Honestly torn

[penny4u]

What is the name of your state? OH

Quick recap. My son was adopted by my husband after a two and a half year fight for the bio to try to get visiation. My son was 8 when it started and over 10 when the adoption happened. My ex and son had a 15 minute introduction and that's when my ex agreed to sign the adoption papers (after the two 1/2 year fight). They had never met before that.

Now, we are going to our hearing in a week or so to terminate the child support. My attorney is suggesting that we go after the 12,000 plus he still ows me in back support and medical...all that was court ordered and the ex stopped paying the second he decided he was going to sign adoption papers. He never payed the court ordered medical ever in my sons entire life, but did pay monthly cs until october of 2006.

My husband and I are seriously thinking of just letting it go. However, my attorney makes a good argument in that we have spent well over 25,000 in attorney, doctor & expert fees when this man just popped up out of no where, put my son through hell for two plus years then just to drop the whole thing when my son didn't react to him the way he wanted. When we look at it this way it makes sense to go after it.

My attorney says that we can file contempt, he'll be ordered to pay it. Is this a lump sum or does he pay a percentage to stay out of contempt and then make monthly payments? How would this work? IF we go this way.
Sorry for the length. Thanks.

 

[tigger22472]

In another situation I would likely feel differently. However, I think I would have to agree with your lawyer, knowing the story. He showed his colors here and proved that the only reason that he attempted to prevent (in the beginning the name change) the adoption was because it was something that would make you happy. I still remember him being here talking about how he thought it hilarious that you were pulling out hair in the courthouse while he couldn't even look at his son....or the fact he didn't want to have anything to do with your son but was pissed your husband and he were doing a father/son karate class.

In the same respect, if you drop it there are absolutely no more ties to him, and in the same respect if he were to get in touch with your son later in life then he wouldn't have that to attempt to make you look bad.

It wouldn't likely be a lump sum but a weekly/monthly amount.. which also keeps him in your life longer...

 

[penny4u]

In another situation I would likely feel differently. However, I think I would have to agree with your lawyer, knowing the story. He showed his colors here and proved that the only reason that he attempted to prevent (in the beginning the name change) the adoption was because it was something that would make you happy. I still remember him being here talking about how he thought it hilarious that you were pulling out hair in the courthouse while he couldn't even look at his son....or the fact he didn't want to have anything to do with your son but was pissed your husband and he were doing a father/son karate class.

In the same respect, if you drop it there are absolutely no more ties to him, and in the same respect if he were to get in touch with your son later in life then he wouldn't have that to attempt to make you look bad.

It wouldn't likely be a lump sum but a weekly/monthly amount.. which also keeps him in your life longer...

Thanks Tigger,

UGH! The last thing I want is him in my life any longer... But I do see my lawyer's (and your) point. Its driving me nuts on what to do! I've been thinking about how he knows he can send letters and cards if he wants, how he was suppose to send a letter to the psychologist explaining his reasons for allowing the adoption to happen, and he's done none of that. He hasn't even paid the dr.'s bill for himself.

For the life of me, I can't figure out what I should do in this situation. I've been doing "bogus" calculations in my head. He was ordered to pay around 11,000 a year in cs before the adoption (obviously) so would they order around the same amount for the back cs and medical? Or are there other guidelines they use for contempt?

 

[tigger22472]

Thanks Tigger,

UGH! The last thing I want is him in my life any longer... But I do see my lawyer's (and your) point. Its driving me nuts on what to do! I've been thinking about how he knows he can send letters and cards if he wants, how he was suppose to send a letter to the psychologist explaining his reasons for allowing the adoption to happen, and he's done none of that. He hasn't even paid the dr.'s bill for himself.

For the life of me, I can't figure out what I should do in this situation. I've been doing "bogus" calculations in my head. He was ordered to pay around 11,000 a year in cs before the adoption (obviously) so would they order around the same amount for the back cs and medical? Or are there other guidelines they use for contempt?

No.. generally it becomes a simple debt and the amount would likely be lower per month. The only difference is the fact that you're adding the medical in so that could bring it up to around what it was.. but I can't say for sure. For example though.. my ex was ordered $113 weekly originally... before the divorce was final he was already 3,000 behind and they added 10$ a week until that was paid up... he still didn't pay.. After the adoption was finalized he allowed himself to be served for court (they had tried prior and he let it happen after a date had been set but he knew the adoption was final). At that point he owed over $23,000. He was ordered 60$ a week.

One thing you might look into is if this does become a simple debt OR not and if OH has an SOL on it. I wouldn't expect from his behavior in the past to ever pay it but it could be something to look into.

 

[penny4u]

One thing you might look into is if this does become a simple debt OR not and if OH has an SOL on it. I wouldn't expect from his behavior in the past to ever pay it but it could be something to look into.

HUH? SOL? Doesn't mean what I think it does...does it?...

He usually pays the debts, but there is a TON of whining. I'm hoping the judge just orders it herself, but my attorney has said to not count on it.

 

[tigger22472]

HUH? SOL? Doesn't mean what I think it does...does it?...

He usually pays the debts, but there is a TON of whining. I'm hoping the judge just orders it herself, but my attorney has said to not count on it.

SOL meaning.. if he doesn't pay for a certain amount of time you can't recover anyway....

 

[penny4u]

SOL meaning.. if he doesn't pay for a certain amount of time you can't recover anyway....

hmm so it did mean what I thought. Even if there are pending charges and a court order?

 

[tigger22472]

hmm so it did mean what I thought. Even if there are pending charges and a court order?

OH doesn't have an SOL for support HOWEVER.. you need to check if it because a simple debt now or not.

 

[penny4u]

Sorry Tig,

I'm still confused on the simple debt? What should I ask my attorney? He's said we have time?

