FL LAW RE: Parental Alienation

[skyler21]

What is the name of your state? Florida


Hi all - I just came across this site and have many many questions..here's a brief history: I live with my boyfriend, divorced for 2 + years, has 2 daughters, 11 and 12. Since we moved in together, their mom has begun a campaign to alienate the kids from their Dad. It started out with her attempting to dictate his time, control his schedule, etc - he put his foot down, told her he had a life and that following the custody schedule was in the best interest of the kids, then she began alienating his family, refusing to allow the kids to see his mother, his sister, etc - then it turned into her making up complete lies about me, I am a 'whore', a 'thief' - it got to the point that things were so ridiculous and she was then allowing her oldest daughter to make the decision to see her Dad, she of course chose not to in an effort to keep Mom happy. Things have escalated and now she has refused to allow my BF his two consecutive week summer vacation and has taken the girls out of state, leaving them with one of her husband's relatives - she also pulled this stunt over Father's Day weekend. It has been consistent, in terms of denied visitation for over 6 months now. We have hired an attorney and so has the ex. We have saved voicemails, letters, etc all which clearly reflect her intent and her motivation for behaving so irresponsibly. We are waiting now for the legal wheels to start moving. I want to know if anyone out there has dealt with this type of stuff and if so, what were the results after court? She is now having the kids lie for her, send their dad letters twisting facts, etc. We are very nervous and scared. Surely the judges are familiar with parental alienation and malicious mother syndrome. I believe our attorney is a good aggressive choice and she indicated that the judge is going to 'spank' the ex and if she doesn't learn her lesson then, he should go for full custody..I don't even want to think about that battle!! The problem is that this woman has no social skills, she has never worked, never been in the real world and quite frankly seems to think she is the master of the universe - well, in her world, she always was. I just wondered if anyone out there has experienced this sort of thing and what the end result was?

 

[jyoung]

Florida court is going to order mediation first, but have your lawyer check to see if your county has a parenting coordinator program first. Going to court is going to be a long drawn out affair that will further damage the kids and you never know how things will turn out and you will spend alot of money. Try to work things out first with the programs available to you. Good luck

 

[qtpie]

Here are a couple of sites that may be helpful:

www.deltabravo.net (Excellent!)

and

http://fact.on.ca/Info/info_pas.htm

Keep documenting EVERYTHING. Assist your attorney, but allow him/her to do their job. As I'm sure you're already aware, this is your BF's fight. You can research for him to your heart's content, but you have no legal interest in this case. And if you and your BF were to ever get married, you would still have no legal rights or obligations to his children. Attorney's and the Courts do not like step-parents.

Yes. I know what I'm talking about. I'm technically a NCSM (although it doesn't feel like it).

Good luck! Hope your BF gets custody!

 

[skyler21]

Well, the ex refused mediation when it was suggested to her. Because of the number of refused visits, the attorney recommended proceeding with contempt charges. The date was set but has been continued as both parties have new representation. So now we wait. Believe you me, we would do everything we could to avoid this but the ex is making it clear that she plays by one set of rules and there is another for the rest of the world. Her tactics are pure nasty and it's real nasty business!!

 

[A.J.HASEK]

You Don't Have To Prove PAS



Here at SPARC, we are frequently asked "How do I prove that my children are victims of Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS)." The best answer we have come up with is "Don't try to prove PAS." Currently, PAS is extremely controversial, and you're more likely to get caught up in a battle over the diagnosis than over your own situation. Also keep in mind that unless you are a qualified mental health professional, you cannot diagnose PAS. PAS is an illness, not a set of circumstances.

Although you cannot diagnose PAS, you can state that you believe there "is alienation ocurring", and you can document the emotional and psychological abuse associated with PAS, as well as its effect on the child, without labeling it PAS.

