Frusterated

[Chrln_little]

I do have this to share. Today, it was 65 degrees, my kids were sent home from visitation with their father in wet clothes from playing in the pool, wet shoes (dripping wet), in tank tops and no jacket of any sorts. He took the shoes that I just bought my kids two weeks ago (one of them is flat footed and had special insoles in his shoes) and replaced them with cheap shoes from the local outlet store. I now get to go out and purchase new shoes and new orthotic insoles because only one pair of custom made insoles are covered every six months by their insurance.

I can see that I really wasn't clear in my previous statement. I am registered on a competition level, which can be used since my ex knows that I am trained in martial arts and it is brought up by his/her attorney in court. In Maryland, no matter who is involved in a fight, both parties are arrested, booked, charged (where I lose my job guilty of any of the charges or not), and then everything is sorted out by a jury of our peers. In court I will have to prove that I attempted to fulfill my duty to retreat which means I attempted to avoid the fight at all costs. I then have to prove that I carefully calculated my every move so that I did not use excessive force to defend myself. I somehow have to prove this to a jury that was not present at the time of the incident and only going by word of mouth testimony from the people present. Maryland is NOT a stand your ground state in any way. Mind you, I have to prove this beyond a reasonable doubt with the eye witness testimony from the people present because it is illegal in Maryland and many other states, to video tape a fight, even if it is on your cell phone. How am I to prove my side of the story? Especially since they have a yard full of 10+ people every time I go over there to pick up or drop off (they are weekend party people)? Bringing this many people would be seen by the court as attempting to start a fight if I walked 10+ of my own friends over to witness everything every pick up and drop off. Therefore, odds are against me in proving anything in court. I do not know their neighbors, they do. I do not know their friends, they do and their friends are going to back up whatever it is that they say.

At any point that you get into a fight, you have to prove self defense. At this point, not only do I have to show that I was only acting out of self defense, I have to prove that I used REASONABLE FORCE and nothing more. If she were to attack me, and she had some unknown heart defect or some unknown heart murmur, and something were to happen that was out of both of our control, I would have to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that I did not use deadly force. In any case, I also must prove that the level of force I used did not exceed the level of threat at that moment.

 

[Chrln_little]

I also have this to share:

There is not a rule against posting snippets of his record as long a his name is not attached. Here are his charges laid out and none of them are toward me. These are just the ones that he has faced in regards to actions carried out toward other people.

I also have this to share:

While I would like to say that my account of the facts is not accurate, I have documentation to back up everything I have said. I did not come here to be attacked, simply to ask advice. My ex, while I would love more than anything to say is an upstanding citizen as would anyone, that is far from the truth. I wish more than anything that I could post images or uploaded documents to this forum, from what I have seen that is not possible. I also believe that it is against forum regulations to provide names, other than my own. However, I can guarantee that my criminal record is CLEAR. I have never been convicted of so much as sneezing toward a cop and I plan to keep it that way. My job requires that I have a completely CLEAR criminal record. I work in a field where even being charged with a misdemeanor is a violation of contract and I am immediately dismissed, even if I have not been convicted.

The list of charges he has faced in Maryland:

ASSAULT-SEC DEGREE

ASSAULT-SEC DEGREE

ASSAULT-SEC DEGREE

RECKLESS ENDANGERMENT

MAL DEST MISSILES AT VEH.

DISTURB PEACE HINDER PASSG

ALC BEV/OPEN CONT/RETL EST

DISORDERLY CONDUCT

DISTURB PEACE - LOUD NOISE

ASSAULT-FIRST DEGREE

ASSAULT-SEC DEGREE

FALSE IMPRISONMENT

 

[Chrln_little]

This is self justifying rant by someone who is very angry with their ex husband and his new wife. She is trying out stories to see how things might play in court, airing her grievances and talking her trash, because she is, in a word, frustrated. I don't know where this woman studied martial arts, but the registry of black belts is a famous urban legend. All through my days in social services, I have heard people tell these sorts of stories about drug using "other parent families" until I am almost automatically suspicious when one parent or the other begins them. They do not play well in court, because they've heard it all before too.

I would just like to state that I have no interest in being angry with my ex or his new "girlfriend" for anything they do not deserve anger from. I accented girlfriend because her husband, is in prison.

