Getting access to a bank account that used to have my name on it

[Jenny13F]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ
I'be been married 17 years and had a personal problem that led to my husband taking my name off our joint bank account. This is account is our main nest egg that we both built together. We have four children and have made our marriage work through some tough times. He lets me use "his" debit card with permission to go to the store, shop, etc. but it's been 3 years and he will not let me have any access to this account still. It's unfair and inconvenient at this point because things have come up( as you can imagine with 4 kids) and I've been left without any $ and no access to it many a time. He tells me he's not ever going to put my name back on it and I feel I should be able to have access and my name on what is legally mine. I since started working part-time and make pretty good $. He asked me to give a certain amount each paycheck to put into a "vacation" account and tells me to use the rest for "me." The problem remains that I am also entitled to our "main account " that was built by both of us. I didn't want to take legal action but am thinking about it now. What steps do I take to have access to what is legally mine?

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ
I'be been married 17 years and had a personal problem that led to my husband taking my name off our joint bank account. This is account is our main nest egg that we both built together. We have four children and have made our marriage work through some tough times. He lets me use "his" debit card with permission to go to the store, shop, etc. but it's been 3 years and he will not let me have any access to this account still. It's unfair and inconvenient at this point because things have come up( as you can imagine with 4 kids) and I've been left without any $ and no access to it many a time. He tells me he's not ever going to put my name back on it and I feel I should be able to have access and my name on what is legally mine. I since started working part-time and make pretty good $. He asked me to give a certain amount each paycheck to put into a "vacation" account and tells me to use the rest for "me." The problem remains that I am also entitled to our "main account " that was built by both of us. I didn't want to take legal action but am thinking about it now. What steps do I take to have access to what is legally mine?

You cannot force him to add your name to that account. Why are you putting your part time income into the vacation account and not keeping it? Why are you allowing this to continue? You are NOT entitled to the main account -- it may be marital property but a judge would decide that during a divorce. You acquiesced to having your name removed. Therefore, it ceased being your money. Since you had a personal problem, you might also run into the issue depending on what that personal problem is that you were "hiding assets".

 

[HRZ]

Laymans view...you are UNWISE to follow his dictates about where to put your money...and you might be smart to have it is a safe place ... all of it.

I am not up on state banking rules as to multiparty accounts in NJ ...best guess is that there is a presumption that a joint account is 50/50 ....( there is in my state and a quick scan of NJ suggests the same in NJ) and that is what you had....and it seems improper for him to have unilaterally removed your name from an existing account wo your permission .....but your inaction for some 3 years seems to read a bit like you acquised to his action ..long ago. ...as a practical matter he could have opened up a new account and moved all the prior funds to it .

And your logic as to removing your name due to problems seems at odds with your view that 1/2 account is still legally yours

.

 

[Ohiogal]

Laymans view...you are UNWISE to follow his dictates about where to put your money...and you might be smart to have it is a safe place ... all of it.

I am not up on state banking rules as to multiparty accounts in NJ ...best guess is that there is a presumption that a joint account is 50/50 ....( there is in my state and a quick scan of NJ suggests the same in NJ) and that is what you had....and it seems improper for him to have unilaterally removed your name from an existing account wo your permission .....but your inaction for some 3 years seems to read a bit like you acquised to his action ..long ago. ...as a practical matter he could have opened up a new account and moved all the prior funds to it .

And your logic as to removing your name due to problems seems at odds with your view that 1/2 account is still legally yours

.

I don't read that HE removed her name without her permission or even her help. This part indicates to me that she participated or at least consented:

had a personal problem that led to my husband taking my name off our joint bank account.

 

[STEPHAN]

Were you trying to hide money from others when you removed your name from the account?

 

[justalayman]

You cannot force him to add your name to that account. Why are you putting your part time income into the vacation account and not keeping it? Why are you allowing this to continue? You are NOT entitled to the main account -- it may be marital property but a judge would decide that during a divorce. You acquiesced to having your name removed. Therefore, it ceased being your money. Since you had a personal problem, you might also run into the issue depending on what that personal problem is that you were "hiding assets".

