Girl friend trying to put unborn child up for adoption...

[lorenzows]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? My ex just moved from Hawaii back to California & told me she is pregnant. She says she giving up our child up for adoption because we are no longer a couple in May 2012 when she is due. I refuse to do that & I'm trying to find out what i can do to prevent this. She will not give me custody of our child but she says this is best for our child....she's wrong...seeking my rights to prevent this.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[xylene]

Hire a lawyer and when the child is born and assert your rights.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? My ex just moved from Hawaii back to California & told me she is pregnant. She says she giving up our child up for adoption because we are no longer a couple in May 2012 when she is due. I refuse to do that & I'm trying to find out what i can do to prevent this. She will not give me custody of our child but she says this is best for our child....she's wrong...seeking my rights to prevent this.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

I believe in CA you can actually start a paternity petition BEFORE the child is born (although naturally nothing can happen until the birth); this may be what you need to do since there is no putative father registry.

You need to keep tabs though - because if you ignore the birth and don't act, you may lose your right to object to an adoption.

 

[Antigone*]

I believe in CA you can actually start a paternity petition BEFORE the child is born (although naturally nothing can happen until the birth); this may be what you need to do since there is no putative father registry.

You need to keep tabs though - because if you ignore the birth and don't act, you may lose your right to object to an adoption.

I believe you are correct, Pro.

This is taken directly from Childwelfare.gov

Paternity Registries
Many States have provisions for a father to voluntarily acknowledge paternity or the possibility of paternity of a child born outside of marriage and record the fact in a putative father registry. Approximately 24 States have established registries for this purpose.5 In 11 States, the District of Columbia, and the Virgin Islands, there are provisions for voluntary acknowledgment of paternity through forms that are filed with social services departments, registrars of vital statistics, or other similar entities.6

Acknowledgment of paternity or registration with a putative father registry ensures certain rights for an unmarried father, such as the right to receive notice of court proceedings regarding the child, petitions for adoption, and actions to terminate parental rights. In 10 States with putative father registries, filing with the registry is the sole means for establishing this right of notice.7 An acknowledged father may also seek visitation with the child and usually will be required to provide financial support to the child

.

The Rights of Unmarried Fathers

It would be in your best interest to educate yourself and to act.

 

[ecmst12]

In reality, it probably IS in the child's best interests to be adopted, but that doesn't mean you have to allow it.

 

[Zigner]

In reality, it probably IS in the child's best interests to be adopted, but that doesn't mean you have to allow it.

I'm honestly not sure how you arrive at that conclusion given the scant facts presented...

 

[CourtClerk]

I'm honestly not sure how you arrive at that conclusion given the scant facts presented...

If given the option of growing up with a single parent or growing up in a 2 parent intact home... it's better to grow up in a 2 parent family.

However, in CA, you can start a paternity case prior to the birth of the child and that's probably the ONLY way you're going to be able to protect your rights.

 

[Zigner]

If given the option of growing up with a single parent or growing up in a 2 parent intact home... it's better to grow up in a 2 parent family.

Really? And adoption guarantees that how?

 

[mistoffolees]

If given the option of growing up with a single parent or growing up in a 2 parent intact home... it's better to grow up in a 2 parent family.

Sometimes, sometimes not. That's an awfully broad generalization.

I know a lot of single parents who provide a fantastic home for their kid(s) and a lot of married couples who do a craptastic job of parenting.

 

[ecmst12]

Well, at least with an adoption you can be reasonably assured that both of the parents actually want the child. And at least initially, they will both be in the same state.

 

[mistoffolees]

Well, at least with an adoption you can be reasonably assured that both of the parents actually want the child. And at least initially, they will both be in the same state.

So? Even if that were true, it doesn't change the fact that there are plenty of lousy 2 parent families and plenty of fantastic single parent families. It's just plain wrong to state that a 2 parent home is always better than a single parent home.

 

[ecmst12]

I did not ever at any point say that. I said in the case of this particular child, whose parents live thousands of miles and an ocean apart, whose parents do not both want him or her, and whose parents can't get along with each other seemingly at all, adoption would probably put the child better off. Nothing is certain and even adopted children end up in lousy homes sometimes, but this poor kid's biological parent situation seems far, far from ideal.

Note that I am ALSO not saying that OP should not be allowed to fight to raise his child if he wants, and yes the child will most likely still turn out fine, children turn out fine in many situations worse than this one. But if we're simply looking at what would be BEST for the child, mom's wishes to put the child up for adoption should at least be considered.

 

[mistoffolees]

I did not ever at any point say that.

You didn't, but CC did. I was objecting to her statement that:
"If given the option of growing up with a single parent or growing up in a 2 parent intact home... it's better to grow up in a 2 parent family."

 

[asiny]

I did not ever at any point say that. I said in the case of this particular child, whose parents live thousands of miles and an ocean apart, whose parents do not both want him or her, and whose parents can't get along with each other seemingly at all, adoption would probably put the child better off. Nothing is certain and even adopted children end up in lousy homes sometimes, but this poor kid's biological parent situation seems far, far from ideal.

Seriously? Sorry. You have no basis for ANY of these statements. Just because Mom does not want the child and, in contradiction to your strange statement that the parents don't want the child, the OP does want the child- makes you state that neither parents want the child?

Note that I am ALSO not saying that OP should not be allowed to fight to raise his child if he wants, and yes the child will most likely still turn out fine, children turn out fine in many situations worse than this one. But if we're simply looking at what would be BEST for the child, mom's wishes to put the child up for adoption should at least be considered.

So... if Mom want's to put the child up for adoption, because SHE does not want the child- it is not her decision to say that he should NOT have custody. She does not want the child. Just because she does not get along with the OP means she get's the decision of custody? Nope. You know you are really wrong on this too.

I'm with mistoffolees and Zigner on their stance on both yours and CourtClerk comments on this.

ecmst12, you give some great advice across the forum- but in this case with such a generalised statement about how being placed up for adoption, when one of the parents wants the child, would be better for the child (in their best interests) is nauseating.

 

[ecmst12]

BOTH of the parents do not want the child. I didn't say NEITHER of them want the child.

And I said that dad should think about it. And he should.