When we were still in MO, the SMom was a SAHM, and took the girls to the doctor all the time. The decisions SHE was making (because I was ABLE to be there, and was intentionally excluded) did result in some legal issues, and an addition to the order that SMom was ONLY allowed to provide transportation to Dr Appointments, and ONLY if Dad AND I were both unable to do so ourselves, but that ANY medical decisions HAD TO be made by the parents.
that is no problem and in a way part of what I am looking for. Basically, if the decisions have to be made by a parent (and I'm talking about issues where the father would be able to make the call without consulting the mom first), is there anything sMom has to do to allow them to accept her word that it is actually dad's call on the matter (as what the possibilities are is generally discussed prior to any provider visit anyway) or would dad have to speak to the provider directly. As I mentioned in my original post, I was asked if a POA would provide such rights but for some reason I am thinking it wouldn't as a POA is intended to allow the agent to act in the stead of the principle in matters regarding the principle. I would think the children's treatment would not fall within the powers of an agent of a POA.
I guess what I am trying to get across is;
it isn't that the sMom would be making decisions unilaterally but passing along what the father's position would be on the matter. He just wants to know what it would take for the sMom to act on his behalf, or more accurately, as more of a conduit of the dad's position on any given matter.
So... I think it depends largely on the dynamics, the relationships between the parents, and who provides the day to day care of the children. I would, however, be rather surprised if the doctor's office ever asked for proof of ability to make decisions. I don't have the same last name as any of my kids, and no one has ever asked me for proof that I'm Mom.
that's part of the problem. Mom recently lost residential custody of the children due to her own actions. Even though she is only about 15 miles away from the dad's home and even if she was able to take the children, due to issues I don't want to bring up,..well, let's just say mom is not going to be taking the children to the doctor's appointments. She does have regular visitation but it is quite limited and she has proven she is not dependable when it comes to the children.
***ETA: My husband is likely to deploy within the next several months. The girls will be staying with me while he's in Afghanistan. I'll be making every single decision for them, just as I do now, while he's on the other side of the planet. It's just the way it is.
I thought we moved out of Afghanistan but if he is returning there, apparently not completely yet. Best of luck to him and a safe deployment and hoping it is a boring ol' time.
I appreciate everybody's input so far. Thanks much.