If I’m not mistaken, it requires more than acquiescence to allow one to be removed from an account. Any time I’ve tried to seperate such accounts it took nearly an act of Congress (just kidding).

It requires the joint account holder to knowingly, and in writing, remove themselves from the account. It can’t be done without either the joint account holders express permission or a court order. Anything else would be an unlawful taking of the account holder’s personal property.

That means op knowingly and with intent removed herself from the account.

 

[Ohiogal]

If I’m not mistaken, it requires more than acquiescence to allow one to be removed from an account. Any time I’ve tried to seperate such accounts it took nearly an act of Congress (just kidding).

It requires the joint account holder to knowingly, and in writing, remove themselves from the account. It can’t be done without either the joint account holders express permission or a court order. Anything else would be an unlawful taking of the account holder’s personal property.

That means op knowingly and with intent removed herself from the account.

i concur. She concurred unless there was a court order removing her.

 

[Jenny13F]

You cannot force him to add your name to that account. Why are you putting your part time income into the vacation account and not keeping it? Why are you allowing this to continue? You are NOT entitled to the main account -- it may be marital property but a judge would decide that during a divorce. You acquiesced to having your name removed. Therefore, it ceased being your money. Since you had a personal problem, you might also run into the issue depending on what that personal problem is that you were "hiding assets".

*I had an addiction but since have taking all steps to recovery. During my addiction, I did take $ from this account. I know this is marital property but I only work part time and things have come up where I didn't have enough. He travels also with his profession occasionally and that is another reason. I really want to know how to gain access to account but don't necessarily want to file divorce or separation. I was so distraught and felt so badly after he found out ...and he was concerned it would happen again ...I probably did take my name off but don't even remember at this point. He did tell me he would eventually put my name back on the account and give me debit card again. Now he says he never will. I think it's unfair and I'm worried if something shoudl happen me or the kids will be left in a bad way.

 

[justalayman]

there is no legal means to put your name onto the account unless he is willing to do so. As far as the bank is concerned, it is his account and his money.

You can either start your own account or continue to do as you are and put your money in his account where is becomes his money.

If you wish to seek a court distribute the money, they are relegated to doing so within a divorce action.


those are your choices.

 

[Just Blue]

*I had an addiction but since have taking all steps to recovery. During my addiction, I did take $ from this account. I know this is marital property but I only work part time and things have come up where I didn't have enough. He travels also with his profession occasionally and that is another reason. I really want to know how to gain access to account but don't necessarily want to file divorce or separation. I was so distraught and felt so badly after he found out ...and he was concerned it would happen again ...I probably did take my name off but don't even remember at this point. He did tell me he would eventually put my name back on the account and give me debit card again. Now he says he never will. I think it's unfair and I'm worried if something shoudl happen me or the kids will be left in a bad way.

What was the addiction?

 

[Jenny13F]

What was the addiction?

I was addicted to cocaine (snorted it only). I started in high school and always went back and forth with use. I haven't touched it or alcohol or anything in 3 years. I understand it's hard to trust an addict again - I get that.. but to not allow me access to our money or life savings for 3 years is a little extreme. He could check bank account online everyday or put limits on purchases, etc. I didn't work for years because I was a stay at home mom and then when I got a part time job I didn't make much. I make pretty good $ part time now but pay for kids stuff all the time --clothes they want, school dances, etc. I don't even spend much on me ...it's usually kids stuff or food/things for our home. I use my $ for everything almost but he has said to use his debit card for most things. He's either at work or not around at the time I need it usually so I just go ahead and use the $ I make.

He makes me ask for the debit card (its hard to pre-plan this with our working and all of the extracurricular activities for kids) and I've gotten to the point where I just don't want to ask. It' makes me feel like a child or loser that didn't do anything to deserve the $ and wasn't married for 17 yrs--staying home cleaning, cooking, taking care of the kids for years so that he could work (he made more $). It's demeaning. I usually use the money I make now and don't have much more left over in my account from week to week. He gets mad and tells me I should have more $ and I need to give it to him for the vaca acct. (which I do sporadically) but it's always a fight with me saying I don't have any because I use
it for me and kids. It's tearing our family apart....I know the kids hear it and it's unfair to them.

