I haven't looked at this thread for about three months because I was very frustrated... I came back here today and read through it again with an open mind, because I was wondering if I truly did something wrong.
A lot of people here have called me a hypocrite, and worse, because I have a certain set of principles, and I have acted to the best of my ability to uphold these principles.
To those of you who believe that I have done things the wrong way I would ask, have you ever been in a situation comparable to the one that I found myself in?
If you have, What did you do differently than me, and why was it the right thing to do?
If you have not been in a similar situation, but you still feel that you know of a better way to have handled it, please share.
I am open to your suggestions and opinions, and I will try to be more respectful to those of you who do not agree with me.
Why yes, yes I have been in a very similar situation.
I divorced in 2009. I lost my fairly good paying job in 2011. In between--my exhusband decided he didn't need to pay as much child support as was ordered, and FOUGHT it for 2 years. I attempted to do all the programs available to lower my house payment (and the mortgage company fell down on their responsibility, losing my paperwork, not acting on the paperwork, etc.) before I lost my job in April 2011. I applied for unemployment, I applied for SNAP benefits, etc. Was granted some of the assistance, others I did not because even though I only had Unemployment and whatever child support the Ex decided to pay, I still made to much money. In August 2011, the Ex had his day in court and child support was lowered officially by almost $250/mo. In January 2012, I was offered and accepted a temp job, that became permanent the next month.
And all this time, I was battling with the mortgage company. At first they authorized/approved me for a program to lower my payments, then a few days letter, rescinded that. Then the mortgage company proceeded with foreclosure process.
I was physically and emotionally exhausted. At that point, even though I had a full time job, I still couldn't survive without someone helping. My choices at that time were to pack me and my children up and move in with my parents (and we're not talking a small move---I live over 1600 miles from all of my blood family), or moving in with my boyfriend. I chose to move in with my boyfriend. I have two teenage boys who really did not want to leave all that they have ever known--and well, the boyfriend and I do kind of like each other!
In May 2012 the house was foreclosed and sold (the bank bought it back) on the courthouse steps.
You do what you have to survive and provide for your family--as long as it's legal. But, you do not EVER judge someone because they don't live like you do. Your sins are no better or worse than mine!