He kept our baby!

[stealth2]

I will say, however, that I don't think it's appropriate to come quite so close to diagnosing any sort of mental or physical disorders. To suggest that a poster look into the possibility? Sure. But to effectively pronounce that a poster has a particular disorder? Not so much.

Rmet - you may want to lighten up a bit on your diagnoses. JMO.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

I will say, howefer, that I don't think it's appropriate to come quite so close to diagnosing any sort of mental or physical disorders. To suggest that a poster look into the possibility? Sure. But to effectively pronounce that a poster has a particular disorder? Not so much.

Rmet - you may want to lighten up a bit on your diagnoses. JMO.

OP provided the statements re accusation of bi-polar disorder and admitted to Epilepsy and the Rx. The consequences of medication compliance and pregnancy, might lead to the observations of others, what she considers a false accusation of bi-polar disorder. Even her own attorney told her to let him talk because she didn't present well. Court ordered psych evaluations together with all this suggest some sort of a thought disorder, which is about a general a term as can be used not, my Dx. None of her accusations have been substantiated, thus more evidence, she needs to understand the consequences whether or not it is what she wants to hear.

 

[casa]

I will say, howefer, that I don't think it's appropriate to come quite so close to diagnosing any sort of mental or physical disorders. To suggest that a poster look into the possibility? Sure. But to effectively pronounce that a poster has a particular disorder? Not so much.

Rmet - you may want to lighten up a bit on your diagnoses. JMO.

I agree. Also it's worth noting that bi-polar seems to be the new "It" allegation against parents in custody disputes. (Heck my nutty X used it as one of his many many against me ) A psych. evaluation was a godsend......turns out Narcissism shows up in those too! LOL

An allegation does not make truth for starters. Also I have a family member with Epilepsy who was a housewife and mother her children's entire lives. They are happy well adjusted adults now. Epilepsy is not a mental disorder, it's a physical disorder. Also while she breastfed, the Dr.s weighed the risks of her medication vs. the severity of her seizures unmedicated- and advised breastfeeding was safe. It's always wise to check with a Dr. to review all risks...but it's not always recommended not to breastfeed. (And where did the OP say she breastfed while on medication anyway?)

Lastly, I have had experience with many parents who had suspected abuse of their children happening~ I can say that none of them were the calmest, most organized verbalizers in court.

 

[stealth2]

Rmet.... I'm not going to argue the point beyond this post, but YOU said:

When they do the psych evaluations on BOTH of you, they will uncover your thought disorder as well as your other behaviors.

You have no way of knowing whether she has thought disorders or whether any will be uncovered. Fact is, you've made these sorts of pronouncements several times recently, and I personally don't think it's productive. There are lots of reasons why a person's internet posts may come across as disjointed or indicative of various disorders - that's a far cry from their actually presenting with the disorder. You're a bit dogmatic with your pronouncements. I don't think it serves anyone well.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

I agree. Also it's worth noting that bi-polar seems to be the new "It" allegation against parents in custody disputes. (Heck my nutty X used it as one of his many many against me ) A psych. evaluation was a godsend......turns out Narcissism shows up in those too! LOL

An allegation does not make truth for starters. Also I have a family member with Epilepsy who was a housewife and mother her children's entire lives. They are happy well adjusted adults now. Epilepsy is not a mental disorder, it's a physical disorder. Also while she breastfed, the Dr.s weighed the risks of her medication vs. the severity of her seizures unmedicated- and advised breastfeeding was safe. It's always wise to check with a Dr. to review all risks...but it's not always recommended not to breastfeed. (And where did the OP say she breastfed while on medication anyway?)

Lastly, I have had experience with many parents who had suspected abuse of their children happening~ I can say that none of them were the calmest, most organized verbalizers in court.

First of all, you made a lot of assumptions without reading all of OP posts which makes a big difference.

Second, This is my field of expertise, I do forensic/neuro/psych evaluations for the courts.

Third, Epilepsy does not preclude the presense of bi-polar disorder and both are/may be treated with the same class of medications known as Anti-convulsant medications, achieving 2 for the price of 1 Rx, so a person could have both epilepsy (Dx) and bi-polar (un-Dx) and be treated, and/or bi-polar present when epilepsy not/undercontrol, or epilepsy present as behavioral problems instead of seizures, unrecognized by patient, just as they often have amnesia of siezures. OP could not have been on this Rx as a child, one of the problems with older generation anti-seizure Rx is the manifestation of psychological problems in children, one of the reasons for newer Rx. Her treating neurologist may in good faith write a letter stating that she has a Dx of Epilepsy and not bi-polar simply because they have not seen it, it doesn't make it fact, and they won't be doing the evaluation, it will be someone independent like me who will look at the whole picture, not a narrow view.

