Help Mom in trouble

[aimeezepeda2004]

Mom With Questions And Concerns

Im in state of Virginia soon to be ex-husband in state of Arizona.



he pays $150 dollars a month for child suppport left when i was 7 1/2 months pregant with no job had to quit because my pregenancy was high risk and I was put on bed rest He left me with child and pregnant with no job no clue how to pay next months rent. I went out find a job 8 months pregnant then followed by having to work 30 days after the baby was born . worked 2 jobs. He has never seen the child just starting paying child support 2 months ago behind $3000 in child support and now wants to claim the children on his taxes from next year on. and wants joint custody i dont feel he is responible enough to deal with a 6 yr old and 1 year old with out supervision. I mean he walk away from his family not to mention a baby girl that was born premature 1 month. she fine now and not to mention 2 months after her birth that i was disgonsed with cancer and had to undergo chemo i ask him to come and help out with at least watching the children he refused to he was not working( and had not been since he left in june) so he's main concern should have been for the well being of the children . he states he can only afford $150 a month in child support but can afford to pay an attonery which is expensive so where is his main concern at? not the children. i work 2 jobs to provide for them all they need ,and I cannot afford to pay an attonery so I actually tried to go through legal aid. not to mention that I provide health insurance, day care expenses without his help.
But i'm not mad or upset or am I trying to get back at him for leaving me i just want him to be responible. I just think how can he not do this. because I can not image not doing what i do now. I do not want no one to think that I dont want him to see them or be a part of thier lives I just want legal custody and supervised visitation, until he becomes a more responbile indiviual and steps up to the plate. then I will agree to modify things glady . I feel its inportant for children to have positve influences around them meaning family or non family. I guess my question is that what can a lawyer here do for me ?
They state can not help me he filed for divorce in AZ and is trying to get rest done over there too. all I want of coarse the divorce in az and the child custody and visitation here. I cant get a attonery there either because i'm here in va does az have any jurdiction?? since I'm here in va??

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Nothing in your post points to any reason to deny the bio-father not only joint custody but also liberal visitation.

Remember, his actions were against you, the mother. Not the child.

 

[MBMom]

BB, I know she didn't say anything the proves this dad to be unfit to get joint custody of his children, but when he walked out on her, it wasn't just against her. The baby she was pregnant with is now ONE. If he hasn't seen this child and decides just now to get involved, how do you consider his actions NOT against the children, too? I know that's not enough to use in court against him, I'm only speaking from a moral view. I just don't agree that his actions were only against the mom. He may have MEANT them only towards the mom, nevertheless, that doesn't mean it doesn't affect the kids, right?

 

[Gonwin]

Aimee

I've learned something very important from reading on this forum and that is to DOCUMENT EVERYTHING!!! You need to keep a very detailed notebook on what goes on day to day. Dates and times he visits the children. Amounts/
dates he gives you money. Keep EVERYTHING documented...

I think your ex's actions will definitely work against him in court.

1. He abandoned his family while you were on bed rest (with his child).
2. He abandoned his older child at the same time.
3. He is behind in child support (that affects the children)
4. He doesn't visit the children (that affects the children)

I think he's trying to get joint physical custody because he will pay less child support that way. The more visitation he is given - the less he has to pay you. I think it's pretty clear he doesn't care about the children, he wants to save a buck.

It sounds like you have gone through a lot (physically and emotionally). I hope everything works out well for you and the children. Keep up the good work!!!

 

[aimeezepeda2004]

gonwin thanks for the support I need it. but all i'm looking for is this situation to be over its stressful on everyone .

 

[BelizeBreeze]

If he hasn't seen this child and decides just now to get involved, how do you consider his actions NOT against the children, too? I know that's not enough to use in court against him, I'm only speaking from a moral view.

This is NOT a moral forum. This is a LEGAL forum. And legally, the bio-father has every right to be in the child's life.

 

[Gonwin]

Belize

If you look at the original post, she never said she didn't want the father to be in their children's lives. She is concerned that he is not responsible enough to have joint custody (at this point). Remember, he split before the baby was born and all of a sudden he wants to be in the picture. The mother has the right to be concerned about the well being of their children...

 

[BelizeBreeze]

This is NOT a moral forum. This is a LEGAL forum. And legally, the bio-father has every right to be in the child's life.

 

[haiku]

If you look at the original post, she never said she didn't want the father to be in their children's lives. She is concerned that he is not responsible enough to have joint custody (at this point). Remember, he split before the baby was born and all of a sudden he wants to be in the picture. The mother has the right to be concerned about the well being of their children...

it is not her right to determine his right to custody, only the judge can do that, and nothing in her post suggests he does not deserve custody and unsupervised visitationrights.

 

[Badhead]

Again - the way in which things are worded - it's unreal!!

I hope trouble never comes your way and you ask questions looking for kindness and guidance....like I stated before....there are ways to put things. This way is so harsh!



Badhead

 

[stealth2]

We're not Dear Abby or Ann Landers. Don't like the way things are worded? Don't read the posts or find a different site. It's that simple.

 

[Gonwin]

Haiku

No kidding... Of course the judge is the one who will determine custody and visitation. BUT, seeing that he abandoned his children, the mother has a right for that information to be a factor in determing the final court order.

 

[haiku]

oh please, we cannot infer from her post he abandoned his kids...they separated, he left the house....he pays his support, and he has a RIGHT to ask fo rt he custody he wants, and unsupervised visitation.

 

[BigCat50]

Hey, is anyone going to actually address any QUESTIONS in this OP's post? Good lord.

Her questions:

"I guess my question is that what can a lawyer here do for me ?" Are you asking about a lawyer in this forum? There's not alot we can do for you here, as opinions (as you can see) often invade the threads, but a lawyer you hire will be the difference between getting full custody, joint, blah blah blah. Follow me?

"I cant get a attonery there either because i'm here in va does az have any jurdiction?? since I'm here in va??" Well, we'd need some more info here. For us to assume he moved to AZ is silly. It would also be silly to assume you moved to VA.

Whew. More info is definately needed all around. Every time I try to comment on a posting, I walk away with more questions than anything.

 

[aimeezepeda2004]

to those who posted that its not my right to say if he can have supervised visitation or legally joint custody. I say this, as a father his right is to support, guide and do all things in the children's best interest? Please point out anything I've said that shows he wants to do this!! One person posted his action were against me, they could have not been further from the truth. granted he left me (fine) but He left 2 girls one before she was born the other at 5 years old. now when he called to talk to his 5 year old it would be 12 or 1am first of all she 5 so she is asleep. now the calls were to tell me he was with another women how is me upset benefiting the children and I was pregnant when he was making these calls to me. When I sick with cancer going through chemo he would not come to watch his children, at this point he children needed him how do you explain to a five year old that mommy may not be here. why mommy lost her hair . why mommy can not get out of bed if he was concerned about his children he would have been there to give a fathers love and explaination. and to help take her mind of the issue.
A father that concerns are his children doesn't care what it take to make sure his child have what they need to survive.. I feel strong that after one year of doing nothing now all of sudden wants joint custody. wants to claim girls on taxes and wants non supervised visitation. I feel that he just want to lessen the money he pays which is nothing. Please explain to me why I should feel bad or sorry that he doesn't know his daughter this was a choice he made not me. my job is to protect my girl and I will do that . I would go through anything for them if means that they never have to know what pains is.. I AM A MOTHER.. the "bio-father" in my eyes a sperm donor.. NOT A FATHER!!!!!!! and I hope the courts see that too. yes I agree as the bio he has rights but also please understand that with those rights comes responiblity..