Grandma to be needs advice

[worriedmomof4]

What is the name of your state?Ohio
I have a few questions of the rights of my 15 year old daughter that will be having a baby in May. She spent the summer with her father where she was allowed to date a 18 boy all that taken into consideration now I have a 15 year old daughter that will be a mother soon. When the baby is born the father will then be 19 years old. What are my daughters rights. The father is in no position to raise the child. He has no home of his own, no car, and no diploma. He also floats from one job to another and the list goes on. I am concerned however due to the fact that he has stated that this is his child and he will not see me have any part in raising the child... which will be difficult due to the fact that my daughter must live with me because she is still a child and my responsibility, her father no longer wants her at his house (a little late for that). I have had no major disiplinary problems with her. My question is who is the responsible one here and where do her rights end and mine begin... do I even have any? Also how can I protect the child to what I fear may be an unsafe place for the baby to visit if he does plan on taking it from our house?

 

[nextwife]

She's only 15 years old. A CHILD should not be parenting a child. Have you parents talked seriously to daughter and the father about why this baby would be better off if the bioparents perhaps made an adoption plan?

Kisds should not be parenting kids. Making kids does NOT make one ready to parent kids.

 

[haiku]

right now there is no baby, but when it comes, he then has the right to declare paternity,and when proven the father, he can go for custody and visitation. that is his right.

I would seriously consider Nextwifes idea.....

 

[VeronicaGia]

What is the name of your state?Ohio
I have a few questions of the rights of my 15 year old daughter that will be having a baby in May. She spent the summer with her father where she was allowed to date a 18 boy all that taken into consideration now I have a 15 year old daughter that will be a mother soon. When the baby is born the father will then be 19 years old. What are my daughters rights. The father is in no position to raise the child. He has no home of his own, no car, and no diploma. He also floats from one job to another and the list goes on. I am concerned however due to the fact that he has stated that this is his child and he will not see me have any part in raising the child... which will be difficult due to the fact that my daughter must live with me because she is still a child and my responsibility, her father no longer wants her at his house (a little late for that). I have had no major disiplinary problems with her. My question is who is the responsible one here and where do her rights end and mine begin... do I even have any? Also how can I protect the child to what I fear may be an unsafe place for the baby to visit if he does plan on taking it from our house?

You have no rights to the child, it is not your child. Once the father has been determined via court ordered DNA testing, he will have the same rights as the mother. He is, after all, the other parent of this child!

 

[worriedmomof4]

I have tried to convince her that it would be best for her and the baby. I agree 100%. But the father (18 yr old) was abandoned by his own father and is totally against the idea and states that he will raise is himself if need be. I would not intrust a puppy to this boy, he is unable to care for himself, he has made some very poor choices, one having sex with a 14 year old at the time... trust me I am mortified by all of this but I am just trying to prepare myself and try to protect the child. So here I am now faced with the fact that I will probably be the major supporter of the unborn child, although she thinks she is going to be able to do it all herself (age showing there). I fear that if I force the issue of adoption that the father will try to raise it himself and there are many issues that I am not bringing up about things that he has done... but if my daughter seeks to raise this child with my support can he just come in here and take full custody?

 

[VeronicaGia]

Once again, when paternity is legally established with a court ordered DNA test, he can file for legal and physical custody and support or visitation.

 

[worriedmomof4]

Does he have more rights because of his age over her?

 

[nextwife]

Perhaps the father should still be asked to co-attend a meeting with an adoption counselor. He may totally misunderstand adoption (I can tell you that my daughter in NO WAY feels abandoned, she is happy, loved and secure) and he may not realize that an OPEN adoption is possible.

 

[worriedmomof4]

I think adoption is not a bad thing for the adopted child. I know many who have very happy children. I have two very stubborn individuals here that think they have all the answers and that anything that I suggest is just to sabotage (sp?) their love and that they are going to have this baby wether I like it or not. I realize that my rights here are limited however I need to know what my daughters rights are so I can be informed and aware so that I am not blind sided by something that could very well happen.

 

[starabby]

In Mich,,,,that would be called....statuatory rape!

 

[worriedmomof4]

There is 3 years and 10 month between their ages... in the state of Ohio there has to be 4 years... the most trouble he can get into (if they can find him) is a misdemeanor of sexual misconduct, I have already filed a report... and since he has no permanent address and moves in and out of one flop house to another the police are unable to investigate so they have dropped the case.

 

[Reyna7]

Omg

I cannot believe that to be true,,,so lets say an 18 year old can have sex with a minor that is 3 years 11 months younger than him and that is fine, but if she is a month younger it is rape?

There is 3 years and 10 month between their ages... in the state of Ohio there has to be 4 years... the most trouble he can get into (if they can find him) is a misdemeanor of sexual misconduct, I have already filed a report... and since he has no permanent address and moves in and out of one flop house to another the police are unable to investigate so they have dropped the case.

 

[worriedmomof4]

This is true, I went to the police department talked to the officer and he was outraged by what had occurred then said it was a shame it would only be a misdemeanor, I then called the prosecutors office and they confirmed what the officer had stated. This boy has barely flew under the radar, and he is the father of my future grandchild... I pray it is a boy.

 

[haiku]

and he is the father of my future grandchild... I pray it is a boy.

Cuz we all know boys are what?............

 

[snodderly]

The boy will have no rights to the child at all until he goes to court and proves paternity. It doesn't sound to me as if he has the money to do that. If he lives the sort of life you say he does, the most he will ever do, probably is make a lot of noise.

If your daughter decided to do the adoption thing this boy wouldn't even have a say so in that until paternity was proven. Do you really think, when push comes to shove that this boy is going to fork out the money it would take for him to prove he is the father? As soon as he does that he will be responsible for child support!!

Someone needs to go to him with the facts. Tell him if he ever wants anything to do with the child that he can get himself an attorney, prove he is the father and then start paying court ordered child support.

At this point the boy has no rights at all. You, as this 15 year old child's mother have the right to force a no contact rule as far as this boy is concerned. Your daughter may be pregnant but she is still your child and when in your home you set the rules.

You need to stop worrying about what he might do in the future. Like I have said, if he is anything like you describe then he will probably do a big fat NOTHING. If he does then you can cross that bridge when you come to it.

Work on mothering your child who is about to have a child of her own. Set down some boundaries and drop the adoption thing. Adoption would be best for all involved BUT that has to be her decision not yours.

I have an adopted son and know the joys of being able to adopt. God forbid your daughter grow old feeling she was forced to give her child up. All you can do at this point is pray that as she gets deeper into the situation she will make that choice on her own.