If OP wasn't on the Rx during pre/conception/pregnancy they may have exhibited signs of their disorder/s. That time would have been prolonged if the breastfeed. That may be the source of OP's STBX claim of her being bi-polar.

I never said all people with Epilepsy also had psychological problems or were unable to take care of their children, however, managing active Epilepsy and raising children without assistance would be a challenge, keeping in mind that stress and fatigue may exacerbate the disorder.

While not a Mental disorder, Epilepsy falls under the category of AXIS III in the DMS-IV-TR (Medical condition). Epilepsy in children is treated as a developmental disorder because it and it's treatment interfers with normal neurospychodevelopment and thus the reference to DDD.

OP needs to understand the consequenses of their accusations and what damage control their attorney will have to do.

 

[casa]

First of all, you made a lot of assumptions without reading all of OP posts which makes a big difference.

Second, This is my field of expertise, I do forensic/neuro/psych evaluations for the courts.

Third, Epilepsy does not preclude the presense of bi-polar disorder and both are/may be treated with the same class of medications known as Anti-convulsant medications, achieving 2 for the price of 1 Rx, so a person could have both epilepsy (Dx) and bi-polar (un-Dx) and be treated, and/or bi-polar present when epilepsy not/undercontrol, or epilepsy present as behavioral problems instead of seizures, unrecognized by patient, just as they often have amnesia of siezures. OP could not have been on this Rx as a child, one of the problems with older generation anti-seizure Rx is the manifestation of psychological problems in children, one of the reasons for newer Rx. Her treating neurologist may in good faith write a letter stating that she has a Dx of Epilepsy and not bi-polar simply because they have not seen it, it doesn't make it fact, and they won't be doing the evaluation, it will be someone independent like me who will look at the whole picture, not a narrow view.

If OP wasn't on the Rx during pre/conception/pregnancy they may have exhibited signs of their disorder/s. That time would have been prolonged if the breastfeed. That may be the source of OP's STBX claim of her being bi-polar.

I never said all people with Epilepsy also had psychological problems or were unable to take care of their children, however, managing active Epilepsy and raising children without assistance would be a challenge, keeping in mind that stress and fatigue may exacerbate the disorder.

While not a Mental disorder, Epilepsy falls under the category of AXIS III in the DMS-IV-TR (Medical condition). Epilepsy in children is treated as a developmental disorder because it and it's treatment interfers with normal neurospychodevelopment and thus the reference to DDD.

OP needs to understand the consequenses of their accusations and what damage control their attorney will have to do.

Yes I know of your expertise, you've mentioned it before.

I also have read OPs previous posts re; why she left her husband in the first place. (The whole issue of him wanting to teach the children sex)

Thirdly I am familiar with the DSM and also have experience in the Mental Health field ~ Specifically in cases of child abuse/suspected child abuse.

The point I was making is that allegations are thrown all over the place in custody disputes- it doesn't make them true. Another point is that many many Epileptic parents raise their children without assistance from outside agencies.

I think you have diagnosed someone without anywhere NEAR the proper amount of information to make an informed decision- and in your field, you surely recognize this yourself.

The poster didn't ask anyone to diagnose her, she asked what she could do regarding her child in terms of following court orders, protecting her child (based on her belief the child is possibly in danger- and again in your field you know full well that 'proving' sexual abuse is difficult in many cases as sometimes there is no physical evidence when there is abuse- sometimes there is physical symptoms with no abuse et. al.)

IMO Following through is the best route for the child. I assume most parents would rather do something and risk being wrong- Then do nothing and put the child at risk

 

[Whyte Noise]

Damn.

I'm just gonna have rmet treat me over the computer and save myself the cost of the monthly psych visits.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

I also have read OPs previous posts re; why she left her husband in the first place. (The whole issue of him wanting to teach the children sex) You read these after it was pointed out to you, nor was the statement about "teach children sex" the original story, but what it had grown into over time, a very different thing. Discussing/viewing pronography or thinking about insest and deciding it isn't for them, being honest enough to openly discuss issues does not a child molester make, in fact, most of these things happen in secret, that is what she was told by, the police and CPS, the fact that they told her if and or when somehting happened they would be the first to prosecute the case doesn't mena that they believe there is a risk, but merely trying to expalin the legality of the situation and to calm them down.

Thirdly I am familiar with the DSM and also have experience in the Mental Health field ~ Specifically in cases of child abuse/suspected child abuse.
Such experience is limited and vague, and doesn't qualify you as an expert witness. Over the years the whole question of "child abuse/suspected child abuse" Recovered memories has caused a great deal of harm exploiting small bits of informaiton, as OP did with their accusations.