The following is from a second letter I recently sent to an evaluator in another state who had, supposedly, recognized the alienating behavior of a parent but allowed her to keep custody anyway. In her response to my first letter, she expressed scepticism about the existence of PAS:

"I couldn’t agree more that there needs to be more scientific research on parental alienation..., but I’m not talking here about PAS. Dr. Gardner emphasizes that PAS is only present when the child contributes to the alienation and actively vilifies the alienated parent. I’m just talking about parents whose alienating BEHAVIOR has been documented. This behavior is a form of emotional and psychological abuse, and it does leave permanent scars on many children affected. This type of behavior can, and often does, lead to parental alienation syndrome, but it can be demonstrated as a form of child abuse without having to prove or disprove the existence of PAS.

"The literature is very light on the effects of parental alienating behaviors on the children, but I have found some very specific items that I tell parents to look at to help show the effects of this behavior. The first thing I tell people to look at is the child’s school records. Look for a history of absenteeism, failure to complete homework assignments, and overall poor performance. It is remarkable how often this turns out to be a problem for children under the influence of an alienating parent. If possible, this should be compared to performance at least a year before the separation, looking for a sharp drop in performance. Alienating parents often try to blame the other parent for this drop in performance, but the records clearly show that the drop occurred after the other parent was removed from the picture.

"I also instruct parents trying to document the effects of alienating behavior to look for behavior problems in the child, including discipline problems at school and/or arrest records. The alienating parents I have been acquainted with tend to be so enmeshed with their children that they cannot discipline them properly, and they will help the child make excuses for failures instead of encouraging the child to succeed. These parents will sometimes be involved in disputes with the teachers or school administrators over discipline, taking the side of the child and refusing to allow anyone else to try and correct the child’s behavior.

"The next thing I encourage parents to look for is evidence of neglect. Look for failure to get adequate dental care for the child. Look for medical records showing injuries that occurred while the child was home alone or inadequately supervised. Watch the child during visits, see if they are inordinately fearful if they drop or spill something, expecting some sort of lashing out in response to an accident. Watch older siblings and see if they are unusually concerned about the welfare of their younger siblings, acting more like a parent than a child. This can be an indication that the older child has become the primary caregiver of the children, filling in for a frequently absent or neglectful parent.

"The patterns I see are very real and frighteningly common. My goal, in pointing these out, is to help people to recognize how the children are being affected by the actions of their parents. Alienating parents do hurt their children. The damage is real and measurable. Unfortunately, many people do not recognize this until it has gotten so bad that permanent emotional and psychological damage has occurred.

"In their book, Caught in the Middle, Protecting the Children of High Conflict Divorce, Carla B. Garrity and Mitchell A. Baris point out that alienating behaviors are common immediately after divorce, but if the hostilities continue for more than a couple of years we should look for a mental or emotional imbalance in one or both of the parties involved. It takes two to get along, but it only takes one to make cooperation impossible. I firmly believe that the parent who refuses to cooperate generally does not have the best interests of the child at heart, and should be controlled."

So, in summary, I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT recommend that you try to prove that your child is a victim of Parental Alienation Syndrome. You may, at some point, want to use that as a defense to a child's false or grossly exaggerated accusations, to help explain their behavior, but it is essential that you first establish how the child is affected by the behavior of the other parent.

You will find a lot of resources at this website that will help you with that. Start with Tips for Getting Started and the articles linked there. Then go to the Articles page and browse among the many other articles available here. You should also check out the Frequently Asked Questions page and the Message Boards. You will likely find that most of your questions are not as unique as you thought.




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Note: I am not an attorney or a mental health professional. My experience in this matter consists of my own case and the cases I see as a moderator here on the SPARC message boards. This in not legal advice. Always consult with an attorney if you have questions about legal matters. -- TGB
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Page Location: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/provepas.htm

 

[skyler21]

Thanks for the information..

I understand proving this can be difficult and it is indeed controversial. Our attorney made the comment when reviewing the documents. I am sure though these tactics would be taken seriously even if the diagnosis is not PAS - we are definitely dealing with kids caught in the middle of a war they didn't start - it's just a tragedy..
Divorce is horrible business!