Going to a lawyer

[iltmthm]

What is the name of your state? FL

My husband is getting ready to approach a lawyer regarding custody of his son. Based on history (below) what questions should we ask lawyer and what kinds of things could we expect?

Child is almost 7 and my husband and child's mom(CM) were never married, nor did they have an actual relationship past the one night. 3 months later, CM came to my husband's door to say child was his (my H was 19, CM 27). He panicked and did not play a major "dad" role until almost 2 years later.

Since then, he has become a "daddy" and started paying an agreed amount between him and CM. I'm not sure how they came to that amount but my husband paid it each month plus any other thing CM asked for.

My stepson has a developmental delay. Since CM works nights as a bartender and often leaves my stepson in a non-educational nightcare, my husband and I asked that my stepson come live with us last year. Since then, my stepson has blossomed and we truly feel that he will out grow this "developmental delay."

Recently, my husband asked to put his son on his insurance instead of CM since my stepson has a very bad fungus problem on his feet that CM's insurance doesn't cover. She said no. My husband and I were trying to figure out why she wouldn't want child to get best care and suddenly it dawned on us... she's making it so that there is no record that child lives with us!

We do not ask that CM pays us any money, we pay full support (minus insurance) for my stepson. However, my husband couldn't claim child on taxes because CM already had. Not that we are in it for the money but fair is fair. Why should she get taxes back for a dependent that she doesn't pay for?

So basically, we want a formal custody agreement for numerous reasons, including to establish proof that my husband is an active caregiver of his son.

Please help me know what we can expect this to be like!

 

[FLFamof5]

Question

How long has SS been living with you and DH?

 

[iltmthm]

Since April of last year

 

[FLFamof5]

Question

Do you have proof that SS has been residing with you and DH for 10 months now? (ie.. daycare receipts, etc.)

If you do then go for a custody modification to make DH the Primary. That would fall into the guidelines of Substantial Change in Circumstance.

 

[Ambr]

Looking for "proof" that SS is living with you.

Did he change schools? Were school records updated with contact information? Teachers that can testify that child is living with you?

Church? Pastor, Sunday School teacher? Anyone to testify that SS is living with you?

 

[iltmthm]

I can't think of anything we have to prove child lives with us (that's what suddenly occured to us when she refused to let my husband put child on his insurance). Because my stepson is facing some development issues, we felt it was best to leave him at his current school with his mom's address. And like idiots, we just went along with everything she suggested because we just wanted what was best for my child. But now, she claimed him as a dependent even though we still paid her each month for 5 months after my stepson came to live with us (so that she had time to "adjust"). We were just so blinded by the fact that we had my stepson with us and that he was improving SO much.

We don't pay a daycare b/c my husband runs a martial arts school and his son takes classes after school. Then I pick him up after I finish work and we go home and do homework and make dinner. A very routine life but the improvments we see in my stepson's confidence and academics is worth every bit!

 

[iltmthm]

we have TONS of people who can say he lives with us. School records never changed although his teacher knows he lives with us. His adress for his martial arts registry is our home.

 

[FLFamof5]

My husband is getting ready to approach a lawyer regarding custody of his son. Based on history (below) what questions should we ask lawyer and what kinds of things could we expect?

Bring this to a lawyer and ask for a modification of custody based on Substantial Change in Circumstances that you have listed. A lawyer will guide you in the steps taken etc.

I am going through a Custody Mod myself, just ensure that DH is very open to allowing BM with fair and ongoing parenting time with the child.

 

[iltmthm]

Bring this to a lawyer and ask for a modification of custody based on Substantial Change in Circumstances that you have listed. A lawyer will guide you in the steps taken etc.

Would my husband file this same thing given that there is no formal custody arrangement? Honestly, he just didn't know any better as far as getting anything legalized. This will be the first step taken EVER.

 

[Ambr]

Did he ever establish LEGAL paternity of the child?

There are no orders - child support / custody / visitation......Nothing?

 

[FLFamof5]

I apologize

I did not read the fine lines on the custody agreement. He will have to establish paternity ( is he on the Birth Certificate) and then he will have to file for custody/visitation.

If there is not a custody agreement and the child is 7yo then I am not sure how this would be handled. I just noted the basics since I live in FL... I will let the more experienced answer this detail.

 

[iltmthm]

He did establish legal paternity when his son was 2. CM told him child was his but due to the circumstance of that one night (my husband actually does not remember ever being with CM - he passed out in a friend's room, woke up with her in bed with him) Once it came back that he is biodad, he offered $$ to help his son. About a year after that, he told CM he wanted to be able to take his son overnight on his own. From that point on, he became more like a babysitter, because she would call him and say she was dropping his son off in 30 minutes so she could go out. Great news for him since he got to see his son but bad news becuase it established a pattern. Since we married, he has more family support to do what he feels is right. When my stepson came to live with us, I asked for a copy of his birth certificate (and other important papers). That was when we found out that my husband wasn't on the birth certificate. That has been changed.

Nope, nothing legalized at all. Nothing. That's why we are having a hard time figuring out what to do. My husband is afraid that by persuing this, he could lose having his son live with us and that the improvement we've seen would digress. He's talking to his friends and family for support and just yesterday told me he is going to contact a lawyer. Since this is new ground for me, I just want to be ready to support HIM.

 

[Ambr]

Since custody / visitation hasn't been set up, dad needs to get that done. I would make some calls and talk to different lawyers. Pick one that you guys feel comfortable with and proceed from there.

There are a few things you can beat on......
It won't be a cheap thing
It won't be pretty
It probably won't get easier or nicer
and Mom will probably show up to get her child the minute she knows something is up.

 

[iltmthm]

The amount that my husband paid each month was determined by the CM. If that amount was lower than what child support through the state would have been, would he be responsible for back-support? We know that the lawyer and court fees will be costly so we are trying to establish an idea of how much we'll end up possibly facing. Since my stepson has come to stay with us, she pays us nothing. To tell you the truth, we aren't interested as much in receiving money from her as much as we are concerned that there is no proof my stepson lives with us and she files her taxes as if he lives with her.

 

[FLFamof5]

Child Support

The amount that my husband paid each month was determined by the CM. If that amount was lower than what child support through the state would have been, would he be responsible for back-support?

Due to the fact that the Child Support was established through the courts I would hate to the bearer of bad news but would probably only be considered as a gift. If you have receipts then you can bring them to an attorney and see what the attorney tells you but since it was not established through the courts it might be free money.

CS is generally only calculated from the intial date of filing and only retro'd back to that date.

We know that the lawyer and court fees will be costly so we are trying to establish an idea of how much we'll end up possibly facing

Alot of lawyers give free consultations. Pick quite a few that do and ensure that you and your husband are very comfortable with whomever you choose. Some attorneys will take a smaller retainer and allow you to make monthly payments. I am paying $3500 for my custody modification just to give you a small idea.

Since my stepson has come to stay with us, she pays us nothing. To tell you the truth, we aren't interested as much in receiving money from her as much as we are concerned that there is no proof my stepson lives with us and she files her taxes as if he lives with her.

As you stated above you do have proof with the teachers, neighbors, etc. Since there is no formal court custody agreement and 7yo has been staying with you for the past 10mths I am not sure if you can possibly get a quick Temp Order since paternity was established as you stated before. This is a good question for the more experienced on the Temp Custody Order????