He kept our baby!

[stealth2]

Hmmm... getting mighty defensive there, rmet.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

First, I want to say. I was taking Zonegran when I became pregnant. During the last 3 months my Dr switched me to Dilantin, since it would be safer for the baby. After the baby was born, I want back on my Zonegran. I did not breast feed because of the medication.
Why this is significant is that with the accusation of you demonstrating bi-polar behaviors this might have been exlained if you had been off your meds during your pregnancy because the same Rx may help control those behaviors, this would have been a positive thing for you.

I really dont know how this got to where it is. If I breast fed or not indicates if I am telling the truth.
NO that was not the point, had you been off your Rx during pregnancy and breastfeeding, it may have explained some of your confusion or overreaction. There is a difference between truth and perception.

My husband already admited to me that he lied to them about saying I was bi-polar...Which I already told you.
What he admitted to you after the fact doesn't change the claims he made elsewhere, and all the claims made by both of you will be examined in the psych evals the only problem you face is that your accusations against him have been proven unfounded speculation only while you have told us that you don't have the excuse of litigitimately being off your meds and possibly pe\sychological problems not mitigated by your Rx.

The sad thing is I came here for information about my husband not reading the order that was signed by a judge and look what this turned into.
No, you came here in September trying to deny him visitation, that has been your goal all along, you just change slightly your approach each time. According to the order, he has the child until 1-2-5. Overnights have been in place and in fact he has the child for a significant amount of time dispite all your accusations, in fact less that most standard visitations when there are not accusations. This is your first extended holiday visitation. And you know he has things to provide adequately for your child, not just a rattle. Yes it is sad that you persist in abusing this forum by ignoring the advice you receive. Fact is, you and you alone will have to be responsible for your actions and to cooporate with the psych eval.

This is not a Free Advice forum like the title says.
How much has this cost you?

It is a place where people read something and then try to make the person feel like they are the one that is wrong.
We have to have the facts to give advice, sometimes you don't receive the advice you want, bit the cost is far greater if your lack of cooporation or insight affects your child.

I wont be comeing here again for any of your "Free Advice" And I am not the only one who thinks this way (oh wow...yes I can think!) I have read other peoples problems and most of you do not even offer any amount constructive information and they leave feeling like they are the person at fault. Anyone that is smart enough to understand what I am going through, Thank you.

Please let your attorney speak for you and cooporate with the court's orders and the psych eval.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Damn.

I'm just gonna have rmet treat me over the computer and save myself the cost of the monthly psych visits.

I'm not sure it would be worth the money saved. The wrong word, at the wrong time and not said in the right way and she will have you locked away and your children whisked away to safety. I'll take my chances with a Dr. who is more tolerant and probably more qualified. I would at least have a fighting chance at proving my sanity that way.

You might be surprized to learn that I am a strong client advocate, but we have to work with the facts. OP needs to focus their energy on reality, not things to deny her STBX visitation.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

starabby you need to take a look at some of rmet's other posts. She makes a hobby out of diagnosing and tearing down what people post. Don't take what she says personally and don't spend too much time defending yourself. People like her are trying to strike a nerve. The more you defend yourself the more she will accuse you of being unstable in some way. The best reaction to give someone who will take a few words and use their "expertise" to diagnose and dismiss you in that way is looking for a battle. Not reacting is the only way to send her on her way to some other poor poster who will fall prey to her "expertise."

Originally Posted by starabby
I have asked him if he has things for her. He only has a rattle. So if you look at the big pic, it comes down to ...He doesnt want her to have her blanket or toy because it is mine. How is that in the best interest of the baby. She doesnt know who gave her what. All she knows it is makes her feel safe and it is something familiar. I do understand that if he gets things for her she will grow to like them as much. But until he does,,,why should he deny a 7 month old baby her toys. Except because he is being childish and they are things I got her.

