He shaved my baby's head!

[djohnson]

I find that amazing as I said nothing offensive in anyway, just that I understood the posters concern and there should be a line where that decisions should be made together and not taken on by anyone parent be they CP or NCP. I think you would feel the same way if it was your child. A complete shaving of the head could be very damaging to the child if he was older and did not want it. I still do not see why any parent would feel the need to shave the childs head. My son has a 'buzz' cut and obviously very short but that doesn't compare to a razor shaved cut. Each of you are getting upset in your own personal circumstances and imagining it. However no one is looking at it from another point of view which seems pretty simple minded. I never encouraged her to 'do' anything about it but after all the negative comments she was getting I felt the need to say that there are people who understand her concerns. Still no one answered my questions of where do you draw that line. If your 2 year old came home from a weekend at dads with her nose pierced would that be ok? If your 3 year old came for your every other weekend visit with a tattoo would that be ok? Major changes of any kind can cause concerns and should be dealt with but what if you can't work with the other parent? What if you make your wishes known and the other parent overrides them everytime, and only for that reason? It's a legitamate concern and did not deserve to be handled with comments like 'get over it' and 'its his child to'. Its her child too and she had no say, lets not forget that.

 

[haiku]

over every decision, I do believe major changes should be to custodial parent and discussed. Where is the line that a NCP shouln't take charge. Some dads may be doing it just to piss mom off. What can you do and where is that line. I think poster has a good question.

not to continue to beat the poor horse but...your original argument here did not sem to support equal say.

that being said anyone who tattoos or peirces a 2 year olds nose lip eyebrow etc..probably needs to have bigger issues addressed than just parental permission.

Never mind that though my 12 year old step son wants a mohawk (LOL) that my husband is OK with, his head, it will grow,and we figure is more based on some sort of school dare than reality. his mom is totally against it. but even if it were my husbands idea to give him a mohawk if the kid didn't want it, do you really think we could drag him in kicking and screaming to the stylist? 'you need this mohock so we can piss off mom?" again much bigger issues if that were the case.

again, very extreme examples of the question. And in my opinion, the original poster has an excellent atitude about the whole thing at this point anyway..

 

[Whyte Noise]

I answered your question of where the line should be drawn. Or rather, I answered it with my own opinion of where it should be drawn. When it's detrimental to the CHILD. A haircut is not detrimental to the child.

I understand the posters feelings as well. Like I said, my ex cut our daughter's hair so short that adults mistook them for boys. Was I happy about it? Nope. Sure wasn't. Was there a thing I could do about it? Nope. Sure wasn't.

Yes, there are decisions that should be made "together". Getting a haircut, in my opinion, isn't one of those things. You're focusing on "major" isssues (your words) and a haircut isn't a major issue. As for the nose piercing and tattooing of 2 and 3 year olds... I believe all states have age requirements on having these things done. Unless you're fom a culture that practices these such things, I don't think many tattoo artists or body art artists are going to tattoo or pierce a 2 or 3 year old. They could possibly get in some serious hot water for doing that.

 

[djohnson]

I agree she has an excellent attitude, but she did have concerns also that showed in her original post and the fact that she posted it at all. I don't think those were handled by the responses she got up to that point of telling her to get over it. They may be extreme issues but I seriously doubt that her 18 month old wanted his head shaved. Maybe dad botched the haircut he usually gives him and just didn't want to tell mom. OK. My point was there are issues and saying get over it was not addressing them. I always, as your quote shows, said major issues should be discussed.

 

[djohnson]

I answered your question of where the line should be drawn. Or rather, I answered it with my own opinion of where it should be drawn. When it's detrimental to the CHILD. A haircut is not detrimental to the child.

I understand the posters feelings as well. Like I said, my ex cut our daughter's hair so short that adults mistook them for boys. Was I happy about it? Nope. Sure wasn't. Was there a thing I could do about it? Nope. Sure wasn't.

Yes, there are decisions that should be made "together". Getting a haircut, in my opinion, isn't one of those things. You're focusing on "major" isssues (your words) and a haircut isn't a major issue. As for the nose piercing and tattooing of 2 and 3 year olds... I believe all states have age requirements on having these things done. Unless you're fom a culture that practices these such things, I don't think many tattoo artists or body art artists are going to tattoo or pierce a 2 or 3 year old. They could possibly get in some serious hot water for doing that.

