Holiday Parenting time modification

[LdiJ]

I completely agree, unfortunately, we will be back in court, no matter what I say or do. He wants to have a judge chastize me and tell me I am in contempt or something. This has been his pattern thus far.

For example, we have a CS issue where he wants to consider my consulting income (2nd job) for CS purposes. Colorado statute is pretty specific about not considering any income beyond my 40 hr work week. To avoid yet another court battle, I agreed (we are taking about an increase of $200/month for a total of $350/mo) and said "fine, let us go with that figure".

When he realized that I agreed, and there would no "court" he said he would only allow for a non judicial resolution if I paid ALL his attny fees as well, which he stated was $30K!! so we are back in court.

Funny thing is my email stated, "Dad, as a reminder drop off is 7 pm per the CO, not the next morning as you state, but I will call you to discuss it". So not even a no.. and he is so enraged he wont even discuss an offer.

He is stupider than I thought. He has come up with some pretty stupid things since you first started posting here, but that is the stupidest one yet.

 

[stealth2]

Interesting progression. First, we have:

Well on Friday he send me an email stating that he was picking DD up at 10 am on Sunday and dropping her back the next morning at school. (keep in mind we have been following this holiday schedule since Feb 2007). I reminded him that the drop off was 7 pm on Sunday and not Monday morning and sent him a copy of the Court order.

Which is basically "no, have her back at 7pm." But then, we have:

I sent him an email stating what the CO said (again) and left it at that with an offer to discuss the vacation issue for Father's day and other holidays

Which is more of "well, I guess we can TALK about it..." And then...

Funny thing is my email stated, "Dad, as a reminder drop off is 7 pm per the CO, not the next morning as you state, but I will call you to discuss it".

So.... which of these is what you ACTUALLY sent him? I'm always more than a little suspect when suddenly more "favorable" details start to pop up.

And again, PERSONALLY speaking, I'd have replied with "hey, it's Father's Day - enjoy the time together."

Oh - and DID you call him?

 

[profmum]

Interesting progression. First, we have:



Which is basically "no, have her back at 7pm." But then, we have:

ok...



Which is more of "well, I guess we can TALK about it..." And then...

and that is not a great option because??



So.... which of these is what you ACTUALLY sent him? I'm always more than a little suspect when suddenly more "favorable" details start to pop up.

Of course you are... you are "stealth"!

And again, PERSONALLY speaking, I'd have replied with "hey, it's Father's Day - enjoy the time together."

Good for you, are you the not the one with the ex who rarely sees the kids and does not have a 50-50 schedule?

Oh - and DID you call him?

Yes I did... he said he would not discuss anything and hung up on me.

 

[stealth2]

I like how you went on the attack instead of simply answering the question. Which answered the question on it's own. Thanks.

 

[profmum]

I like how you went on the attack instead of simply answering the question. Which answered the question on it's own. Thanks.

Stealth this is you we are talking about, attack is all you do with my posts, there is never " a simple question" with you, it is invariably laced with some preconceived notion or glaring bias. Moving on

 

[stealth2]

Stealth this is you we are talking about, attack is all you do with my posts, there is never " a simple question" with you, it is invariably laced with some preconceived notion or glaring bias. Moving on

It actually wasn't a "simple" question. Seriously - DID you email him that you'd call him? Or did you - as you originally stated - send him the order and tell him to have the kid back at 7pm? That's not hard to answer.

Sorry if I'm not quite as taken with your "story" as others might be. I just don't think you're quite as much of the victim as you'd like to portray.

 

[profmum]

It actually wasn't a "simple" question. Seriously - DID you email him that you'd call him? Or did you - as you originally stated - send him the order and tell him to have the kid back at 7pm? That's not hard to answer.

Sorry if I'm not quite as taken with your "story" as others might be. I just don't think you're quite as much of the victim as you'd like to portray.

I emailed him that I would call him and then called him.. you dont need to be taken in by any story, your bias is yours to own.. believe it or not sometimes there are coparents who are simply unreasonable, that is why we have this forum.. your interrogation is yet another attempt at victimizing "poor Dad".. so heed your own advice.

 

[penelope10]

If they didn't have a true 50/50 plan I would agree with you. But they do have a true 50/50 plan, so its only really the day itself that matters.

Yes I do understand. However, I am still under the thought process that Mother's Day weekend should be Mom's and Father's Day weekend should be Dad's. That's why it's called Mother's Day and Father's Day.(Or at a minimum the day and night) And believe me, I have a DIFFICULT ex. And on top of that he's an attorney. So it would cost him NOTHING to drag me back and forth to court.

What has helped the situation is that I decided to be fairly flexible because it's better for our kiddo. It's not easy because he thrives on confrontation. So I don't look at things as who "wins" because in the long run my kiddo loses.

My ex and I tend to communicate regarding specifics via email.Really cuts down on the arguments at a later date.And using email has also helped us from feeling pressure to come up with an immediate yes or no as in verbal communication. Reasonably both households have things going on. Plans often need to be checked before a definite yes or no can be given.

What I would have said is, "Sure you can have kiddo for Father's Day." Will you keep this in mind when ______rolls around? (Mother's Day etc.) He says yes. Then keep a copy of the email for future reference.