The point I was making is that allegations are thrown all over the place in custody disputes- it doesn't make them true.
Agreed

Another point is that many many Epileptic parents raise their children without assistance from outside agencies.
So, how is that relevant?

I think you have diagnosed someone without anywhere NEAR the proper amount of information to make an informed decision- and in your field, you surely recognize this yourself.
I did not diagnoise anyone, I merely showed how and why there may have been some creedance to OP's STBX claim, something that is totally consistant clinically and in no way detramental to OP when considered by the evaluators. So, in fact, OP should have some comfort that.

The poster didn't ask anyone to diagnose her, she asked what she could do regarding her child in terms of following court orders, protecting her child (based on her belief the child is possibly in danger- and again in your field you know full well that 'proving' sexual abuse is difficult in many cases as sometimes there is no physical evidence when there is abuse- sometimes there is physical symptoms with no abuse et. al.)
Fact is, she brought her Dx up as a defense, because she didn't want to follow the court order and has been complaining to us for 3 months about how to avoid the courts order for visitation which she felt was unfair, even after all her reports to law enforcement, cps, etc and several hearings and evaluations, how are we to over rule all that based on her accusation which by her own admission was only a discussion of a sensitive topic. OP's reaction which set this whole circus into play was deemed to be an overreaction, even by her own attorney.

BTW, if there was abuse on an infant there would be signs.

IMO Following through is the best route for the child. I assume most parents would rather do something and risk being wrong- Then do nothing and put the child at risk

But she has done that, even when she knew there was nothing and there was still nothing when it was investigated. More than likely with both being subjected to psych evals, their attorneys will come to some agreement and OP still won't be happy.

 

[starabby]

First, I want to say. I was taking Zonegran when I became pregnant. During the last 3 months my Dr switched me to Dilantin, since it would be safer for the baby. After the baby was born, I want back on my Zonegran. I did not breast feed because of the medication. I really dont know how this got to where it is. If I breast fed or not indicates if I am telling the truth. My husband already admited to me that he lied to them about saying I was bi-polar...Which I already told you. The sad thing is I came here for information about my husband not reading the order that was signed by a judge and look what this turned into. This is not a Free Advice forum like the title says. It is a place where people read something and then try to make the person feel like they are the one that is wrong. I wont be comeing here again for any of your "Free Advice" And I am not the only one who thinks this way (oh wow...yes I can think!) I have read other peoples problems and most of you do not even offer any amount constructive information and they leave feeling like they are the person at fault. Anyone that is smart enough to understand what I am going through, Thank you.

 

[BethM]

Damn.

I'm just gonna have rmet treat me over the computer and save myself the cost of the monthly psych visits.

I'm not sure it would be worth the money saved. The wrong word, at the wrong time and not said in the right way and she will have you locked away and your children whisked away to safety. I'll take my chances with a Dr. who is more tolerant and probably more qualified. I would at least have a fighting chance at proving my sanity that way.

 

[SMURFEELAW]

Damn.

I'm just gonna have rmet treat me over the computer and save myself the cost of the monthly psych visits.

I'm not sure it would be worth the money saved. The wrong word, at the wrong time and not said in the right way and she will have you locked away and your children whisked away to safety. I'll take my chances with a Dr. who is more tolerant and probably more qualified. I would at least have a fighting chance at proving my sanity that way.

I would just like to meet one person involved in a custody battle that is completely sane

 

[BethM]

starabby you need to take a look at some of rmet's other posts. She makes a hobby out of diagnosing and tearing down what people post. Don't take what she says personally and don't spend too much time defending yourself. People like her are trying to strike a nerve. The more you defend yourself the more she will accuse you of being unstable in some way. The best reaction to give someone who will take a few words and use their "expertise" to diagnose and dismiss you in that way is looking for a battle. Not reacting is the only way to send her on her way to some other poor poster who will fall prey to her "expertise."

Originally Posted by starabby
I have asked him if he has things for her. He only has a rattle. So if you look at the big pic, it comes down to ...He doesnt want her to have her blanket or toy because it is mine. How is that in the best interest of the baby. She doesnt know who gave her what. All she knows it is makes her feel safe and it is something familiar. I do understand that if he gets things for her she will grow to like them as much. But until he does,,,why should he deny a 7 month old baby her toys. Except because he is being childish and they are things I got her.

That's enough to make me think your off your rocker

Evidently you have never dealt with someone who will use their own children to strike back at another human being. I have children who have been subjected to their father refusing to let them bring things to his home because it is stuff I bought for years. When he moved into his new home I told him it was exciting and now that he had room he could set up bedrooms for the boys. I suggested he take them shopping with him and they could help him fix their rooms up. A suggestion I made in an attempt to help the man help his children feel more at home in his home. It's been 3 years and he still has not bought them a bed to even sleep on. Why? Because in his warped way of thinking he is striking out at my by not doing something I suggested. It's his children who are paying and it sounds as if that is what this mother is concerned about...a man who will let his child do without a blanket or toy just to get back at mother. He is the one who is off his rocker, not her.