That's enough to make me think your off your rocker

Evidently you have never dealt with someone who will use their own children to strike back at another human being. I have children who have been subjected to their father refusing to let them bring things to his home because it is stuff I bought for years. When he moved into his new home I told him it was exciting and now that he had room he could set up bedrooms for the boys. I suggested he take them shopping with him and they could help him fix their rooms up. A suggestion I made in an attempt to help the man help his children feel more at home in his home. It's been 3 years and he still has not bought them a bed to even sleep on. Why? Because in his warped way of thinking he is striking out at my by not doing something I suggested. It's his children who are paying and it sounds as if that is what this mother is concerned about...a man who will let his child do without a blanket or toy just to get back at mother. He is the one who is off his rocker, not her.

Beth,
OP has spent 3 months promoting an accusation that had been deemed without merit, essentially having split physical custody which is not awarded to anyone with high risk for child molestation. OP has no problem with the father caring for the child normally, only the extended holiday visitation in the court's orders, because they were denied sole custody and it is not what they want. The more they protest, the more they lose, someone needs to get their attention. It serves no purpose to give them false hope or support a battle they have already lost. The situation is different than your situation, we have to remain objective. If that makes me a meanie, so be it, it doesn't change reality.

 

[starabby]

"OP has spent 3 months promoting an accusation that had been deemed without merit, essentially having split physical custody which is not awarded to anyone with high risk for child molestation. OP has no problem with the father caring for the child normally, only the extended holiday visitation in the court's orders, because they were denied sole custody and it is not what they want. The more they protest, the more they lose, someone needs to get their attention. It serves no purpose to give them false hope or support a battle they have already lost. The situation is different than your situation, we have to remain objective. If that makes me a meanie, so be it, it doesn't change reality."

Since the first time I came here i posted my accusations I had about my husband. At that time I only had my word against his. I originally wanted supervised visitation. After the referree hearing, I posted about the fact that the referree was did award custody to me and then his attorney accused her of women favoritism and she changed her mind and said joint and the visitation schedule. She was not told of the accusations. My attorney didnt think it was a good idea since I had no proof. I did not agree to the visitation and my attorney wrote up a visitation schedule. Tues, Thurs, and Sat. No overnights. That went on until we had the hearing in Dec. That was the hearing from the referree hearing two months ago. Then when my husband thought we might get back togeather and we were talking about things. I had asked him why he said that about having sex with our children. He stated that it was just a fantasy and he wouldnt act on it. He also said he was getting help for that. As it turned out, I did not get back with him, but I did ask him again why he said that and I had a recorder and taped him saying why. The Friend of Court said I needed proof. So I got it. That is when Child protective services listened to the tape and went and talked to him and they told me they were concerned enough to have the Sheriff listen to it. This is where it is at now. This is not a attempt to keep a father from his daughter. What would you...any of you do in this case. There is nothing we can do...because it is not a crime to say you want to have sex with your children....it is not a crime to read incest stories on the computer. But it doesnt change the fact that I as her mother know it is true and that is what I have to deal with everytime I have to give her to him. He has only had two overnights through out this whole thing. Now he has her for 6 days and nights. And if I didnt have to worry about his thoughts. I would be fine with this. But you have all made up your minds that I am just a mom upset that he gets visitation. And besides all of this that happened in the past. My question today was about how to read this order. I keep reading your posts saying I have been comeing here crying for 3 months. I have only come here stating what has happened and asked for information. And there is nothing I said that wasnt true or never did I change my story and someone can show me where I did...I would like to see it.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

I will address a few of your statements

I read the posts prior to this post happening and recalled the situation. - You make yet another assumption, that I did not read them until you directed me to do so.
If you are following the posts as you imply~ The investigations are not complete, nor have they been closed as unfounded.

The accusations she made were investigated, there was nothing to investigate, words and supposition. The Police told her that they needed evidence of actual abuse, not her fears, and OP stated she is glad there is no evidence of abuse. The monster she is fighting is her fears. Both have been ordered psych evaluations.


