He wants more, I'm concerned

[NSA4answers]

What is the name of your state? Co.

My ex and I have a parenting plan which states currently that our child will be with dad from Friday after work until Sunday at 5pm. It also states that dad will have midweek dinner parenting time. At the time of the order, our daughter was only 2 and we gradually increased parenting time within the order. Midweek dinner parenting time was to be initiated 4 months after overnights began and to take place the Wednesday following dads parenting weekend and was to increase to a Wednesday overnight. Well... eventually started taking our daughter for the midweek parenting time, not in the time frame that midweek parenting was supposed to begin but eventually. He was living with the woman that he cheated with and caused our relationship to end and I don't think she really liked him having our daughter, and not having more time for her. Eventually they split up he moved out and began the midweek parenting.

He continually expressed his dislike for it because it was for such a short period of time. We were to exchange her at my moms but he lived "to far" away (10 miles tops) to be able to take her back to his house and return her on time.... Then me moved in with another girlfriend and the midweek parenting eventually stopped. Mind you during none of this time did he ever progress it to overnight midweek parenting due to his work schedule not being workable with being able to deliver the child to child care in the morning and he did not want to drive to my moms because it was again... "to far" (3 miles from his work). Basically excuses excuses excuses... never the less he did take her for the midweek parenting for a while, just not overnight.

Then he moved in with another woman and shortly after the midweek parenting stopped all together. He has not taking her for about 3 years now this coming May. I don't know why, I stopped asking and just let it be. Well the split up late last year... well technically the split early last year and she just moved into our daughters bedroom at his house and overnights stopped all together and he began only picking her up Saturday morning returning her that evening, and picking her up again Sunday and returning her again that evening. No Fridays. This is all by his choice btw.

He has now moved in with another woman has resumed weekend overnight parenting Friday evening through Sunday evening... however has still not excersized the midweek parenting like I said before for about 3 years this coming May. Now all of a sudden he is constantly asking to have more time with our daughter. Everything I try to communicate with him on reverts back to "I want more time." I have tried to explained to him that he has midweek parenting however chooses not to utilize it and I will not visit the issue of increasing his parenting time when he doesn't take her for the time he's supposed to. I half feel like a B**** but I truly feel if he wants more time with her he should take her for when our agreement already states.

I am scared that he is setting me up for something because that is the type of person he is. Whenever I remind him that he already has more parenting time he clams up and doesn't respond after that until the next time he tells me how he wants more parenting time.

If he were to motion for more parenting time would I have any grounds to say that I disagree with an increase in parenting time based on his lack of 1 following the agreement in the first place and 2 that he doesn't take her now for what he already has.

In addition to the failed midweek parenting he has on numerous occasions not picked her up for Holiday parenting time such as his birthday, thanksgiving, 4th of July, new years, and Halloween. He once (recently) did not show up for his weekend parenting time picking her up from my moms. When I got off work (hours after he was to pick her up) I retrieved the kids from my moms, and went home. Several hours later in the middle of the night while everyone was in their beds sleeping the police were knocking at my door. I didn't at the time know it was the police and didn't answer the door as it was the middle of the night. I found out the next day when they tried to reach my by phone. I ended up having to take my daughter to work with me because I didn't have child care prepared because it was supposed to be dads time. He had apparently told them that I did not provide the child for his parenting time. I was informed that interference with parenting time is a felony! I explained that he did not show up and asked what I was supposed to do when that happens so as *I* don't get pinned looking like I am interfering. They had no real response but said they've seen this happen before. They told me to keep a journal. I write in a journal to keep track of on goings yet I can't say that ever Wednesday I've wrote "dad didn't show up for midweek parenting." Just periodically I write that he has not. Eventually I was able to get in touch with him and met him to give out daughter to him for his parenting time at about 4 pm the next day. They called me back several days later and they told me that they weren't able to reach him again, he doesn't answer his phone so I'm not surprised.

I don't know what to do I am honestly really scared. How do I approach dad wanting more parenting time given the circumstances? How do I protect myself if the issue should arise with the court? And, am I wrong in telling him I will not even discuss increasing parenting time when he does not follow the agreement as it is right now?

Thanks!

 

[LdiJ]

Does dad say what he wants when he says that he wants more parenting time? Is he still not exercising his midweek visits?

It sounds to me like he is very much influenced by the women in his life regarding his relationship with his child, and that its likely that his current woman either expects him to want to spend more time with his child, or wants his child support reduced because he would have more parenting time.