 

[tigger22472]

Sorry Tig,

I'm still confused on the simple debt? What should I ask my attorney? He's said we have time?

If it remains considered Child support there shouldn't be an SOL... but considering you went through a TPR and what not I have heard of it becoming a simple debt.. meaning no different then if you owed a credit card company or something like that... then an SOL could apply.. but that's not always the case. So, you need to ask your attorney what the status would be on the debt.

Either way if you don't waive it then you're looking at fighting a long time for it. I attempted to make a deal with my ex to pay the order for a period of time and then I would voluntarily lower it for a period of time. My point was so that he learned to follow a court order. I would have forgave everything if he followed through but he didn't. In the same respect I don't fight for it and my state does have a SOL on support.

 

[wondreing]

hmm so it did mean what I thought. Even if there are pending charges and a court order?

SOL = Statute of Limitations (It can mean what you think it means since there could be a time limit in collecting amounts owed).

 

[MrsK]

Honestly, if it were me, I'd probably drop it.

I mean do you really believe he will pay it anyway? Or even pay it in full, or on time every month? Then when he doesnt, you'll have to sue him or drag him back to court, etc etc etc etc....

So I would let it go.

 

[GrowUp!]

What is the name of your state? OH

Quick recap. My son was adopted by my husband after a two and a half year fight for the bio to try to get visiation. My son was 8 when it started and over 10 when the adoption happened. My ex and son had a 15 minute introduction and that's when my ex agreed to sign the adoption papers (after the two 1/2 year fight). They had never met before that.

Now, we are going to our hearing in a week or so to terminate the child support. My attorney is suggesting that we go after the 12,000 plus he still ows me in back support and medical...all that was court ordered and the ex stopped paying the second he decided he was going to sign adoption papers. He never payed the court ordered medical ever in my sons entire life, but did pay monthly cs until october of 2006.

My husband and I are seriously thinking of just letting it go. However, my attorney makes a good argument in that we have spent well over 25,000 in attorney, doctor & expert fees when this man just popped up out of no where, put my son through hell for two plus years then just to drop the whole thing when my son didn't react to him the way he wanted. When we look at it this way it makes sense to go after it.

My attorney says that we can file contempt, he'll be ordered to pay it. Is this a lump sum or does he pay a percentage to stay out of contempt and then make monthly payments? How would this work? IF we go this way.
Sorry for the length. Thanks.

I can not stand lawyers like the one you have. Your attorney sure is telling you alot of what WILL happen. He should be choosing his words more carefully instead of sounding so certain. He does not know how a Judge will rule. There is no guarantee that your attorney knows for a fact that if you file contempt, you will be victorious. I don't care how long s/he's been practicing.

How long has he been ordered to pay medical stuff and hasn't? How come you did not address that issue sooner? You might be SOL if it's been a few years or more because the court very well ask you why you waited all this time.

As far as attorney's fees, that is expected, so I think your attorney's argument on that is weak, to say the least. I don't think you need to file contempt...the back CS stuff should be addressed during the support proceedings to terminate current and future support.

The ultimate decision is up to you. Your attorney can not make a decision for you that you do not agree with.

 

[penny4u]

Sorry, I've been out of the loop for awhile to respond to this.

MrsK, Yes, I really do believe that he would pay it if it was ordered. He always has paid (aside from medical) and he wants this behind him. So I with as much confidence as possible I can say if such an order was granted he would pay it. Still I'm torn on what do to.

Even if I remove myself from vengeance I can clearly see that it seems reasonable to ask for it given OUR particular situation. I'm not talking in general, but just what transpired in our case. But then I can still easily see letting it go as well...

Growup, my attorney NEVER says anything is for certain. He tells me what the judge will likely do. He's had many cases in front of them over his 35 years of law practice (even though you don't care how longs he's been practicing) I worded it wrong...my bad.

The medical bills are from a recent order within the last year and a half. I have all of the unaccepted certified mail to him (unopened of course) along with matching delivery conformation receipts for each certified mail sent. So he got them, and we are still OK on asking for the medical.

I know the attorney fees are expected. My attorney suggested that we go for the money anyway. I don't believe his argument is weak given our particular situation. there are other factors as well. We are going to address it in our upcoming hearing, I'm just not sure which way to go.

Sorry you can't stand lawyers like mine. He never turned me in a wrong direction, or gave me false hope, and to date was right on nose with everything. I think he's fabulous. Even when he's "yelling" at me...fabulous.

I really do appreciate all the opinions!

 

[tigger22472]

The judge will not dismiss the arrears unless you agree to it and if I were you I would be torn also. I am somewhat in the same situation. My ex let himself get served for contempt after 2 1/2 years of trying once he knew the adoption was final. At the last court date I made a deal (unenforceable as it was an offer I made, not put in an order) that for $2,000 (paid according to the court order) his arrears would fall from 23K to about $3,500 (that's owed to the state). Court was able to get some arrears for a period of about a year because they kept ordering a new hearing. After that last one he'd been paying about 3 months and they didn't order a new one. I got one more payment and they stopped. The difference in my state is there is an SOL on it and if I want to attempt to collect (even if he won't pay) I only have a certain amount of time. And for me it's never been about the money.. it's about the fact that the court SAID it was to be done... and about how these were his children that he refused to support.

Growup... do you remember who her ex is? (Msdad) This man never saw his kid, never WANTED to see his kid.. he just wanted to make her life hell and cost her thousands of dollars in attorney fees to fight it, only to give up. So not only did he stop paying the support, refuse to pay the medical (in essence taking money from her) because of his actions he took MORE money out of her household ... all to get back at her.

Part of me says... let it go. And then part of me say go for what you legally can get.