He gave the haircut himself and peircing and tattooing can be done also at home. A shaved head could be detrimental if the child did not want or was put through alot of humiliation due to it. A normal haircut is not a major issue but any drastic change would be and should be discussed.

 

[Whyte Noise]

And an 18 month old child is going to have such anxiety over his haircut? I do hope that our society isn't becoming so "image conscious" that now 18 month old kids are striving to look like beauty pageant contestants.

 

[stealth2]

but I seriously doubt that her 18 month old wanted his head shaved.

Oh for heaven's sake - an 18 month old wouldn't even be THINKING about haircuts.

 

[KCMR]

THE CHILD's HAIR HAS PROBABLY GROWN IN BY NOW...

Will this post ever go away?

 

[Boxcarbill]

I find that amazing as I said nothing offensive in anyway, just that I understood the posters concern and there should be a line where that decisions should be made together and not taken on by anyone parent be they CP or NCP. I think you would feel the same way if it was your child. A complete shaving of the head could be very damaging to the child if he was older and did not want it. I still do not see why any parent would feel the need to shave the childs head. My son has a 'buzz' cut and obviously very short but that doesn't compare to a razor shaved cut. Each of you are getting upset in your own personal circumstances and imagining it. However no one is looking at it from another point of view which seems pretty simple minded. I never encouraged her to 'do' anything about it but after all the negative comments she was getting I felt the need to say that there are people who understand her concerns. Still no one answered my questions of where do you draw that line. If your 2 year old came home from a weekend at dads with her nose pierced would that be ok? If your 3 year old came for your every other weekend visit with a tattoo would that be ok? Major changes of any kind can cause concerns and should be dealt with but what if you can't work with the other parent? What if you make your wishes known and the other parent overrides them everytime, and only for that reason? It's a legitamate concern and did not deserve to be handled with comments like 'get over it' and 'its his child to'. Its her child too and she had no say, lets not forget that.

Ever notice how courts don't stretch their ruling to facts not before them. There is a very good reason for that. They decide where the line is drawn by a determination on a case by case basis. They never draw a wider circle than is necessary to decide the case before them. So your tatoo hypo would be decided on the facts of that case. How old the is the child? Is the child male or female? Did the child want the tatoo? Where is the location of the tatoo? How big is the tatoo? All factors play into where the line is drawn. Change one fact and it can often change the outcome.

But I can tell you from courtroom experience, a hair cut (a head shave) is well within unilateral parental decision and well beyond the court's authority to prohibit a parent from doing so without being reversed on appeal. Read a few U.S.S.C. decision to see just how balancing of parental interest against the state's right to legislates play out.

 

[Lil Miss Smarty Panties]

NO IT WON'T GO AWAY! IT WILL NEVER GO AWAY! HAHAHAHAHA

the horse is dead, now it's being poked with a stick!

 

[stealth2]

Just thinking aloud... (allowed? hehe)... None of us really knows the circumstances. Perhaps the ex's g/f has a kid who came home from school with lice. And the ex figured it was better to shave the babe's head than douse it with chemicals. Or maybe he ended up with a really crappy haircut, and Dad decided to just start over. Or maybe Dad's head is shaved and he wanted a picture of him and his son, looking alike.

At the end of the day - it's really not that important. It grows back. And Mom handled it reasonably from her account.

 

[CMSC]

Maybe it is just me but if my ex cut my sons gorgeous curly hair I would cut something of his off!

 

[haiku]

a horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse.....

 

[ellencee]

Maybe the lady just wanted to know if her feelings of 'you did what?!' were normal feelings. Despite all the 'it's only hair' and 'the courts don't care', I'm betting not one of us on this forum, CP, NCP, attorney, etc. would have just smiled and accepted it without first and foremost reacting with thoughts of 'you did what to my child without OK'ing it with me first?'.

Sure the toddler is a boy and sure short haircuts are great for boys, and all the other stuff is true, but how about giving this a thought--your daughter with her waist-length, beautiful hair comes back from the other parent's home with hair cut above her ears. Is it, then, only hair that will grow back and no big deal?

The mom was entitled to her shock and dismay and her desire to prevent it from happening again.

This thread was great fun to read and enjoy! (poor little fella must look like an emoticon!)

 

[stealth2]

your daughter with her waist-length, beautiful hair comes back from the other parent's home with hair cut above her ears. Is it, then, only hair that will grow back and no big deal?

BTDT. Swallowed it and said with a huge smile "You look so pretty!"