In any case, rather than be scared about it, just wait and see if he actually file for anything.
In the meantime, every time he asks you for more parenting time, respond with "Sure, you can certainly start taking your Wednesday visits again, what time will you be picking her up?"

 

[NSA4answers]

Does dad say what he wants when he says that he wants more parenting time? Is he still not exercising his midweek visits?

No he does not ever say what specifically he wants he just interjects "I want more time with 'daughters name'" For example last night I was trying to talk to him about medical benefits. I had to pick up a prescription for 1 of my daughters and didn't have the card for prescriptions and was wondering if anything had changed or if the pharmacy could just use the info from last year. Mid conversation he starts talking about wanting more parenting time. Since the conversation was by text message I told him that I would not discuss that with him in text message and he would need to email me about it or call me and that I've already told him he has parenting time he doesn't use. And no he is still not exercising the midweek parenting time.

It sounds to me like he is very much influenced by the women in his life regarding his relationship with his child, and that its likely that his current woman either expects him to want to spend more time with his child, or wants his child support reduced because he would have more parenting time.

I believe it to be a combination of both. He agreement with her exH is they share 50/50 parenting. Their children are older, in their teens, our daughter is 6, and having some major problems with transitions back and forth. It's not beneficial for her to increase to 50/50 at this point. She (the gf) also thinks that child support is for greedy women. I hear it all the time lately how greedy I am. It grates on my nerves, but I know child support is for our daughters benefit. She doesn't have a CS order and doesn't think my ex should have to pay either. They've both even suggested that I dismiss the CS order. Whatever... I imagine eventually she'll be out of the picture too.

In any case, rather than be scared about it, just wait and see if he actually file for anything.
In the meantime, every time he asks you for more parenting time, respond with "Sure, you can certainly start taking your Wednesday visits again, what time will you be picking her up?"

Ok, that's what I have been doing. It's still scary especially the way he handles it, just feels as though he's trying to set me up for something.

 

[NSA4answers]

merged from another thread....

What is the name of your state? Co.

My youngest daughters father has continually been asking me to have more visitation with our daughter. I continue to remind him that he has parenting time that he does not currently exercise. He is supposed to have every other weekend fri evening - Sunday evening and every Wednesday's overnight. He has not picked our daughter up for his midweek parenting time for almost 3 years, and regularly gives up holiday parenting time.

Additionally he is not currently providing a bedroom for our daughter as agreed upon in our order (by recommendation of the special advocate when our agreement was originally made) because he has chosen to allow his home to go into foreclosure to move in with his gf.

While I am not against him having more parenting time I 1) think he should follow the agreement we already have in place. and 2) He lives over 25 miles from our home / our daughters school making his trip to work over 35 miles. I KNOW he will end up giving up any additional time which requires him to deliver her to school in the morning. 3) I know he has no intention of moving any closer to us because his gf (who he's living with) is not allowed per her custody order to move our of the school district her children attend school in. So I'm not against it, but not so much for it given the circumstances. Additionally, I mostly think he wants this increase in parenting time because we are going through a modification of child support. He knows if he has her more overnights, his CS goes down.

If he motions the court for more parenting time, given that he has not used the parenting time he already has, is a judge likely to increase his parenting time?

Would he need a change in circumstances to request a change in parenting time?

If he continues to ask, and I continue to say that I wont entertain the idea because he doesn't follow the current order will that look bad for me if he does request more parenting time in court?

Additionally, to my knowledge, he and the gf are planning on moving soon because her lease will be up. Because our orders state that he is to provide a separate bedroom for our daughter if he does not once they move how long must/should I wait before bringing his non compliance to the courts attention?

I know some will think this petty of me, but please bear in mind that he has chosen to not take our daughter back to his home where she is provided a bedroom since maybe October last year. (I imagine the foreclosure process is getting close to complete, he does still have access to the home however, last I knew at least). Our daughter sleeps on a couch at the gf's house where her dog has urinated, she is not provided blankets or pillows and comes home sick nearly every time she visits with him since she's been staying at the gf's house. My only conclusion to the illness when she returns is that she's sleeping/living in unclean conditions. I have honestly just sucked up my pride in regards to the sleeping arrangements (soiled couch and no blankets/pillows was something new she told me this last last visit), bite my tongue, and know that eventually as she gets older, things like the above wont go over very well with her. I DO NOT want to take away parenting time with dad, I just think given the circumstances it should not increase.

Any advice? Thanks