Have suspicion of abuse, but need clarification.

[jryan_Winston]

What is the name of your state? Wisconsin

My name is Jeremy Ryan. I am 16 years old and a military dependant in the Madison area. My dad is in the Army. I am expieriencing a situation that I have heard is considered child neglect. My mom is neglecting me emotionally and not providing a safe enviroment for my brother and I when she is gone. Let's start with the emotional aspect. My mom has never listened to my side of the story. She is always sheltering me from my friends and she blames all of her problems on my brother and I. As you can guess this causes great emotional strain and it has taken away from my success in school and home life. My despise of her rules made it very easy for me to feel good smoking. Due to this I became addicted to ciggarettes and then she found out. She has not been supportive. She has me take a drug test once a month and expects me to just stop cold turkey. That does not work and the problems just keep getting worse. The more and more she finds out that I am not quitting that way the more and more she yells at me. This causes even more strain, because I am trying, but just cannot quit that way. Next, lets go to the dangerous situation aspect. When she is gone (which happens on a daily basis) she keeps the phone locked in her bedroom, making it so no phone is accessible. This could cause a problem, because if someone robbed our house or something like that, I would have nothing to resort to and therefore be risking my life. Could you please help me. Thank you very much for reviewing my posting and I hope to hear from you soon.

With much thanks,
Jeremy Ryan

 

[stealth2]

I hate to tell you, Jeremy, but Mom not listening to you is not abuse. Being angry that you smoke and insisting that you quit is not abuse. Not allowing you to spend time with friends is not abuse. Getting angry at your disrespecting her is not abuse. Getting angry that your grades suck is not abuse. She could take away all but one set of clothes that she hands you each morning, remove the door from your room, put a mattress on the floor, restrict any access to friends, phone, computer, tv, and any other pleasure in your life - and it still wouldn't be abuse.

The phone sitch isn't great, but I have to wonder what you've gotten into with the phone that would lead her to restrict your access to that level.

Yeah - it's a parent thing.

 

[djohnson]

Where was that post with poem in it again about kids like this? I think he should read it. Teenagers

 

[VeronicaGia]

What is the name of your state? Wisconsin

My name is Jeremy Ryan. I am 16 years old and a military dependant in the Madison area. My dad is in the Army. I am expieriencing a situation that I have heard is considered child neglect. My mom is neglecting me emotionally and not providing a safe enviroment for my brother and I when she is gone. Let's start with the emotional aspect. My mom has never listened to my side of the story. She is always sheltering me from my friends and she blames all of her problems on my brother and I. As you can guess this causes great emotional strain and it has taken away from my success in school and home life. My despise of her rules made it very easy for me to feel good smoking. Due to this I became addicted to ciggarettes and then she found out. She has not been supportive. She has me take a drug test once a month and expects me to just stop cold turkey. That does not work and the problems just keep getting worse. The more and more she finds out that I am not quitting that way the more and more she yells at me. This causes even more strain, because I am trying, but just cannot quit that way. Next, lets go to the dangerous situation aspect. When she is gone (which happens on a daily basis) she keeps the phone locked in her bedroom, making it so no phone is accessible. This could cause a problem, because if someone robbed our house or something like that, I would have nothing to resort to and therefore be risking my life. Could you please help me. Thank you very much for reviewing my posting and I hope to hear from you soon.

With much thanks,
Jeremy Ryan

Thanks for the laugh Jeremy! "She forces me to smoke by creating strain in my life!" "Even though for hundreds of years, people didn't have phones, since they exist, it is neglect and abuse that my mother doesn't allow me free access to our phone! Oh the abuse, the neglect, the shame of it all!"

 

[smcgarry]

Typical teenager who blames everything on Mom.
You should be very thankful that your Mom cares enough about you to yell and be concerned that you are smoking! Shame on you!!!!

 

[AudreyLaura]

Oregon
I have a sister just like you. The phone, friends, etc. are privilages for being respectful and following the rules, not rights. duh.
Oh, and this is no old fogey talking- I'm only two years older than you and am in high school.

 

[smcgarry]

Audry,
You sound like a very smart and level headed person.
Why can't more youngsters be like you?

 

[meisjo]

What is the name of your state? Wisconsin

My name is Jeremy Ryan. I am 16 years old and a military dependant in the Madison area. My dad is in the Army. I am expieriencing a situation that I have heard is considered child neglect. My mom is neglecting me emotionally and not providing a safe enviroment for my brother and I when she is gone. Let's start with the emotional aspect. My mom has never listened to my side of the story. She is always sheltering me from my friends and she blames all of her problems on my brother and I. As you can guess this causes great emotional strain and it has taken away from my success in school and home life. My despise of her rules made it very easy for me to feel good smoking. Due to this I became addicted to ciggarettes and then she found out. She has not been supportive. She has me take a drug test once a month and expects me to just stop cold turkey. That does not work and the problems just keep getting worse. The more and more she finds out that I am not quitting that way the more and more she yells at me. This causes even more strain, because I am trying, but just cannot quit that way. Next, lets go to the dangerous situation aspect. When she is gone (which happens on a daily basis) she keeps the phone locked in her bedroom, making it so no phone is accessible. This could cause a problem, because if someone robbed our house or something like that, I would have nothing to resort to and therefore be risking my life. Could you please help me. Thank you very much for reviewing my posting and I hope to hear from you soon.

With much thanks,
Jeremy Ryan

Jeremy,
You sound like an intelligent person. It sounds to me like your not admitting any fault in this situation. Please try to get help through a school councelor or on the base there is lots free help out there but you need to find it.

 

[FLhomebuyer]

Army Community Service?

Jeremy,

As others have mentioned -- doesn't sound like an abusive situation. However, as military family you and your mom have access to a great resource, namely the Army Community Service Office. They have counselors there that can help you and your Mom in building better communication skills either through one-on-one meetings or through seminars/workshops.

I work with the Air Force, and will just say in closing that if you live on or frequently visit the military installation you probably need to be aware of and follow the rules and regulations of the base -- or risk being banned from base. Ultimately your father, the military member, has the responsiblity to ensure you do so.

You've only got a couple of years to go until you're on your own -- I would encourage you to enjoy being a teenager, not be so tough on your Mom, and find ways to have good, clean fun until you're 18. Being a military spouse (or military kid!) is a tough job. We're all so proud of what your dad does for us -- your job right now is to help your Mom so he can serve.

Hope it all settles down for you both soon!