 

[justalayman]

If he puts your name on the account he can’t limit purchases. It would be as much your money as his.

I see nothing wrong with the single name account. I’ve seen too many couples run into problems with s joint account. Open your own account. Put your money in it. If you need more money he can make transfers to your account. That way he doesn’t have to worry about you spending money unbeknown to him and then he spend money and possibly over draw the account.

 

[LdiJ]

I was addicted to cocaine (snorted it only). I started in high school and always went back and forth with use. I haven't touched it or alcohol or anything in 3 years. I understand it's hard to trust an addict again - I get that.. but to not allow me access to our money or life savings for 3 years is a little extreme. He could check bank account online everyday or put limits on purchases, etc. I didn't work for years because I was a stay at home mom and then when I got a part time job I didn't make much. I make pretty good $ part time now but pay for kids stuff all the time --clothes they want, school dances, etc. I don't even spend much on me ...it's usually kids stuff or food/things for our home. I use my $ for everything almost but he has said to use his debit card for most things. He's either at work or not around at the time I need it usually so I just go ahead and use the $ I make.

He makes me ask for the debit card (its hard to pre-plan this with our working and all of the extracurricular activities for kids) and I've gotten to the point where I just don't want to ask. It' makes me feel like a child or loser that didn't do anything to deserve the $ and wasn't married for 17 yrs--staying home cleaning, cooking, taking care of the kids for years so that he could work (he made more $). It's demeaning. I usually use the money I make now and don't have much more left over in my account from week to week. He gets mad and tells me I should have more $ and I need to give it to him for the vaca acct. (which I do sporadically) but it's always a fight with me saying I don't have any because I use
it for me and kids. It's tearing our family apart....I know the kids hear it and it's unfair to them.

You need to explain all of this to your husband...using the same words you are using here. You need to explain to him that as long as its necessary for you to use all of your wages for you and the children's needs/groceries etc., that you cannot contribute to the vacation account nor can you actually save any of your wages.

You might propose to him, as a compromise, that he transfer a specific amount of money to your account each month...whatever you agree is his share of the things you spend money on.

 

[not2cleverRed]

*I had an addiction but since have taking all steps to recovery. During my addiction, I did take $ from this account. I know this is marital property but I only work part time and things have come up where I didn't have enough. He travels also with his profession occasionally and that is another reason. I really want to know how to gain access to account but don't necessarily want to file divorce or separation. I was so distraught and felt so badly after he found out ...and he was concerned it would happen again ...I probably did take my name off but don't even remember at this point. He did tell me he would eventually put my name back on the account and give me debit card again. Now he says he never will. I think it's unfair and I'm worried if something shoudl happen me or the kids will be left in a bad way.

If "something should happen", such as him dropping dead, the money in the account will be dispersed in accordance with his will, or should he not have a will, by NJ intestate law (or whatever state intestate laws of where he is when he dies).

Others have given you advice that may or may not be useful. My ex-husband treated me that way, and I have 0 history of substance abuse/addiction. I would advise you to start using a spread sheet to keep track of these expenses and keeping copies of the receipts. My ex-husband tried to claim as "wasteful dissipation of marital assets" expenses that were normal household expenditures, like groceries.

 

[LdiJ]

If "something should happen", such as him dropping dead, the money in the account will be dispersed in accordance with his will, or should he not have a will, by NJ intestate law (or whatever state intestate laws of where he is when he dies).


Others have given you advice that may or may not be useful. My ex-husband treated me that way, and I have 0 history of substance abuse/addiction. I would advise you to start using a spread sheet to keep track of these expenses and keeping copies of the receipts. My ex-husband tried to claim as "wasteful dissipation of marital assets" expenses that were normal household expenditures, like groceries.

I think that she was thinking more along the lines of how will the necessary and immediate bills get paid while waiting for the money to be distributed. She has a valid point. Perhaps her husband would at least be willing to make her POD on an account with sufficient money to cover one or two months worth of bills.