You brought up the issue and made comments re; her parenting as someone with the disorder- Not me. It wasn't relevant at all IMO, which is why I interjected what I did about Epileptic parents being capable in majority of cases.
OP brought it up and, had she been off her meds, would have provided a reasonable explaination for the accusation of her being bi-polar, I gave her the benefit of the doubt, a positive thing, unfortunately, when OP finally gave those facts, that she was never off her meds has other implications, all of which will be considered in the psych eval. It is true that stress and fatigue can exacerbate epilepsy, and if her neurologist kept her on her meds throughout her entire pregnancy, there must be some concern as to seizure control. That being the case, there would be a question of the advisability of her having the child, alone unassisted should she have a seizure and good reason to share physical custody.


I did not diagnoise anyone, I merely showed how and why there may have been some creedance to OP's STBX claim, something that is totally consistant clinically and in no way detramental to OP when considered by the evaluators. So, in fact, OP should have some comfort that.

You most certainly applied a diagnosis and an opinion of mental fitness to this poster. And it is not "totally consistent" clinically for any 'Professional' to offer such based soley on just a few posting on an internet advice site. Not only that OPs Dr. has already assessed and dismissed the BPD claim.

The diagnosis was already made, I explained it. Unfortunately you display your lack of professional expertise in your use of diagnostic terms, eg. while OP may display Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) I never made that claim or Dx, yet you have made it above by wrongly stating, "dismissed the BPD claim." So you are now basing your accusitions about my professional opinion by making assumptions and stating the wrong TERM? BPD = Borderline Personality Disorder, not Bi-Polar disorder, obvioulsy your understanding of DSM-IV-TR is faulty.

Fact is, she brought her Dx up as a defense, because she didn't want to follow the court order and has been complaining to us for 3 months about how to avoid the courts order for visitation which she felt was unfair, even after all her reports to law enforcement, cps, etc and several hearings and evaluations, how are we to over rule all that based on her accusation which by her own admission was only a discussion of a sensitive topic. OP's reaction which set this whole circus into play was deemed to be an overreaction, even by her own attorney.

Clarification- the OP was asking for opinions because she felt the visitation was unfair (again based on her belief the child may be in jeapordy). She has, however, complied with it regardless. (Contrary to behavior expected of one with BPD) In fact, it is the father who is currently violating the court order. (according to OPs attorney, and quite possibly according to the 'intent' of the mediator whom wrote it).
The father is following the order and in fact gave her extra time on Sunday.

I do not intend to 'overrule' all based on her accusations~ Nor did she ask any of us to. She asked us what to do about the current issue of the father not returning the child after previously agreeing to do so.
She was given that information, even one of the members who at first agreed with her interpretation once they read all the posts and the other language no longer agreed with them and satated, : "That's enough to make me think your off your rocker"

I do agree, however, that neither parent may be 'happy' when all is said and done because they both are going from an intact family to a split family and both will have to learn to adjust to the child being with the other parent at least part of the time- and they both want full custody to themselves.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Hmmm... getting mighty defensive there, rmet.

Nah, just ate into my soaps!
Today was the day tha Bianca awoke form her coma to find her infant daughter Miranda in her arms, a child she thought dead in a rescue helicopter crash just after her birth, now if that don't put life into perspective I dont'know what does, unless it is all the people in who have died from the earthquake and tidal wave that hit the other day?

 

[casa]

I will address a few of your statements

Oh My God ~ You seethe of self righteousness.

BPD was a typo (from being used to using both terms frequently) Just as you mistyped "DMS" instead of DSM in your post- but I understood it was a typo and didn't ASSUME <as you repeatedly do > that that would infer you did not know the manual.

I thought you asked how the Epilepsy is relevant? Hmmm first you bring it up, then when you recieve a response about it- you question the relevance, then when I state the point is there was no relevance- you bring it up again stating it is relevant. (Have you checked yourself against the DSM lately? )

The diagnosis was NOT made. It was merely an accusation, which was eliminated as a possibility by the OPs Dr.