 

[casa]

rmet4nzkx

"You read these after it was pointed out to you, nor was the statement about "teach children sex" the original story, but what it had grown into over time, a very different thing. Discussing/viewing pronography or thinking about insest and deciding it isn't for them, being honest enough to openly discuss issues does not a child molester make, in fact, most of these things happen in secret, that is what she was told by, the police and CPS, the fact that they told her if and or when somehting happened they would be the first to prosecute the case doesn't mena that they believe there is a risk, but merely trying to expalin the legality of the situation and to calm them down."

I read the posts prior to this post happening and recalled the situation. - You make yet another assumption, that I did not read them until you directed me to do so.
If you are following the posts as you imply~ The investigations are not complete, nor have they been closed as unfounded.

Such experience is limited and vague, and doesn't qualify you as an expert witness. Over the years the whole question of "child abuse/suspected child abuse" Recovered memories has caused a great deal of harm exploiting small bits of informaiton, as OP did with their accusations

Recovered memories is not the issue at hand, and is in fact, a completely different issue altogether. My experience, though not limited, was presented vaguely and for a reason.

So, how is that relevant? <Epilepsy>

You brought up the issue and made comments re; her parenting as someone with the disorder- Not me. It wasn't relevant at all IMO, which is why I interjected what I did about Epileptic parents being capable in majority of cases.

I did not diagnoise anyone, I merely showed how and why there may have been some creedance to OP's STBX claim, something that is totally consistant clinically and in no way detramental to OP when considered by the evaluators. So, in fact, OP should have some comfort that.

You most certainly applied a diagnosis and an opinion of mental fitness to this poster. And it is not "totally consistent" clinically for any 'Professional' to offer such based soley on just a few posting on an internet advice site. Not only that OPs Dr. has already assessed and dismissed the BPD claim.


Fact is, she brought her Dx up as a defense, because she didn't want to follow the court order and has been complaining to us for 3 months about how to avoid the courts order for visitation which she felt was unfair, even after all her reports to law enforcement, cps, etc and several hearings and evaluations, how are we to over rule all that based on her accusation which by her own admission was only a discussion of a sensitive topic. OP's reaction which set this whole circus into play was deemed to be an overreaction, even by her own attorney.

Clarification- the OP was asking for opinions because she felt the visitation was unfair (again based on her belief the child may be in jeapordy). She has, however, complied with it regardless. (Contrary to behavior expected of one with BPD) In fact, it is the father who is currently violating the court order. (according to OPs attorney, and quite possibly according to the 'intent' of the mediator whom wrote it).

I do not intend to 'overrule' all based on her accusations~ Nor did she ask any of us to. She asked us what to do about the current issue of the father not returning the child after previously agreeing to do so.


BTW, if there was abuse on an infant there would be signs.It is alarming to me that a forensic 'expert' would make such a blatantly misleading statement. There are multiple of types of SA, and many do not result in physical trauma (most notably the oral types). And most child offenders spend months working up to more physically damaging forms of abuse.

But she has done that, even when she knew there was nothing and there was still nothing when it was investigated. More than likely with both being subjected to psych evals, their attorneys will come to some agreement and OP still won't be happy.

Another mis-statement on your part. There have been no evaluations, as the father has changed his mind about it, after previously agreeing to it. The investigation, as stated earlier is still not closed.

I do agree, however, that neither parent may be 'happy' when all is said and done because they both are going from an intact family to a split family and both will have to learn to adjust to the child being with the other parent at least part of the time- and they both want full custody to themselves.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Rmet.... I'm not going to argue the point beyond this post, but YOU said:



You have no way of knowing whether she has thought disorders or whether any will be uncovered. Fact is, you've made these sorts of pronouncements several times recently, and I personally don't think it's productive. There are lots of reasons why a person's internet posts may come across as disjointed or indicative of various disorders - that's a far cry from their actually presenting with the disorder. You're a bit dogmatic with your pronouncements. I don't think it serves anyone well.

Then apparently you don't know what goes into a psych eval from a clinical standpoint or what it may or not reveal.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Damn.

I'm just gonna have rmet treat me over the computer and save myself the cost of the monthly psych visits.

No one is diagnosing or treating anyone. Informing OP of the reality of the psych evaluation she put into motion or the consequences of her accusations and/or actions is just that, information. She has an attorney, who has begged her to let them do their job, instead, she continues to stir things up, it is counter productive.