girlfriend staying the night while daughter is there

[LdiJ]

I'm sorry, I don't believe that!! Either someone went into the court complaining about something pertaining to this issue and it was put in to shut them up or someone SPECIFICALLY asked for it. Judges do not put this in orders all by themselves. It just simply doesn't happen.

However, I'll play your game and then say if it didnt' matter to you if it was in there why are you causing a stink? I'm done here because this is so petty.

Actually, there are "canned" parenting agreements, that even attorneys frequently use, that have that kind of language built into them. Adjustments are made based on things that are specific to a case, but lots of the canned language usually remains. There are several states where cohabitation is frowned on still...so its very possible that it was "already there". I have seen many of these "canned" parenting agreements.

 

[adonahee]

How about hearing it from someone

who's BEEN there???
My Ex threw in the same provision. I met my now-husband before my divorce was final. He was jealous, and didn't want our kids to meet another 'daddy figure', so he pushed the point to the hilt. What my Ex was told was this..."As long as they aren't married, then you can stop the kids from spending the night, but if this is someone who's going to be around awhile then you need to let the kids meet him and get adjusted. Your jealousy won't stop the relationship, but it WILL hurt your kids". Well, he wouldn't let it go, because he knew he held the power for the moment. For 3 MONTHS, my kids weren't allowed on overnights - But we muddled thru it because there was a light at the end of the tunnel. When we got married, we got 50/50 custody.....and he moved his GF in 4 weeks later. It's now been 3 years, and he STILL hasn't married her, but I would never put those kids through what we went through before, so I held my tongue.
Get your head on straight before you put the child at your mercy over something you have NO control over.

 

[snodderly]

I can understand if someone has a moral belief that it would be wrong for the daughter to spend the night with an unmarried couple. It doesn't sound as if that is what is going on here though.

If all you ever get from him are lies then your best bet is to stop expecting anything but lies. Your level of frustration will go way down!! If you have no moral objections the your daughter spending the night somewhere she seems to enjoy going then, please, don't let your need for him to tell the truth interfere with that.

For 3 MONTHS, my kids weren't allowed on overnights - But we muddled thru it because there was a light at the end of the tunnel.

I do wonder about situations like this though. I haven't met a man yet who is more important than my children being able to spend the night with me. I may love him, I may be sleeping with him when my kids aren't around but if it is stipulated that they can't be with me for the night if he is there, then that sucker would be spending the night somewhere else.

I can understand loving someone and wanting to be with them BUT what message did you send to your children when you essentially told them....by your actions that it was more important that he be able to spend the night than them. Kids can be hurt by many, many things.....This posters attitude will interfere with what is best for the child if she allows it and good for you for letting her know that. Please though, don't go thinking that choosing to not have your children on overnight visits because you had a live in boyfriend didn't do harm also. Nope, ain't no man worth a minute of my time with my children.
snodderly

 

[adonahee]

Thank you for your moral judgement...

NOT!
I gave the short version to demonstrate a point about being stubborn and vindictive and how it hurts the kids.
I did not indicate any other details, so don't assume to know them.
So go wonder about somebody else - I highly doubt this poster will benefit from your judgements about me.

 

[Kevmar44]

The one thing I have found in this forum & others is as the CP the only thing we can do is document everything & if it gets bad enough, find a lawyer, go back to court & hope for the best. In the mean time expect your ex, the NCP, to get away with more crap than you could ever imagine because the laws are set up to let them do it. The laws that WE have to follow to the T are blown off by the NCP because they know our only recourse is to pay more money for a lawyer & go back to court only to have the judge say "it's in your childs best interest to have a relationship with the other parent." It doesn't matter that the other parent is a liar, obviously breaks the law or doesn't pay child support. If this is a battle you wish to fight be prepared because it's going to be a looooong hard road.

 

[VeronicaGia]

I don't know what your problem is with me. It was in the standard divorce agreement. Check out Arkansas law. I don't appreciate you calling me a liar. You can call the lawyer. As far as I'm concerned you have no idea what you are talking about. You have been very short with me since iI asked the question. And I hope other people don't take your advice to heart or court. He who lives in a glass house should not throw stones!!!!

Yes, this is true, "He who lives in glass houses should not throw stones!!!" You have a problem with the fact that he may be living with his girlfriend, yet you apparently have no problem with being divorced. If it is a morality issue, then which is less moral, getting a divorce or living with someone? And are you the only one who gets to make that decision?

 

[Lizzy77]

I can understand if someone has a moral belief that it would be wrong for the daughter to spend the night with an unmarried couple. It doesn't sound as if that is what is going on here though.

If all you ever get from him are lies then your best bet is to stop expecting anything but lies. Your level of frustration will go way down!! If you have no moral objections the your daughter spending the night somewhere she seems to enjoy going then, please, don't let your need for him to tell the truth interfere with that.

For 3 MONTHS, my kids weren't allowed on overnights - But we muddled thru it because there was a light at the end of the tunnel.

I do wonder about situations like this though. I haven't met a man yet who is more important than my children being able to spend the night with me. I may love him, I may be sleeping with him when my kids aren't around but if it is stipulated that they can't be with me for the night if he is there, then that sucker would be spending the night somewhere else.

