Fighting for Mother's surname

[Snoopy31103]

What is the name of your state? MO

I am an unwed mother of a 15 month old boy. When my son was born I gave him my surname. I have a copy of a birth certificate and social security card with my surname on it. However, yesterday when I settled in court on custody and child support I was informed that my son's name would be changed. He would be given his father's surname. This issue was not brought up before nor was it discussed between myself and my son's father while we were still together. I was forced to agree. If I did not agree the case would have gone to trial that day. My lawyer informed me that I would lose at trial and end up paying the father's lawyer bill. Throughout this entire process the judge has been on the father's side. I have primary physical custody and joint legal custody. I want to know why my son's name was changed. My lawyer said that in Missouri it is assumed that the child take his or her father's surname. Why can't my son take my surname? I am the one who carried him and gave birth to him. If it is the law in Missouri that a child take his or her father's surname, then I am looking to change the law. I think this is unjust to unwed mothers. Any information on this issue would be much appreciated.

 

[nextwife]

The child is the product of BOTH of you, regardless of which of you was blessed with a womb. No dad would have meant no baby. It took two, and you have many years of being mom to a child that has TWO parents who happen to not be together, but never lose site of the fact your child has two bioparents.. If that were not the case. he would have not been made to pay CS.

Look, you get the BEST part - you get to have your child in your home and be primary caregiver. He only gets to pay right now, not have the child also live with him. So, is it so terrible that he at least has the child carry his name?

You WANTED his CS, you wanted him to financially be the father, which is your right. And as such, in MO, it is his right to have the child carry his name.

IF he doesn't care either way, you can ask him to sign off and legally change your child's name.

I do know lots of single moms (adoptive moms) whose child carries their surname. As the ONLY legal parent, they have the right to control the child's name.

 

[ktarra617]

you are also forgetting the fact that historically children carry their father's names. It is a father's right for their children to carry their last name. I think MO got it right. It too many other states father's are pushed out totally right down to the last name.

I had a different name from my daughter for several years, my stepdaughter and her mother now have different names. It's not going to effect you and your son to have different last names.

I think this is one fight that's not worth fighting. There are a lot more unjust things in this world than your son carrying his father's name.

and just so you know a lot of those unjust things happen in the family courts to dads both divorced and never married.

 

[Snoopy31103]

still fighing

Ok, the father of my son has visitation rights including overnights. He gets to see his son. The parenting plan we have basically splits everything equally. He has to pay child support, but I have to pay everything that the child support doesn't cover. I don't want to keep him away from my son. I just have a problem with changing his name. Why does he have to take the father's name. He originally had my name, why change it? Besides being a man, what does the father have that I don't. I know it took both of us to create our son, so why can't he have both our surnames? Why the man's? We both can argue the same point that he should have our surname. How come the man always wins? There is nothing unjust happening to the father in this case. It is all happening to the mother. The judge is very much for father's rights. However, he is so much for father's rights he has forgotten the mother's rights.

 

[baabaa]

Just curious, if you decide to marry are you going to keep you surname or your husbands last name?

 

[nextwife]

My brother and his wife CHOSE to give all their girls her family surname as each girl's middle name. Maybe your ex might agree to allow an arrangment like that? That way your child would carry both names.

BTW- who got to choose the child's FIRST name?

"The parenting plan we have basically splits everything equally. He has to pay child support, but I have to pay everything that the child support doesn't cover."

Yes, the child is 50% from you, so you also have a financial responsibilty. But you have what he doesn't - you get to have the child live with you. Additionally, the idea is that the CS is HIS share of the added cost of adding the child to your household. Some of the "other stuff" like rent, utilities, your transportation etc, are your costs of taking care of yourself. Those exist whether you do or don't have a child, so they really have nothing to do with CS.

 

[Snoopy31103]

My son's first name is actually his father's middle name. My son's middle name is a name that has significance to both myself and the father. I understand the point that my son lives with me. However, if he lived with his father he would not take my surname. He would still have his father's. So, the issue of where the child lives should not influence his surname. If I were to marry, I don't know if I would change my name. I am not 100% comfortable with the idea of taking the husband's name. In my opinion, taking the husband's name is a way of the husband showing ownership of his wife. I know people may disagree, but that is my opinion. I like the idea of hypenating both the wife and husband's name. This shows an equal partnership. On the other hand, if I am established in a professional career, I may choose to keep my own surname. The point I am trying to get across in all of this is that I had to fight for my son to keep my surname but the father did not have to fight to change the name to his.

 

[tigger22472]

If I were to marry, I don't know if I would change my name. I am not 100% comfortable with the idea of taking the husband's name. In my opinion, taking the husband's name is a way of the husband showing ownership of his wife. I know people may disagree, but that is my opinion. I like the idea of hypenating both the wife and husband's name. This shows an equal partnership. QUOTE]


when I divorced I took back my maiden name with my ex's name (because of my kids) and had it hypenated. I never got it changed on my SS card or anything but I had the right to. To me it was reclaiming my idenity.

 

[Gonwin]

Snoopy

I totally understand what you're saying... It seems unfortunate that they would CHANGE the name on his birth certificate - how odd!!! Just because your son lives with you, doesn't take away from the fact that his name was changed without your consent. I just think the whole thing is wrong. It's too bad you didn't include both of your names on his birth certificate to begin with...

 

[Jarenblue]

Name change

You may see things differently in the future. I know I do. My daughter's both have my maiden name and so when I got married I kept it. So my blended family of 8 has 3 people with one last name and 5 people with another. It gets really confusing at times, especially when it comes to school!