. If you had a full year of that schedule under your belt, well documented, it would be literally impossible for you to not have that schedule be considered, "status quo", and it would almost be guaranteed that you would at least get the Friday overnight, with probably Saturday overnight included every other weekend.

A possible strategy to use with mom (which probably would have been more effective if you hadn't already had so much discussion) would be to tell her that if she ever wanted to go out with friends on Friday night, that you would be happy to keep the child overnight since you have him on Saturdays anyway. I suspect that once mom had a couple of Friday nights "off" from parenting that would morph into a permanent thing, which would add to your documentation and add to the potential "status quo".

I don't like the idea of you waiting to establish paternity, but having well documented "status quo" under your belt can be very valuable in court. How long has this schedule been going on?

 

[cerberus75]

A possible strategy to use with mom (which probably would have been more effective if you hadn't already had so much discussion) would be to tell her that if she ever wanted to go out with friends on Friday night, that you would be happy to keep the child overnight since you have him on Saturdays anyway. I suspect that once mom had a couple of Friday nights "off" from parenting that would morph into a permanent thing, which would add to your documentation and add to the potential "status quo".

That's precisely how this whole thing started. I told her I would be happy to watch our daughter overnights if she ever wanted a night off. She said she was not comfortable with that, but she really couldn't give me a valid reason as to why she felt that way other that to say "I'm her mom. She needs to be with her mother." I asked her when in her opinion would be an acceptable time to begin overnight visitation and she said she wasn't sure, and quite possibly never.

I don't like the idea of you waiting to establish paternity, but having well documented "status quo" under your belt can be very valuable in court. How long has this schedule been going on?

Our daughter is almost 1 year old now. The mother took 1 month maternity leave and then returned to work. I started regularly watching our daughter once she returned to work, so this schedule has been going on for approximately 11 months now.

 

[stealth2]

that's what I was gonna say...a picture is worth a thousand words......especially with a date stamp

Of course, the problem with a date stamp is that it shows any date you set the camera to. So really... it's proof of nothing but that you know how to set the date on the camera.

 

[Silverplum]

File now.

Silverplum is right about the "new age". The courts are not nearly as biased as some would have you think.

So, shall I put this in my signature?

Nah. I'll stick with the ever-popular pudding.

 

[cerberus75]

Of course, the problem with a date stamp is that it shows any date you set the camera to. So really... it's proof of nothing but that you know how to set the date on the camera.

Somehow I don't think this will be a problem. First of all, I doubt the mother will dispute that I have spent this time with my daughter. If she does, I have numerous witnesses who can validate that they have seen me with my daughter on a number of occasions, and I suppose I could always subpeona or get depositions from day care workers who can also confirm that as well.

 

[cerberus75]

I want to start working on a parenting plan. I have seen numerous plans available online (for a price of course). Can people here recommend any good comprehensive plans available that I can tailor to fit my needs? Most likely I need some form of a shared parenting plan. I don't mind paying for it as long as it's not exhorbitantly expensive.

Thanks again for all the help!

 

[Silverplum]

I want to start working on a parenting plan. I have seen numerous plans available online (for a price of course). Can people here recommend any good comprehensive plans available that I can tailor to fit my needs? Most likely I need some form of a shared parenting plan. I don't mind paying for it as long as it's not exhorbitantly expensive.

Thanks again for all the help!

For starters, there are sample parenting plans for free on deltabravo.net.

 

[fairisfair]

I want to start working on a parenting plan. I have seen numerous plans available online (for a price of course). Can people here recommend any good comprehensive plans available that I can tailor to fit my needs? Most likely I need some form of a shared parenting plan. I don't mind paying for it as long as it's not exhorbitantly expensive.

Thanks again for all the help!

http://www.nvms.us/PDFs/parlist.pdf