Also, yes, I am very frustrated because of all of the following:

- My ex admits, even to my kids, that he does not want to see them and that he only sees them because his girlfriend wanted him to be a father.

- That every time my kids go to his house he ignores them and allows them to run around like wild children, unsupervised. If you have ever had hands on experience with a child who has autism, you know how much damage 2 days with no structure can cause.

- Because my ex refuses to provide the necessary structure, my son will now miss out on the majority of his summer. One transition is difficult enough for a child with autism. Thursday mornings, my kids make two transitions. My son with autism has multiple meltdowns on Thursdays. Something as simple as getting him to put his underwear on can turn into a 30 minute fiasco that flows into school, even when it is handled in the most gentle and understanding way possible. His grades have always been high and he make amazing scores on all of his work, except Thursdays. They no longer even try to get him to do anything on Thursdays, he spends his day in the sensory room.

- Typically in the summer my son shows minimal regression, which is amazing for a child with autism. Now, because of the lack of structure and the problems he has had every Thursday in school, the IEP team is recommending extended school year for my son to even him out. This means that he will not be able to enjoy summer vacation. He will go to school for the duration of the typical school year. He will have two weeks off and start his extended school year. He will get out for one week and then he will start his typical school year again. He will not enjoy the same activities he has enjoyed his entire life, season pool passes, season passes to amusement parks and water parks, sports, and these are just a few of the things he will be missing out on.

- Our summer vacation will have to be canceled until my son no longer needs extended school year. In the middle of August every year, his great-grandparents (his stepfathers's grandparents) rent a house in North Carolina. This is where my kids get to visit with family and friends that they do not get to see any other time of the year.

- My autistic son has sensory processing problems. He cannot tolerate certain textures in food, there are days at his father's house where he does not get dinner, simply because he cannot tolerate the texture of the food he is served. This is something that is beyond his control and his father will not accommodate it, he would rather allow a seven year old to go hungry.

- Because the first three months they came back from his house bouncing off the walls, even though their medication was handed directly to their father, I made sure he counted them and signed off on the number of pills he was taking with him and the kids claimed they were not given the meds.

- Because I assumed that he just wasn't giving them their medication because he wanted to deny that they had disabilities, which wasn't the case.

- Because the school and the doctor had concerns, the doctor asked that the children's exchange occur in the office because their medications are considered a controlled substance.

Because my children's doctor had to personally deliver a letter to the court stating the following: (again, this is where being able to upload a document would be helpful. Suggestion box maybe?)

" This letter is in regard to _____ and ______ . _____ and _____ are both treated for ADHD with stimulants. It is important for them to take this medication daily for their conditions. For some patients, not taking the medication can be dangerous. Our practice has lost patients when off medication. A number of years ago, a child wondered off and died from drowning in a neighbor's pool when off his medication for the summer. According to both children, they have not been getting their medication and the bottle is not being returned. Upon viewing the count, it has been noted that there were quite a few pills missing.

To ensure that the medication count was not being altered by the children's mother, outgoing count and incoming count has been completed by our office for the last three weeks. Our nurse ____________ and her pill count witness ___________ have both ensured that between outgoing count and incoming count, the mother has had no contact with the bottles while in the office.

Each weekend, the mother and stepfather both submitted to a drug screening both through urinalysis and through blood specimen. No trace was found in any of these samples. The children's biological father and his girlfriend both refused a drug screening each time they were asked and left the office. Our office then alerted our local drug task force _____________ to alert them to the concerns. Officer ________________ stated that the allegations would be investigated, but unless either party was found in possession of the controlled substance, there was nothing that could be done.

It is my medical opinion that these controlled substances no longer be allowed in the possession of Mr. ___________________ and that while outside the mother's care, the medications should be administered by a licensed professional."

So basically, unless I can hire a licensed professional, my kids won't get their medication at their dad's house.

I understand that as a social worker, you are reserved about people pointing the finger, but I came here for help. If I wanted to rant, I would rant at the person causing the problem. As you can see, he wouldn't listen to what I have to say if he won't listen to licensed doctors and therapists.

Also, not everyone who says their ex or their ex's chosen partner is a drug addict is lying. If I am not honest, I cannot get the advice I need to ensure my kids have a quality life. Like I said in my original post, it is their life, I don't care what they do as long as it doesn't take place around my kids.