I can understand loving someone and wanting to be with them BUT what message did you send to your children when you essentially told them....by your actions that it was more important that he be able to spend the night than them. Kids can be hurt by many, many things.....This posters attitude will interfere with what is best for the child if she allows it and good for you for letting her know that. Please though, don't go thinking that choosing to not have your children on overnight visits because you had a live in boyfriend didn't do harm also. Nope, ain't no man worth a minute of my time with my children.
snodderly

I could not agree more snodderly! We might not know all of the details but it looks pretty clear to me. I could not imagine choosing time with any man over time with my children.

 

[fedupwithex23]

Thank you for some understanding. Yesterday was my first time on the forum & I was starting to believe it was going to be of no help. I know it may not be a big thing to most people, but it does bother me. I am working on collecting the child support. I am not placing any moral judgement on anyone. The good Lord knows I have no place to do that. He threatened me with court the whole time me & my now husband dated. He was very jealous of him & the fact that he would be around our daughter. I abided by his threats. No one is more important than my daughter!! That was one of the first thing I told my husband when we started dating. She will always be #1. He said he would be shocked if I didn't feel that way. I just want him to give her the same respect.

 

[MBMom]

NOT!
I gave the short version to demonstrate a point about being stubborn and vindictive and how it hurts the kids.
I did not indicate any other details, so don't assume to know them.
So go wonder about somebody else - I highly doubt this poster will benefit from your judgements about me.

I'm going to have to agree also with snodderly. The second you mentioned not having your kids overnight for THREE months, I couldn't focus on anything else you said. Short version or not...just like snodderly said, "ain't no man worth a minute of my time with my children."

 

[tigger2two]

OK OK OK truce.....back to the OP!!

 

[adonahee]

Thank you, Tigger, a truce is needed here.

I'm just throwing this in to defend myself, since my situation seems to have brought out such a moral consensus, and I'm "found guilty".

I had my children every other day during this now-infamous 3-month period up until bedtime. They were 5 back then.

Do I regret moving quickly without any legal advice? You bet. The whole situation could have been avoided, and ALSO didn't have to be an issue. But my situation, as well as my husband's, is why I came here. I was simply putting myself out there to help the OP avoid a temporary, but still very painful experience for ALL parties.
So now that past is past, and there are OP's to aide, can we get back to the issues at hand?

 

[frylover]

I want to know exactly which attack on adonohee could even be considered useful to the original poster, much less LEGAL advice?

How nice it must be for all of you to be able to sit atop your high horse and look down on those mere mortals among us who made decisions that in hindsight would have better handled differently. Perhaps you could arrange lessons for us on how to be the perfect, flawless parents?

Oh, and yes, I realize that wasn't legal advice either. But I know more about adonohee than those of you who are slamming her and she didn't deserve that.

And to the OP, I am not a lawyer but from the experiences I have read about here that other people have had, just remember.....you can get pissy about this if you want but it may come back to haunt you.

 

[cananyonehelp]

So, basically I have to just let him do whatever he wants.

Look at the positive… its not a new girl every week or month

I have no problem with him marrying the girlfriend… My daughter seems to like her

Yes you do… what if my child call's Her MOM

It may bother me for the wrong reasons. But, it still bothers me & it is still against the court order.

The wrong reasons? You know yourself your going overboard here. Then lets justify. “But, it still bothers me & it is still against the court order.”

I don't know what your problem is with me.

I usually don’t jump on stealth’s side but I have to here… Your complaining over petty crap lady… this is why so many NCP’s have problems because of jealousy!!!

And I hope other people don't take your advice to heart or court.

What do you have? Go ahead waste your money…. Take it away from the children over what? Them slapping his hand and Maybe telling him to get married(if he is NOT already)

Thank you for some understanding. Yesterday was my first time on the forum & I was starting to believe it was going to be of no help. I know it may not be a big thing to most people, but it does bother me.

I understand you just gotta mess with him anyway you can!!

I abided by his threats

OH!!! Now it comes out. He did this to you so you are returning the favor. I really don’t believe that he did that to you. Why? Why would you wait so long in the post to let us know that info? Are you trying to save FACE? Face it you don’t like the fact that your daughter likes her!!! She is a threat to you and you want to disturb it any way you can. Why would you ask the question about their marriage? Where you looking for a reason to make his girlfriend leave? I mean come on there are drunks, physical and mental abusers, deadbeats, ect and you are worried about this man having a steady girl friend living with him?

Please Grow up for the childs sake

 

[tigger2two]

It is petty but lets face it its in her court order. This is a legal advice forum as we are so often reminded. Petty or not HE IS IN CONTEMPT. (if in fact the uncle is telling her the truth and they aren't married.) If you have a major problem with it then take him to court and hold him in contempt, and just pray that his uncle is right. Bc if he is married and you take him to court your going to look really stupid to that judge. Probably will even piss him off ALOT!

Just bc you don't agree with it morally doesn't mean that its harming your child. (i don't agree with it either for the record) By your own admission your child enjoys going for visits. I personally would leave it alone even if they aren't married. Maybe your ex feels the need to lie to you all the time bc he feels that you are still trying to control him to some extent. Try sitting back and relaxing and just letting things be. Maybe in time things will work themselves out.

 

[cananyonehelp]

Try sitting back and relaxing and just letting things be. Maybe in time things will work themselves out.

Nicely said Tigger