girlfriend staying the night while daughter is there

[fedupwithex23]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? Arkansas

My ex is currently living with a woman & her 2 kids. He says they are married. But, he won't give me any proof. And his uncle told me he is lying to me & is not married to this woman. I let mydaughter spend the night with my ex-mother-in-law with strict instructions that she could spend the day with her Dad. But, she had to spend the night with her. I believe his mother ignored my instructions, lied to me, & let her spend the night with her Dad. What can I do? Do I have the right to hold out visitation rights or should I take him to court? He is also currently behind on his child support ( around one year behind) Please HELP!

 

[haiku]

unless the court order strictly states something to the effect of "no unrelated overnight visitors" He is not in any kind of contempt, but you will be if you withold visitation based on that fact.

unless the child is in physical danger this is NOT a reason to withold visitation.

To withold visitation, legally you must get an emergency modification, your disagreement with his morality is not an 'emergency".

He is under NO obligation to show you a marriage certificate.

were YOU married to him?


Support and child support are seperate issues in court, so take him to court for THAT.

 

[fedupwithex23]

Yes, we were married. Our divorce papers state no unrelated overnight visitors. It is not a moral judgement.

 

[tigger22472]

Depends on how you look at it... if he's living with her (or her living with him) they aren't visitors. Even so, you still can't stop visitation. You can take it to court and attempt contempt.. but he could also rush right out and marry the woman and straighten that out or even attempt to have it modified from the decree.

 

[fedupwithex23]

So, basically I have to just let him do whatever he wants. Even though he his in contempt. I have no problem with him marrying the girlfriend, that would be wonderful. My daughter seems to like her. I have no opinion of her,he will not let me meet her. The papers state if it is not a relative or a spouse they have to leave at 10:00p.m.. Souldn't he have to prove they are married?

 

[tigger22472]

If it's a SERIOUS problem for you, and you feel it's a hill worth dying on then YES you can take him to court for contempt and have him prove that he is married to this woman. One of the biggest things that need to be learned when dealing with divorce, decree, child visitation and the like is to pick your battles. Yes, if the decree says that he's in contempt but you have to ask yourself if it's really worth going to court and fighting about. If you with hold visitation you too are in contempt. Two wrongs, don't make a right.

 

[haiku]

Yes, we were married. Our divorce papers state no unrelated overnight visitors. It is not a moral judgement.

its still a moral judgement, and only you can decide if its worth going to court over. even pro-se will cost you fees, and the opening of a worm can, that can lead to other judgements against YOU.

They claim to be married, maybe they are. Even if they are not, going to court will just force the issue, and they might just get married officially anyway, before you even get there. problem solved, right?

Again you CANNOT withhold visitation without a court order saying you can, you will get in bigger trouble if you do.

 

[haiku]

So, basically I have to just let him do whatever he wants. Even though he his in contempt. I have no problem with him marrying the girlfriend, that would be wonderful. My daughter seems to like her. I have no opinion of her,he will not let me meet her. The papers state if it is not a relative or a spouse they have to leave at 10:00p.m.. Souldn't he have to prove they are married?

If all else is good, and your daughter is happy, is this really worth rocking the boat over?

personally if you are going to rock any boat it should be the SUPPORT issue you mentioned.

why is his marital state more improtant than whther or not he pays support?

Bottom line, is, if your daughter is happy. marital status is a SMALL thing.

 

[fedupwithex23]

It may bother me for the wrong reasons. But, it still bothers me & it is still against the court order. If he would be honest with me, I probably wouldn't get so bothered. We are divorced-so why lie. I know you can't answer that, only he can. But, that will never happen.
So, your advice is to just let him lie & let our daughter be raised thinking that it is okay to lie. I tell her it's not. But, when she is told to do it by her Dad she gets confused.

 

[tigger22472]

Here's a question, who's idea was to put this in the decree? If it was yours have you ever thought that he agreed to it simply to not cause waves and that he's lying now because of the big deal you're making about it.

Seriously, as stated your daughter likes her and doesn't seem to be in any harm. I've already told you if you want to take it to court for contempt you have the right however he can fix it and all you'd be doing is wasting your money. This is such a petty issue. I don't know the issues on support that haiku mentioned but if there are some that is a MUCH MUCH bigger deal then who dad's sharing his life with.

Personal I think this provisions in decree are nothing short of asinine. You gave up the right to decide how he lives his life the day you divorced him. People tend to forget that it's supposed to be about the children and their wellbeing and happiness.

Either take him to court, tell him it's not a big deal(although then YOU would be lying, or simply let it go.

 

[haiku]

where is the lie? You yourself state, you are NOT sure if he is married or not. Unless you have ACTUAL proof, dad told daughter he is not really married, but to tell you he is, where is the lie?

I think if you move on from this it would likely be healthier for your daughter than dwelling on it. it is really nOT your place anymore to be privy to his personal decisions.

these morality clauses really do end up biting people in the end. There are so many BIGGER issues you should be saving your energy for.

 

[fedupwithex23]

It was already in there. Neither one of us had it put in there. I guess I'm just tired of the lies. Try having someone lie to you every time their mouth opens. It gets really old. You just want to find someway to say, I know you are lying & it is wrong. Thanks for your advice & it has helped.

 

[tigger22472]

It was already in there. Neither one of us had it put in there.

I'm sorry, I don't believe that!! Either someone went into the court complaining about something pertaining to this issue and it was put in to shut them up or someone SPECIFICALLY asked for it. Judges do not put this in orders all by themselves. It just simply doesn't happen.

However, I'll play your game and then say if it didnt' matter to you if it was in there why are you causing a stink? I'm done here because this is so petty.

 

[stealth2]

And he doesn't have to prove anything to you. If you take it to court as contempt, he has to prove it to the judge.

Is this really a hill worth dying on?

 

[fedupwithex23]

I don't know what your problem is with me. It was in the standard divorce agreement. Check out Arkansas law. I don't appreciate you calling me a liar. You can call the lawyer. As far as I'm concerned you have no idea what you are talking about. You have been very short with me since iI asked the question. And I hope other people don't take your advice to heart or court. He who lives in a glass house should not throw stones!!!!