When ______rolls around, and he says "no," I shoot him a copy of the email. If he still says no, then that's when it's time for battle. Generally there's not a lot of battle because I have all my ducks in a row. Leaves lots more time to focus on what's really important, Lil Bit. And when parents are busy arguing and fighting over what in reality is sometimes petty things, the best interests of kiddo sometimes gets lost in the shuffle IMO.

I choose not to have the court settle our problems. And obviously he has too. But the key is not to be too rigid. (And let me tell you my ex loves having a situation set up where he can "win.") Took me years to learn not to play into it.

 

[wileybunch]

You might want to read/review her backstory.

I am aware of the backstory, but profmum said how she thinks the holiday weekends should be handled and I'm saying that doesn't make sense. If they are wanting to figure out how to handle holidays adjacent or in a weekend, I thought she had the logic backwards on it. I think they should be able to work this sort of thing out, it should all come out in the wash over a 2-year period when alternating, more or less. There is NOTHING in their CO to stop parents from agreeing and stipulating to a change.

 

[wileybunch]

Well on Friday he send me an email stating that he was picking DD up at 10 am on Sunday and dropping her back the next morning at school. (keep in mind we have been following this holiday schedule since Feb 2007). I reminded him that the drop off was 7 pm on Sunday and not Monday morning and sent him a copy of the Court order.

That was it? You didn't offer a trade?

 

[jbowman]

I like how you went on the attack instead of simply answering the question. Which answered the question on it's own. Thanks.

I've got to agree here. Based on the "back story", I find Profmum to be completely inflexible. My personal opinion is Profmum's first response should have been "cool, make sure the little one isnt late for school Monday". Done deal.

I COMPLETELY understand having one parent that wont work with you. Ive got one. But guess what--giving a little to have one less argument--is sometimes worth it. I see a huge control issue going on with both of these parents and one of them has the benefit of this site and still has the issues.

 

[penelope10]

I am aware of the backstory, but profmum said how she thinks the holiday weekends should be handled and I'm saying that doesn't make sense. If they are wanting to figure out how to handle holidays adjacent or in a weekend, I thought she had the logic backwards on it. I think they should be able to work this sort of thing out, it should all come out in the wash over a 2-year period when alternating, more or less. There is NOTHING in their CO to stop parents from agreeing and stipulating to a change.

Thanks Wiley. That's what I was trying to show in my example. (Although ours is EOW). It should end up being a wash in most visitation schedules. (No matter the schedule).

Like I said, I don't call ex the Great and Powerful OZ for nothing. (He's the same guy that used come into my home to adjust my thermostat after the divorce, cause he felt entitled to. After all he's paying CS. In his mind, why shouldn't he have some control over how the money is spent?) LOL!!!!

The key is not to play into that type of mentality . And keep and eye on the "big picture."
(And yep, I still struggle with this myself sometimes).

 

[penelope10]

I've got to agree here. Based on the "back story", I find Profmum to be completely inflexible. My personal opinion is Profmum's first response should have been "cool, make sure the little one isnt late for school Monday". Done deal.

I COMPLETELY understand having one parent that wont work with you. Ive got one. But guess what--giving a little to have one less argument--is sometimes worth it. I see a huge control issue going on with both of these parents and one of them has the benefit of this site and still has the issues.

Me too. Like I said I've got one that is an ATTORNEY and loves to argue. (No offense to OG or other attorneys out there. He likes to use the fact that he's an attorney as a power play sometimes. As in, "I'm brilliant, your not.") Bless his pointy little noggin.

 

[LdiJ]

I can understand the tactic of give a little to avoid some of the arguments. However, on the opposite side, I think that its better for control freaks to come to the realization that they cannot control the situation, and that their efforts to try, will backfire on them. In my experience that tends to give a more permanent solution.

When you give in to them, it makes them feel more powerful and more in control, and it just exacerbates the problem.

I also worry about the lesson it sets for the children. "Dad (or mom) always gets their way because they do X, so that is the way I am going to do things too."

My ex's brother is married to a woman who is a control freak. Her mother was a control freak, and their daughter has turned into one as well. They seem like great people until their "company manners" wear off, and then they are hell to be around.

 

[stealth2]

I can understand the tactic of give a little to avoid some of the arguments. However, on the opposite side, I think that its better for control freaks to come to the realization that they cannot control the situation, and that their efforts to try, will backfire on them. In my experience that tends to give a more permanent solution.

When you give in to them, it makes them feel more powerful and more in control, and it just exacerbates the problem.

I also worry about the lesson it sets for the children. "Dad (or mom) always gets their way because they do X, so that is the way I am going to do things too."

My ex's brother is married to a woman who is a control freak. Her mother was a control freak, and their daughter has turned into one as well. They seem like great people until their "company manners" wear off, and then they are hell to be around.

So it's better for the kids to be stuck in a perpetual battle? Right.

Look, I was married to a control freak. And I STILL believe it's better to give on the small stuff than constantly dig in your heels every blessed time. Save it for the important stuff. Overnight on Father's Day just isn't it. IMO.