The off the rocker reference is subjective as posters have both agreed and not agreed with it. Opinions are like certain body parts- everyone has them
You just have a problem when anyone's differs from your own.

Whether the father is following the 'INTENT' of the mediators recommendation is still undetermined. And he is NOT following, verbatim, the order- as his defense is that he is in dispute of the "interpretation" of it.
Gee, wouldn't it be lovely if we ALL could use our own interpretations of our court orders??

As I've previously stated, not all anti seizure medication is harmful during pregnancy- And as has been clarified, the OP never breastfed at all let alone while medicated....another assumption you made.

Yes the OP is fighting monsters, one of which is her fear- And most abuse cases start out with just such 'feelings' and instincts from parents....who then pursue investigations to determine if their children are safe. In this case, there was no determination that the father DID or DID NOT do it- Only that there wasn't sufficient evidence to 'prove' either way. (Need I remind you Capone was finally charged for tax evasion- but does that mean he did nothing else of the criminal sort?)

I believe that you would argue a point into the ground- Rewording and selectively picking pieces and parts of your own choosing, to diffuse being directly confronted on your attitude, behavior or assumptions.
You offer off hand diagnostic 'opinions' frequently on this site. In forensics, that is absolutely contrary behavior. IMO

P.S. You are just a person~ And your 'expertise' in Forensics does not make you any less culpable than any other person in society. (Bet that really pops your bubble)

 

[rmet4nzkx]

"OP has spent 3 months promoting an accusation that had been deemed without merit, essentially having split physical custody which is not awarded to anyone with high risk for child molestation. OP has no problem with the father caring for the child normally, only the extended holiday visitation in the court's orders, because they were denied sole custody and it is not what they want. The more they protest, the more they lose, someone needs to get their attention. It serves no purpose to give them false hope or support a battle they have already lost. The situation is different than your situation, we have to remain objective. If that makes me a meanie, so be it, it doesn't change reality."

Since the first time I came here i posted my accusations I had about my husband. At that time I only had my word against his. I originally wanted supervised visitation. After the referree hearing, I posted about the fact that the referree was did award custody to me and then his attorney accused her of women favoritism and she changed her mind and said joint and the visitation schedule. She was not told of the accusations. My attorney didnt think it was a good idea since I had no proof. I did not agree to the visitation and my attorney wrote up a visitation schedule. Tues, Thurs, and Sat. No overnights. That went on until we had the hearing in Dec. That was the hearing from the referree hearing two months ago. Then when my husband thought we might get back togeather and we were talking about things. I had asked him why he said that about having sex with our children. He stated that it was just a fantasy and he wouldnt act on it. He also said he was getting help for that. As it turned out, I did not get back with him, but I did ask him again why he said that and I had a recorder and taped him saying why. The Friend of Court said I needed proof. So I got it. That is when Child protective services listened to the tape and went and talked to him and they told me they were concerned enough to have the Sheriff listen to it. This is where it is at now. This is not a attempt to keep a father from his daughter. What would you...any of you do in this case. There is nothing we can do...because it is not a crime to say you want to have sex with your children....it is not a crime to read incest stories on the computer. But it doesnt change the fact that I as her mother know it is true and that is what I have to deal with everytime I have to give her to him. He has only had two overnights through out this whole thing. Now he has her for 6 days and nights. And if I didnt have to worry about his thoughts. I would be fine with this. But you have all made up your minds that I am just a mom upset that he gets visitation. And besides all of this that happened in the past. My question today was about how to read this order. I keep reading your posts saying I have been comeing here crying for 3 months. I have only come here stating what has happened and asked for information. And there is nothing I said that wasnt true or never did I change my story and someone can show me where I did...I would like to see it.

From your first thread 9-26-4 titled CUSTODY & VISITATION now tell me how that doesn't have to do with you limiting his visitation?
There's a big difference between fantasy & reality, discussion & action, openly discussing fantasy& seeking help is not the profile of a high risk offender, being unable to decern the difference is far more troubling. Also you can give any reason why visitation was changed, the fact is that if the claims had merit your attorney would have presented them & no unsepervised visitation would have been allowed. That may not be what you believe/like, but if there was anything you would have been back in court sooner.

