Help, Solider headed to Iraq

[LOYALARMYWIFE]

What is the name of your state? CA

My husband of 8 years is in the reserves and he has been called to active duty as of 11-15-03. We have six children together, (3 mine, 2 his and we share 1 six year old son) we have had joint custody of his two children age 12 and 8 1/2, a week with dad, and a week with mom.

We are well blended and our family is close and tight nit. These children were raised together and share the same classrooms as two of my children. Since my husbands departure we have stuck to the same week on, week off schudle and it has been great, until this past week, when the mother decided on her own to not allow the children continuned visits in my home.

The children are crushed and hurt, the eldest threatened to run away but i reassured her that things would be worked out and to sit tight. We are do in court on the 21st of January , where my husband is taking emergancy leave through the Red Cross for three days to deal with this matter. Do we have any legal grounds for allowing the children to continue their current visiation schdule? The mother works alot and attends school, instead of allowing me to have them this week, they were left with friends and family of hers.

Are the children old enough to express their wishes? What can we do?

We need Help, my husband finishes training at Ft, Lewis in a couple of weeks and is schudled to leave for Iraq in Feb. I believe this move of hers to be finanically motivated, she is paid $66 in child support with our current 50/50 arrangement and I think she would get more if she got the children full time. It is not about safety, she admitted to a counselor we see that she respects me and thinks that i am a strong person. She values my relashionship with her children, but yet her actions prove otherwise. she offered me one weekend a month but i feel that taking the kids from their home for a year would upset their routine and ours. It would make losing their father for a year even harder.

Any help would be appreciated

 

[itsallgood]

Unless Biomom agrees; I doubt you the SM are going to win 'joint custody' of the child while dad is away for that long of a time.

And also; if she sets up another precident of having the child with HER full time; it will be difficult when dad returns to EVER get back to your every other week schedule.


I do not think she will be in trouble for keeping the kids since it is 'dad's' custody order; and if dad is NOT there; she may have a legal leg to stand on by keeping her kid.

If I were you; I would take the one weekend per month. In all honesty; it very likely could be more than a judge will give to 'you.'

Regardless if it is 'money' movitvated; the dad will not be at the home. Visitation is for the dad and child. Without the dad there; and unless there is a REASON that the child can not/should not reside with mom............I doubt she is going to lose.

Take your weekend a month.

 

[CaliCat]

Between you and your husband, you have a child together. The half-sibling of his two. They have all bonded. It would be detrimental to those three (your own don't matter in this) to be torn apart. The courts will make provisions for this, and you will get more than one weekend a month.

You wouldn't think there'd be visitation here, but there is (non naming names, and no, I am not Woman): Man and Woman divorce over Woman's affair, which resulted in Baby that their shared Daughter didn't meet until after Baby was born. Baby's bio-dad got custody from Woman. Baby's bio-dad managed to get visitation with the Man and Woman's Daughter to "nurture" the sibling "bond" which didn't exist before this, and still doesn't exist. Daughter does not even like Baby's bio-dad.

In your case, the children already have a strong bond, and are bonded to you as well. Especially with the 12-year-old, the court will probably be willing to listen to what the children have to say, even if they decide not to abide by their wishes. At a certain age (around 12 or 13) the court is more likely to let a child decide where s/he wants to live simply to prevent run-aways. If you have the shared child and the 12-year-old (for every other week), the 8-year-old will probably be allowed as well. Have hope in this and let us know what happens.

 

[itsallgood]

You wouldn't think there'd be visitation here, but there is (non naming names, and no, I am not Woman): Man and Woman divorce over Woman's affair, which resulted in Baby that their shared Daughter didn't meet until after Baby was born. Baby's bio-dad got custody from Woman. Baby's bio-dad managed to get visitation with the Man and Woman's Daughter to "nurture" the sibling "bond" which didn't exist before this, and still doesn't exist. Daughter does not even like Baby's bio-dad.

HUH?

Anyway; the OP stated that her children and SM's children are in the SAME classroom at school. I would say that is a fair amount of 'bond nurturing' right there.

And NO child at ANY age "decides" where they will live.

I highly doubt a judge is going to continue an every other week schedule to live with a father that is not there.

She might get her once a month; she might get every other week.

But I do not feel the mom was out of line for keeping HER kids since Dad not only was 'not there' but not going to BE there for a long while.

 

[LOYALARMYWIFE]

CASE OUTCOME

jUST A CASE UPDATE, WE DID END UP WITH A CUSTODY AGREEMENT IN COURT. I WAS AWARDED EVERYOTHER WEEKENDS AND ONE DAY A WEEK. I WAS ALSO NAMED PRIMARY CHILDCARE PROVIDER IF MOTHER NEEDS CHILDCARE. THIS IS WAY LESS THEN WE HAD, BUT WAY MORE THAN SHE WAS WILLING TO GIVE.

THE JUDGE DID AGREE THAT OUR BIOLOGICALY CHILD WAS THE REASON FOR THE CONTINUED CONTACT. HE STATED THAT IF SOMETHING WERE TO HAPPEN TO MY HUSBAND AND HE WAS TO NOT COME BACK FROM IRAQ, THE VISITATION ORDER WOULD STAND UNTIL SHE OR I CAME BACK TO COURT.

 

[VeronicaGia]

Excellent news for everyone (except of course the selfish ex). The kids will all appreciate that you and he fought for them to continue their relationship while he goes off to fight for his ex's freedom to continue to cause problems.

And thank your husband for me. I hope he returns quickly.

 

[haiku]

thank you for the update, I wish more people would come back and tell us thier outcomes, good and bad.

Best wishes to you and your family during this difficult period.

 

[corset]

god bless you and your husband

i am in the same situation,, i thank you for the fight...why should the kids be uprooted when their fathers and or mothers go off to serve their country, being the bio mom or bio father does not make them the better parent...

god bless your family, and a speedy return for your husband