What is the name of your state? I live in Michigan.
I have a 4 month old baby. I filed for Divorce from her father, becaue of concerns I have regarding internet porn and incest thoughts by him.
We had a custody hearing and the referee at first granted custody to me with visitation to him. But then his attorney threw a fit and accused her of favoritism because she is a women and she changed her mind and gave us joint custody. My attorney had told me that he would do the talking since I do not do well in front of people. But he didnt say anything..or object to anything. My husband was granted every other weekend...and wednesdays over night and monday through friday....from 4 to 8. And on my weekends and i have to work...he gets her while i work. I was also told that i can not claim her on my taxes...because he makes more money.
Does anyone have any advice for me on what to do next. I do not want to keep her from him totally...but i am being told that. This is way too much visitation for a baby her age. How do I get this recomendation to be changed? It is not an order till it is signed by a judge. Am I able to get it changed before it goes to a judge? I have so many questions. And have not been able to talk to my attorney yet. I will be talking to him tomarrow hopefully....Any advice would help alot. Thank you,
...
I can not prove that he goes to these sites. Other then he did admit it to my mom...but said he is getting help for this. He also tried to commit suicide once and threatens all the time. He also goes to counseling for that. So that is on record also. What I am saying is that...I, as her mother and his wife, know what he thinks about and I know he is doing this stuff. So it is so fustrating to know this and not be able to do anything about it. If he was a stable person, I would have no problem at all giving him all the time he wants to spend with her. Just because we can not live togeather as husband and wife. I would not keep my daughter from knowing her father. But knowing what I know..it is so hard to hand her over to him knowing what could happen to her.

And no...the visitation mon through fri....is not because she is at a day care...she is with me. IT is just because that is when he gets out of work everyday.
....
He tried to commit suicide 2 years ago...and threatend to just this past July when I left.

One thing I am not clear on is what can I do about this referree's decision to first award custody to me...then change her mind after the lawyer accuses her of favoritisum.

And I was told there will be a evaluation of both my husband and I in two months and the judge will decide.

So until then,,,is there nothing I can do to get this changed?
Is it a order...even though I have no papers telling me the times and dates?
What takes place in a appeal?

My thought is to look for better counseling....as my attorney does not seem to be representing me. I didnt even know I could voice my opinion at this hearing. My attorney said he would do most of the talking. So I didnt object to anything for fear I would get in trouble. I waited for him to say something and he didnt. THe most thing he argued was with the other attorney...as to who had to draw up the order.

I have never had to deal with a attorney or anything like this before, so I guess I am pretty nieve.

His Lawyer also told my lawyer that my husband said that I am bi-polar and do not take my medication...and i go to the bar and drink everynight.

I am 23 years old and have had epelipsy since I was 15 months old. I have never even been to a bar and can not drink because of my medication for my epelipsy. I just need some information as to how to fight this accusation. My Dr said he would mail me a paper saying what I have and what my medication is, and that I am not bi-polar. Again..Thank you for your information.
......
I was able to talk to my attorney Monday. He said that there is not a order until the judge signs it. And both attorneys need to agree to sign it. And my attorney said no. So they made up a new visitation schedule, until we have a hearing in front of the judge. Which will be in two or three weeks. Until then, his lawyer advised him to take what he can get.

On Sunday when it was my weekend and I had to work from 5:30 until 9:30 he said he wouldnt bring her back by 8. THe referree had told him she needs to be home by 8:00pm because she goes to bed at 8:30. But he refused to bring her back. So I did not give her to him. On Monday his attorney called my attorney complaining of that. And that is when mine gave him the new schedule. Which is Tues, THurs, and Sat...from 4-7 or 5-8 and everyother Friday night at 7 to Sat night at 7. My attorney thinks this is a fair schedule for a 4 month old baby. My husband also everytime he comes here , he threatens me that if I dont give her to him when he wants her ...then he will not let me take her to church on his Sundays. He is always full of threats and very controlling. But atleast for 2 weeks or until the Judge hears our case,,,,I can live with this if I have to. I am still concerned about her when she is with him as when he did bring her back.....last night...her diaper was on backwards....she didnt have her jacket on and it was cold...and he didnt secure her properly in her carseat. But I guess I can not do anything about what he does when it is his time. I didnt have to give her to him last nigth..but because he messed up on Sunday...I did. Does anyone have any advice for me about what to expect when the Judge does hear the case. I think I can live with this arrangment...does this sound fair? THank you,

I won't make fun of you because you said you're not coming back, I just hope you finally start understanding why you have to allow your husband his visitation & focus your energies on providing the best environment for your child which includes encouraging a relationship with her father & not fill her mind with doubts& fears about him to get even.

Please work through your issues in counseling not on your child.

 

[LdiJ]

I admittedly read very little in this thread other than the original post and a few of the answers. However for the benefit of everyone who posted here I would like to explain that the FOC (Friend of the Court) in Michigan has a great deal of power in regards to child custody/visitation/support issues. It's actually a situation that is quite unique. I don't know of any other state that has something quite the same in place. An FOC caseworker is permanently appointed to handle ALL issues and has an emormous amount of power.

If the FOC interprets an order in a specific way, then its almost guaranteed that what FOC believes/recommends is going to be the way a judge rules if it goes that far....and in fact, a MI judge is likely to be VERY annoyed that the parent(s) didn't obey the FOC. Of course there are exceptions...and I have actually helped parents (both moms and dads) handle exceptions in MI....but this one looks bad to me for dad.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

I admittedly read very little in this thread other than the original post and a few of the answers. However for the benefit of everyone who posted here I would like to explain that the FOC (Friend of the Court) in Michigan has a great deal of power in regards to child custody/visitation/support issues. It's actually a situation that is quite unique. I don't know of any other state that has something quite the same in place. An FOC caseworker is permanently appointed to handle ALL issues and has an emormous amount of power.

If the FOC interprets an order in a specific way, then its almost guaranteed that what FOC believes/recommends is going to be the way a judge rules if it goes that far....and in fact, a MI judge is likely to be VERY annoyed that the parent(s) didn't obey the FOC. Of course there are exceptions...and I have actually helped parents (both moms and dads) handle exceptions in MI....but this one looks bad to me for dad.

Actually it is Mom that refused to follow/sign the order and father has holiday visitation until 1-2-5.

 

[Whyte Noise]

rmet...

Did you even READ what the OP posted re: the letter the FOC sent to the father and his attorney?

Please Advise your client of the parenting time for the holidays. Per the Order holidays are to be followed by Friend of the Court guidelines with the exception that father has 8am to 3pm (instead of overnights)for his holiday parenting time, which will commence on Christmas Day. Mother is to have from 6pm on the last day school (if the child is not of school age then the district in which the child resides will be followed) until Christmas eve at 9pm. Therefore, please advise your client that on Friday, December 17, 2004 he will have ____ from 4pm to 6pm and not again until Saturday, December 25, 2004 commencing his 8am to 3pm holiday parenting time

The regular parenting time schedule will then commence the week of Jan 3, 2005.

Per the letter from the FOC... the father does NOT have overnight visitations with the child AT ALL from Christmas Day until January 2nd. He has from 8 AM until 3 PM each and every day, but NO overnights. The FOC guidelines are EXCEPTED in this case, as stated in the letter from the FOC. Read the bold part that I put in the OP's quote above.

 

[chrisdizz22]

saw it on tv the other night-- Males can somehow breast feed too-- I swear i saw it in TV

 

[rmet4nzkx]

saw it on tv the other night-- Males can somehow breast feed too-- I swear i saw it in TV

Yes it is true males, virgins, and Post Menapausal Grandmothers can all breastfeed, just takes some patience and hormone shots, of which few men are willing to undergo